March 30, 2008

Does The AoS HQ Need Its Own Chaplain?
— DrewM

If so, I think we’ve found our man!

A pastor whose disappearance from a small town in upstate New York triggered a search by police and the FBI was found earlier today (Friday) — inside an Ohio strip club.

Police said that when the Rev. Craig S. Rhodenizer, 46, was confronted by an officer, he began crying and said he couldn't remember anything about the 36 hours he was missing.

But dancers at the club remembered Rhodenizer. They told investigators that Rhodenizer spent two hours drinking, soliciting dances and making threatening comments. He also said he wanted to take the dancers back to his motel, according to the police report. In his car was a bottle of Bacardi rum.

Okay, the rum is a problem but if we can get him to take up Valu-Right Vodka and get him out on a hobo hunt or two, I think he’s perfect for us.

Posted by: DrewM at 02:09 PM | Comments (67)
Post contains 168 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Well at least he's not a pedophile, right?

Posted by: pajama momma at March 30, 2008 02:10 PM (f3xJa)

2 Did he get any of the strippers to let him sob in their lap?

Posted by: mbruce at March 30, 2008 02:11 PM (h/5U0)

3 He also said he wanted to take the dancers back to his motel, according to the police report.

All of them?  Brass balls, man....

Posted by: Alice H at March 30, 2008 02:14 PM (jRtPb)

4

Does The AoS HQ Need Its Own Chaplin?

 

No, but we could really use a Chaplain.

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 02:16 PM (E5mM5)

5 See, for AoS Lifestyletm aficionados, a tittie-bar is to us as shoe-store to women.

We want to see every pair, and if possible, we want to try them all on.

(Thanks to Rodney Carrington for that joke.)

Posted by: krakatoa at March 30, 2008 02:16 PM (rZa+A)

6 Beat me to that one, XBradTC, but can we make Charlie a posthumous honorary moron while we're at it?

Posted by: Andy at March 30, 2008 02:19 PM (23Gys)

7 No, but we could really use a Chaplain.

XBradTC,

Actually, a copy editor would help. Oh wait, that's just me.

Thanks.

Posted by: DrewM. at March 30, 2008 02:20 PM (hlYel)

8 I'm ambivalent on a Charlie, but really, who would be the chaplain here? The Good Lord knows we need one. I'm sure there's at least a deacon in the crowd...

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 02:22 PM (E5mM5)

9 Girl strippers? So he was a protestant?

Posted by: Potosi Joel at March 30, 2008 02:22 PM (TPRbZ)

10 Not really on-topic, but I'll pretend it is.

Man Arrested for ... well, there's really no way to put this delicately -- they caught him violating a picnic table.

Posted by: krakatoa at March 30, 2008 02:23 PM (rZa+A)

11 a tittie-bar is to us as shoe-store to women.

Hey, now, don't discriminate against those of us who appreciate the joys of both. 

Posted by: alexthechick at March 30, 2008 02:29 PM (jWNHD)

12 Eh. Anybody that drinks rum will drink vodka.

Get him to fill out an application.

Posted by: runninrebel at March 30, 2008 02:36 PM (o/KrO)

13

I'm going to say this just one more time: I did not disappear and spend 36 hours at titty bars and cheap motels while drunk.

Not once.

Now I have to get back to the business of saving my congregation's souls. Thank you.

Posted by: Rev. Craig S. Rhodenizer at March 30, 2008 02:41 PM (RP451)

14

Excerpt of cross-examination of Rev. Craig S. Rhodenizer:

"When I said 'not once' , it depends on what you mean by 'not once'. " (smiles)

Posted by: Spartan Fan at March 30, 2008 02:44 PM (RP451)

15 Couldn't one of the morons just dress up like a Chaplain ? Who knows what kinda gear is available in the closets of moron nation .....

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at March 30, 2008 02:50 PM (Bivii)

16

35 hours, maybe, 37 hours possibly. But 36-nope.

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 02:55 PM (E5mM5)

17 Bu any chance, this guy isn't John McCain's minister, is he? 

'Cause that would be FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!

Posted by: The MSM deciders at March 30, 2008 02:56 PM (EW49d)

Posted by: The MSM deciders at March 30, 2008 02:56 PM (EW49d)

19 I've been wasting time reading some of the sentencing memorandums for convicted eco-terrorists. But for the fact of the millions of dollars of damage they cause, these guys are real knuckleheads. Their "comuniques" sound like jokes.  Lock them up and throw away the key because none of they  have changed their position.

Posted by: Guy Ritchie's Career at March 30, 2008 03:00 PM (yX30S)

20

Yeah, it's been 16 years -- but I was a real live chaplain once.

 

Posted by: hit and run at March 30, 2008 03:03 PM (umXXT)

21 As a pastor, I can really understand the desire to just run away and disappear.  It sounds like this guy is burning out.  I can myself doing something like that, although I hope that I would choose a destination better than a stripclub.

Posted by: John at March 30, 2008 03:06 PM (ew5fu)

22 Sounds like the Rev. attended the "Packman Jones School of Adult Entertainment"...just two questions:

1.  Did he or a member of his flock/posse pack some heat?
2.  Did he "make it rain"

Somebody needs to check out the church's funds....

Posted by: Eeyore's Swinging Sack at March 30, 2008 03:16 PM (I6QiV)

23 Oh, great, not one, but two men of the cloth here. I'm gonna burn...

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 03:22 PM (E5mM5)

24 Don't worry 'bout me.  I'm a seminary dropout.

Posted by: hit and run at March 30, 2008 03:25 PM (umXXT)

25 I hope that I would choose a destination better than a stripclub

I think many of the commenters here might argue that there are few destinations better.

Posted by: Alice H at March 30, 2008 03:27 PM (jRtPb)

26 Pastor John -- sounds like you need an extended vacation.

I can relate from an entirely non-religious and bachelor perspective. I can't count the number of times I've gotten in the car to pick up a loaf of bread, and at least semi-seriously started doing the math on how far away I could get from my current life on the cash I had in my wallet.

The pressures of life these high-tech days are many, given that so much of the average careers these days rarely seem offer tangible proof of accomplishment; there is no finished piece of carpentry; no tilled field; no full trap line to indicate to us that the hard work of the day has led to progress.

The secret to my sanity so far is to never bring work home, to take a full contiguous 2-day weekend off every week (whatever days those fall on) and to take vacation a couple times a year.

You cannot live your work 24/7/365 and maintain your center.

Posted by: krakatoa at March 30, 2008 03:30 PM (rZa+A)

27

Well, if there was ever a bunch that needed spiritual guidance, it's a bunch of drooling morons.

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 03:33 PM (E5mM5)

28

Pastor John, or Hit and Run,

 

Who would be our patron saint?

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 03:36 PM (E5mM5)

29 That's what I like about this place...each to his own ability!

Posted by: lonetown at March 30, 2008 03:46 PM (4rdee)

30

Sorry, not my thing, patron saints.

I'm sure there are a few scandi patron saints from which to choose, however.

Posted by: hit and run at March 30, 2008 03:49 PM (umXXT)

31

DrewM, it's Val-U-Rite Vodka...that's VAL-U-RITE.

Poser.

Posted by: gebrauchshund at March 30, 2008 03:55 PM (pY77a)

32

SCANDI- I's sooner join TUCC

Posted by: XBradTC at March 30, 2008 04:09 PM (E5mM5)

33

He also said he wanted to take the dancers back to his motel...

Well, duhhh, even I know enough about pastorology to know you can hardly save their souls in a strip club, now can you?  The man was doing God's work, as he understood it... after a bottle of rum.

Posted by: sherlock at March 30, 2008 04:46 PM (ojW85)

34

Couldn't one of the morons just dress up like a Chaplain ? Who knows what kinda gear is available in the closets of moron nation .....

I'd be willing to donate my slutty nun costume. Haven't worn it in weeks.

Man Arrested for ... well, there's really no way to put this delicately -- they caught him violating a picnic table.

Sweet baby Jesus. Is there nothing on this earth that some man, somewhere, won't stick his penis on or in? A Cactus? A wood chipper? A bear trap?

Posted by: TiredWench at March 30, 2008 04:46 PM (Kx1hM)

35 "Craig, where on earth have you been?" "Why, I've just been out Rhodenizing, honey."

Posted by: Jack Bauer's Evil Brother at March 30, 2008 05:44 PM (JCsjs)

36

"he began crying and said he couldn't remember anything about the 36 hours he was missing"

I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt, and assume that he was crying because he'd spent loads of money at a strip club, and couldn't remember a thing.  Now THAT's a tragedy.  At least the Rev. should have his memories to comfort him.

Posted by: notropis at March 30, 2008 05:49 PM (EpVj4)

37

Guess they call it "demon rum" for a reason, huh?

Not like rotten potato-peel piss, or whatever it is you pussies drink.

Posted by: Lucifer, in a pissy mood cuz AoS gets more page views at March 30, 2008 06:29 PM (FgxdU)

38 Does The AoS HQ Need Its Own Chaplain?
Chaplain? - No

Exorcist? - Yes...

Posted by: Grendel at March 30, 2008 06:59 PM (OdHhi)

39 re Ace's new crusade for respectability. Maybe he should run this on blog (dunno if it counts the comments. http://www.oneplusyou.com/q/v/blog_cuss We did pretty well: Around 69.2% of the pages on your website contain cussing.This is 669% MORE than other websites who took this test.

Posted by: docweasel at March 30, 2008 09:10 PM (HbCq2)

40 He also said he wanted to take the dancers back to his motel...

Herein lies the problem.  He was found at the KC lounge in Dayton.  I've been to the KC.  It's like a hobo hunting ground, but with fat ugly hobos with tits.  If he wanted to take anything back to the hotel, his problems run deeper than can be fixed.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 31, 2008 02:15 AM (/l0x0)

41 Patron Saint?  It's got to be Rasputin, don't you think?  He is an archetype for the AoS lifestyle.  Not to many hobos wandering loose in his day, IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: Charybdis E. Scylla at March 31, 2008 03:25 AM (q5aei)

42

"Lord, grant me chastity and continence, but not yet"

St. Augustine of Hippo.

Seems like a proper candidate.

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