July 30, 2010

Done!
— Ace

Sorry I blew off the blog the whole week.

Last week I was asked to write something, time-sensitive. (I'll tell you about it when/if I can.) It was due this week. I thought I could finish it last week, just working after work, but that didn't happen -- I just didn't have the juice for it.

Anyway, having blown a self-imposed deadline of last Sunday, I had to really burn at it to finish.

I kind of felt like Mozart writing the Requiem at the end of the movie. I was writing all day and night.

So, I'm sorry, it's just something I really had to do, and wouldn't get the opportunity to do again. And there was a deadline.

But I'm done. I'll blog more this weekend to make up for the lost week.

Posted by: Ace at 05:23 PM | Comments (190)
Post contains 137 words, total size 1 kb.

1 ok

Posted by: phoenixgirl at July 30, 2010 05:25 PM (eOXTH)

2 Relax and have a beer, Ewok. Unless some horrible events come up that you need to pontificate on, just chill the fuck out and enjoy the weekend.

Posted by: SGT Dan at July 30, 2010 05:26 PM (p6OcK)

3 you know what would be a great song title? "All Day and All of the Night" If only there was some band with a great song writer and excellent guitarist...

Posted by: Rock and Rolla at July 30, 2010 05:27 PM (oSl2b)

4 Deadline? Sounds like they've really upped the publishing standards at Penthouse Forum.

Posted by: sulla at July 30, 2010 05:30 PM (Y4/VY)

5

I kind of felt like Mozart writing the Requiem

Drat. Are you renaming the blog Amadeus?

Posted by: Salieri at July 30, 2010 05:30 PM (8QbFS)

6 Ace co-wrote Palin's new book!

Posted by: Legendary Film Star Rick Moranis at July 30, 2010 05:32 PM (dUOK+)

7 You better blog some more, jackasshole.  I was beginning to get annoyed.

Posted by: Jeff B. at July 30, 2010 05:32 PM (nNLZG)

8 The blog was remarkably duplicate post free this week.

Posted by: lorien1973 at July 30, 2010 05:33 PM (ZXnUe)

9 We were forced to go to Hot Air for ourselves.

Posted by: toby928 at July 30, 2010 05:34 PM (8/oOq)

10 One autobiography down and one to go before you can run for POTUS.

Posted by: Ostral B Heretic at July 30, 2010 05:36 PM (QeWQ8)

11 Sent along a little something to ease the guilt.

Posted by: bverwey at July 30, 2010 05:36 PM (9Skvo)

12 Now you will blow me again.

Posted by: The blog at July 30, 2010 05:37 PM (o7kZZ)

13 go to buy fendi handbags on sale
many fendi products for discount
high quality of fendi bags for cheap

Posted by: fendi handbags at July 30, 2010 05:38 PM (AvlwO)

14 Ace posted less than usual? Really?

Posted by: KelliD at July 30, 2010 05:39 PM (QA8M1)

15 So did it end with you liking Green Eggs and Ham or not?

Posted by: dogfish at July 30, 2010 05:39 PM (gvCBf)

16 So when will the first copies of "Butthole Buddies" finally hit the bookracks?

Posted by: TexasJew at July 30, 2010 05:40 PM (o7kZZ)

17 Why does a hobo recipe book have to be so wordy?

Posted by: eman at July 30, 2010 05:40 PM (9Ep/N)

18 I was reading the "Greatest Hits" from the sidebar.  In 2004 Ace of Spades was getting 5 comments per post.  Slightly different now.

Posted by: fozzy at July 30, 2010 05:40 PM (ccEuN)

19 My blog is broken Ace. Does Google screw with blogs that doesn't suck tiny tiny socialist peckers?
Fix my blog, we'll call it even.

Posted by: robotgossip at July 30, 2010 05:42 PM (EiH7n)

20 Damn it  Ace....You can't do it all, all the time? I thought you supper blogger types didn't eat, sleep or shit, just drink vodka and create works of wonder 24/7. How Sad.

Posted by: A. Weasel at July 30, 2010 05:42 PM (Aey5j)

21 Finally the screenplay for Boners in the Undercarriage you authored with Roger Ebert is done. I drink to the testiment.

Posted by: yambles at July 30, 2010 05:44 PM (rxaXW)

22 LOL @ #15

Posted by: Dianne at July 30, 2010 05:44 PM (eWsHu)

23 Sorry I blew off the blog the whole week.


Damn.  Where was I?

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at July 30, 2010 05:45 PM (iyvmV)

24 Pictures Link or it didn't happen.

Posted by: Andy at July 30, 2010 05:48 PM (pRbtk)

25 We were forced to go to Hot Air for ourselves.

Fuck! That there's the thread winner.

Posted by: Andy at July 30, 2010 05:49 PM (pRbtk)

26
While you were locked in your room the whole country turned mongrel. Just thought you should be warned.

Posted by: Atomic Roach at July 30, 2010 05:50 PM (rMMMP)

27 I practice safe waterboarding, i wear a condom. I bet i got a sex-blog disease from your blog Ace.

Posted by: robotgossip at July 30, 2010 05:52 PM (EiH7n)

28 Don't listen to any of the jagoffs, Ace. Some of us truly moronic folk really appreciate your work. Really. 

Posted by: nikkolai at July 30, 2010 05:53 PM (OodVX)

29

While you were locked in your room the whole country turned mongrel. Just thought you should be warned.

Yeah, but here we're referred to as morongrels. 

H/T to Black Orchid.

Posted by: RushBabe at July 30, 2010 05:53 PM (a3Z62)

30

Did you write it under a nom de plump?

Will it be a nom de plop?

Do you feel like a nom de pimp?

Posted by: Ohio Dan at July 30, 2010 05:54 PM (rurh0)

31 "I kind of felt like Mozart writing the Requiem at the end of the movie. I was writing all day and night." Yeah, that sounds more impressive than me in college, pulling a couple all-nighters, writing a paper that I should have spent 3 weeks on.

Posted by: nerdygirl at July 30, 2010 05:59 PM (1y717)

32 I'll wait for the movie.

Posted by: eman at July 30, 2010 06:00 PM (9Ep/N)

33 I think Ace writes the spam on this site. It does appear to be self-aware.

Posted by: MrCaniac at July 30, 2010 06:00 PM (Vol3D)

34 Ace who?

Posted by: nickless at July 30, 2010 06:02 PM (MMC8r)

35 eh - it's okay Ace, everyone is under strict deadlines at some point or another.  i just hope "Hobo Hunting for Dummies" is a best-seller.

Posted by: chemjeff at July 30, 2010 06:03 PM (bxN3R)

36 I WANT TO READ IT!!!!!!!!!!! www.BikerFox.com

Posted by: BikerFox at July 30, 2010 06:04 PM (eMjOY)

37

Yeah, but here we're referred to as morongrels. 

H/T to Black Orchid.



Oh, that's good.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at July 30, 2010 06:05 PM (I6syi)

38

ô♫ô Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back. ô♫ô

Posted by: Vinnie at July 30, 2010 06:05 PM (2ZydV)

39 Ace? never heard of him.

Posted by: C Gibson at July 30, 2010 06:06 PM (H+LJc)

40

Good shit!

I request Gary Oldman floating on his back on a pond of stars.

Posted by: ErikW at July 30, 2010 06:08 PM (2QWEp)

41 Are you that drunk?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:10 PM (lsjAg)

42 31 "I kind of felt like Mozart writing the Requiem at the end of the movie. I was writing all day and night."

So who was playing the Salieri role? Helen Thomas? Billy Ayers? Not a hobo, we hope!

Posted by: ya2daup at July 30, 2010 06:11 PM (yRrAd)

43 What? You were away?

Posted by: rockhead at July 30, 2010 06:11 PM (RykTt)

44 Fuck Ace.

This blog went from No. 1 to crappola.

Throw in the towel or step up-it's that simple.

You know, LGF and Protien Wisdom USED TO have good blogs,too.

Sorry, hammerheads, gotta call it like I see it-

Posted by: Browndog at July 30, 2010 06:11 PM (fBwy2)

45 Browndog, you called it at 44.

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:12 PM (lsjAg)

46 Well anyhoo, this story is pretty much now viral now, but if you haven't seen it, read Cashill's piece and go to the 13th comment by "rockingham" with a link and you will be instantaneously hypertensive.

Cashill outed Ayers for ghosting Shithead's 2 best selling crocks and has laid out (AT archived) his Marxist upbringing.
TinyURL.com/335fyql

Posted by: ontherocks at July 30, 2010 06:13 PM (HBqDo)

47 OT/Rep. Anthony Weiner's so embarrassed by his house floor outburst that he's decided to have his name legally changed to Athony Pecker. Or maybe Anthony Dick. One of those two.

Posted by: nerdygirl at July 30, 2010 06:15 PM (1y717)

48 Ace, next time cut and paste. It's a hell of a lot easier.
I'm not joking.

Posted by: Joe Biden at July 30, 2010 06:15 PM (FguDq)

49 You will finish writing this mystery piece, blow me, and then blog some more, in that order.

Posted by: Phinn at July 30, 2010 06:15 PM (GiUTT)

50 Ace has lost it? Lost his grasp of reality?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:16 PM (lsjAg)

51

Weiner and Breitbart need to have a debate.  I'd pay PPV for that.

Posted by: Rocky at July 30, 2010 06:16 PM (bw+Qn)

52

A sample from Ace's latest project:

"She loved him.  She loved him like a rock.  A big hard rock.  She would never forget the time they had together."

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 06:18 PM (bw+Qn)

53 Ace, is all this "i'm writing a massive awesome super story!" story just an allegory for you doing a whole shit lot of drugs? You can tell us, we're sorta like family.

Posted by: yambles at July 30, 2010 06:20 PM (rxaXW)

54 JHC ACE, are you that drunk?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:20 PM (lsjAg)

55 YOU OWE ME

Posted by: Z Ryan :| at July 30, 2010 06:21 PM (cMo6P)

56 Spam self aware. I didn't know people in marketing would ever read Philip K Dick.

Posted by: robotgossip at July 30, 2010 06:22 PM (EiH7n)

57

Ace calls this "work" now.

"It's the crack of noon, already.  Gotta go to work."

"Honey, I'm home from work."  "Well, Ace, did you pick up your socks?  I'm not picking up after you."  "I didn't wear socks today.  See?  Jammies."

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 06:22 PM (bw+Qn)

58 Ace has obviously been laddering up in StarCraft 2.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 30, 2010 06:23 PM (tXap3)

59
The uni-bomber Ted Kaczynski also took a great deal of time when writing his manifesto, and we all know how well that turned out. 


Posted by: Fish at July 30, 2010 06:27 PM (v1gw3)

60

44...

Tell us Why?

Posted by: A'foot or A'horseback at July 30, 2010 06:28 PM (+2M5d)

61 i AM, so snocked, I am He

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:30 PM (lsjAg)

62 Hey Ace, that was one hell of a writing session binge.  You leave any ValuRite for the rest of us?

Posted by: GarandFan at July 30, 2010 06:32 PM (XaWFq)

63 ..."I sat in Professor McGriddles Political Tactition lecture thinking about what Wendy had said to me that day about an ambiguous figure called 'The Man'. That was my first introduction to this brute of morality, and I told her to stick a cock in her mouth. I mean sock. Anyways, we ended up boning and I sent her on her way, me none the wiser..."

Posted by: Ace Chronicles: Prolouge at July 30, 2010 06:32 PM (rxaXW)

64

Weiner and Breitbart need to have a debate.  I'd pay PPV for that.

Posted by: Rocky at July 30, 2010 11:16 PM (bw+Qn)

It would never happen. Did you see Wiener?

Talk about s whiny pussy.

Posted by: ErikW at July 30, 2010 06:34 PM (2QWEp)

65 Weiner did sound like a kid.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 06:35 PM (bw+Qn)

66 BOUNTY HUNTER LOVE

by Ace
Chapter One
BEGINNINGS


Greedo caught her eye from across the smoke-filled air of Mos Eisley Cantina. She was a knockout, with perky ears and sensuous shimmering scales. But would she ever know how he felt? Did she even know he existed? He stroked his blaster absently as he pondered.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 30, 2010 06:35 PM (tXap3)

67 You know how fast Ace writes?  This project must have been a long one.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 06:35 PM (bw+Qn)

68 You all need to get laid. I pay for it.

Posted by: robotgossip at July 30, 2010 06:36 PM (EiH7n)

69 I think I finished a on Politico... He ran like a little girl.

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:38 PM (lsjAg)

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 06:38 PM (bw+Qn)

71

Greedo caught her eye from across the smoke-filled air of Mos Eisley Cantina. She was a knockout, with perky ears and sensuous shimmering scales. But would she ever know how he felt? Did she even know he existed? He stroked his blaster absently as he pondered.

Then he gently tossed her eye back.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 06:42 PM (bw+Qn)

72

 

44...Blazer, what a nice nick.

The Co-Morons here have done Outstanding work. Look at the information in the Posts. And Comments. I Pray it will continue.

It's not all about you.

Posted by: A'foot or A'horseback at July 30, 2010 06:43 PM (+2M5d)

73

Opulence. I has it.

Posted by: Creepy Russian Guy at July 30, 2010 06:43 PM (2QWEp)

74 He is good but will he appeal to the 'i really am hip crowd'?
What we must do is trade our liberals for the UK's conservatives or have a civil war....game.

Posted by: robotgossip at July 30, 2010 06:43 PM (EiH7n)

75
I want you off the fucking blog you prick!
No, don’t just be sorry, think for one fucking second. What the fuck are you doing? Are you professional or not? Do I fucking walk around and …

No, shut the fuck up Ace! Don’t shut me up!

Am I going to walk around and rip your fucking book up, in the middle of a fucking blog? Then why the fuck are you walking right through like this in the background. What the fuck is it with you? What don’t you fucking understand? You got any fucking idea about, hey, it’s fucking distracting having somebody walking up behind me in the middle of the fucking blog? Give me a fucking answer! What don’t you get about it?

Oh, good for you, and how was it? I hope it was fucking good, because it’s useless now, isn’t it? Fuck-sake man, you’re amateur.
Browndog, you got fucking something to say to this prick?

Well, somebody should be fucking watching and keeping an eye on you, Ace.
It’s the second time that you don’t give a fuck about what is going on in front of the HQ. I’m trying to fucking do a rant here, and I am going ‘Why the fuck is Ace walking in here? What is he doing here?’ Do you understand my mind is not on the blog if you’re doing that?

Stay off the fucking blog man. For fuck-sake. Alright, let’s go again.

 Let’s not take a fucking minute, let’s go again. You’re unbelievable, you’re un-fucking-believable. Number of times you’re strolling and fucking around in the background. I’ve never had an Ewok behave like this. You don’t fucking understand what it’s like working with Morons, that’s what that is. That’s what that is man, I’m telling you. I’m not asking, I’m telling you. You wouldn’t have left otherwise.

I’m going to fucking kick your fucking ass if you don’t shut for a second!

Alright?

You do it one more fucking time and I ain’t walking off this blog if you’re still here. I’m fucking serious. You’re a nice guy. You’re a nice guy, but that don’t fucking cut it when you’re bullshitting and fucking around like this on HQ. I ain’t the one walking. Seriously man, you and me, we’re fucking done professionally. Fucking ass.

Posted by: Christian Bale at July 30, 2010 06:47 PM (1rflU)

76 i am not sure....

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:48 PM (lsjAg)

77 I wonder why some of us need a deadline to perform? Like a closer in baseball can't get anybody out if it's not for a save. I need the pressure. Would be nice to figure this out and be one of those organized always on time guys...

Posted by: Locus Ceruleus at July 30, 2010 06:48 PM (tzcjs)

78 Ace had to write a 60 page essay on why we don't say heretoforthwith any longer.

Posted by: lorien1973 at July 30, 2010 06:49 PM (ZXnUe)

79 It is so funny... We are a comedy team...

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:50 PM (lsjAg)

80 Last Train to Endor, by Ace O. Spades. Chapter One My plan to lay low and get off planet took me to my favorite dump. The usual crowd of shaved Wookies, rusted droids, and Jawa hookers filled the station. Some recognized me, but a quick glance set them straight. I smeared more Nerf fat on my crackers and kept my eye on the crowd. My ride was almost here, but leaving this town ain't ever that easy. I murmured a yubyub to myself and felt again for my slingshot.

Posted by: eman at July 30, 2010 06:52 PM (9Ep/N)

81 Book title: Ace, Son of Sam

Posted by: wHodat at July 30, 2010 06:56 PM (+sBB4)

82 Last Train to Endor, by Ace O. Spades.

I think he has really lost it? My words did him in?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 06:57 PM (lsjAg)

83 That 7 day crab treatment really works, huh?

Posted by: wHodat at July 30, 2010 06:58 PM (+sBB4)

84 Ace was writing the updated version of HTML for dummies.

Posted by: lorien1973 at July 30, 2010 07:00 PM (ZXnUe)

85 A likely story. Let me look at your uterus, Ace.

Posted by: Andy Sullivan, P.I. at July 30, 2010 07:00 PM (tXap3)

86 Would be nice to figure this out and be one of those organized always on time guys...

I was one of those guys, but I stopped being one when I stopped ingesting life-threatening quantities of illegal drugs every day. I usually manage to pretend my now lost productivity and career success came because I was good at doing stuff (and stuff), and now I'm not, because...whatever. But it was all drugs.

Try 'em!

Posted by: oblig. at July 30, 2010 07:02 PM (x7Ao8)

87 So glad to hear it.  Can't wait to read your new stuff.  But blow me first.

Posted by: Mel Gibson at July 30, 2010 07:02 PM (WxU3d)

88

So, I'm sorry, it's just something I really had to do, and wouldn't get the opportunity to do again.

Booze and hookers + government grant = seminal study.

Posted by: Speller at July 30, 2010 07:04 PM (qaOKJ)

89 WOW.  Another beer and I wont Know if I am....

Posted by: A'foot or A'horseback at July 30, 2010 07:04 PM (+2M5d)

90 I'll blog more this weekend to make up for the lost week.

You better, you fuckin' squirrelly little ewok.

But, srsly, I hope there's a paycheck involved.  A big one.

Love ya, mwah.

Posted by: Peaches at July 30, 2010 07:06 PM (fwW9R)

91 Am I that snocked?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 07:08 PM (lsjAg)

92 You left me with the 2 mongrel poodles, the 3 stray cats, and the wedding to plan, and you expect me to believe this lame story about writing some book?

Posted by: Ace's gay lover at July 30, 2010 07:10 PM (+sBB4)

93 Ahhh screw it.. take the weekend off.

Posted by: Chitown Jerry at July 30, 2010 07:11 PM (Do528)

94 You left me with the 2 mongrel poodles, the 3 stray cats, and the wedding to plan, and you expect me to believe this lame story about writing some book?

You are so fking funny. You know what I mean, right?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 07:13 PM (lsjAg)

95 Between two ferns has some of the funniest shit. If you like funny.

Posted by: Mbruce at July 30, 2010 07:16 PM (Fr8N6)

96 Between two ferns has some of the funniest shit.

Speak up, what  do you have?

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 07:20 PM (lsjAg)

97

hey neighbor, skinner back.

Posted by: Joe Gringo at July 30, 2010 07:24 PM (Jldep)

98 Had to get your letter off so it reached the North Pole in time Ace? "Dear Santa, for Christmas please bring me a pony. And then you will blow me."

Posted by: ChicagoJedi at July 30, 2010 07:25 PM (WZFkG)

99 I  personally think, /ace sucks, as he will  not simply, fes up  to the truth....

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 07:27 PM (lsjAg)

100 "Brick Hardmeat stole through the ferns and undergrowth in the old, wet forest on pine needles.  The shield wall was only half a click away.  He thought he'd gone undetected.  He thought.  Fist Rockbone and Big McLargeHuge had him on sensor glass ever since he stepped of the landing skiff.  They sat in their hide drinking ouzo and laughing, watching Hardmeat make his way toward them.  They thought it was going to be tough; they didn't even have to work.  Hardmeat was coming to them..."

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 07:28 PM (bw+Qn)

101 But Ace's manuscript showed no corrections of any kind. Not one. He had simply written down prose already finished in his head. Page after page of it as if he were just taking dictation. And snark, finished as no snark is ever finished. Displace one hobo joke and there would be diminishment. Displace one Charlie Gibson reference and the structure would fall.

Posted by: Salieri at July 30, 2010 07:28 PM (7ppar)

102 Oh and Ace, if your sci fi novel has a main character named Bronco its been done.... twice. Cyclops there, cyclops there, cyclops there, oh my surveillance does...I hate those. This is ridiculous. That's the most well guarded yeast factory I've ever seen.

Posted by: ChicagoJedi at July 30, 2010 07:30 PM (WZFkG)

103 ace, while you were out... Hot Air thinks Obama sank the oil rig

Posted by: wHodat at July 30, 2010 07:35 PM (+sBB4)

104 Ace has little logic? I agree.

Posted by: Libertarian at July 30, 2010 07:37 PM (lsjAg)

105 103 I  personally think, /ace sucks, as he will  not simply, fes up  to the truth....

Posted by: Libertarian at July 31, 2010 12:27 AM (lsjAg)

< Your "I personally think" predicate is where the breakdown for us begins. 

Posted by: Journolist at July 30, 2010 07:45 PM (8EEyy)

106

Wait, what? You weren't around?

WELL BLOW MY LIPS OFF!

http://tinyurl.com/ageogc

Posted by: 5Cats at July 30, 2010 08:07 PM (HBEhc)

107

um, not sure if anyone saw it yet or mentioned it but yahoo news has

REP MAXINE WATERS BEING CHARGED BY ETHICS PANEL

it says she's going to fight it

 

Posted by: navycopjoe at July 30, 2010 08:33 PM (gg4j2)

108 she'll be on the sunday shows screaming racism

Posted by: navycopjoe at July 30, 2010 08:41 PM (gg4j2)

109 Quein es mas ugly, Maxine Waters o Helen Thomas?

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 30, 2010 08:50 PM (bw+Qn)

110 Gonna ride across the river deep and wide..... ride across the river to the winning side.....

Posted by: Richard at July 30, 2010 08:56 PM (0AvEA)

111 What was wiener screaming about? Can someone put me some knowledge here? I can't stand to watch those talking head debates on TV so if you could explain or point me to a transcript of the Fox news head to head or something else to read, I'd appreciate. Maybe Ace can blog about that. But first he will blow me.

Posted by: teh dave at July 30, 2010 08:59 PM (+2Gjy)

112 What? You were gone?? Hmmm.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at July 30, 2010 09:05 PM (xj08/)

113 Ace needs a secretary. Anyone know of any, "ladies" perhaps just fresh out of the international export business that needs a job?

Posted by: Max Entropy at July 30, 2010 09:15 PM (7FgWm)

Posted by: curious at July 30, 2010 09:15 PM (p302b)

115 Ace has a job?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at July 30, 2010 09:20 PM (xO+6C)

116 Ace has a real job???

Posted by: curious at July 30, 2010 09:23 PM (p302b)

117 Hahhahahhah Dr. Spank that is too funny....
two minds with but a single thought!

Posted by: curious at July 30, 2010 09:23 PM (p302b)

118 are you writing papers for high school kids? because if you are, they're so fucked. "johnny, what exactly do you mean by 'the guys get shirts'? and why did you have a skank-a-thon?!?"

Posted by: dudeinsantacruz at July 30, 2010 09:30 PM (ITc2G)

119 Who the hell is Libertarian?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at July 30, 2010 09:35 PM (xO+6C)

120 Conan in the Nether Regions

by Ace
Chapter One
The Opening

Thralgar the Magnificent stepped confidently onto the goat track. This was the way. This was the back door. This was the path, untrod by all but the lowest beast, which would lead him to the the secret entrance to dark Llleocaecal's kingdom. He gripped his spear tightly and thrust himself forward. He was strangely curious and, yes, he would admit, a little afraid. This was a new and strange journey he was embarking upon.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 30, 2010 09:37 PM (tXap3)

121 126 Who the hell is Libertarian?

He's that annoying little homo, Raygun.

Posted by: Warden at July 30, 2010 09:39 PM (fE6tn)

122 Who the hell is Libertarian?

The galactically-stupid troll formerly known as raykon. I think his brain has permanently melted; he only talks to himself nowadays, in between advocating for massive government expansion while pretending to be a libertarian.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 30, 2010 09:39 PM (tXap3)

123 We need a better class of trolls; he doesn't even make any sense.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at July 30, 2010 09:43 PM (xO+6C)

124 We need a better class of trolls; he doesn't even make any sense.

I would postulate syphilitic dementia, but I doubt he's known the touch of a woman.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 30, 2010 09:56 PM (tXap3)

125 Ace, you should know by now that no matter what you write, you'll never get fair treatment by Time and Newsweek.

Posted by: Big Mo at July 30, 2010 10:06 PM (ly/WR)

126

Ace is a fraud.

The overwhelming portion of this blog is actually written by Jack Cashill.


Posted by: sartana at July 30, 2010 10:20 PM (nak8P)

127 The overwhelming portion of this blog is actually written by Jack Cashill.

Hahahahahahaha. We all know the overwhelming  portion of this blog is written by Hot Air.

Run along, cocksucker.

Posted by: The at July 30, 2010 10:27 PM (pRbtk)

128

It was due this week. I thought I could finish it last week, just working after work.

 

Wait, do you have a real job, besides this blog?  I remember you getting all pissed at your readers because they were dropping the "f-bomb" and what-not all over your comments, and you  were saying you didn't want advertisers bailing on your blog because of this.

And I was worried cuz I didn't want your sole sourse of income to be jeprodized.

Posted by: Ed at July 30, 2010 11:13 PM (+3vS7)

129 I would postulate syphilitic dementia, but I doubt he's known the touch of a woman.

Posted by: Waterhouse at July 31, 2010 02:56 AM (tXap3)

Hi!

Posted by: Andrew Sullivan at July 30, 2010 11:35 PM (RgXpA)

130 No sir, the Navy Seals were sent out, immediatelay, to secure the rig. That is all was there task. No more questions thankyou. What is your name

Posted by: pillsbury gibbs at July 30, 2010 11:43 PM (2rKia)

131 This is great.  There's a religious program (kind of 700 Clubbish) on right now talking about the Bildebergers, Illuminati, Masons, NWO, Revelations, Anti-Christ, the Federal Reserve, the whole bit.

It's like hearing Alex Jones sockpuppeting Jim Bakker.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 12:10 AM (RgXpA)

132 "Tri-Lateral Commission"!!  Drink!

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 12:11 AM (RgXpA)

133 Investor's Business Daily goes therehttp://tinyurl.com/2cek8a8

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 12:14 AM (RgXpA)

134 Gog and Magog!!  Drink!!

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 12:25 AM (RgXpA)

135 How can you pray to Jesus staring straight into the camera?  It looks like he's praying to me.  It's a bit perturbing.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 12:26 AM (RgXpA)

136 Whew.  The Farm Report.  Finally.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 12:30 AM (RgXpA)

137 Andrew Sullivan was on an unchecked ferret raping binge whilst you were away. Hope you're happy.

Posted by: Stephen Kruiser at July 31, 2010 12:36 AM (TOE8E)

138 121 "Wikileaks posts mysterious insurance file"

Posted by: curious at July 31, 2010 02:15 AM (p302b)

I commented on that on the ONT - to sum up, wikileaks has put a gun to its own head and threatened to shoot if everyone doesn't back off.

To prove they're serious, they pulled the trigger. We are now in bullet time, the firing pin has struck the primer and the powder is igniting...

Posted by: Merovign, Strong on His Mountain at July 31, 2010 12:44 AM (bxiXv)

139 Herr Morgenholz!

Your report on the religious program is good.  It tells us that people that are NOT politically active are getting disquieting messages about Obama.

When these people get upset,  it bodes ill for Obama.  Which is a good thing.

Posted by: Miss Marple (redneck teabagger) at July 31, 2010 02:19 AM (bixjr)

140 So "Dreams of My Test Tube" is finally done.  On to community organizing, I suppose.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at July 31, 2010 02:27 AM (ndlFj)

141 "I kind of felt like Mozart writing the Requiem at the end of the movie. I was writing all day and night." Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis, voca me cum benedictus.

Posted by: halfastro at July 31, 2010 02:30 AM (5and4)

142 "I'll tell you about it when/if I can" Oversell, meet underdeliver.

Posted by: railwriter at July 31, 2010 02:31 AM (daRzV)

143 So Maxine Waters is up next in "So you want a slap on the wrist?"

The Drudge pic looks like she just swallowed a bottle of fermented armadillo urine.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at July 31, 2010 02:56 AM (F36mP)

144 So, anyone up for some Ewok Karaoke?  LINK

Posted by: mrp at July 31, 2010 03:06 AM (HjPtV)

145 For old times sake, why not double post? It'll make you feel better and will comfort your readers knowing that Ace is really back!

Posted by: fapo at July 31, 2010 03:07 AM (TcaE8)

146

Ace's blog has too many notes...just cut a few and it'll be perfect!!

Perfect music to wake up to...

Posted by: Emperor Big Fat Meanie at July 31, 2010 03:19 AM (DPM1U)

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at July 31, 2010 03:32 AM (F36mP)

148 Rickshaw Jack - that's her smile

Posted by: Jean at July 31, 2010 03:37 AM (CPefM)

149 Ace?

Never heard of him.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at July 31, 2010 03:55 AM (2+9Yx)

150 9 We were forced to go to Hot Air for ourselves.

WINNER!

Posted by: Kemp at July 31, 2010 03:57 AM (2+9Yx)

151 headline on drudge about a lady who stopped a robbery with her faith.....she spoke to the criminal about Jesus and he left peacefully.....i wonder how many crime were stopped when the victim spoke about their atheism.....

Posted by: phoenixgirl at July 31, 2010 04:02 AM (eOXTH)

152 There is no better feeling than to be done!  Now get out of my bed bitch.

Posted by: Al, the sex poodle at July 31, 2010 04:05 AM (2+9Yx)

153 142 Investor's Business Daily goes therehttp://tinyurl.com/2cek8a8

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at July 31, 2010 05:14 AM (RgXpA)

Herr..you seem to be pretty in tune with the management here

...is it OK to post links, but not to mention the dreaded "R" word here,??.. becasue I have seen other writers mention it, if just obliquely

 

Posted by: beedubya at July 31, 2010 04:19 AM (AnTyA)

154
ahhhhhhh

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at July 31, 2010 04:22 AM (0fzsA)

155 The Nuge fires up his blowtorch today.

Posted by: real joe at July 31, 2010 04:28 AM (w7Lv+)

156 The longest time in a man's life? 

The time between when you come and she goes.

Posted by: Al, the sex poodle at July 31, 2010 04:29 AM (2+9Yx)

157
142 - from your link:


By the trick of letting current-law tax rates "expire," he can impose a $3.5 trillion 10-year tax increase that damages job-creating capital investment in an economy struggling to recover. And by failing to enforce the law and leaving America's borders open, he can continue to repopulate America with unfortunate illegals whose skill and education levels are low and whose political attitudes are often not congenial to American-style democracy.


Steny Hoyer(D) has this one covered.  LIE!

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at July 31, 2010 04:33 AM (0fzsA)

158 163 I can only see the comments section.WTF?

Posted by: steevy at July 31, 2010 04:34 AM (Wncbm)

159
142 - from your link...

Barack Obama, however, has pulled off the ultimate switcheroo: He's diminishing America from within — so far, successfully.

He may soon bankrupt us and replace our big merit-based capitalist economy with a small government-directed one of his own design.

He is undermining our constitutional traditions: The rule of law and our Anglo-Saxon concepts of private property hang in the balance. Obama may be the most "consequential" president ever.

The Wall Street Journal's steadfast Dorothy Rabinowitz wrote that Barack Obama is "an alien in the White House."

His bullying and offenses against the economy and job creation are so outrageous that CEOs in the Business Roundtable finally mustered the courage to call him "anti-business." Veteran Democrat Sen. Max Baucus blurted out that Obama is engineering the biggest government-forced "redistribution of income" in history.


and then... what Nuge said.



Posted by: Lemon Kitten at July 31, 2010 04:37 AM (0fzsA)

160 Sorry I blew off the blog the whole week.

I had noticed a decided lack of "accidental" lesbian pron links.

Posted by: Steve L. at July 31, 2010 04:39 AM (/7n/7)

161 How long can it take to write '50 Grooming Tips for Ewoks'?

Posted by: fluffy at July 31, 2010 04:40 AM (4Kl5M)

162
165 - from nuge link. 

"We all saw it coming, but political correctness caused most of us to clam up in the ridiculous mindset that it was more important to avoid hurting feelings than to stand up for what we knew in our hearts was being trampled underfoot. Sadly, America has become a nation of ultra-thin-skinned, whining little girls, afraid of our own shadows and so cowardly as to back away from the simple solution of speaking the truth when we know we are supposed to do so."


hmm that reminds me of someone.

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at July 31, 2010 04:41 AM (0fzsA)

163 Take your time Ace, but when caught up, I do expect in depth analysis on the Obama/Snookie lie scandal that rocked the political world last week.

Posted by: Lady in Black at July 31, 2010 04:43 AM (Zq7bR)

164 I gotta admit, I'd never heard of Snooki until this week.  I must be a pop culture illiterate. But apparently, I'm not missing anything.

Posted by: Tami at July 31, 2010 04:47 AM (VuLos)

165 Who is this "the blog" person?

Posted by: JavaJoe at July 31, 2010 04:50 AM (e9JZd)

166 " I'll blog more this weekend to make up for the lost week." Then fucking blog already dude. Else I might have to demand a refund of that 50 cents I once thought about putting in your tip jar.

Posted by: BigJon at July 31, 2010 04:53 AM (f3Tf1)

167 Rasmussen Reports daily Presidential Tracking Poll for Saturday shows that 25% of the nation's voters Strongly Approve of the way that Barack Obama is performing his role as president. Forty-five percent (45%) Strongly Disapprove, giving Obama a Presidential Approval Index rating of -20

Posted by: Tami at July 31, 2010 04:55 AM (VuLos)

168
Who are you?

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at July 31, 2010 06:09 AM (1hM1d)

169 I'll see you in hell, William Munny.

Posted by: Little Bill at July 31, 2010 06:10 AM (5+IuY)

170

That's okay, I didn't notice because I've been with my adventure travel club this whole time.   

 

Posted by: Bob Schieffer at July 31, 2010 06:15 AM (KjeRg)

171

I kind of felt like Mozart writing the Requiem at the end of the movie. I was writing all day and night.

This has more meaning than I dare try to describe.

Posted by: dum blond at July 31, 2010 06:18 AM (gbCNS)

172 Posted by: Tami at July 31, 2010 09:47 AM (VuLos)

It is worth it to sit down with the show's aficionados and watch one episode.  It will tell you why Chris Christie is just shuddering and why the Hampton, even for the jersey shore crowd, was so hot this year.  No one, no one wants to utter the phrase "i'm heading to the jersey shore" anymore cause the judgments that are made about you when you say that are unbelievable.  People literally paid into house shares and then were always way too busy to get out there, lol

Posted by: curious at July 31, 2010 06:21 AM (p302b)

173 Posted by: halfastro at July 31, 2010 07:30 AM (5and4)

there is something so sexy about latin

Posted by: curious at July 31, 2010 06:30 AM (p302b)

174 "152 So Maxine Waters is up next in "So you want a slap on the wrist?"

The Drudge pic looks like she just swallowed a bottle of fermented armadillo urine.

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at July 31, 2010 07:56 AM (F36mP)"

but, but, but, they told her it was the true secret to staying young!  did they lie?

Posted by: curious at July 31, 2010 06:31 AM (p302b)

175

I'll blog more this weekend to make up for the lost week.

Promises, promises. And I assume the check is in the mail too, right?

Posted by: Gray Wolf at July 31, 2010 07:10 AM (WgKkU)

176

I used to look up to Ted Nugent at wild, wild rock-n-roll concerts.  Now I look up to Young Ted for his views on politics.  (Before he was "The Nuge," he was "Young Ted.")

There are a few good, ironic things left in the world.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 31, 2010 07:28 AM (phwHZ)

177 Mozart died before finishing his Requiem-he definately wrote the first four movements then Süssmayr competed the work based upon Mozart's original themes.

Posted by: Harvard Inbred=Liberal's Useful Idiots at July 31, 2010 07:30 AM (+xhL8)

178

Hmm:  "Vote Ted Nugent"

That has an interesting ring to it.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 31, 2010 07:31 AM (phwHZ)

179

"President Ted Nugent"

Boy, there'd be a president who wouldn't fuck around.  And we could have a whole new version of Teddy bears.

Posted by: rdbrewer at July 31, 2010 07:36 AM (phwHZ)

180 Ace, no apology needed. I'll be interested to see what you wrote.

Posted by: Mindy at July 31, 2010 09:11 AM (uDzvx)

181 I hate youuuu.

Posted by: Josh Reiter at July 31, 2010 09:55 AM (1fDu6)

182 Always moral and tolerant, tough and kind, dispensing justice and mercy with humility and a good sense of humor... coming to kill your grandma.

Posted by: Andy "Death Panel" Griffith at July 31, 2010 10:20 AM (mHQ7T)

183 Ace keeps blog hours?

Huh.

I'm kind of retroactively pissed.

I used to feel kind of let down sometimes when Ace wouldn't even bother phoning it in for days on end but I told myself, "Self, it's just one guy trying to write stuff that you love to read for free.  Guy's gotta have a real life outside of this, yannow?  It's not like this is his job or something. He's just a pretty cool dude, doin' his best to make more Ace posts."

Now?

I want fuckin' time-sheets man!

I feel entitled to track some sort of log of your writerly activities.

This kind of, after the fact, apology for blowing off your real job just ain't gonna cut it with me Mister!

I think that I've given you pretty much free rein to run your own blog the way you think best but I'm starting to rethink this policy.

Fair warning. If you don't buckle down and show me that you are committed to this project there will be consequences...






Posted by: Deety at July 31, 2010 12:03 PM (aVzyR)

184 You telling us you're not willing to give up your living to provide us with free shit? Dammit, Ace, I thought you were committed...

Posted by: richard mcenroe at July 31, 2010 12:13 PM (oYIrd)

185 Nah, I'm not just being a hard-ass for the sake of it but we both know that you wouldn't be in my office for no reason.

This organization needs, hell I need you to be on top of your game at all times but most especially right now.

You are a key player, fuck it, you are a superstar!

You know this.  I know this.

It's so disappointing to have to have a conversation like this with someone of your caliber.

I like you.

I respect you.

I sincerely want you to do well.



 

Posted by: Deety at July 31, 2010 12:22 PM (aVzyR)

186 We were forced to go to Hot Air for ourselves.

toby928 wins the internetz!

So, toby928.  There might be a big project in the pipeline.  No doubt you've heard some rumors but I have a serious question to ask you.

Are you a team player?

Posted by: Deety at July 31, 2010 12:33 PM (aVzyR)

187 If Ace is Mozart then..

Gabriel Malor = Salieri

Still waiting on " International Law and You" part MCXVXLLL

Another Salieri Malor greatpost™.

Posted by: 13times at July 31, 2010 02:45 PM (h6XiD)

188 I think Ace is writing for Cracked.

Posted by: three chord sloth at July 31, 2010 05:02 PM (2rqGD)

189 I think Ace is writing for Cracked.

Do they pay?

If so, cool.

Wait.

NOT Cool!

If Ace is going to take an entire week off from blogging, I expect at least someone's PhD thesis and some serious coin to be on the line!


Posted by: Deety at July 31, 2010 08:43 PM (aVzyR)

190 Ace,

I think it's about time you spilled the beans and admitted that you were writing a new AD&D module for release at Gen Con.  But what we really want to know is which title you chose - A5: Bunk Secrets of the Sex Slavers or G4: Hole of the Halfling Emperor?

Posted by: 5th Level Fighter at August 01, 2010 04:35 AM (SgL5z)

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