December 31, 2008

Erm, Happy New Year
— Ace

primetime_1_122908.jpg

Unless something extraordinary happens, I'm in for the night, for the second new year's running.

So... who else is feeling lame or prudent or a mixture of both to be inside tonight?

Pic: Thanks to Jeff U. Megyn Kelly will rocccckk in the New Year on Fox. Hopefully she'll interview Andy Dick and then angrily cross-examine him about why he's such an obnoxious douche. And why he hasn't been funny since 2002.*

* Three years before I stopped being funny myself.


Posted by: Ace at 03:53 PM | Comments (340)
Post contains 89 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I have to sing a morning wedding tomorrow, so I'm being lame.

Check your e-mail when you have a chance.

tmi3rd

Posted by: tmi3rd at December 31, 2008 03:54 PM (nHN8Z)

2 94% prudent,
6% lame.

agape,
robb

Posted by: wuzrobbd at December 31, 2008 03:55 PM (YQ/6u)

3 I'm staying in because high winds, snow and amateur hour are not a positive combination.  

I have booze and the precious precious internet so I'm fine.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 03:58 PM (xUOXi)

4 I'm staying in. Too snowy here in Providence, too dangerous to drive. I got some Dogfish Head Festina Peche, a Sam Adams Chocolate Bock, a spliff, and not a care in the world.

Posted by: Dr. Manhattan at December 31, 2008 03:58 PM (hjBEe)

5 It's only 6 pm out west.  I'm revving up the motor in 3...2...1
Happy new year, Morons!

Posted by: DPR VIII at December 31, 2008 04:01 PM (4XUD3)

6 I'm feeling safe--I don't like being out on Amateur Night.

Posted by: Larry Sheldon at December 31, 2008 04:03 PM (OmeRL)

7

I made bagna cauda tonight. Yum. And two of the kids actually ate it!

Then we danced and played for while. But we're all trying to get over a cold, so we wore out pretty fast.

Lame? Oh, yeh, but I'm used to it. I'm not sure there's much of a party scene to be found around here anyway.

Posted by: MamaAJ at December 31, 2008 04:04 PM (X6Zdh)

8 HAPPY NEW YEAR

Posted by: Father Time at December 31, 2008 04:04 PM (85jeW)

9

Happy New Year morons! We're staying in rather than being out amongst the drunken heathen tonight; staying in to drink in safety and in near proximity to a fall-over shelter.....

May you all have much ball-dipping in 2009! Against the odds.....

Posted by: krukke1 at December 31, 2008 04:08 PM (pSOzi)

10 I might set off some block busters just to get in the mood.

Posted by: mossback at December 31, 2008 04:08 PM (in8Vs)

11 Oh and Happy New Year all you gracious fucking morons!

Posted by: mossback at December 31, 2008 04:09 PM (in8Vs)

12

Oh, and we have champagne for later. I asked my hubby to get some nice stuff from the liquor store, but they had nothing in between the $12 stuff and the $200 bottle. Well, how bad can it be?

 

Posted by: MamaAJ at December 31, 2008 04:09 PM (X6Zdh)

13

Who's that guy with her? Bill something?

I pride myself in never having an opinion on something as meaningless as a teleprompter reader....but that guy annoys the shit out of me.

Like he has one eye on the monitor at all times, watching himself say stuff, and smiling smuggly at how awesome it sounds. I hate myself for having an opinion on him.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:12 PM (XWJh5)

14 Working. You can't party without electricity. How's that for lame. I am thankful for my job.

Posted by: Joe at December 31, 2008 04:12 PM (JKe0g)

15 About to take the family out to dinner at our favorite Mexican / Steak place. No snow, high winds, or coldness here on the coast of california, and it's still early, so we'll be home before the drunks hit the road. Happy New Year Moron Nation!!

Posted by: Terry at December 31, 2008 04:12 PM (GAQ/Q)

16

Stuck working till 10pm cst, as usual.  They had a drawing to let one of us evening people have the night off, but I lost to some hausfrau that'll likely just sit at home anyways.

To make it worse, I stayed up way too late playing WoW and ended up finishing of the half bottle of bourbon that was the only booze in the house.  No liquor stores nearby, and they close at 10pm.

I might go out after work; by the time I change clothes and take care of the dog, I'd get downtown around 11:30- just in time for long lines, no parking spots, and bar amateurs.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 04:13 PM (plsiE)

17 I'm partly prudent, mostly lame, but always 100% boring. The New Years shows on TV don't interest me, so I'm listening to the classical music countdown on the radio while loading my iPod. I may point a telescope at Saturn if I'm still up late and the sky stays clear.

Happy New Year to all the morons. May 2009 be not too much worse than 2008.

Posted by: lmg at December 31, 2008 04:14 PM (A/vgC)

18

Oh, and Happy New Year if I can't stay up.

Watching Wow Wow Wubbzy now, so you know, it's party central here.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:15 PM (XWJh5)

19

Who's that guy with her? Bill something?

There was a guy in the picture?

Well, what do you know- there is.  Was too busy trying to picture Megyn wearing nothing but her glasses.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 04:15 PM (plsiE)

20 I'm not going out... I was in New Orleans on New Years 1999-00 so I've seen the biggest party in the world... and it will hold be over for a few more years to come.

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at December 31, 2008 04:16 PM (5zHRC)

21 I am staying in tonight. New Years is overrated IMHO. I am going to drink some sparkling cider though. I don't like the taste of champagne.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:16 PM (SNFHk)

22 Happy New Year, you degenerate congeries...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 31, 2008 04:16 PM (LjaE8)

23

Not so lame. Getting shit-faced at home and jamming out with the fam till' the wee hours on Rawk Band is way cooler........and safer too.

But hell Ace, at least call an escort over, it's New Years for chrissakes.

 

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 04:17 PM (9XXMp)

24

Equal parts lame and prudent here in my AZ stronghold with my Apache brothers.

#4 Hey Doc, don't bogart that spliff.

#7 Hard Times Mama? Having to "share a cold". Get better.

Happy New Year Ace and All. Eat your Blackeyed Peas for a good 2009.

Posted by: solitary knight at December 31, 2008 04:17 PM (SFuKd)

25

There was a guy in the picture?

Heh. Message received.*

*The guy still annoys me. Not that there IS a guy.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:18 PM (XWJh5)

26
Thank goodness this stinking year is almost over! 

Going down to the end of the street for a little party.  Not exciting, but good friends all; plenty of laughs.

Thanks, Ace.
Happy New Year Morons!
Twat, et al:  piss on you, stinky lips.

sickinmass, What am I, chopped liver?  I got boots.  Yes, they're size 11 mens cowboy boots with mud on em, but they're boots.  Yeah, yeah, no soop for me, I know.  Sorry, chowda.  Snotty New Englander.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 04:19 PM (LVT6e)

27 Hubby has to fly the drunks from NYC to Vegas butt fucking early tommorow. He is sleeping in a recliner in the pilot lounge at the JFK airport.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:19 PM (SNFHk)

28 I'm just going to iChat with my kids and that's it. Might go out and get some ethanol, maybe.

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 04:21 PM (9jESx)

29

Working. You can't party without electricity. How's that for lame. I am thankful for my job.

Glad you have internet access on the job. Was working earlier...My boss had us drinking ahead of time. Great gal.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:21 PM (XWJh5)

30 I'm staying in because I'm so far behind in my work because of fucking off on this blog all the time.

Posted by: A Plover In Every Pot! at December 31, 2008 04:23 PM (dxwRh)

31 I'm in for the night.  Snug as a bug.  Be great if Megan where to kick Dick in the jewels!  I'd pay to see that!

Posted by: GarandFan at December 31, 2008 04:24 PM (237hA)

32 A) It's snowing

B) My girlfriend is 1500 miles a way.

C) I don't like crowds.

Posted by: Farmer Joe at December 31, 2008 04:24 PM (SLsZo)

33 In the house for the night don't care for all the wanna be drinker's trying to kill me on these mountain roads with 50 mile an hr wind and 0 temp's.

Posted by: Tee866 at December 31, 2008 04:25 PM (zSzrz)

34

Jeezis those tits look good.

Oh man...we're talking Bo Derek in 10 good...the first time you saw that commercial, with her running and all wet and shit...

I guess I will be in for a little longer...


Posted by: Senator, Advisor Rev. Dr. E. Buzz Miller at December 31, 2008 04:26 PM (gbI5Z)

35 Happy New Year To All!

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 04:26 PM (9jESx)

36 I can't stand parties.  So I'm just going to drink beers and paint pictures (probably in that order, too.)

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at December 31, 2008 04:27 PM (fnoZ9)

37

And now the only drinking buddy I have who didn't have already have plans just called; he's not feeling well and is kinda broke from being laid off.

Bah, Humbug.  Fuck you, 2008.  Fuck you right in the left ear.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 04:27 PM (plsiE)

38 Hmm. I just mixed some Strawberry Pucker with my sparkling cider. Pretty fucking good, if you ask me.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:28 PM (SNFHk)

39

Staying home.  Got kids and no sitter.  A coupla Appleton Estates and Cherry Coke Zeros in to New Years. 

Reading this moronblog.

Cleaning CDs with toothpaste so they'll rip and I can put these guys away and reduce the clutter in my house. 

I don't think my lameness is a percentage. 

Posted by: blaster at December 31, 2008 04:30 PM (vnJkO)

40

Ok morons, what are you resolutions?

Mine are:

Stop spending money on clothes, shoes, handbags, accessories, and beauty products for at least the next 6 months. I have stimulated the economy these last few weeks with all my damn purchases.

Get back into a size four again. I am almost there. God, I love my Pilates chair.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:31 PM (SNFHk)

41 I'm gonna drop a ball and after the loser passes out, hopefully find some easy carpet to munch.

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at December 31, 2008 04:32 PM (9XXMp)

42
Ging,

How do the Victoria's Secrets purchases fit in to all this resolution stuff?
sickinmass will want to know if you've bought boots too, I'm sure.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 04:34 PM (LVT6e)

43

Ok morons, what are you resolutions?Mine are: Stop spending money on clothes, shoes, handbags, accessories, and beauty products for at least the next 6 months.

Those are mine too!

My wife doesn't appreciate them, but too bad. I'm committed.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:35 PM (XWJh5)

44

Well. The first couple of New Year's Eves without a date I felt I was being prudent. (single mom)

The next couple of years I was defiant. (I don't need no stinking date.)

The next couple after that I was too busy remodeling my house and working. (No time to date.)

Now, here I am. Ten years after my last New Year's Eve date and the scales have tipped considerably from prudent to lame.

Of course, optimism grabbed hold of me about three weeks ago when I purchased a $125 bottle of 1993 vintage deNogue Grand vin de Princes champagne. So I have a choice: suck it up and drink it with my Taco Bell dinner tonight or continue the optimism through to my birthday and drink it with my Taco Bell dinner at that time.

The fucking vintage is at peak and beginning to decline. So, if I don't drink it soon, it will be a $125 bottle of piss.

So, yeah. I'm going to go with about a 5% prudent/95% lame split at this time.

Posted by: jmflynny at December 31, 2008 04:35 PM (ac68g)

45 Never go out new years eve. Much happier with our old tradition - lobster tails and champagne at home.

Posted by: the real joe at December 31, 2008 04:36 PM (IaUzC)

46

WWH,

I  didn't buy any lingerie. The only stuff they had on sale that was left was for the Rosie O'Donnell types.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:37 PM (SNFHk)

47 Ginger, we're staying at The Great Wolf Lodge...it's a fun place for a family to celebrate the New Year -Lot's of stuff for the kiddies.

Naturally, I've got my laptop. Takin' a break from the Renaissance gypsies....yeesh, I can only take so much of that.

Posted by: Nice Deb at December 31, 2008 04:37 PM (uSbHj)

48 I resolve to drink more.  Yes, that's an actual resolution.  I like to pick things I can achieve.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 04:38 PM (xUOXi)

49 Excuse me: are you guys kidding me?   Ignore Megyn Kelly, the most perfect woman in America?  In an evening gown?  How the hell can you watch some third-rate ball game when The Goddess is presiding?

You homos.

Posted by: ombudsman at December 31, 2008 04:39 PM (fWF4Q)

50 Resolutions? Get a job, so I can afford to tip Ace for this wonderful place.

Posted by: lmg at December 31, 2008 04:39 PM (A/vgC)

51 Amateur Night.  Tonight is the night where people who don't drink all year long think they can drink like a moron.

Happy New Years you morons.  Hope the next is better then the last...unlikely because of The Obamamessiah, but one can hope.

And maybe Ace willl fix the way comments work to emulate other blogs.  One can hope.  Moron.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at December 31, 2008 04:39 PM (KStJt)

52 I *may* be persuaded to do some karaoke later on.

Posted by: Nice Deb at December 31, 2008 04:39 PM (uSbHj)

53 Ging,
Thanks for putting the image of Rosie O'donnel in lingerie into my mind.  Thank you so very much!

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 04:39 PM (LVT6e)

54

Deb,

We'll probably take the kiddos to the Wolf Lodge when  they get a little bit older. I always wanted to go there. I love swimming. I can't wait for the new water park to open  up in KCK.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:40 PM (SNFHk)

55 jmflynny, I say drink it.

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 04:40 PM (9jESx)

56

i'm staying in, it's a big night for me, i plan on re-organizing my pocket protector and putting some brand new white cloth tape on my black birth-control glasses.. a nerd's work is never done.

my resolution: seal up the hobo tomb and move out of my Mom's basement

someone please remind me to have more fun in my next life

 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 04:41 PM (RxUMK)

57 I'm gonna drop a ball and after the loser passes out, hopefully find some easy carpet to munch.

God knows there'll be plenty of it out on Times Square.  She can even be a little picky and get what she actually likes.

Helps of course to have a couple of Secret Service agents to "blow" away any repercussions IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 31, 2008 04:41 PM (GF+6V)

58

"The fucking vintage is at peak and beginning to decline. So, if I don't drink it soon, it will be a $125 bottle of piss."

 

That's why I'll stick with this Beam. It's always piss and your taste buds don't end up like a bunch of bratty kids.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 04:42 PM (9XXMp)

59

WWH,

I fucking aim to please. If you want, I can always link  a picture of her from East to Eden or whatever that fucking movie was called. It was the one with Dan Akroyd.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:42 PM (SNFHk)

60

Now, here I am. Ten years after my last New Year's Eve date and the scales have tipped considerably from prudent to lame.

No way. We've all had dry spells. I called them my 'times in the desert.' You're going to have a great New Years Eve with a cool person soon, it just might be on Febuary 11th or something.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:42 PM (XWJh5)

61 Ginger, isn't there enough butt fucking in NYC?  Why do they have to go to Vegas?

Posted by: Ralph L at December 31, 2008 04:42 PM (Mpp8f)

62 I'm at home surrounded by massive drifts and howling gales of Climate Change, with two kids and a strong allergy to paying $5 a pop for watery mixed drinks or alleged champagne.  You may call it lame, I call it adulthood.

Posted by: Trimegistus at December 31, 2008 04:42 PM (lhQzd)

63 So... who else is feeling lame or prudent or a mixture of both to be inside tonight?

Depends on who is asking. I was suppose to go to a party tonight but a friend called to say the roads were really bad out in the middle of no where where our friend who is having the party lives (we got a bunch of snow today and it's cold and windy now) and that bagging it was not the worst idea. I agreed, for the sake of safety of course.

The truth is I pretty much had decided I wasn't in the mood anyway and wasn't going to go but that'll just between us, okay?

Posted by: DrewM. at December 31, 2008 04:43 PM (hlYel)

64 Time to fold clothes.

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 04:43 PM (9jESx)

65
59-

My eyes!  My eyes!!

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 04:43 PM (LVT6e)

66

my resolution: seal up the hobo tomb and move out of my Mom's basement

My 2008 resolution was to stop laughing at dead hobo references, and I failed.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:44 PM (XWJh5)

67

2008 sucked - my favorite granny, an uncle and cousin passed away, broke up with 2 girlfriends, the global financial meltdown eliminated any chance I had of making my bonus this year and I'm probably going to get fired in early 2009.

If I started drinking, I probably wouldn't stop for a while.

Posted by: CozMark at December 31, 2008 04:44 PM (ghqHa)

68 Three years before I stopped being funny myself.

Trolling for compliments is unseemly. And from this crowd, a lost cause.

Staying in this year. Still recovering from snowboarding with my nephews a few days ago, and my back is killing me.

Besides, there's still porn out there that I haven't downloaded.

Best wishes for the New Year, cockholsters!

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 31, 2008 04:45 PM (MKNSy)

69

"Ging,
Thanks for putting the image of Rosie O'donnel in lingerie into my mind.  Thank you so very much! "

 

I second that. I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 04:45 PM (9XXMp)

70 This one, Ginger/:

http://tinyurl.com/6r6na6

(Notice the 666).

Posted by: Nice Deb at December 31, 2008 04:45 PM (uSbHj)

71 Happy New Year, morons! We've got Galaxy Quest going in the dvd player shortly and booze. We're set.

Posted by: Shannon at December 31, 2008 04:46 PM (v4qA1)

72 This one, Ginger/:

http://tinyurl.com/6r6na6

(Notice the 666).

There went my chubby for the night.

Posted by: David in San Diego at December 31, 2008 04:46 PM (GF+6V)

73

 Ignore Megyn Kelly, the most perfect woman in America?  In an evening gown?  How the hell can you watch some third-rate ball game when The Goddess is presiding?

Her dope co-anchor is like ice down the shorts. A mood killer.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 04:48 PM (XWJh5)

74 In tonight, have been for years. I used to run New Year's parties so now I get no kick out of them. Still drinking the Absolute though.

Megan Kelly? I don't need to even watch the show, that pic is enough.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 04:49 PM (7rbe9)

75

Ralph,

I think there is some buttfucking convention going on in Vegas this weekend!!

True story.

When I  was flight attendant based in NYC, I decided  to go to Vegas for some fun. As I was walking in the jetway, these guys asked me if I was going to work. I said no. When I got on  the plane more guys asked me if I was going to work. Once again, I said no. The question was asked again by another gentleman that helped put my bag in  the overhead bin. At this time, I was utterly confused. I asked him why were all these people asking me if I was going to work. He told me that most of the people on the plane were going to  Vegas for a porn convention. They thought I worked in the porn industry! I was like "holy shit!" I think some guys that worked for Pepsi and I were the only ones on the plane that had no ties to porn.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 04:50 PM (SNFHk)

76 Hopefully she'll interview Andy Dick and then angrily cross-examine him about why he's such an obnoxious douche. And why he hasn't been funny since 2002.*

* Three years before I stopped being funny myself.

Come on Ace, that's simply not true.

Andy Dick was never funny.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 31, 2008 04:50 PM (hlYel)

77
New Year's Eve is for children and fools.

Posted by: Darling at December 31, 2008 04:51 PM (579IS)

78 BTW: Couldn't that drunken fuck, Ace, have done a better photoshop?  Moron.  I mean that's a nice looking cockholster, but it kind of ruins the whole thing when he doesn't even bother to do the basics.

Which is per fucking normal.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at December 31, 2008 04:52 PM (KStJt)

79 BOOMER!!!

Posted by: Billy Sims at December 31, 2008 04:52 PM (MrNQ7)

80 "New Year's Eve is for children and fools."

Ditto that...

Posted by: changer1701 at December 31, 2008 04:55 PM (rrLGs)

81 Never give up!  Never surrender!

I'm trying to decide if I'm going to hell for watching The Incredibles while waiting for some old school Jenna to burn onto a dvd. 

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 04:55 PM (xUOXi)

82 "My eyes, my eyes!!" is an actual quote.
We had met up with some friends while down in Cancun.  Their 21 year old son had flown in to meet up with them as well.  We were all standing on the beach when this German couple walked by.  They were in their 60's.  Both had on speed-o type bottoms and stupid looking caps on their heads.  She looked just like a smaller version of her husband except with breasts.  It was the son's first view of a semi nude female.  "My eyes!  My eyes!"

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 04:56 PM (LVT6e)

83 Ginger, you just finished off Al Gore.

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 04:57 PM (9jESx)

84

"Hopefully she'll interview Andy Dick and then angrily cross-examine him about why he's such an obnoxious douche. And why he hasn't been funny since 2002.* "

 

Judging by a TMZ video I saw awhile back, she'd better hurry up and interview him early on before he consumes too much Absolut and X, or she may very well end up interviewing Andy's Dick instead.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 04:58 PM (9XXMp)

85

New Year's Eve is for children and fools.

And apparently for boring, unfunny killjoys too. 

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 04:58 PM (plsiE)

86 Megan Kelly? I don't need to even watch the show, that pic is enough.

I prefer this photo.

And of course, vidcap with the hot librarian glasses.

Yum.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 31, 2008 04:59 PM (MKNSy)

87 There's a Twilight Zone Marathon on ScFi.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 04:59 PM (7rbe9)

88 Having it all. We had a wonderful dinner out and good to be home.
Nasty out.. No, not hobo's..
Funny how this freaking broke State got a grant (700K) to add 400 or so
police units to bust revelers. Hope only hobo's are drinking and driving. Less work for us Morons.
Gotta go..Mrs. yelling to open oysters. I know I am a Moron, but I'm not fuckin' clueless. Coming!!! Cheers.

Posted by: sickinmass at December 31, 2008 04:59 PM (1rflU)

89 And apparently for boring, unfunny killjoys too.

Which explains your presence here. Thank you.


Posted by: Darling at December 31, 2008 05:00 PM (579IS)

90 Hopefully she'll interview Andy Dick and then angrily cross-examine him about why he's such an obnoxious douche. And why he hasn't been funny since 2002.*

* Three years before I stopped being funny myself.

Don't be so hard on yourself.  You were funny at least through 2006.  Most of 2006 anyways.

But don't worry.  We'll have the Obamassiah, Nancy! and Dingy Harry running the show.  No way do they not give you some material to work with.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 05:02 PM (plsiE)

91 There's a Twilight Zone Marathon on ScFi.

Which is totally awesome! I don't think there's any other tv show where I could watch the same episodes dozens of times and still love them.

Posted by: Darling at December 31, 2008 05:02 PM (579IS)

92
Well, at least Al died happy.


Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 05:02 PM (LVT6e)

93

Happy New Year, Ace and all the morons!

Not a fan of the resolutions, they are always doomed to fail (growing hair on top of your head is harder than I thought). But I hope to be in a much different place next year than I am now (no, not prison).

I only recently learned that I am not immortal, so I must act accordingly.*

Cheers!

P.S. It's about 8pm here, which means i'll be passed out before the actual new year.

Cheers again!

*As far as I know, I made that up just now. If you can cite a source please let me know, for it is a great quote.

Posted by: PaleoMedic at December 31, 2008 05:03 PM (yiNoG)

94

"My eyes, my eyes!!" is an actual quote.
We had met up with some friends while down in Cancun.  Their 21 year old son had flown in to meet up with them as well.  We were all standing on the beach when this German couple walked by.  They were in their 60's.  Both had on speed-o type bottoms and stupid looking caps on their heads.  She looked just like a smaller version of her husband except with breasts.  It was the son's first view of a semi nude female.  "My eyes!  My eyes!"

How does one reach 21 years of age without having seen tits in person before?

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 05:05 PM (plsiE)

95 Ignore Megyn Kelly, the most perfect woman in America?  In an evening gown?  How the hell can you watch some third-rate ball game when The Goddess is presiding?

You know, Fox should cut the crap and market cheesecake posters of its anchors circa the 70's. 

Can you imagine? Megyn Kelly in a Cherl Ladd bikini, Margaret Hoover (a personal fave) in a Farrah Fawcett one-piece, and Harris Faulkner in Daisy Dukes, with a shirt tied at the waist?  Talk about fair and balanced. 

(OK, we'll do Shep Smith in a marble bag for the ladies and gays.)

A Fox News "We Report, You Decide" calendar?  Looking forward to seeing Lis Weil, Miss February.



Posted by: ombudsman at December 31, 2008 05:06 PM (fWF4Q)

96

#81

nope, that's just 30 days in purgatory, getting into hell requires these elements:

Barney the Dinosaur

german porn vids of a fecal nature

a string of christmas lights (not plugged in, unless you want to get there right away)

 

 

 

 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 05:06 PM (RxUMK)

97
94-

We live in Utah, any more questions? 

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 05:07 PM (LVT6e)

98 Oh shut up morons. You can have a good time peeing against a wall or subway substation on New Years' eve. Enjoying the massive crowds? Go for it. Enjoying the chicks going "wooooo!"? Thought not. Don't they sound like assholes doing that? Thought so. Heh, live with it, dorks.

Posted by: Corona at December 31, 2008 05:08 PM (pI8vF)

99 Ignore Megyn Kelly, the most perfect woman in America?  In an evening gown?  How the hell can you watch some third-rate ball game when The Goddess is presiding?

You know, Fox should cut the crap and market cheesecake posters of its anchors circa the 70's. 

Can you imagine? Megyn Kelly in a Cherl Ladd bikini, Margaret Hoover (a personal fave) in a Farrah Fawcett one-piece, and Harris Faulkner in Daisy Dukes, with a shirt tied at the waist?  Talk about fair and balanced. 

(OK, we'll do Shep Smith in a marble bag for the ladies and gays.)

A Fox News "We Report, You Decide" calendar?  Looking forward to seeing Lis Weil, Miss February.


Make that "a la" the 70's.  Otherwise we'd  be looking at embryos

Posted by: ombudsman at December 31, 2008 05:09 PM (fWF4Q)

100 First resolution of mine is to stop being an alcoholic and start being a drunk. I so hate those meetings. The cofee's always bitter and the donuts are always stale.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 05:09 PM (9XXMp)

101 Unfortunately, Paleo, I think that I've heard that before. But good writers steal shamelessly, as the saying goes.

One of my favorite comments on mortality is from Bierce's Devil's Dictionary.
MISERICORDE, n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 31, 2008 05:10 PM (MKNSy)

102 Oh, Ace. Don't feel lame. Me and my girlfriend are probably staying in as well. I almost have her convinced though, that we should drive out to the desert and shoot .38s in the air with my new revolver come midnight...

Posted by: Rasputin at December 31, 2008 05:11 PM (tunH+)

103 44 Of course, optimism grabbed hold of me about three weeks ago when I purchased a $125 bottle of 1993 vintage deNogue Grand vin de Princes champagne. So I have a choice: suck it up and drink it with my Taco Bell dinner tonight or continue the optimism through to my birthday and drink it with my Taco Bell dinner at that time.

Damn, I thought I sorta knew wine, but never heard of that stuff. Hell, who knows how well it was stored all those years. I say drink it up.

Me, I'm equaling Ace's lameness and staying in. Got the flu, and I'm missing the rockin' show I was supposed to be at.

But no champagne for me. I've been exploring an amazing crazy new (to me and most of the contemporary US) side of the world of alcohol, and it is good. It is very good indeed, and it will do me fine to see off this wretched stock-crashing, socialist-electing year. Hey, it's even Atkins-friendly if you omit one nonessential aspect of the traditional prep.

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 05:12 PM (WeKQS)

104

Oh shut up morons. You can have a good time peeing against a wall or subway substation on New Years' eve. Enjoying the massive crowds? Go for it. Enjoying the chicks going "wooooo!"?

If only I wasn't at work, that sounds about right.

And the chicks going "woooo!"?  That's the international signal that announces "I'm drunk enough that I might just show you my tits".

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 05:13 PM (plsiE)

105
The nincomfuckingpoops on ESPN are wearing party hats and leis (lays). Grown men in party hats.

You know what I think of when someone says party hats?

Tits. Pointy tits.

Posted by: Darling at December 31, 2008 05:13 PM (579IS)

106 I'm doubling down on lame: not going out and not drinking.

Posted by: ECM at December 31, 2008 05:16 PM (q3V+C)

107 Now you got me picturing Barney Frank in a party hat.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 05:16 PM (czjn4)

108

i've always wondered what absinthe was like, wanted to try it, but became convinced that if i did i would wind up in the chorus line of a 1900's era Paris dance hall, or possibly being buggered by Oscar Wilde.

i wonder which one would be worse?

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 05:17 PM (RxUMK)

109 Barry is having some sticky, resin-dripping Hawaiian.

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 05:18 PM (9jESx)

110

"And the chicks going "woooo!"?  That's the international signal that announces "I'm drunk enough that I might just show you my tits".

 

I digress. In my experience you've allready seen the tit's. Your now getting ready to touch the hiney.

 

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 05:19 PM (9XXMp)

111 Hau'oli Makahiki Hou. I am also staying in. People in Hawaii have a hard enough time driving while sober in the middle of a dry sunny day. Also I have a great view of the harbor from my lanai so I can see the fireworks from here - provided I am still awake and not passed out that is! Thanks Morons, you have made this dismal year a little more fun

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 05:20 PM (SEBPF)

112 109 Barry is having some sticky, resin-dripping Hawaiian.

Do they know her name?

Posted by: ombudsman at December 31, 2008 05:20 PM (fWF4Q)

113

I fed my 85 year-old Dad with a pound of crab and two glasses of Pouilly Fuisse.

Mission accomplished!

Posted by: Tinian at December 31, 2008 05:22 PM (Ohodx)

114 "To Serve Man" is now on. Single best episode of Twilight Zone evah!

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 05:22 PM (7rbe9)

115 Yeah, I was last funny in 1998.  Maybe once in 2006. 

That said, I'm home with the wind howling and the wife and kids in bed.  I've got a glass of Evan Williams spiked with a shot of Peychaud's Bittters.

I've got a job, a house, and things could be a lot worse.   So happy new year, y'all. 

Posted by: See-Dubya at December 31, 2008 05:23 PM (2icm3)

116

On the couch sick as a dog, but feeling good watching my LSU Tigers stomp GA Tech. The screwdrivers I am drinking are not only making me feel better, but the Vitamin C is good for what ails me.

In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, never in want.

 

Happy New Year all!

Posted by: helofixer at December 31, 2008 05:23 PM (nd6SM)

117

Have a good new year morons.

I'm going to OD on Merlot wine.

At home with the wife.

Posted by: Ronster at December 31, 2008 05:27 PM (o8S99)

118 We are making gingerbread men with the 3 and 6 year olds.  Happy New Years from RI all.

Posted by: MAJHAM at December 31, 2008 05:27 PM (Yt4WH)

119

i've always wondered what absinthe was like, wanted to try it, but became convinced that if i did i would wind up in the chorus line of a 1900's era Paris dance hall, or possibly being buggered by Oscar Wilde.

Years ago I ordered a bottle of Spanish Absinthe from some European outfit that shipped booze overseas.  It's a little bit different of a buzz, but nothing all that special.  Bitter as hell and very high alcohol content (you generally add sugar and water).

The stuff you buy today has a fraction of the wormwood content that they drank 100 years ago.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 05:28 PM (plsiE)

120

#111

great view of the harbor, etc....well lah-de-dah. I have a great view of the woods out back from my deck and it's 14 degrees out, so there!

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 05:28 PM (czjn4)

121 The Sandman is staying home this year, drinking the adult beverage and being thankful for all you goofball morons out there in the Moron Nation. Just to tell you how boring my day has been I caught a nap, cleaned the hard drive on this very laptop and reinstalled Firefox, although it's still kinda crappy these days. I almost use Chrome as much as Fire fox, so there ya go...excitement personified.
Beer this year, no more of the hard stuff, the stomach and my nerves can't take that hard shit anymore, excepting vodka, strangely enough.
Still okay with the big V, although convenience store Valu-rite hasn't been on my shopping list for awhile.

C Novum Godum, Morons...(Happy New Year,Russian)

Audi.

Posted by: Enter sandman at December 31, 2008 05:29 PM (zxaA2)

122 heh,.....amateur night. we eat like kings and watch the fireworks over the strip from the backyard.

Posted by: Modgi at December 31, 2008 05:30 PM (atJ/J)

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 05:31 PM (7rbe9)

124 Staying in here Ace.  Daughter just got the flu this afternoon and I have given up the juice.

Resolution.  Make more money, hide more money and screw over any Obama supporter's.  Oh, and kill some more terrorists.

Posted by: CDR M at December 31, 2008 05:34 PM (TJoU6)

125

thanks for the info Hollowpoint, i'll give it a try sometime, although i'll still probably worry about being buggered by Oscar Wilde... for some reason i always worry about being sexually assualted by disaffected victorian writers...

anyone else have that problem, or am i alone on this? 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 05:34 PM (RxUMK)

126

#101, IllTemperedCur,

Well, I figured that the quote was too brilliant to have come from me, but it sure as hell felt spontaneous, so I will adopt it as my own for now. Irregrardless (MS Word thinks that's a cromulent word, so what the hell), it seems pretty friggin' apt for the next four years, eh wot?

I can't remember a New Year's Eve when I felt such an internal struggle between optimism and pessimism. For most of the late 90s and early 2000s I was in bed by 10:45 or so.

To quote Sam Jackson in Jurassic Park, "hold on to your butts."

Posted by: PaleoMedic at December 31, 2008 05:34 PM (yiNoG)

127 42

sickinmass will want to know if you've bought boots too, I'm sure.
I only have eyes for ATC, Hog

Posted by: sickinmass at December 31, 2008 05:35 PM (1rflU)

128

Balfa Bros: Parlez nous a boire (Let's talk about drinking)

http://tinyurl.com/3qmmdz

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 05:35 PM (9XXMp)

129 I refuse to purposely set foot inside of the Rochester, NY city limits for any reason.

New Years does nothing to change my mind about this.

I'll be comfortably sitting in my office/ManLair watching my bottle of Glen Fiddich work its way to extinction, wishing all you morons a Happy New Year.

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 31, 2008 05:36 PM (M+Vfm)

130 we eat hobo pies, made with real fresh hobos

Posted by: Modgi at December 31, 2008 05:36 PM (atJ/J)

131 108

i've always wondered what absinthe was like,

Full in the mouth and wonderfully intense and complex in flavor and aroma, if you get a good one, rather than one of the many many very crappy ones. Kind of intellectual and lucid-waking-dream in the nature-of-the-alcohol-buzz.

wanted to try it, but became convinced that if i did i would wind up in the chorus line of a 1900's era Paris dance hall, or possibly being buggered by Oscar Wilde.

i wonder which one would be worse?

After about the fourth glass, they may be indistinguishable, and after the sixth, you might forget that Mr. Wilde is supposed to be dead. But it's all in good fun.

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 05:37 PM (WeKQS)

132

My New Years Resolution is to stop the incessant jacking-off to the image of Megyn Kelly.  Translated this means that spanking the monkey only once a day will be acceptable, provided Megyn continues to speak those encouraging words, "fuck me big boy."

Note:  Will the asshole shooting Roman Candles in the neighborhood stop the madness or my next door neighbor and I will call Dick Cheney for a pleasant ending to your miserable life. 

Posted by: Fish at December 31, 2008 05:39 PM (CG+cG)

133 I want a lair.  And minions. 

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 05:39 PM (xUOXi)

134

Forgot to hyperlink.

http://tinyurl.com/3qmmdz

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 05:40 PM (9XXMp)

135 ok, i will definitely stop at 3 then, lol

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 05:41 PM (RxUMK)

136

a volcano lair?

god, don't we all...

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 05:42 PM (RxUMK)

137 I want a lair.  And minions.

Heh. I always thought a great SNL type skit or short story would be "Henchman School".

Think about the villains on the 60's versions of Batman. They all had henchmen and minions. Where do you go to become one of those guys? Is there training? I imagined there was an apprentice program and like a union hall set up where the arch-criminals could get their guys.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 31, 2008 05:43 PM (hlYel)

138 119

Years ago I ordered a bottle of Spanish Absinthe from some European outfit that shipped booze overseas. It's a little bit different of a buzz, but nothing all that special.

The Spanish stuff is different from the only-recently-revived French and Swiss styles. I can't yet speak for the Swiss, but the French green stuff is much more complex.

Bitter as hell and very high alcohol content (you generally add sugar and water).

You sometimes add sugar and always always add water in at least 3:1 proportions, sometimes up to 5:1. At that dilution, the bitterness is there but pleasant, if you like such things, and, if you don't, there's always the sugar.

The stuff you buy today has a fraction of the wormwood content that they drank 100 years ago.

So it was thought. But lately the view has changed somewhat. Note especially the thujone levels of the highly-popular pre-ban Pernod, compared to permissible levels now. And in any case, the people who are really into this stuff claim that thujone isn't a big deal at all, buzzwise. The fun thing about this stuff is how remarkably good the good stuff smells and tastes, plus the history and ritual is fun.

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 05:44 PM (WeKQS)

139

I want a lair.  And minions.

Does an unfinished basement room with no windows count as a "lair"?  And do the chained up crackwhores therein count as "minions"?

Just asking.  On behalf of a friend.  Definitely not me.  My friend.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 05:45 PM (plsiE)

140 Think about the villains on the 60's versions of Batman. They all had henchmen and minions. Where do you go to become one of those guys? Is there training? I imagined there was an apprentice program and like a union hall set up where the arch-criminals could get their guys.

Had you watched Dr. Horrible, you'd know that there's a Henchman's Union.

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 05:46 PM (WeKQS)

141 it would have to be a private institution, you'd never get quality minions from a publicly funded school

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 05:47 PM (RxUMK)

142

#132

Yeah Fish, those Roman candles would bother me too. I prefer the time-honored tradition around here of goung outside at midnight and blasting off shotguns. Much safer than Roman candles too.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 05:49 PM (czjn4)

143

BTW, IllTemperedCur, Misericorde is a very cool item. We need them for all the elistists mincing around us in their Priuses and Volvos.

Sort of OT, I'm reading a book about Wellington's Rifles, which is an account of the green jacket British infantry during the Napoleonic wars. The Rifles were the original sharpshooters who relied on marksmanship over close formations and clouds of lead, and they are the protype for the modern soldier or marine. Very cool stuff.

FYI and off my little topic: The optimal News Year's Eve brew is Stone Brewery's Ruination IPA (North San Diego County, California). Great fucking beer. After two and a half decades of pursuit of the perfect beer, that is the closest I have come...

Dude!

Posted by: PaleoMedic at December 31, 2008 05:49 PM (yiNoG)

144

Okay.

This has nothing whatsoever to do with this post in any way except, perhaps, for the word 'lame'. Whilst getting lost amidst the Dana Delaney 'Exit to Eden' vids on You Tube, I came across this vid.

It's one of the worst videos I've ever seen and, apparently, there's a whole series of them. And, a fan base.

In fact, it's so awful, that I'm tempted to think that Greg Gutfield had something to do with it.

I know. It's one of those 'I think this milk is bad. You taste it.' kind of things.

Posted by: jmflynny at December 31, 2008 05:50 PM (ac68g)

145 Pernod is WAY expensive.  Do you guys have some secret Bernie-Madoff-retirement-plan scheme going on to afford this trendy new absinthe indulgence?

Posted by: See-Dubya at December 31, 2008 05:52 PM (2icm3)

146 127-

Wasn't your eyes I was interested in, it was the chowda!  That's ok, I don't blame you about ATC.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 05:53 PM (LVT6e)

147 @133 Me, too. Minions and house elves.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 31, 2008 05:54 PM (tbIup)

148 A few more hours, morons, and it's the official start of Hobo Season!

Ah the excitement of mapping their trails, of studying their habits, watching them come to feed on small bottles of Val-U-Rite one has scattered n vacant lots.

Remember that real Conservation is harvesting the land so that it increases in game.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at December 31, 2008 05:54 PM (KStJt)

149

jmflynny

Maybe you should consider a date next year, for your own good.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 05:54 PM (czjn4)

150

Make that "a la" the 70's.  Otherwise we'd  be looking at embryos.

That's pretty funny!

Hey, and a Happy New Year to the Troops!!  I think it is already 2009 over there where they have the terrorists holed up (i.e. not here where we and our families are!), and I hope this year everybody that wants to come home, can come home.  And everybody that wants to stay there and keep protecting us via extreme pest control gets their wishes too.

Posted by: sherlock at December 31, 2008 05:56 PM (8V5Ut)

151

Sort of OT, I'm reading a book about Wellington's Rifles, which is an account of the green jacket British infantry during the Napoleonic wars.

Weren't the British using the Brown Bess musket during that time?  Those things were about the opposite of "accurate".

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 31, 2008 05:56 PM (plsiE)

152

"I want a lair.  And minions."

Oh god, me too. A rancher and three bratty boy's just doesn't accentuate the evil in me that a fog enshrouded mountian top castle and some hellhounds would.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 05:56 PM (9XXMp)

153
These house elves, they do chores?

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 05:57 PM (LVT6e)

154 Heh. I always thought a great SNL type skit or short story would be "Henchman School".

Annnnd now I want to watch Sky High.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 05:57 PM (xUOXi)

155 Had you watched Dr. Horrible, you'd know that there's a Henchman's Union.

I knew it!

I hadn't heard about that but it looks amusing, thanks.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 31, 2008 05:57 PM (hlYel)

156 152  ever seen 'The Hills Have eyes   You can do it!  It just takes a little work.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at December 31, 2008 05:58 PM (KStJt)

157 These house elves, good eatin'?

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 05:58 PM (LVT6e)

158
Whilst getting lost amidst the Dana Delaney 'Exit to Eden' vids on You Tube...

Really?

Wait.

Are you gay?

DD looked great in that movie. And we saw ALL of her, too!

Posted by: Darling at December 31, 2008 06:00 PM (579IS)

159 Holy mackerel, ya step out for a quick libation and the entire internet just goes on without ya . . .

Well, here's my sentiment:

Get the FUCK out of here 2008, you filthy, pathetic, useless whore.  No matter how bad 2009 is, I do expect to find humor in it.  Possibly on a daily basis.

Happy New Year, beloved morons!!  Thank you for lettin' me play in your sandbox and never hittin' me with the ban-hammer. 

Most of all, God bless and keep our head moron, he's just the bestest in all the world.

MWAH!!

Posted by: CB at December 31, 2008 06:00 PM (9Wv2j)

160 Now I want some house elf chowda!  Ok, I'll stop.  Time to go to the party anyway.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 06:01 PM (LVT6e)

161 Hey PoconoJoe,....... wassamatta Tabb's Tavern not good enough for ya'? Hayna?

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 06:01 PM (9XXMp)

162 145 Pernod is WAY expensive.  Do you guys have some secret Bernie-Madoff-retirement-plan scheme going on to afford this trendy new absinthe indulgence?

Pernod as sold in the US isn't Absinthe these days. They're back making absinthe in Europe, but, so far, the absinthe geeks aren't that impressed. I concede that good absinthe starts at about 50 bucks a bottle and goes up to maybe double that. But keep in mind that it tends to be about 120-150 proof, and that one dilutes it around 4:1 with water. It's the Amway thing, it's concentrated. So one fifth of absinthe has at least as much alcohol as three and a half bottles of 13% alcohol wine. Or, to look at it another way, $50 gets you around 25 typical 4 oz diluted glasses, or two bucks apiece. Hardly plutocrat territory.

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 06:02 PM (WeKQS)

163

WOW!  It has to be a huge turd to need to be buried on New Year's Eve!

Posted by: sherlock at December 31, 2008 06:05 PM (8V5Ut)

164 Happy New Year's Hobo Hunters....

Tiger Woods '09 on the Wii with the hubby and daughter... and a decent Moscato. 

We forgot to go to Bama for the good fireworks - too busy playing Wii.  Lame... yes, we are.

Posted by: bmeuppls at December 31, 2008 06:05 PM (lNXkY)

165 My New Year's Eve is somewhat boring.  Sitting on a couch, watching "Armageddon" and drinking a Bud. 

Still, life is good.  Happy New Years, all.

Posted by: Slublog at December 31, 2008 06:05 PM (p4s1i)

166 yep, volcano lair, henchmen, house elves but instead of sharks with lasers on their heads i want blue-butted baboons with 40mm grenade launchers mounted on their backs, just for something different ya know

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 06:06 PM (RxUMK)

167 "These house elves, they do chores?" YES! That's the beauty part. The minions do the real dirty work. And the lair... must have piles of furs on the floor that I can roll around in naked. Purely to piss off PETA. Really.

Posted by: AngelEm at December 31, 2008 06:07 PM (tbIup)

168 I'm going with flying monkeys with brown note weaponry.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 06:07 PM (xUOXi)

169 Okay, well, absinthe is also a little bit...gay pretentious.

You're not a 19th century late pre-Raphaelite nor a starving impressionist in a Montmartre garret, so you're basically just looking for a legal high besides Valu-Rite and its derivatives.

Stick to booze.  Wormwood ain't worth it.

Posted by: See-Dubya at December 31, 2008 06:09 PM (2icm3)

170 And the lair... must have piles of furs on the floor that I can roll around in naked. Purely to piss off PETA.

I'm intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 06:10 PM (xUOXi)

171 MUST SEE TV:

http://ekstrabladet.tv/nationentv/article1103770.ece

HAPPY NEW YEAR MRONS!

Posted by: reliapundit at December 31, 2008 06:10 PM (6lJLz)

172 Watched it, jmflynny. Painful. No more, please.

Posted by: eman at December 31, 2008 06:11 PM (9jESx)

173

You know, Fox should cut the crap and market cheesecake posters of its anchors circa the 70's. 

Fox couldn't possibly make conservatives look dumber than it already does. Oops. Did I just admit I'm a conservative who hates Fox?

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 06:12 PM (XWJh5)

174 Dr. Manhattan: Where in the purple hell did you find Dogfish Head Festina Peche this time of year?  You magnificent bastard!

Booze of choice tonight has been a mix of Blue Moon Full Moon, Wild Blue Blueberry Ale, and Palmetto Lager.

Posted by: Hoss Fuentes at December 31, 2008 06:12 PM (T9Fvz)

175 Happy New Year to all the morons out there.

It's not really being a pathetic friendless loser if you're home sick with the gf instead of being out at all sorts of parties and celebrations, right? We're coughing so much that we couldn't even sneak up on a hobo.

Posted by: cthulhu at December 31, 2008 06:12 PM (Zrk+k)

176

I want a lair.  And minions. 

I refer to my children as minions. Well, I try not to say that out loud in public, but they know their place. They know.

I have a serious New Year's resolution to lose a whole lot of weight. I'll be turning 40 in 2009 and I can deal with that, but not with being 40 and fat. Since I can't stop the clock, the pounds, they will be leaving.

Happy new year!

Posted by: MamaAJ at December 31, 2008 06:15 PM (X6Zdh)

177

#161

Blazer, I live in the "West End" in Monroe County. I used to work out of Pittston though. Good people up that way, Scranton-WB, etc. Some real pissers. Different accent, culture, etc. Friday 5 o'clock don't get in the way of a lot of the office people or you'd get run over. They'd all be down at The Woodlands getting fucked-up. 

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 06:17 PM (czjn4)

178 I had one stinking beer. I have to get up at 6:30 for the annual Philadelphia Mummers Parade, a pointless exercise that is a tradition in my family. Can't let the old man down. I'll make up for it tomorrow night.

 Happy New Year to Ace and my fellow morons!


Posted by: Dr. Remulak at December 31, 2008 06:17 PM (CMORo)

179

Lame? Don't care. Prudent? Yeah, going computer shopping with my parents tomorrow. I'm playing consultant/mediator/translator between my folks and the Best Buy staff. You better believe I'm getting some good take-out tomorrow!

Posted by: ErikW at December 31, 2008 06:17 PM (hKtiw)

180

48 I resolve to drink more.  Yes, that's an actual resolution.  I like to pick things I can achieve.

Nicely done Alex...that goes at the top of my list too. I also resolve to quit letting work interfere with my "me" time by putting side shields on my monitor so my "superiors" can't see what porn sites I'm viewing at the office. It's really none of their business.

I'm trying to work up a resolution involving snorting cocaine off of hooker's breasts, but haven't quite got the wording down yet. It'll come to me eventually.

Others include:

1. Drinking more at work (or at least starting earlier... say around 9 a.m....2 p.m. just isn't quite getting the edge off.)

2. Getting banned from AoS for some truly offensive post that ends up being featured on "Nightline" and generates death threats from DailyKos, and hopefully causes an intense, yet short-lived, war somewhere in middle-Asia or sub-Saharan Africa.

3. Finish tiling my bathroom

4.Drinking more while tiling my bathroom, then drinking even more when in the bathroom so I don't notice all the askew tiles I placed when tiling.

5. Making fun of Dave in Texas and Gabe.

6. Finishing this comment.

 

 

 

Posted by: genghis at December 31, 2008 06:18 PM (1XErj)

181

Of course no lair would be complete without a large room with an open bar, lit by human skull candelabras, surrounded with giant video screens to keep track of your satellite weapons and world domination.

C'mon people, this is the 21st century, get with the program

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 06:18 PM (9XXMp)

182 CJ....most of us on this board, anyway, have been slagging Fox all year, they're on the Obamessiah bandwagon too. But they're still better than the alternatives.....

Posted by: Dr. Remulak at December 31, 2008 06:18 PM (CMORo)

183

#173

over the course of this last year, i must say that i'm not as big a fan of Fox News as i used to be, FNC seems to me to have been infected with the RINO-virus

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 06:20 PM (RxUMK)

184 Aren't mummers dancers?

Posted by: ErikW at December 31, 2008 06:20 PM (hKtiw)

185 169 Okay, well, absinthe is also a little bit...gay pretentious.

Dude. Dude. Pretentious? Ernesto Effing Hemingway drank absinthe. He even mixed it with Champagne, which is 38% gay, er, pretentious. Clearly whatever's in absinthe nullifies gay. Oscar Wilde would have started bagging hot chicks if he'd kept it up. I was going to point out that about 80% of France drank absinthe before it was banned, but I realized just in time that it would weaken my case.

You're not a 19th century late pre-Raphaelite nor a starving impressionist in a Montmartre garret,

C-W, are you a machine that can make me say "dude" more than I've ever said it in my life? Apparently. Dude. I'm an engineer, and a wine geek. I read physics books for amusement. You could fit my artistic pretentions in a neutrino.

so you're basically just looking for a legal high besides Valu-Rite and its derivatives.

Not I. I gave up that junk decades ago. Seriously, I'm looking for something with alcohol in it that is as intellectually interesting and variegated as wine.

Stick to booze.  Wormwood ain't worth it.

Ok, I'll be serious for a moment. Read around that thujone site I linked. That whole "absinthe brain damage insanity" thing is bullcrap, except maybe for things like copper compounds and methanol in the cheap crap that was going around France at the peak. Nothing to do with wormwood. Absinthe hysteria was the global warming of the early 20th century, with the wineries and their newly re-planted vines in the role of Al Gore and James Hansen.  Do you seriously think that our plug-up-the-butt approvers of liquor would have re-legalized absinthe if this were a serious issue?

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 06:22 PM (WeKQS)

186 184-

Depends on how much she and dadders have had to drink.

I'm going already!  Just waiting for my wife.  It's 9:23 here btw.

Happy New Years from the Hog!

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 06:23 PM (LVT6e)

187

Happy New Year morons!  Adios 08,  Hola 09.

Predictions??

Posted by: Indian outlaw at December 31, 2008 06:24 PM (RSRH4)

188 and cheer up jmflynny, you sounded a little down.  we love you.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 31, 2008 06:25 PM (LVT6e)

189

The line infantry had the Brown Bess, Hollowpoint, that was as "accurate" as the Charlevilles that the Fwench and the Americans c. 1812 used. The redcoat light infantry had a smoothbore with a shorter barrel and a pistol-grip trigger guard (I've forgotten its designation; probably just Light Infantry Land Pattern Musket or the like.) And the green-coated Rifle regiments, the 95th and the 60th (Royal Americans), were armed with the Baker rifle.

Posted by: andycanuck at December 31, 2008 06:26 PM (55TIb)

190 re #175:

Go to hell, you spoiled bastard.  Most of us don't have gf's.

Posted by: James at December 31, 2008 06:27 PM (QVKMi)

191 Watching the bands perform at the Mummers Parade is pretty good but as far as the whole parade it can get pretty old. Especially if you watch it every year for 30 or 40 years.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 06:27 PM (czjn4)

192

PoconoJoe, my dad's fondest memories were vacationing in the Pocono's when he was a kid and was hell bent on retiring there. He and my mother now reside in Pocono Convict Counry Place in Tobyhanna.

Boy did they get screwed.

At least they took my loser bro with them, he'll fit in just great 'round them  parts.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 06:28 PM (9XXMp)

193 It's funny reading this thread....my family went to the Wolf's Den Lodge in the Poconos this year. Great fun.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 06:30 PM (7rbe9)

194

i wonder what an Arch-Villian would have on their IPod?

 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 06:31 PM (RxUMK)

195 i wonder what an Arch-Villian would have on their IPod?

The William Tell Overture?

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 06:33 PM (7rbe9)

196 They'd all be down at The Woodlands getting fucked-up.

Now that there is a True Fact.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 06:33 PM (xUOXi)

197 I have to cop to being lame, though now I have an excuse - picked up some godawful flu thingy while visiting the parents at Christmas.  Well, being the hardy soul I am, that will not stop me from enjoying a good Bombay Sapphire and Tonic or three, or four, or five.....

Best wishes to all in 2009.

Posted by: prtymbl at December 31, 2008 06:35 PM (n6lfL)

198 It's a happy day and I'll spare the wormwood and gall, but yeah, Hemingway is not really the Authentic Manhood Stamp of Approval in See-dubya-land.  

Do I think that "plug-up-the-butt approvers of liquor would have re-legalized absinthe"?  I'm pretty familiar with our plug-up-the-butt approvers in general, and yeah, now, they'd sign off on something dubious just for the street cred.

That said, I'm not going to bust your gonads over your enjoyment of something legal.  I'll just reiterate that it's a bizarre and rather pretentious indulgence--not that I don't have a few pretentious indulgences of my own--and wish you a happy new year.

Posted by: See-Dubya at December 31, 2008 06:35 PM (2icm3)

199

Blazer:

I guess they did get screwed. I don't go up that way too much. I hope they can do whatever they can do to get out of there. Unfortunately that shit is spreading all around this county. All the shit moving here from NY & NJ and bringing their shit and crime with them. Good luck to your parents.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 06:36 PM (czjn4)

200

"i wonder what an Arch-Villian would have on their IPod?"

All depends, but my Arch villian would definitley have some Gwar to help ring in the end times and maybe a little James Taylor for those not-so-evil days when I'm feeling like the world hates me.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 06:40 PM (9XXMp)

201 So  who here has Timewarner? I am waiting to see if Viacom are going to pull their channels at midnight.

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 06:40 PM (SNFHk)

202 Working. You can't party without electricity. How's that for lame. I am thankful for my job.

Posted by: Joe

----------------------

 

Joe, you're awesome & thank God for you and all of the police, firemen, nurses, docs, and everyone else that's keeping the  place running!

Posted by: Nurse Cheri at December 31, 2008 06:40 PM (cz6lG)

203

#193 #196

That Great Wolf Lodge is about 7-8 miles up the road from me.

Uh oh, maybe alexthechick was one of them.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 06:41 PM (czjn4)

204 198
Hey, no problem. I'm not too fond of the guy, and especially his turgid writing, myself, but it did seem like a fun argument to make. And I'll cop to bizarre, for sure, though I suspect we're at the beginning of a boom that will make it seem less so.

Happy New Year to you as well. It appears that we have something in common.

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 06:42 PM (WeKQS)

205
The FN Poem (reprise)

I have an FN-FAL
It's chambered 308
I keep it oiled and loaded
And trained upon the gate

With which repellent attributes
To keep Hobos at bay
That they will not abuse my kin
And try to turn them gay

So on this Winters', New Years Night
Cold as a witches tit
I'll stay inside and keep her lubed
And stay out of the shit



Posted by: Beto The Elder at December 31, 2008 06:43 PM (F1b/5)

206 So  who here has Timewarner? I am waiting to see if Viacom are going to pull their channels at midnight.

Posted by: Ginger

--------------------------------------------

 

I do here in western NY - my 13 year old son is very upset.  Too him,  if we lose the Comedy channel, etc.  in his words it would be very "GAY".

 

 

Posted by: Nurse Cheri at December 31, 2008 06:43 PM (cz6lG)

207

top ten things found on Arch-Villians IPod:

1. Katrina and the Waves - Walking on Sunshine

2. Old Yeller

3. K.C. and the Sunshine Band - That's the Way I like It

4. Glenn Beck podcasts

5. Village People - YMCA

6. every episode of "Johnny Quest"

7. Flock of Seagulls - I Ran

8. "Davy & Goliath"

9. REO Speedwagon - I Can't Fight This Feeling

10. tons of Sarah Jessica Parker pics

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 06:44 PM (RxUMK)

208 Staying in with the hubby and my mom (visiting from PA.)  Listening to the police scanner.  Asshats really come out on New Years Eve.

Go Nittany Lions!

Posted by: MrsPaulsFishSticks at December 31, 2008 06:44 PM (PBGAP)

209

Thanks PoconoJoe. They moved there in 2000 before most of the dregs arrived. Right now they're trying to sell and are hoping to move up around Clarks Summit.

I actually lived there and Carbondale for a few years with my grandfather who ran a plastics plant outthataway as a kid and loved it.

Shame what happened around Mt. Pocono though.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 06:48 PM (9XXMp)

210

Happy New Year! Be safe out there.

- USCitizen

Posted by: USCitizen at December 31, 2008 06:50 PM (5pDev)

211 Feeling a bit lame..by myself for the second New Year's running, but  have my imaginary Innernet buddies and many sexy plans for having a big bowl of pasta and sleeping in, though. So it's not all bad. =)
Happy New Year, everybody. May the hobo blood flow like wine in 2009!

Posted by: Verity Kindle at December 31, 2008 06:52 PM (7r09N)

212

CJ....most of us on this board, anyway, have been slagging Fox all year, they're on the Obamessiah bandwagon too. But they're still better than the alternatives.....

Well yeah, they're shallow clowns. They'll jump on the latest pop trend. Certainly better, overall. I just hate that we're allowed on network, and it's so damn dumb. So many Americans form their perception of non-liberals by watching the clowns on Fox.

Posted by: CJ at December 31, 2008 06:53 PM (XWJh5)

213 sorry if i killed the thread on that last post, it must have either cleared the room or folks are still laughing (i hope)

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 06:53 PM (RxUMK)

214 Lame or prudent, you ask? Hard to say. Probably a bit from column A and a bit from column B. So, the answer is C. Staying home and backing up data and sundry nerd stuff. And catching South Park's marathon... because it requires zero attention.

But drinking? Oh, hell's yeah. I've downed a fifth of Nyquil and about half of that again in Dayquil the past few days. Might as well ring in the new year with a double to survive this godforsaken flu.

Hoopy New Wah, morons! (That's the acetominophen/dextramethasone talking. Don't be afraid.)

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at December 31, 2008 06:54 PM (sI5Ho)

215

#209

Yes, it should be a nice town but it isn't. One good thing about the housing bubble bursting is that it slowed some of the migration to these parts.

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 06:55 PM (czjn4)

216 I love the Irish Auld Lang Syne. I've heard it done better, but this is the best I could find on the web.

The lyrics:

Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne
For auld land syne, my dear, for auld lang syne
We'll tak' a cup o' kindness yet for auld syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp! And surely I'll be mine!
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet, for auld lang syne.
We twa hae run about the braes and pu'd the gowans fine;
But we've wander'd mony a weary foot, sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl'd I' the burn, frae mornin' sun till dine;
But seas between us braid hae roar'd, sin auld lang syne.
And there's a hand, my trusty fiere! And gie's a hand o' thine!
And we'll tak a right gude-willy waught, for auld lang syne.






Posted by: Nice Deb at December 31, 2008 06:56 PM (uSbHj)

217

Ginger, we have DirecTV, but I saw the "Alert! Alert! Alert!" messages scrolling across the screen on Nick today. Don't let Dora the Explorer get away from you! Scary thought.

Speaking of which, I'm going to interrupt Sponge Bob to watch the ghost of Dick Clark in Times Square now.

Posted by: MamaAJ at December 31, 2008 06:56 PM (X6Zdh)

218

* Three years before I stopped being funny myself.

Though you can be tiresome, long, and verbose lately (but not nearly as bad as Freeper)  your writing has improved sine you bega a great deal, and of course 

ACE still brings teh funny.  (Sura 2:29)

Posted by: 7HEAVENS at December 31, 2008 06:57 PM (aTZSh)

219 184- Aren't mummers dancers?

 
Well, the Philly mummers are dancers...loosely defined. Imagine a bunch of hefty, 40= year old pasty white stevedores, electricians, carpenters, etc in dresses and makeup, doing a bastardized cakewalk while pumping a 3 tiered glittering parasol.....or a bunch of those same men wearing feathered backpieces and playing Elton John songs on banjos and glockenspiels.. No wonder everyone is drunk.

 Pocono Joe is correct..it does get old, especially when you've done it 40 times and your insane father in in his 65th parade. One year, just once, I'd like to have a "normal" New Year's Eve party.....

Posted by: Dr. Remulak at December 31, 2008 06:58 PM (CMORo)

220

still have an hour of 2008 left, when is this fucking year ever going to end!

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 06:59 PM (RxUMK)

221

I used to work out of Pittston though. Good people up that way, Scranton-WB, etc. Some real pissers. Different accent, culture, etc. Friday 5 o'clock don't get in the way of a lot of the office people or you'd get run over. They'd all be down at The Woodlands getting fucked-up. 

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 11:17 PM (czjn4)

You're talking about 'tardsville, Joe. I know. I live in Mountain Top and used to work in Pittston.


Posted by: Tinian at December 31, 2008 07:00 PM (Ohodx)

222 We get local stations from Scranton, Philly and NYC on the cable so I'll be watching the "Honeymooners" marathon that is on channell 11 from NYC starting at midnight. It's on every year. When you're writing out checks and things remember it's 2009 not 2008 you morons. There go the shotgun blasts, I just heard a few. Happy New Year!!!

Posted by: PoconoJoe at December 31, 2008 07:01 PM (czjn4)

223 Happy New Year to all!!!!

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 07:01 PM (7rbe9)

224 Happy New Year, East Coasters.

Couldn't you have found someone better than Bill and Hill to look at during the countdown?

Posted by: Splunge at December 31, 2008 07:03 PM (WeKQS)

225 I still love Frank Sinatra but Dick Clark is just sad now.


Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 07:04 PM (7rbe9)

226 Happy New Year Morons!  And what in hell is wrong with some festive Roman candle action?  Isn't it a given that the kiddies will go out and have a Roman candle war? Traditions, people. Traditions.   

I'm staying in because I just spent almost a solid week with the in-laws, Merry Christmas to me, and now that I'm home, getting drunk has nothing to do with New Year's.  It's all about the return to sanity through booze. Ya know, getting drunk enough to forget the whole thing? 

Also, alexthechick cracks me up.  I have minions, but they get so independent on occasion.  Irritating. 

Posted by: Lana at December 31, 2008 07:07 PM (Nf4XK)

227 Roman Candles are okay. It could be worse, at least they don't sell M80s any more. That was my brother's favorite...rattled a few windows.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 07:10 PM (7rbe9)

228

yeah I'm staying in too. mostly for lame reasons.  i am having a Sonic Oreo Blast, the last one for a while - diet starts tomorrow. ugh.

see u on the other side. let's hope 2009 is just a wee bit better than 2008. here's hoping.

Posted by: chemjeff at December 31, 2008 07:12 PM (vkmUf)

229

Happy New Years to the East Coast Morons!!! Sort of NSFW New Year's present.

http://tinyurl.com/833lnm

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 07:12 PM (SNFHk)

230 I was over at the Activity Pit chatroom when the site was getting warmed up and Greg Gutfeld and Andy Levy showed up. Greg was allegedly drinking absinthe. I don't know whether he was or was not, but his commentary got steadily weirder as time passed.

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 07:12 PM (SEBPF)

231

Woo Hoo 1! Happy New Year morons!1

Would any of you kind assholes know where I can score some hookers and blow ?

Jus kiddin'. I quit doin' blow about 15 yrs. ago.

At any rate '09 is here. Looks like I picked the wrong year to stop sniffing glue.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 07:13 PM (9XXMp)

232 The ManLair features guns, leather chairs, large-ish lcd televisions, and dead animals.

Everything needed to thoroughly infuriate liberals.

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 31, 2008 07:13 PM (M+Vfm)

233 Here's a happy thought....just 20 more days until we get our unicorns!

Posted by: Dr. Remulak at December 31, 2008 07:13 PM (CMORo)

234 I have minions, but they get so independent on occasion.  Irritating.

That's what the stompy boots are for.

Posted by: alexthechick at December 31, 2008 07:14 PM (xUOXi)

235

Ginger:

I can do that with my ears but I guess that doesn't count.

Posted by: Tinian at December 31, 2008 07:16 PM (Ohodx)

236

Hard to write impaired by hashish and opium and because I'm:

reclining with chaste virgins ... they are (in beauty) like rubies and coral ... on green cushions and rich beautiful mattresses ... (Sura 55:56-76)

Posted by: 7HEAVENS at December 31, 2008 07:16 PM (aTZSh)

237 Lame, shmame, people are nuts on New Year's.

Happy New Year!

We're all screwed, but only 48% of us know it already...

Posted by: Kensington at December 31, 2008 07:16 PM (fhJCy)

238 I forgot the silk rug used in the grovelling of Alex...

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 31, 2008 07:16 PM (M+Vfm)

239 Should be *FOR* Alex.


I blame the Glen Fiddich...

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 31, 2008 07:17 PM (M+Vfm)

240

Oh -- and Ginger -- can you please teach Megyn to do that?

Posted by: Tinian at December 31, 2008 07:17 PM (Ohodx)

241

 Imagine a bunch of hefty, 40= year old pasty white stevedores, electricians, carpenters, etc in dresses and makeup, doing a bastardized cakewalk while pumping a 3 tiered glittering parasol.....or a bunch of those same men wearing feathered backpieces and playing Elton John songs on banjos and glockenspiels..

I'd worry about anyone who could imagine that without having seen it.

We'll watch it on TV tomorrow. After the Macy's thanksgiving parade, my kids will be waiting for a string band to be rick rolled.

Posted by: MamaAJ at December 31, 2008 07:18 PM (X6Zdh)

242 Thanks Ginger...especially since Megyn is completely covered up.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 07:20 PM (7rbe9)

243

these Unicorns of which you speak, these are the ones that fart sunshine, piss Change and shit Hope?

cause i been wonderin' when i get mine...

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 07:21 PM (RxUMK)

244

sorry if i killed the thread on that last post, it must have either cleared the room or folks are still laughing (i hope)

I'm still rocking back and forth in horror of having all those images in my head. And then the Clintons were on TV...

Posted by: MamaAJ at December 31, 2008 07:22 PM (X6Zdh)

245 Don't worry, we'll all get ours on January 20th...

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 31, 2008 07:22 PM (M+Vfm)

246

Of course nothing totally completes an evil Arch-villian like the fragrance of....

http://tinyurl.com/38s2ht

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 07:25 PM (9XXMp)

247

Wife called from Venice, where she watched Buon Anno Nuovo fireworks in Saint Marks Square.

Said the crowd control was horrible, that she felt like she and others would be trampled if they fell.

It was stinkin' cold.

And then....it started snowing.  Snowing seriously. 

 "God's Dandruff" the Eyedies call it --- or so I'm told.

 

Posted by: fulldroolcup at December 31, 2008 07:26 PM (8w5PQ)

248 Who the hell are these bands on Uparty on Fox news?

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 07:27 PM (7rbe9)

249
HAPPY NEW YEAR...
you jerkbah...!

Posted by: J_Gocht at December 31, 2008 07:28 PM (lf14X)

250 That's what the stompy boots are for.

Good point.  Also, a serious cowboy hat tilted just the right way never hurts. The John Wayne thang.

Posted by: Lana at December 31, 2008 07:36 PM (Nf4XK)

251
Sorry Ace...
You were never funny...?
You were nevere...erudite...?
You were neverv... a soldier...?

Just a lawyer...?

God gotta luv yah...!
Olde soldier sends...!

Posted by: J_Gocht at December 31, 2008 07:39 PM (jKhW+)

252

yes, Hai Karate for the men, but what about the gal Arch-Villians?

i'd vote for "Windsong".... why?

'cause "you're windsong stays on my mind"

(if anyone remembers that commerical)

 

 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 07:39 PM (RxUMK)

253 First year I'm staying in.  Guess I'm just getting old, too tired and dont feel like dealing with it this year.

Posted by: brak at December 31, 2008 07:39 PM (CCJDA)

254 237....

48%?!?!  Well aren't you just a little ray of optimism!  I'd peg it at 25%...tops, but that might just be the beer talking. 

Posted by: Lana at December 31, 2008 07:40 PM (Nf4XK)

255

predications for the new year:

1. Andrew Sullivan will die in a horrible gerbil related incident

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 07:44 PM (RxUMK)

256

Time for a vanilla bean ice cream and orange soda float and more South Park.

Good night and happy New Year morons!

Posted by: Tinian at December 31, 2008 07:45 PM (Ohodx)

257

I managed to stay up till midnight here and.....zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 31, 2008 07:46 PM (eiOZw)

258 Dave you are one exciting guy.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 07:48 PM (7rbe9)

259

predications for the new year:

Hot Rod Blago will go missing before his trail, curiously Rahm Emmanuael sports a brand new black tupee' a few days later.

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 07:52 PM (RxUMK)

260 Posted by: brak at January 01, 2009 12:39 AM (CCJDA)

Bee Jeebuss, brak...!
I'm a goddamn 71 year olde geezer...!

Buck 'er up "brak"...
Get 'er out there...soldier...!

TAKE A GOOD... GOD-DAMMN WALK...soldier...!

Just around the block...if that's all you got...?

Believe me...!
You'll feel MUCH better...!

HOOOAAH...!
Kiss my patoot...Ace...!


Posted by: J_Gocht at December 31, 2008 07:53 PM (fqCzl)

261

Even more likely:

" a family of gerbil's will die in a horrible Andrew Sullivan related incident"

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 07:54 PM (9XXMp)

262

3. Shep Smith breaks down and confesses his homosexual lust for Barack  Obama on national TV

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 07:56 PM (RxUMK)

263

#262

not that there's anything wrong with that...(eye roll)

 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 07:57 PM (RxUMK)

264 Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 01, 2009 12:46 AM (eiOZw)

Hey "Dave in Texas" are you gonnin' to be cuttin' brush near Crawford after January 20...?

Posted by: J_Gocht at December 31, 2008 08:00 PM (O5bmW)

265 4. Rosie O'Donnell gets another TV special, riots ensue, Rosie eats rioters, vid clips go viral.

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 08:02 PM (RxUMK)

266 Well Ace should be happy...Greg Gutfeld is about to join Megyn and Shep.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 08:03 PM (7rbe9)

267

Prediction for '09:

Keith Olbermann will dresss in drag and host a show that will air, right after "Countdown".

No wait that allready happenened. I suck at this prediction b.s.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 08:05 PM (9XXMp)

268

Happy New Years to my fellow Central Morons!!!

(.)(.)

 

Posted by: Ginger at December 31, 2008 08:06 PM (SNFHk)

269 OK, got me a case of Zima, a bag of Ruffles, Japanese invisible man porn in the hard drive and my best personal appliance ("As Seen in Hustler Magazine!") in hand! Is this going to be a great New Year or what?

Posted by: richard mcenroe at December 31, 2008 08:07 PM (DBS+D)

270 Zima!?! Man they still sell that junk? Zima is for people that think wine coolers are too strong.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 08:11 PM (7rbe9)

271 5. this will be the worst season of SNL since the early 80's (not joking about this one)

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 08:11 PM (RxUMK)

272 i thought teh geys drank up all the Zima in the universe several years ago 

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 08:13 PM (RxUMK)

273 Predictions:

1.  Republicans will be just as lame and ineffective as usual.  We will do nothing aside from writing them a strongly worded note.  No revolution in 2009.

2.  Democrats will be just as ridiculous as they've always been with the media's full on, tingle support.  Americans will continue to buy the bullshit if they even pay attention, which is doubtful.  They'll be gazing at Brittney's navel ring and counting Brangelina's kids while looking for work.   Democrats win.

3.  Hamas and Israel will continue to bomb each other to their mutual enjoyment.The planet will send Israel a strongly worded note.

4.  Obama will mouth lofty platitudes that sound like a Hallmark card and Americans who voted for him will be so invested they will nod, agree, grab hands, and sing Kumbaya even as they lose their jobs and houses.  They will wait for the O man to save the day.  He'll keep talking.  Only politicians can eat their words.

5.  Bill Cowher will hold on to his options until Dallas makes him an offer.  (Technically, this is my husband's prediction.  As I told him, Jones only fires the coaches that win the SuperBowl.  He hangs on to the losers, as it's all about that little sawed off Arkansas shit at the end of the day.) 

6.  Jimmy Carter will attempt to inject himself into some world crisis and the Iranians will punk him, again, but good.

What else in 2009? 






Posted by: Lana at December 31, 2008 08:18 PM (Nf4XK)

274
Ace and Dave are "handcuffed" on a wrought iron bed in Texas by an olde momma who was tryin' to protect her offspring...!

Gentlemen I really appreciate your personal, perdicament...!

You gents are truly sooory...SORRY...!

Posted by: J_Gocht at December 31, 2008 08:22 PM (lf14X)

275

the Jonas Bros will be grotesquely disfigured by tranny hookers when they refuse to pay for services rendered.

(sorry ladies, just can't stand the pretty little do-gooders)

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 08:23 PM (RxUMK)

276 test shot

Posted by: SGT Dan at December 31, 2008 08:42 PM (Pb41/)

277 Predictions?
1. Redskins break my heart again this year.
2. Bush will be blamed for everything shitty that happens this year decade century.
3. Dems will be involved in all kinds of scandals that will be blamed on the GOP.
4. Ammo sales quadruple.
5. Gun sales triple.
6. Obama decides that guns are bad, and need to be banned, "For the Children"®


for the children is a registered trademark of Dems, Liberals and socialists

Posted by: mrcaniac at December 31, 2008 08:46 PM (Rbulg)

278 Oh -- and Ginger -- can you please teach Megyn to do that? (re 229)
Posted by: Tinian at January 01, 2009 12:17 AM (Ohodx)

What makes you think she doesn't already know how?







252 yes, Hai Karate for the men, but what about the gal Arch-Villians?


Charlie!

It's kinda new, kinda now.


Posted by: Deety at December 31, 2008 08:48 PM (1jglO)

279

Iran proxies, Hamas and Hesbollah seriouslly decimated by the IDF. Everything within 200 miles of every Iranian nuclear facility becomes an un-inhabitable radio-active wasteland for the next thousand yrs.

Photo's of Mookie Al-Sadr giving Hockmydinnerjacket a dirty Sanchez with Al-Zawahiri getting donkey punched by Bashir Assad in a gimp outfit hit The Enquirer.

 

........and yes.........I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 08:48 PM (9XXMp)

280 If I started drinking, I probably wouldn't stop for a while.

Tell me about it. Just wake me when it's 2005, OK?

Posted by: VRWC Agent at December 31, 2008 08:50 PM (o2slJ)

281 After many months of withering criticism and dropping poll numbers, and the announcement that Judi Rell will run against him,  Christopher Dodd will announce his plans to not run for reelection to the Senate in 2010. Rosa Delauro will win the Democratic nomination for Dodd's seat.

Posted by: Rocks at December 31, 2008 08:50 PM (7rbe9)

282 Posted by: Rocks at January 01, 2009 01:50 AM (7rbe9) From your fingers to God's eyes (had to amend the old saying somewhat).

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 08:54 PM (SEBPF)

283

Lock and load, rock and roll.

Happy New Year Mormons!

Teh funny.

Posted by: solitary knight at December 31, 2008 09:00 PM (5xCfT)

284 Is it wrong that I want to foul Megyn Kelly?

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at December 31, 2008 09:04 PM (hkQ4y)

285 Happy New Year.  Anything after that statement snipped cos I'm drunk.  Did get some good painting done.  Anyone want some good paintings?  I thought not.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at December 31, 2008 09:04 PM (fnoZ9)

286

#272

Charlie.. yeah, that's a good one

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 09:22 PM (RxUMK)

287 Blazer...279...you're mouth to God's ear.  Seriously.


Posted by: Lana at December 31, 2008 09:23 PM (Nf4XK)

288

#279

that post was sweet!

isn't there somekind of AoS hall of fame or something where that post can be saved for future generations?

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 09:27 PM (RxUMK)

289 It is moments like these that call for Megyn Kelly naked in a giant glass of champagne.  Happy New Year, morons!

Posted by: Dave J at December 31, 2008 09:30 PM (xHFvH)

290 Just got back from Christmas vacation, and after two days of intensive driving to get here from Washington State, I'm blissfully happy to be "in."

Posted by: Attila Girl at December 31, 2008 09:30 PM (TpmQk)

291

>3. Shep Smith breaks down and confesses his homosexual lust for Barack  Obama on national TV

 

4. Chrissy Matthews challenges Shep to a Steel Cage Death Match and Makeover.

5.  The pay per view goes thru the fuckin' roof.

Posted by: Jones in CO at December 31, 2008 09:35 PM (KOkrW)

292 Ginger...Ginger...
She's the cutest girl on the school bus in 1958...
278 Oh -- and Ginger -- can you please teach Megyn to do that? (re 229)...

Teach Megyn what...?



Posted by: J_Gocht at December 31, 2008 09:35 PM (iMqeM)

293 Not like anybody is still reading this by now, but I wanna see this reach 300. 

Posted by: katya at December 31, 2008 09:38 PM (oRJZj)

294 the Clintons will be dropping the ball, how truly fitting...

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 09:39 PM (RxUMK)

295

Megyn Kelly on New Years on Fox, or Kathy Griffin on CNN... well, considering I'd rather have an ice pick shoved in my ear than listen to the perpetually unfunny and annoying Griffin...

 

Posted by: kbdabear at December 31, 2008 09:47 PM (4gHqM)

296 The last time I let a ball drop around me I got pregnant with Chelsea. Thank the sweet lord for menopause.

-out

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at December 31, 2008 09:48 PM (+FzLa)

297 296? Trying to help the cause of getting to 300

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 09:50 PM (SEBPF)

298

Well, shit. 47 minutes into the new year, and I have too much to say. @151 Hollowpoint, Yes on the Brown Bess, but it was far more about tactics and marksmanship, and American style guerilla tactics than rifles vs. muskets; aim and fire rather than line up and die in formation--with props to #189 Andy Canuck for backup there.

But this all seems really tangential, and I apologize for ever mentioning it .

My son and I found some Black Cats to ignite at the bell, but not bottle rockets, alas.

Fuck you, morons. I mean that in a loving way. Happy New Year and Shit...

Posted by: PaleoMedic at December 31, 2008 09:57 PM (yiNoG)

299

ok, it's 2009 throughout the whole country, i'm buzzed and i'm going to bed..

happy new year fellow morons

may this year bring good things to us all

good night

Posted by: shoey at December 31, 2008 10:04 PM (RxUMK)

300 <<<<< MORONS SPARTANS !!!! TONIGHT WE DINE......IN HELLLLLLL !!!!!!


......or breakfast at Denny's, whatever, my treat.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 10:04 PM (+FzLa)

301

Mmm...Denny's.

Jeebus I'm hungry.

Posted by: PaleoMedic at December 31, 2008 10:06 PM (yiNoG)

302 Today starts my diet!  No, really.  I mean it.

Posted by: katya at December 31, 2008 10:08 PM (oRJZj)

303 Damn skippy. Moons Over My Hammy would be the shiznit right now.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 10:08 PM (+FzLa)

304 ok, it's 2009 throughout the whole country, i'm buzzed and i'm going to bed.. happy new year fellow morons may this year bring good things to us all good night Posted by: shoey at January 01, 2009 03:04 AM (RxUMK) Ummmm. Last I checked, Alaska and Hawaii are part of the US - we still have 2 hrs to go here.

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 10:11 PM (SEBPF)

305 "Ummmm. Last I checked, Alaska and Hawaii are part of the US - we still have 2 hrs to go here."


For right now. Sooner or later were gonna have to back up all those dead presidents we've been printing off for the bailouts with some land or something since we've gone off the gold standard.

You guy's just need to flip a coin allready and decide whether you wanna be Chi-com's, Russkies or Dubain's.

I keed, I keed.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 10:24 PM (+FzLa)

306 You guy's just need to flip a coin allready and decide whether you wanna be Chi-com's, Russkies or Dubain's. As in Dubai? I am voting for that, they have fun there - nice hotels and whatnot.

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 10:30 PM (SEBPF)

307 I'm not sure I get watching television on New Year's Eve.

Posted by: Attila Girl at December 31, 2008 10:41 PM (TpmQk)

308 "As in Dubai?"

Yep. Unfortunately though, Micheal Jackson comes with it now.

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 10:42 PM (+FzLa)

309 "Yep. Unfortunately though, Micheal Jackson comes with it now. Posted by: Blazer at January 01, 2009 03:42 AM (+FzLa)" Every country needs a freak show.

Posted by: HawaiiLwyr at December 31, 2008 10:44 PM (SEBPF)

310 "Every country needs a freak show."

Right on! Just when I was starting to get depressed about losing our most favorite freak show to outsourcing, I remembered the next Congress was about to come back into session,........ with Unicorns even.


Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 10:51 PM (+FzLa)

311 "I'm not sure I get watching television on New Year's Eve."


?

Posted by: Blazer at December 31, 2008 10:52 PM (+FzLa)

312

Happy New Year morons!  2009 in Hawaii, fireworks galore here in Ewa Beach.

2 cars on fire so far and I heard the fire engines go in a different direction, uuggggh!  I wonder if the cats will ever come out of hiding.

Posted by: navycopjoe at January 01, 2009 12:15 AM (D+jLe)

313 It is the morning after.  I still have that bottle of 1985 Dom Perignon.  Maybe one of these New Years Eve I'll be optimistic enough to break it open.

Happy New Year, Morons.  May you all prosper and find hobos a plenty!

Posted by: rls at January 01, 2009 04:17 AM (k4h7p)

314 Happy New Year..

and Megyn has some respectable sweater puppies..

Posted by: Dave C at January 01, 2009 05:18 AM (ibOiq)

315 "I still have that bottle of 1985 Dom Perignon.  Maybe one of these New Years Eve I'll be optimistic enough to break it open."

Hate to break it to you, but even the best champagne doesn't age well past about 18 years.  You should've broken it open a while ago.

Posted by: Dave J at January 01, 2009 05:28 AM (xHFvH)

316 We got another 6 -8 inches of snow and it was quiet and peaceful.  We called our kids and then fell asleep before midnight - ouch!!  Let's pray for prosperity, safety and security in 2009.  And thanks to Ace for this website - it's been fun sharing with all of my fellow morons.   Happy New Year!!

Posted by: maryanne at January 01, 2009 05:30 AM (A6Bqs)

317 Happy New Year to all the peeps at AoS HQ.  I have enjoyed your wit and humor over the past year. Hat tip to Ace,  you may not be funny, but you are one of a kind.  I wish to say goodby  and good riddance to 2008.  In the parlance of teen-speak you were teh gay.  This year will be better.  It HAS to be.  After my son graduates this June with a high school diploma, a level one Cisco network certification, and almost an associates degree in computer science (he has been dual-enrolled for two years), my job as father enters a new phase.  I am thinking after he goes to university I will relocate to Montana.and purchase a ranch.  After much research I have decided to raise a few thousand head of rainbow color unicorns.  Or I can stay here in Dearborn and welcome 250 of my new neighbors.  You know who I am referring to.  The innocent guests being housed and fed 3 (halal) meals a day at the tropical Guantanamo Bay resort.  Rumor has it Barack Hussein Obama will release all of them soon.  There is a slight logistical problem though.  Only two European countries have tentatively agreed to allow (a few) relocation.  I guess the EU suffers from NIMBY (not in my back yard) syndrome.  I have always been facinated with judges or in this case the president, who release dangerous misunderstood people back into the general populace.  I have never ever heard of a fucktard judge who takes in one of them as a house-guest or offers to relocate them just down the street in THEIR neighborhood.  So that is my shiny brand new 2009.  Filled with change and rainbow pony farts.  By the way, when Megan Kelly comes to Dearborn to interview after the next terrorist incident from one of my new neighbors I will be easy to spot.  I will be the one in camera background giving a one finger salute.  It may be a new year, but I will still be an asshole moron

Posted by: sirsurfalot at January 01, 2009 06:15 AM (Czvjx)

318

Happy New Year, Ace.

Happy New Year, fellow morons.

 

Better late than never.

Posted by: BattleofthePyramids at January 01, 2009 06:40 AM (VAUVd)

319

Sirsurfalot, you're going to need unicorn wranglers with a herd of that size. You could turn it into a theme vacation site a la City Slickers. We morons would be happy to take turns.

And, congrats on the go-getter. Frankly, if you could bottle that, I'd be happy to buy it.

Posted by: jmflynny at January 01, 2009 09:14 AM (mNX1m)

320 "i've always wondered what absinthe was like"

"I paid how much for licorice?"

Posted by: someone at January 01, 2009 09:49 AM (1wXl7)

321 Thank you jmflynny.  I just may take you up on that offer. Could always use a helping hand or two, and if those hands are female that is even nicer. A single dad could get mighty lonesome on that big ranch.  Hopefully if the biz takes off,  I can have a unicorn shooting gallery.  Just to piss off the PETA idiots.  Gotta be bow and arrow hunting though.  No shotguns, as that just would just wrong..

Posted by: sirsurfalot at January 01, 2009 11:39 AM (Czvjx)

322 # 7 I love bagna cauda sandwiches!

We went to Niagara Falls, had dinner at the Lotus Chinese Restaurant with the traditional cabbage, saw a free concert headlined by Roger Hodgson in Queen Victoria Park with fireworks, then gambled in the casinos, playing the roulette wheel and having good luck. The snow was beautiful. When we got home, we had champagne in front of the fireplace.

Posted by: Tattoo de Plane at January 01, 2009 08:10 PM (EJmQG)

323 #22 1998 - 1999 was the best New Year. I bartended a black tie event in NYC with a good friend. It was easy drink orders and huge tips. We had a late bite at Cozy Soup and Burger on Broadway, then went to an afterhours Sizzle and saw Prince there. Another friend of mine, a lesbian nightclub promoter, stole his sunglasses he'd left on a table. He tracked her down and an assistant called her the next day and picked them up to the tune of $50.

Posted by: Tattoo de Plane at January 01, 2009 08:20 PM (EJmQG)

324 Thanks for this article.


Morgan and his progressive eyeglasses also known as progressive glasses which provides to him a presbyopia solution. Progressive reading glasses or quality reading glasses are for him really better than reading eyeglasses.

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Posted by: goodymary at September 03, 2010 10:18 PM (NgVLX)

327 Happy New Year morons!

^^
o.o


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Posted by: becky at September 15, 2010 03:07 AM (MQ+IY)

328
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