March 31, 2008

Fear Leads to Hate, Hate Leads to Unprovoked Beat-Downs: "Darth Vader" Beats Crap Out of Dude for No Good Reason
— Ace

I find your lack of faith... beat-worthy

He beat the Sith out of a "Jedi Master" in the church of the Force:

Jedi Master Jonba Hehol - known to family and friends as Barney Jones, 36, of Holyhead - was giving a TV interview in his back garden for a documentary when a man, dressed in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader's trademark shiny black helmet, leapt over his garden fence.

Wielding a metal crutch - his lightsaber presumably being in for repairs - the Sith Lord proceeded to lay about his opponent, whose Jedi powers proved inadequate for the task of defending himself.

After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.

Thanks to Alice H.

Posted by: Ace at 08:06 AM | Comments (46)
Post contains 177 words, total size 1 kb.

1 After besting Master Hehol in single combat, Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.

Alcohol was involved?  The hell you say!

Posted by: alexthechick at March 31, 2008 08:08 AM (SHHaV)


I sense great beer in you.

Posted by: David Ross at March 31, 2008 08:13 AM (GwV+j)

3 Beats Crap Out of Dude for No Good Reason

I don't know about that. I mean if your name is Barney Jones but go by "Jedi Master Jonba Hehol", I think you've given people sufficient reason to beat the crap out of you.

Posted by: DrewM. at March 31, 2008 08:13 AM (hlYel)

4 I find your lack of Valu-Rite...disturbing.

Posted by: Darth Vader at March 31, 2008 08:13 AM (70HCY)

5 Cuz you just aren't done till you beat a hairdresser...

Posted by: XBradTC at March 31, 2008 08:16 AM (gWoag)


Love the story, but I must say, when I was a prosecutor, we had people in the office every Monday, complaining they were assaulted over the weekend and the cops wouldn't file charges. All the stories were the same, including the line that they were "beat up for no apparent reason." From that phrase, we started calling them BUFNARs. The stories never quite checked out the way our "victims" portrayed them. I'm just saying, Darth may not have been provoked in the last few minutes, and he may still be at fault, but there's more to the story than is being portrayed here.

Of course, all of that stuff took place a long time ago, in a bar far, far away

Posted by: Ted K. at March 31, 2008 08:17 AM (exWY4)


Following Darth's famous projection, "I am your father," 

nObama supplanted Yoda with Thulsa Doom.

So without nObama, civil rights would never be.

Posted by: maverick muse at March 31, 2008 08:21 AM (LYKFp)


I knew this was going to be in England.

Posted by: bleh at March 31, 2008 08:23 AM (/InkS)

9 ....... and a new moron is welcomed to the fold .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at March 31, 2008 08:30 AM (Bivii)


You know, I'm a full-fledged SW fan and hate trekkies like hobos, but I love it when these nerds get reality knocked into them. There's a time for playing dress-up like your favorite sci-fi characters, and it's called grade school. If you really plan on embracing the Jedi way, then schlep your ass over to China and try to get your fat ass enrolled as a Shaolin monk, because that's where Tubby George stole drew the ideas from.

Because as great a story as this is, the headline "Jedi Master Pulls Zen Smackdown on Drunk Vader, Makes Out with Hairdresser" would have been so much better.


Posted by: Andrew the Noisy at March 31, 2008 08:30 AM (c767D)

He was wearing a garbage bag and beat the guy with his crutch.

Posted by: Guy Ritchie's Career at March 31, 2008 08:33 AM (achM8)

12 " I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Maybe this Jedi wanna-be was one of those oddballs who have "Jedi Knight" as their official religion on their British legal documents? Or maybe he was defending the artistic merits  of "Attack of the Clones". Either way, good cause for a beatdown. Extra points for the hairdresser. 

Posted by: exdem13 at March 31, 2008 08:34 AM (RXDLd)


This is just some kind of internal Jedi church struggle - best to stay out of it. The attack on the hairdresser and camera crew, however, is gravy.

Posted by: Maetenloch at March 31, 2008 08:37 AM (KjTXS)

14 Damn LARPers.

Posted by: Charybdis E. Scylla at March 31, 2008 08:39 AM (ATBwB)

15 Vader, who The Sun reports was under the influence of alcohol, went on to assault the camera crew and a hairdresser.

Oh, the humanity!

Posted by: John Edwards at March 31, 2008 08:46 AM (PLvLS)


Beats Crap Out of Dude for No Good Reason


Master Hehol, a hairdresser, who founded the first-ever British Jedi Church

What the hell more reason do you need?

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 31, 2008 08:52 AM (C2//T)

17 That's friggin hilarious...

Posted by: Nico at March 31, 2008 09:02 AM (51ePm)

18 No video yet? Fuck this.

Posted by: Gabriel at March 31, 2008 09:04 AM (NTVio)

19 Reminds me of this video:

(best link I could find for now)

And yeah, its old. 

Posted by: dan-O at March 31, 2008 09:05 AM (CR+nW)

20 That's just classic.

Posted by: Iblis at March 31, 2008 09:18 AM (9221z)

21 This would be my brother, if his wife ever let him out of the house alone.

Posted by: Joanie at March 31, 2008 09:19 AM (Z9tCp)

22 Hey, doesn't the religious aspect make this a hate crime?

Stop Sith-on-Jedi violence!

Posted by: Stinky Esposito at March 31, 2008 09:44 AM (+ensG)

23 Apparently it was all smoke and mirrors. he should have placed his faith in a blaster.

Posted by: Penfold at March 31, 2008 09:47 AM (lF2Kk)


It wsn't Darth Vader it was Chad Vader.


Posted by: Don Carne at March 31, 2008 09:52 AM (wSNS7)

25 Vader putting the smack down on a Jedi?  I'm speechless.  After all, it's not like he has a history of this sort of behavior.  I'd be willing to bet he was provoked.

Posted by: Darth Randall at March 31, 2008 09:56 AM (oLULt)

26 And now he can be in "Scar Wars!"
uhhh...I'll just let myself out.

Posted by: dragonlady474 at March 31, 2008 10:16 AM (E3XtI)


"Which one of these buttons calls your mommy?"

Posted by: elliot at March 31, 2008 10:23 AM (jGGKE)

28 If you're going to call yourself "Jedi Master Haldol" it would behoove you to at least take a karate class or two.

Posted by: Merovign at March 31, 2008 10:26 AM (IaYDo)

29 You*hiss* shall not *hiss* take the name *hiss* of Palpatine in vein, *hiss* you whiny little *hiss* jedi bitch!

Posted by: MikeTheLibrarian at March 31, 2008 10:40 AM (2keKb)

Posted by: Don Carne at March 31, 2008 10:48 AM (wSNS7)

31 Vader was wearing a black garbage bag??

Damn, it's hard out there for a Sith...

Posted by: No One of Consequence at March 31, 2008 11:11 AM (zrG3L)

32 "Look out!  He has a crutch!"

Posted by: Mikey NTH at March 31, 2008 11:39 AM (O9Cc8)

Posted by: Will at March 31, 2008 11:39 AM (WnBa/)

34 Warned him I did.

Picky about their neighbors the Sith are.

Care about the hairdresser I do not.

Posted by: Yoda at March 31, 2008 12:38 PM (0AZ4a)


Posted by: Jabba Du Hutt at March 31, 2008 12:42 PM (0AZ4a)


#12 ExDem13

There is an Assistant Wayne County Prosecutor whose name is Luke Skywalker.

No kidding, he changed his name to Luke Skywalker.  And he is still with the office according to the Bar website.

Posted by: Mikey NTH at March 31, 2008 01:25 PM (TUWci)

37 "went on to assault the camera crew"

So he's not all bad.

Posted by: Bob Hawkins at March 31, 2008 02:48 PM (pnBkj)

38 Ok, camera crew I understand. Who hasn't been there?

But - a hairdresser?

Posted by: mojo at March 31, 2008 04:54 PM (9n70a)

39 It was a rebel hairdresser.

Posted by: Ostral-B Heretic at March 31, 2008 05:06 PM (+P4HU)

40 We can get along. We can get along.

Posted by: Obi-wan Kenobi at March 31, 2008 05:31 PM (5/kU/)

41 Stop Sith-on-Jedi violence! You say that like it's a bad thing...I find your lack of faith distrubing...

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