July 28, 2004

Donald Trump Also Faces Higher Bandwidth Costs; Needs $18 Mil Per Apprentice Episode
— Ace

The cajones on this guy. I'm torn between calling him an asshole and calling him the coolest man who ever lived:

Donald Trump, who picked up $50,000 per show last season, now wants a modest raise to $18 million per episode of his runaway hit show "The Apprentice."

The real estate mogul turned TV star based his $18 million demand on the salaries paid to the six actors in "Friends," who each got about $1.5 million per show.

Trump's math: Since the Donald is the only star of his show, as far as he can tell, he figures he's entitled to $1.5M x 6, or $9 million.

Then he realized that his show runs a full hour and "Friends" runs for only half hour, so he is not facetiously asking for $18 million a show.

In related news, Bill Gates just pitched his own reality show, The Quest, wherein he will "take a group of complete strangers from all walks of life" and Dungeon-Master (or DM) them all the way from first to 20th level. "It's a can't-miss concept," a producer attached to the project said. "You've got the raw animal charisma of Bill Gates. You've got orcs. You've got gnolls. You've got other humanoid monsters which are neither orcs nor gnolls. It's like Survivor, except with graph paper."

Gates is said to have already trademarked his catch-phrase, "You failed your saving throw against eviction," which he'll say to one player per week as he dismisses them from the campaign. Contestants will compete for $100,000 and a voice-over role in the upcoming PC game, Zork X-treme: The Vengeance of Nerris Vranj.

Posted by: Ace at 03:06 PM | Comments (8)
Post contains 297 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I would actually pay to watch the Bill Gates show just to hear his Pimply-Face-Teen-On-The-Simpsons-Show voice say, well, anything at all involving D&D.

I mean, my gosh, who wouldn't want to hear that?

Posted by: ccwbass at July 28, 2004 03:12 PM (Ri683)

2 You're right.

The hell with Bill Gates. I'm taking this idea to NBC myself.

Posted by: ace at July 28, 2004 03:19 PM (iog7U)

3 I can't believe I told anyone about this brilliant idea.

Zounds! Fie on my stupidity.

Posted by: ace at July 28, 2004 03:20 PM (iog7U)

4 Ace,

If you really want to sell the show, you will consider the following enhancement:

"CELEBRITY D&D"- Pilot Episode

Bill Gates: Dungeon Master

Paris Hilton- Half-elf sorceress, bearer of a +3 platinum credit card. Can only wear leather.

Ben Affleck: Human Ranger. Gains a +2 "to hit" when in the presence of Matt Damon.

Dennis Kucinich: Because he's probably the only one who knows the current AD&D rules. And he has nothing else going.

Rosie O'Donnell: Half Orc/Half Troll= All man eating lesbian.

Woody Harrelson: Druid. +4 to all healing spells when augmented with his special herbs.

Danny Devito: Gotta have a dwarf.

I mean, really, that show would rock!

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster at July 28, 2004 04:43 PM (yucew)

5 Are you sure O'Donnel could play a "man" eating lesbian? It's playing against type and her range isn't too impressive.

Posted by: michael dennis at July 28, 2004 04:54 PM (AlGyn)


Actually, I typed in "man eating" with the idea of her actually cannabalizing men. Like the old stories about trolls under bridges who would eat you if you tried to cross.

The idea was that her extreme dislike for all men (except Tom Cruise) would force her to play a character that killed and dined on them.

Screw it. Evict her first.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster at July 28, 2004 05:07 PM (yucew)

7 Your geek-fu is strong young man.

Posted by: Beck at July 28, 2004 06:24 PM (fllfQ)

8 "It's like Survivor, except with graph paper!"

LMAO. That was hilarious.

Posted by: at July 29, 2004 03:30 AM (cTMxl)

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