November 30, 2016

Dispatches from the Alternate Reality Where Hillary Clinton Won the Election
— Ace

via Alex the Chick, this Newsweek article -- astonishing that I'm linking that useless rag, but what the heck, this is actually kind of good -- rounds up the pre-written articles about Hillary's victory, which were written, but of course not actually published.

Warning: Consult a doctor if your shadenboner lasts for more than four hours.

JONATHAN CHAIT (writer and columnist, New York magazine)

Sparing the Republic from the whims of a twisted maniac is no small triumph. Clinton's skeptics have already been denying credit for her expected victory by noting that she benefited from facing the least popular major party nominee in history, and that a normal Republican could have defeated her. This misses the extraordinary nature of the opposition that produced this unpopularity in the first place. Clinton has absorbed 25 years of relentless and frequently crazed hate directed at her husband, compounded by her status as a feminist symbol, which made her the subject of additional loathing. Her very real missteps were compounded by a press corps that treated her guilt as an unexamined background assumption. She is almost certainly the first president to survive simultaneous leak-attacks by both a faction of rogue right-wing FBI agents and Russian intelligence.

I don't want to be rude, but my dick and balls just started pumping out pheremones so sweet they smell exactly like waffles drowned in Maine maple syrup.

MARIN COGAN (contributing editor, New York magazine, but this piece was prepared for Vox.com)

And yet: Hillary Clinton's victory is historic--a triumph that should not be overlooked. It marks the end of centuries of exclusion of women from the nation's top job. Even more remarkable was the way she won it: by running as a woman, who championed policies aimed at women, against an avatar of reactionary sexism. She won under politically tainted investigation, in spite of plenty of legitimate criticism, and in the face of an incredible amount of sexism. In voting for her, Americans rejected Donald Trump's old, macho vision of leadership and embraced a new paradigm, one that values not only a new style of leadership but also a policy outlook that prioritizes women and children.

I don't want to offend anybody, but my dick just got dressed up like it's a pimp.

Update: My dick is now actually a pimp. It's turnin' out ho's and tricks and givin' them the back of its dick-hand if they give it any sass.

CHRIS CILLIZZA (writer, "The Fix"—taken from this piece published on the Washington Post's site)

Clinton's path to the presidency--much like her last two-plus decades in public life--was not an easy one, defined more by her relentless drive forward than any sort of soaring movement like the one that propelled Barack Obama into office in 2008. And even in victory, Clinton survived rather than overwhelmed. Expected to cruise to an electoral vote victory, Clinton squeaked by--with Democrats fretting deep into the night about her prospects.

In short: It was a uniquely Clinton campaign--with all the good and bad that connotes.

I don't mean to "work blue," but my boner just launched a smaller auxilliary sub-boner. It looks like the escape pod in Star Wars, only instead of droids, it has bickering sperm inside of it. One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon.


Posted by: Ace at 07:40 AM | Comments (695)
Post contains 575 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Hola!

Posted by: Deplorable votermom @vm on Gab at November 30, 2016 07:42 AM (Om16U)

2 Bwahahaha! I'm first! Now to call the corgis and read the post.

Posted by: Deplorable votermom @vm on Gab at November 30, 2016 07:43 AM (Om16U)

3 I saw Auxillary Sub-Boner open for Gwar at the electric factory in '97.

Posted by: Warai-otoko at November 30, 2016 07:43 AM (sK2fh)

4 Pennsylvania Man's Schadenboner Grows So Large That He Has to Move Out to The Garage "It was starting to crowd out the missus," Mr. joncelli said. "I'm thinking about an addition if this keeps up."

Posted by: New of the Weird at November 30, 2016 07:43 AM (RD7QR)

5 >> a feminist symbol Riiiiight.

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 30, 2016 07:43 AM (gTQoY)

6 I don't want to be rude, but my dick and balls just started pumping out pheremones so sweet they smell exactly like waffles drowned in Maine maple syrup. I'm dyin' ovah heah. But my shadenboner is blocking out the sun.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 07:44 AM (WlGX+)

7 So good Ace had to say it twice!

Posted by: tbodie at November 30, 2016 07:44 AM (I9SqL)

8 Isn't Clam Canyon where that hiker guy had to saw off his own arm?

Posted by: NCKate at November 30, 2016 07:44 AM (4mm1V)

9 How is President Carly Furina doing in John Ekdahl's alternate universe?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 07:44 AM (LWYzG)

10 Kate Upton's clam canyon Which can open for any band it wants to.

Posted by: joncelli, Providing the Traditional Responses at November 30, 2016 07:45 AM (RD7QR)

11 This reminds me, need to get back to writing my fictional story. As opposed to reading these wankers' fantasies.

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 30, 2016 07:45 AM (RVnAu)

12 Thank you, ace! MARIN COGAN (contributing editor, New York magazine, but this piece was prepared for Vox.com) Layers upon layers of extra special stupid. Serious question, have there ever been here's the articles we would have published if the other person won before? Maybe and I just ignored them. *rolls around in articles* They really expected Skittle shitting unicorns and instead they got the Golden Scalp Weasel. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 07:45 AM (mf5HN)

13 Our boners will blot out the sun.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 07:45 AM (0F67M)

14 WLNSSEODY.

Until December 20th, that is.

Posted by: Winston Wolfe at November 30, 2016 07:45 AM (DMUuz)

15 Isn't Clam Canyon where that hiker guy had to saw off his own arm? Tongue.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 07:45 AM (sUwfN)

16 Chris Cilizza is on fake news msnbc right now. Lying.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 07:46 AM (LWYzG)

17 Pure poetry ace.

Posted by: Bosk at November 30, 2016 07:46 AM (n2K+4)

18 Hillary surrounded herself with Mooks and Flukes, in a Brooklyn hipster bubble. Hillary lost for a combination of reasons, including because she ran in a way that ran up the vote in states already Deep Blue while alienating whites (especially white males) in the states that actually decided the election.

Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 07:46 AM (SIY7D)

19 Power through that boner, ace, power through.

Posted by: davidt at November 30, 2016 07:46 AM (XoldI)

20 Clam Canyon is just next to Beggars Canyon back home but the womprats are four meters.

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 30, 2016 07:46 AM (RVnAu)

21 Wow, it's like someone is doing a bad parody of Allen Drury doing a bad parody of the leftist media!

Posted by: Isophorone at November 30, 2016 07:46 AM (rvgcl)

22 She is almost certainly the first president to survive simultaneous leak-attacks by both a faction of rogue right-wing FBI agents and Russian intelligence. This is just precious.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (0F67M)

23 >>I don't want to offend anybody, but my dick's so amped up it went outside and raked the leaves and cleaned out the gutters. You are a fucking poet, Ace.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (MQZBa)

24 From the commentary it looks like BootyBeauty69 is missing his online fix. Gotta say though, between the Pelosi interview with Judy "I'm With Her!" Woodruff and these articles I'm just in happyville.

Posted by: MTF at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (sCBEO)

25 A post so nice ace had to post it, uh, twice.

Posted by: rhomboid at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (QDnY+)

26 "In short: It was a uniquely Clinton campaign--with all the good and bad that connotes." hahahah. Can you be MORE out of touch, dude. This is what yer used to call yer cognitive dissonance stuff.... hahahah

Posted by: havildar-major at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (jpW6t)

27 Since I knew I'd get willowed: I'll probably get willowed, but OT, I took the Horde's advice and eliminated any way for my ex g/f bunnyboiler-in-training to contact me, including changing my phone number. Hopefully that's the end of it.

Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (Jcg9Q)

28 Is it just me or where these articles lacking the sort of adulation that Obama got when he was elected. For a historic first woman prezzy, they seem meh.

Posted by: Deplorable votermom @vm on Gab at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (Om16U)

29 >>>>14 WLNSSEODY. Until December 20th, that is. Posted by: Winston Wolfe ... can we just jerk each other off a little? Not to completion, of course. That would be gay.

Posted by: ace at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (8rNrN)

30 Power through that boner, ace, power through. Pound it!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 07:47 AM (sUwfN)

31 Is that a pack of franks in your pocket or are you just wearing a fanny pack under you pants?

Posted by: Marcus T at November 30, 2016 07:48 AM (lIH7u)

32 If you haven't moved, it's not. Posted by: rickb223 at November 30, 2016 12:43 PM (sUwfN) She doesn't know where I live now.

Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at November 30, 2016 07:48 AM (Jcg9Q)

33 Q : What will Hillary Power Through, today?

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 07:48 AM (MQZBa)

34 Wait do those pods have a life form on them or not?

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 07:48 AM (gmeXX)

35 Wait. Is this the PG-13 Gainzz thread?

Posted by: Marcus T at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (lIH7u)

36 Good job, Country Boy!

Posted by: Deplorable votermom @vm on Gab at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (Om16U)

37 Just saw the headline...but.. shwiiiing!!!!!

Posted by: Cannibal Bob 'ask me about free range Hobo jerkey' at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (+wjl1)

38 Serious question, have there ever been here's the articles we would have published if the other person won before? Maybe and I just ignored them. I don't recall any. I mean, there are post-State of the Union kids of things and press releases that are probably at least mostly written before the event, and of course obituaries sometimes are mistakenly published. Or not proofread, in Castro's case. That one's a classic.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (u0s1P)

39 She doesn't know where I live now. Posted by: Country Boy Glad to hear that!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (sUwfN)

40 I don't mean to "work blue," but my boner just launched a smaller auxilliary sub-boner or dick-probe. It looks like the escape pod in Star Wars, only instead of droids, it has bickering sperm inside of it. One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon. ...aaaaand this is why I hang out here. Well this, and the rest of you morons.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (PRtT5)

41 So, the print arm of the MSM has now turned into political fanzines, where swooning writers put their Democrat fans to paper.

Good to know.

/how long before CNN/HBO airs "Hillary: Madame President" a fictionalized account?

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (OlyEd)

42 33 Q : What will Hillary Power Through, today? Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 12:48 PM (MQZBa) A: Aside from a liter of vodka? (Although technically that's a Q .

Posted by: joncelli, Providing the Traditional Responses at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (RD7QR)

43 Sexism sexism sexism faced sexism so sexist sexism sexism. Look at what we dodged the next 4 years.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (39g3+)

44 Jonathan Chait is a douchbag. Could that be made any clearer than from this article? He's completely lost all perspective. Maybe what Chait needs is to head over to Hampshire, smoke a little weed and just burn a flag or two. It could be just the ticket to calm down.

Posted by: MTF at November 30, 2016 07:49 AM (sCBEO)

45 I don't want to be rude, but my dick is so large right now it has its own zip code.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (7HtZB)

46 LOL, as Anne Coulter said "we should limit our crowing about the election to 3 years".

Posted by: Vic[/i] We Have No Party at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (mpXpK)

47 Quick question regarding the AoS guide book...are we allowed to call Hillary a concubine?

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (1H9ox)

48 Do yourself a favor an buy up every copy of that issue you can find.  Those are going to be a collector's item someday.

Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (iIzG7)

49 There's some wierd, cargo-culty, shamanistic, Jungian, "Let's just pretend she won, and maybe it'll magically come true!" thinking going on here. Hillarious, but still... creepy.

Posted by: Warai-otoko at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (sK2fh)

50 Hillary Clinton in... The Shlongening with Jack Nickolson as Donald Trump Herrrrrrrrre's Donny!

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (LWYzG)

51 Well, if there's any group of people who are masters of self-deception, it's the Progressive Left. They've been ignoring reality for decades now.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (MZcWR)

52 Dumpster fire can't melt steel walker!!11!

Posted by: wooga at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (4dhU8)

53 Interesting insight into these writers' world.

Wonder what color the sky is there....maybe it's also filled with my pretty ponies, skittles rainbows and glitter?

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (NOIQH)

54 I would love to see the converse. That is the articles those people wrote about Trump losing.

Posted by: Marcus T at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (lIH7u)

55 They always lie. Always. From the Newsweek piece:

(We're just as guilty: A Newsweek partner prepared a whole Clinton commemorative magazine in advance of the election, infuriating Trump supporters who didn't realize we'd prepped a Trump edition as well.)

What they failed to mention is they shipped the Hillary edition and not the Trump edition. They had to do a recall, and some of those Hillary editions are still out there.

Donald Trump officially stumped the world by winning the presidential election on Tuesday, November 8. The shock upset forced Newsweek's partner Topix Media Lab to issue a statement on Wednesday, November 9, recalling the magazine's premature copies which had a cover celebrating Hillary Clinton's presidency.

http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/newsweek-
recalls-premature-hillary-clinton-madam-president-issues-w449631

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at November 30, 2016 07:50 AM (R+30W)

56 You have some very active genitalia, Ace.

Posted by: BEN ROTHLESBERGER at November 30, 2016 07:51 AM (Fmupd)

57 47 Quick question regarding the AoS guide book...are we allowed to call Hillary a concubine? Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 12:50 PM (1H9ox) Brings up bad mental image so NO.

Posted by: Deplorable votermom @vm on Gab at November 30, 2016 07:51 AM (Om16U)

58 Serious question, have there ever been here's the articles we would have published if the other person won before? Maybe and I just ignored them.
--

Well, there are the "What Life would be Like if Hitler Didn't Lose WWII and We were All Speaking German" articles, but those are usually called "fiction."

/Family Guy did do an episode where Gore won the election, if that counts..

Posted by: shibumi, a deplorable who now just wants to yell at stupid people at November 30, 2016 07:51 AM (OlyEd)

59 Hillary Clinton's victory is historic ------------ For many reasons. 1. The first women to lose the Presidential election as a major party candidate. 2. The first candidate to lose to someone who had never held office, been in government, or served in the military. Just to name a few.

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 07:51 AM (gmeXX)

60 My schadenboner is so big, the upstairs neighbors are complaining.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 07:51 AM (7HtZB)

61 Oops. Off dumbass sock.

Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 07:51 AM (Fmupd)

62 Clinton has absorbed 25 years of relentless and frequently crazed hate directed at her husband, compounded by her status as a feminist symbol, which made her the subject of additional loathing.


Yeah, funny how that happened, huh? I have no idea why people haaaate Hillary, none at all, hmm.............

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (NOIQH)

63 You have some very active genitalia, Ace. Posted by: BEN ROTHLESBERGER at November 30, 2016 12:51 PM (Fmupd) It's funny because you didn't capitalize it.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (0F67M)

64 Combined, these people smell like a dumpster fire that was pissed out by a diseased hobo.

Posted by: Marcus T at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (lIH7u)

65 Wonder what color the sky is there....maybe it's also filled with my pretty ponies, skittles rainbows and glitter?
--

The sky looks like the aurora and yes, there are pretty, pretty pones, skittles, rainbows and lots of sparkly mylar glitter

Posted by: Writers Guild East/West at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (OlyEd)

66 Been laughing out loud for a full couple of minutes..... great stuff, ace!!!!

Posted by: Dirty Randy at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (jjaLl)

67 I have a customer conference call so, once I've said hello and the sales people all start yakking it up, I fully intend to start up my favorite new activity-- watching the livestreaming lobby cam at Trump Tower. Yup- I'm just that ridiculous.

Posted by: MTF at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (sCBEO)

68 Hillary! Clinton is out?!! -CNN talking head

Posted by: Darth Randall at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (6n332)

69 They are charging $1.25 per subscription, when the entire operation was purchased for a dollar? Or am I thinking of some other useless rag?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (7ZVPa)

70 Ace stop it. Just stop it. Every body here is in a good mood. There are no more one named trolls. There have been no True Con flamewars, the Nevertrumper Battles have ceased. Everybody has a Schadenvboner that has lasted WAAAAAAY more than four hours. My underwear smells like pudding. IT'S LIKE I DONT EVEN KNOW YOU PEOPLE ANYMORE!!!! I kinda miss the old bloodletting. You posting shit that makes me feel good about things isnt helping any.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (8XRCm)

71 I camped in Clam Canyon once. It was all bushy near the trailhead and pretty damp once you got inside. We smelled plenty of fish but couldn't seem to catch any.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (WlGX+)

72 "Well, there are the "What Life would be Like if Hitler Didn't Lose WWII and We were All Speaking German" articles, but those are usually called "fiction.""

The Man In The High Castle, Philip K. Dick.

Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 07:52 AM (iIzG7)

73 You think hillary will become a college law professor for a couple of semesters (for a few million $$)?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (LWYzG)

74 Some where in Africa, a village is wearing Cleveland Indian World Series Champions t-shirts while reading the "Madame President" Newsweek.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (7HtZB)

75 My schadenboner is so big, the upstairs neighbors are complaining. ♫ Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me..♫

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (0F67M)

76 >>> a feminist symbol Riiiiight. Posted by: Mama AJ at November 30, 2016 12:43 PM (gTQoY) Yeah. As I've been telling my coworkers, she's basically the worst feminist ever. Riding your husbands coattails to power, as you stick around despite multiple affairs...and then can't even get your shit together enough on election night to concede because you're too emotional. Feminist my ass.

Posted by: Lea at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (lIU4e)

77 "... in the face of an incredible amount of sexism." Can anyone cite any of this supposed sexism?

Posted by: JG2.0 at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (HoveR)

78 A day doesn't go by in which I don't think, "Hmmm, that's interesting, I wonder what the ovoid Chris Cillizza thinks about it?"

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (PRtT5)

79 I got no problem with these columnists -writing- articles like this, just to be ready, but to let them out voluntarily for publication afterwards? That's like the NFL shop selling "Carolina Panthers 2016 world champions!" gear...

Posted by: Warai-otoko at November 30, 2016 07:53 AM (sK2fh)

80 When you drive by a hillary bumper sticker, does anyone else point and laugh like I do?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (LWYzG)

81 When they say "Hillary Clintons victory". Are they talking about her victory over debilitating illness that made her fall into that van?

Posted by: Marcus T at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (lIH7u)

82 Do yourself a favor an buy up every copy of that issue you can find. Those are going to be a collector's item someday. Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 12:50 PM (iIzG7) Almost all of them were recalled. Those that made it into the wild are going for $10,000 a pop already.

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (mf5HN)

83 Venezuelans are using the dead tree copies of this issue as toilet paper as we speak.

Posted by: Anna Puma at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (RVnAu)

84 I'm not all ewok-attracted or anything but Ace smells perty

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (39g3+)

85 75 My schadenboner is so big, the upstairs neighbors are complaining. Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 12:53 PM (0F67M) And thank you for that earworm.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (7HtZB)

86 Yeah. As I've been telling my coworkers, she's basically the worst feminist ever. Riding your husbands coattails to power, as you stick around despite multiple affairs...and then can't even get your shit together enough on election night to concede because you're too emotional. Feminist my ass. ----------- She's a role model for sure.

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (gmeXX)

87 It just doesn't get old!!!

Posted by: Diogenes at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (0tfLf)

88 The best part of these articles is all the dancing they do on "Trump's grave".  How they crow from the rooftops about how "America has REJECTED the hate of Donald Trump".  Every one of these people had already popped the champagne days (or even weeks) before.  This election hit them like an over-subsidized Amtrak locomotive.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 07:54 AM (S2VsH)

89 Or not proofread, in Castro's case. That one's a classic. Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 12:49 PM (u0s1P) That was funny as hell.

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (mf5HN)

90 Ace...map props for your last comment....Kate Upton's clam canyon....God, that's funny. Also, F* those guys with far less refined D*cks than mine.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (UHLlC)

91 I get the hilarity of all this, but can't get past the delusional nature of it all. Not the electoral outcome - it was easy to get that wrong, even ace was guardedly pessimistic - but the alternate reality that shapes these peoples' actual "thoughts". And remember these near-hallucinogenic mindsets mirror those of 90% of the "press", which notwithstanding much triumphalist boasting still provides the info and framework for most of the electorate, and completely determines the terms of discussion.

Posted by: rhomboid at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (QDnY+)

92 Twice on the pipes, if the answer is no-o-o-o...

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (WlGX+)

93 Captains log, stardate 201611.30: My Shatnerboner has become unwieldy. May have to lance it soon. If not, will be forced to boldly go where no man has gone before...the Clintonian Clam Canyons. Wish me luck.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (1H9ox)

94 speaking of alternate universes, from someone named Ben White on the CNBC site two days ago: "Trump's transition is a complete mess and there is no reason to assume his White House will be any different." I suspect that Obama's biggest accomplishment at this point in Nov 2008 was coming up with an 'official seal of the president elect"

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (2JQBv)

95 Don't hold back Ace, tell us how you really feel. Oh, and thanks for making me crave pancakes with all the maple syrup dirty talk. CARBS MUST DIE!!!!

Posted by: bebe's boobs destroy at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (yrAmz)

96 79 I got no problem with these columnists -writing- articles like this, just to be ready, but to let them out voluntarily for publication afterwards? That's like the NFL shop selling "Carolina Panthers 2016 world champions!" gear... Posted by: Warai-otoko at November 30, 2016 12:53 PM (sK2fh) I have a Philadelphia Flyers 1987 Stanley Cup Champions banner. They lost to the Oilers in seven games that year.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (7HtZB)

97 Ace is the place with the helpful schadenboner man! Dang! I think the cannon just fired.

Posted by: willy at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (Ffw22)

98 Update: My dick is now actually a pimp. It's turnin' out ho's and tricks and givin' them the back of its dick-hand if they give it any sass. that line had me giggling like a 5th grader.

Posted by: Distracted drivin.... SQUIRREL! at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (DVC2D)

99 Read the stuff at the link. One supposes that all of those pieces are still being read and re-read by the authors, but now are tear-stained.

Posted by: Gloaty McGloatface at November 30, 2016 07:55 AM (ZO497)

100 "That's like the NFL shop selling "Carolina Panthers 2016 world champions!" gear..."

The NFL shop gives them away to poor third-world nations and takes a big tax deduction.  They send them to impoverished places like Rwanda, Myanmar, and Detroit.

Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (iIzG7)

101 I always thought if it lasted over four hours it was prowess, not a problem.

Posted by: Marcus T at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (lIH7u)

102 77 "... in the face of an incredible amount of sexism." Can anyone cite any of this supposed sexism? Posted by: JG2.0 at November 30, 2016 12:53 PM (HoveR) I was thinking the same thing. Apparently, not voting for Hillary's vagina is, ipso facto, sexism.

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (PRtT5)

103 But Hillary would have saved ALL 1400 Carrier jobs instead of just 1000!

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (IqV8l)

104 Wonder what color the sky is there....maybe it's also filled with my pretty ponies, skittles rainbows and glitter? http://bit.ly/2gyf5Go

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (0F67M)

105 >>>Oh, and thanks for making me crave pancakes with all the maple syrup dirty talk. CARBS MUST DIE!!!! just because i'm married to low carb doesn't mean I can't look at other foods

Posted by: ace at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (8rNrN)

106 I like this part: Clinton's skeptics have already been denying credit for her expected victory by noting that she benefited from facing the least popular major party nominee in history, and that a normal Republican could have defeated her. The narrative they were going to go with. Pre-written, btw.

Posted by: Hugh Jorgen at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (R5EqA)

107 Poor Clinton had to run against two people. President Elect Donald Trump and President Elect Not Hillary

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at November 30, 2016 07:56 AM (FOeaV)

108 Our boners will blot out the sun. Then we will fuck Kate's clam canyon in the shade!

Posted by: R2-D Sperm at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (XkVXQ)

109 Can anyone cite any of this supposed sexism? Not wanting to vote for a woman!!!!!

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (39g3+)

110 Some where in Africa, a village is wearing Cleveland Indian World Series Champions t-shirts while reading the "Madame President" Newsweek. The sport memorabilia IMO is much more interesting. Oh, they printed and recalled or pulped some magazines. Big deal. But, like, shirts and stuff? Collectibles and keepsakes that people actually keep and use? Maaaaan. What's the turnaround on that stuff, anyway? Do they have to make a bunch of each and ship it, or do they normally start producing only as soon as the game's won? I've never tracked the timeline, but the Cubs Won stuff did appear very fast.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (u0s1P)

111 Someone needs to send Trump one of those Newsweek mags with 'madame president' on the cover, so he can do a Dewey Defeats Truman photo shoot.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (7ZVPa)

112 I camped in Clam Canyon once. It was all bushy near the trailhead and pretty damp once you got inside. We smelled plenty of fish but couldn't seem to catch any. Be glad no one was baking bread.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (sUwfN)

113 by noting that she benefited from facing the least popular major party nominee in history ------------ And she still lost. Bigly. Ha.

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (gmeXX)

114 13 Our boners will blot out the sun.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 12:45 PM (0F67M)

 

Then we'll fight in the shade.

Posted by: Pelosi, Clinton, Ellison etal [/i] [/b] at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (oZEJt)

115 Speaking only for myself, the Beatles clip was the best part of the whole pose.  Thanks for that.

Posted by: grammie winger at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (bpfzP)

116 and then can't even get your shit together enough on election night to concede because you're too emotional. Posted by: Lea ___________ You misspelled "drunk".

Posted by: Furious George at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (77i7V)

117 >>Yeah. As I've been telling my coworkers, she's basically the worst feminist ever. Riding your husbands coattails to power, as you stick around despite multiple affairs...and then can't even get your shit together enough on election night to concede because you're too emotional. Feminist my ass.


Bingo!

Rush also made an interesting point: Hillary came of age when feminism was really breaking through - she could have blazed her own trail like so many other boomer women were doing. And yet...not only did she get married, but she married a good ol' boy from Arkansas and then - get this - moved there (the icky, backwards South!), had a baby, and supported his political aspirations, all while ignoring his numerous, years-long affairs....

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (NOIQH)

118 I think Hillary's non-appearance on election night was more due to vodka than emotions, but still. Nothing like a president not being able to take that 3 am call because she's plastered.

Posted by: Barb the Evil Genius at November 30, 2016 07:57 AM (FQKBL)

119 and that a normal Republican could have defeated her. A normal Republican. Like Mitt Romney.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 07:58 AM (WlGX+)

120 Hillary is dead, politically. But she lives on in Nancy Pelosi. You can argue that Nancy has been more influential over the last ten years than Obama. She had a bigger hand in drafting Obamacare, and along with Harry Reid, pushed it through. She's had enormous influence over the budget in the last eight years, and turned Obama's Stimulus into Porkulus, so that the money wouldn't go to burly men jobs that might actually build something. Because we haven't had a real budget, we've repeated this horrendous mistake every year since, which is why we've never had a recovery. Nancy's hubby was junior partner to Bill Hambrecht, and so for decades Nancy has been able to tap into Bay Area tech billionaire moguls for donations. This has made the D party beholden to the interests of a narrow faction of the elite. And she's still in power. Power of the purse, baby!

Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 07:58 AM (SIY7D)

121 Shadenboner status: diamonds

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at November 30, 2016 07:58 AM (KUaJL)

122 I don't want to be rude, but my dick is so large right now it has its own zip code.
Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 12:50 PM

I know.  Did I mention my father was a mailman?

Posted by: John Kasich at November 30, 2016 07:58 AM (S2VsH)

123 Newsweek. The franchise. Sold for a buck. One dollar. One whole dollar.
And now you know why...

Posted by: tu3031 at November 30, 2016 07:58 AM (qJhUV)

124 Whether you believe in God or karma, the amount of hubris and unfathomable arrogance by the left practically guaranteed they would get butt fucked Die Hard style on Election Day.

Posted by: John Nada - Formerly #NeverHillary at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (KLyOA)

125 Maple syrup? Really Ace?!?!?!

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (voOPb)

126 What's the turnaround on that stuff, anyway? Do they have to make a bunch of each and ship it, or do they normally start producing only as soon as the game's won? I've never tracked the timeline, but the Cubs Won stuff did appear very fast. It's made ahead of time and is ready to roll by game over. No other way the screen printing can dry that quick.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (sUwfN)

127 I suspect that Obama's biggest accomplishment at this point in Nov 2008 was coming up with an 'official seal of the president elect" It took him like 2 years to finish filling his cabinet. I think he was still picking "czars" in his second term.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (39g3+)

128 71 I camped in Clam Canyon once. It was all bushy near the trailhead and pretty damp once you got inside. We smelled plenty of fish but couldn't seem to catch any. Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 12:52 PM (WlGX+) Did you come across the little man in the boat?

Posted by: OregonMuse, deplorable since 2004 at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (PRtT5)

129 My Shadenboner is the monlith from the begining of 2001: a space odyssey

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (KUaJL)

130 Question: why was this able to be published in the first place? Reporting is supposed to be reactive, and this kind of thing is an embarrassment. Why didn't the authors simply delete their articles?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (Pby3z)

131 I watched NBC's full 1980 election coverage this morning on YouTube. And you have to hand it to Jimmy Carter - and John Anderson. They both managed to stay sober and concede like gentlemen.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (WlGX+)

132 Oh man. This is just too good.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (0mRoj)

133 I don't mean to "work blue," but my boner just launched a smaller auxilliary sub-boner. It looks like the escape pod in Star Wars, only instead of droids, it has bickering sperm inside of it. One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon. Children, pay attention. ^This^ is poetry.

Posted by: Blanco Basura at November 30, 2016 07:59 AM (4WhSY)

134 My schadenboner is so big it stretches across Texas..the long way

Posted by: willy at November 30, 2016 08:00 AM (Ffw22)

135 I believe the cowbell needs to be returned from retirement.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:00 AM (tewYv)

136 Posted by: John Kasich You were the only one who could ever beat her.

Posted by: Bertram Cabot, Jr. at November 30, 2016 08:00 AM (IqV8l)

137 "That's like the NFL shop selling "Carolina Panthers 2016 world champions!" gear..." ----- Its funnier if you use "Minnesota Vikings"

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:00 AM (8XRCm)

138 What's the saying? So hard a cat couldn't scratch it.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at November 30, 2016 08:00 AM (FOeaV)

139 That was funny as hell. Who doesn't have placeholder notes in their writing, though, like "need to connect these paragraphs" or "this is clunky, fix if time"? I used to write really crazy stuff in high school papers, and then delete it right away out of paranoia. Anyway, yeah, it was funny but also relatable.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (u0s1P)

140 >>>Oh, and thanks for making me crave pancakes with all the maple syrup dirty talk. CARBS MUST DIE!!!! Kodiak pancake mix has a good protein/carb ratio. Costco has regular version, but the high protein mix is available through Amazon. Tastes good.

Posted by: wooga at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (4dhU8)

141 I have a Philadelphia Flyers 1987 Stanley Cup Champions banner. They lost to the Oilers in seven games that year. Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 12:55 PM (7HtZB What a bittersweet thing to own (Unless you were an Oilers fan, I guess!)

Posted by: Warai-otoko at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (sK2fh)

142 I saw Auxillary Sub-Boner tarred & feathered at Lilith Fair

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (voOPb)

143 Warning: Consult a doctor if your shadenboner lasts for more than four hours. The doctor's office is the only place I see Newsweek nowadays.

Posted by: rickl - THE MEDIA IS LYING TO YOU at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (zoehZ)

144 FLAMING Schaudenboners!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: !Deplorable Lives Matter! at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (oBuXO)

145 126 What's the turnaround on that stuff, anyway? Do they have to make a bunch of each and ship it, or do they normally start producing only as soon as the game's won? I've never tracked the timeline, but the Cubs Won stuff did appear very fast. It's made ahead of time and is ready to roll by game over. No other way the screen printing can dry that quick. Posted by: rickb223 at November 30, 2016 12:59 PM (sUwfN) I posted above that I have a banner for the 1987 Stanley Cup champion Philadelphia Flyers - they lost that series.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (7HtZB)

146 I'm making money at home by renting out my schadenboner as a space elevator.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (/tuJf)

147 If it hasn't already been said, Hillary Clinton Will. Never. Be. President.

Posted by: no good deed at November 30, 2016 08:01 AM (/O5Ax)

148 My boner is so big, I put on a black condom and it looked like outer space!

Posted by: willy at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (Ffw22)

149 The sport memorabilia IMO is much more interesting. Oh, they printed and recalled or pulped some magazines. Big deal. But, like, shirts and stuff? Collectibles and keepsakes that people actually keep and use? Maaaaan. What's the turnaround on that stuff, anyway? Do they have to make a bunch of each and ship it, or do they normally start producing only as soon as the game's won? I've never tracked the timeline, but the Cubs Won stuff did appear very fast. Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 12:57 PM (u0s1P) The shirts and stuff get produced as soon as the line up is set. I read that MLB no longer donates the losing team's stuff to foreign countries and instead it now all gets destroyed. Why? Because enterprising people were using those shirts to lift off the logos and then turning around and selling fake jerseys and the like. On the one hand, that sucks. On the other hand, I don't care where you are on this planet, someone will find a way to make a buck.

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (mf5HN)

150 If ESPN does a couple/dozens of segments on What Might Have Been that will surely bring the subscribers back in droves!

Posted by: Lily (formerly of Hot Air) now of AOSHQ at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (vfC/C)

151 Schwing batter batter schwing!

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (1H9ox)

152 I wonder if Hillary will participate in the Million Women March on January 21st?

https://www.facebook.com/groups/1815179942100686/

Posted by: PAgirlinNC at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (/5WQL)

153 Is the left wing press still pissed that Trump got Carrier to stay and the fact they make Air Conditioners that destroy the environment? This is why Trump won.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (dKiJG)

154 Aw, you should have kept the "raking the leaves" and just added the "pimpin'"!!

Posted by: Dirty Randy at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (jjaLl)

155 On the other hand, I don't care where you are on this planet, someone will find a way to make a buck. -------------- Isn't capitalism great.

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (gmeXX)

156 "Posted by: no good deed"

I'm sorry, friend, but I couldn't make that out clearly.  Could you repeat that, please?

Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 08:02 AM (iIzG7)

157 My boner is now offering prayers to Crom that are kind of threatening.

Posted by: ace at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (8rNrN)

158 My boner is so big, I put on a black condom and it looked like outer space! ... Phrasing.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (1H9ox)

159 I'll buy that for a dollar!

Posted by: Zombie Sidney Harman at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (0F67M)

160 my dick and balls just started pumping out pheremones so sweet they smell exactly like waffles drowned in Maine maple syrup

Where do I apply for a Platinum Membership, big boy?

Posted by: Sandra Flook at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (vtcmf)

161 >>>Kodiak pancake mix has a good protein/carb ratio. QFT, plus add some plain protein cooking powder if ya need it.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (kJtGF)

162 is it too early to start taking bets on whether Hilly will try to run again in 2020..? oh my, Trump (or Pence) to meet with Condi Rice..?

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (2JQBv)

163 141 I have a Philadelphia Flyers 1987 Stanley Cup Champions banner. They lost to the Oilers in seven games that year. Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 12:55 PM (7HtZB What a bittersweet thing to own (Unless you were an Oilers fan, I guess!) Posted by: Warai-otoko at November 30, 2016 01:01 PM (sK2fh) It's the bittersweet. I watched every game of that series as a kid, the most exciting, wonderful & heartbreaking sporting event I can remember. I'm trying to get the autographs of every member of that team.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (7HtZB)

164 Is the left wing press still pissed that Trump got Carrier to stay and the fact they make Air Conditioners that destroy the environment? This is why Trump won. Ford. Carrier. And he STILL has almost two months before he takes office!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:03 AM (sUwfN)

165 My gawd. Ace has invented Multi Level Schadenbonering. Might I suggest branding it "BAM WAY"

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (8XRCm)

166 >>I think Hillary's non-appearance on election night was more due to vodka than emotions, but still. Nothing like a president not being able to take that 3 am call because she's plastered.


Pretty sure it was both. She is completely self-absorbed, so after the loss became clear it was all about nursing her own emotional wounds with alcohol and rage at those who failed her.

As has been pointed out, we knew Hillary didn't have what it takes to deal with a massive crisis - just look at her non-appearance during the Benghazi attack (and days after) - she was MIA.

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (NOIQH)

167 Moar boner reinforcements incoming, in this quote from Insty last week:
 
ONE MONTH AGO TODAY IN THE WASHINGTON POST: There is no possible way Donald Trump's team actually believes this is their path to 270. "I mean, look. Clinton has a 6.2-point lead in Pennsylvania. She's up 6.5 points in Wisconsin. She's up 10 in Michigan. She leads in Colorado by 8 and Virginia by 10. Those are margins that put those states easily out of reach. Put another way, polls do not show Trump close in Pennsylvania, New Hampshire and Colorado - they show Clinton leading by 6, 7 and 8 points, respectively. Using that map, Clinton has 323 electoral votes, and a victory. Move all of her light blue states into the 'maybe' column and she is at 273. She has won."

Posted by: GnuBreed [/i] [/b] at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (oZEJt)

168 My schadenboner's so big it kept turning the Wheel of Pain after I dropped!!

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (kJtGF)

169 Elon Musk should call me. My shadenboner could be used to power his crazy mars mission and his stupid electric car boondogle.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (KUaJL)

170 The lefty anger over losing the election is still palpable. And their anger makes a lot of sense! This is not the America the left wants. The left hates our now growing economy, manufacturing jobs not leaving for Mexico, high consumer confidence, calm foreign allies and enemies eager to make deals. All that peace and prosperity runs counter to the lefty playbook, which emphasizes identity victimization, multi-cultural shit and ever higher dependence upon the Democrat party for food and the other necessities of life.

Posted by: MTF at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (sCBEO)

171 COME ON IN MY KITCHEN https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NB1ZGels-dY Call me, Ace.

Posted by: Aunt Jemimah at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (MQZBa)

172 I just returned the towel rack I bought for the master bathroom.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (1H9ox)

173 153 Is the left wing press still pissed that Trump got Carrier to stay and the fact they make Air Conditioners that destroy the environment? According to the left wing press, Trump acted like a totalitarian dictator by stepping in before he's in office. In reality, they're just pissed that Trump made their crapweasel God-King look bad by comparison.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (WlGX+)

174 Equal to the eternal-boner quality of this post by Ace......Pelosi wins! Pelosi wins! Pelosi wins!.... YES! A Ball sack full of Trumpian victories now assured.

Posted by: !Deplorable Lives Matter! at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (oBuXO)

175 Could you repeat that, please?

It never gets old. I have a boner so hard you couldn't cut it with a diamond saw...and I don't even have a penis.

Posted by: no good deed at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (/O5Ax)

176 Kodiak pancake mix has a good protein/carb ratio. Costco has regular version, but the high protein mix is available through Amazon. Tastes good. Posted by: wooga at November 30, 2016 01:01 PM (4dhU Yes but it is extremely sensitive to the mix of liquid (you can use water or milk) to powder. Go a little under - when its runny it doesn't cook well or flip well.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:04 AM (tewYv)

177 It's made ahead of time and is ready to roll by game over. No other way the screen printing can dry that quick. That's what I figured, but I've never followed up on what happens to the merch. Paper products can be pulped, but are shirts and things really donated to charities? I guess that makes the most sense, but there's a market for that stuff, too.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (u0s1P)

178 >>>It marks the end of centuries of exclusion of women from the nation's top job. Sexism in the past doesn't mean that it's obligated or wise to elect a corrupt sociopath who has a proven track record of selling us out and acting against the country's best interests. I don't think you have to be partcularly bright for that thought to spring to mind. But it never springs to the left's mind.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (Pby3z)

179 Cavemen are dancing around my monolith of an erection, hooting and waving sticks & bones.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (7HtZB)

180 Stop ... just please stop. Between this and the ESPN article, the schadenboner is just too fucking intense. I can't leave my office now, and people are starting to wonder exactly what I'm doing on my computer ... but are afraid to walk in. Oh shit ... I need a towel ...

Posted by: thirteen28 at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (GdJ+p)

181 My schdenboner is so big it has become sentient and is plotting world domination.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (8XRCm)

182 What's the saying? So hard a cat couldn't scratch it. I've always liked "harder than Chinese arithmetic," because racist.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (u0s1P)

183 Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 01:03 PM

There is a (large) part of her that still believes (all evidence to the contrary) she is DESTINED to be America's first woman President.

Her party is going to have to dissuade her of that notion.  But that only assumes the Dem party can de-Clintonize over thext two years, or else that family will still be allowed to hold the reins of power in the shadows.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (S2VsH)

184 Currently jamming to Ofelia K "I Love My Lawyer."

yeeeeah.

I'll be your lawyer . . . .

Posted by: RoyalOil at November 30, 2016 08:05 AM (e2Rx3)

185 Let me tell you about my schadenboner's GAINNNZZZZZZ

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (wtvvX)

186 Is the left wing press still pissed that Trump got Carrier to stay and the fact they make Air Conditioners that destroy the environment? He's actually getting some praise from some in the press for that. I wonder what the deals were in the background and what was offered to get that decision made?

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (39g3+)

187 Launch the sub-boner!

Posted by: Admiral Snackbar at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (vtcmf)

188 Oh shit ... I need a towel ... Posted by: thirteen28 at November 30, 2016 01:05 PM (GdJ+p) ----- tarp ...you need a tarp.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (8XRCm)

189 There's an ape on the end of my schadenboner fighting airplanes!

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (kJtGF)

190 Sploooooooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Splooge! Wow. Looks like I'm hanging wallpaper in here.

Posted by: Guy Who Can't Stop Splooging at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (uhftQ)

191 Pretty sure it was both. She is completely self-absorbed, so after the loss became clear it was all about nursing her own emotional wounds with alcohol and rage at those who failed her. Looked like Hitler in the Downfall bunker scene.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (sUwfN)

192 Harder than a concubine's heart?

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (WlGX+)

193 It's nice to know that they intended to win with the exact same amount of grace they've shown in defeat.

Posted by: Farmer Bob at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (mN+tK)

194 Pretty sure it was both.

I had a great time imagining her raging and drowning in her own vodka infused tears.

Posted by: no good deed at November 30, 2016 08:06 AM (/O5Ax)

195 I've never understood the idea of calling your doctor if it lasts more than four hours. I'm calling every chick that was ever remotely interested in me.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (7ZVPa)

196 I wonder what the deals were in the background and what was offered to get that decision made? --------------- It appears they were state level deals. Probably the type that would bug me.

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (gmeXX)

197 I'm renting out sherpa's to take climber to the summit of my schadenboner. Oxygen will be required.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (/tuJf)

198 This thread might be a bit premature. The latest Vox.com poll shows Hillary up 7.5% in Texas. It's going to be an early night for Trump

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (493sH)

199 This post and those lines. This is why keep coming back here. I love the way you think, Ace. I love the sway you write, Ace. Thank you for showing up everyday and sometimes on weekends and writing for us. Like Andrew Breitbart, you are an original and irreplaceable. You're a gift. Thank you.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (6IPEM)

200 Is the left wing press still pissed that Trump got Carrier to stay and the fact they make Air Conditioners that destroy the environment? He's actually getting some praise from some in the press for that. I wonder what the deals were in the background and what was offered to get that decision made? Move to Mexico and my wall will keep you out too?

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (sUwfN)

201 >>It took him like 2 years to finish filling his cabinet. I think he was still picking "czars" in his second term.


Yeah, remember his Ebola Czar who resigned weeks before he was scheduled to assume the job because he ridiculously said he wouldn't start for something like 3-4 weeks????? I don't remember all the details, just that it was the opposite of an emergency response.

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (NOIQH)

202 131 I watched NBC's full 1980 election coverage this morning on YouTube. And you have to hand it to Jimmy Carter - and John Anderson. They both managed to stay sober and concede like gentlemen. Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 12:59 PM (WlGX+) I am going to watch that, I just barely remember when they called California for Reagan.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at November 30, 2016 08:07 AM (dKiJG)

203 Trump just tweeted me to see if he could use my rock hard schlong to fly his giant law breaking American flag.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:08 AM (1H9ox)

204 My schadenboner is as big as, well, if you think of something really big, it's like that. But bigger.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:08 AM (tewYv)

205 I read that MLB no longer donates the losing team's stuff to foreign countries and instead it now all gets destroyed. Why? Because enterprising people were using those shirts to lift off the logos and then turning around and selling fake jerseys and the like. On the one hand, that sucks. On the other hand, I don't care where you are on this planet, someone will find a way to make a buck. Oh, wow. Never thought of that. I guess I'd've thought that more of that stuff would make it out if produced, but they should have pretty complete control between factory and warehouse before they ship it to vendors.

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:08 AM (u0s1P)

206 TURN THOSE MACHINES BACK ON!!!

Posted by: Hillary! at November 30, 2016 08:08 AM (qJhUV)

207 I am going to watch that, I just barely remember when they called California for Reagan. Look for the young Chris Wallace, wearing those ginormous headphones reporters used to wear.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:08 AM (WlGX+)

208 NASA just requested to use my schadenboner to send supplies to the space station.

Posted by: Mortimer, Finish Her! at November 30, 2016 08:08 AM (W8WOQ)

209 That hole in the Ozone? Yeah . Sorry about that.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (MQZBa)

210 I've never understood the idea of calling your doctor if it lasts more than four hours. Fucker can see it on the 10:00 news like anyone else!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (sUwfN)

211 I can cut diamonds it's so hard.

Posted by: Guy Who Can't Stop Splooging at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (m3iiU)

212 >>survive simultaneous leak-attacks by both a faction of rogue right-wing FBI agents Curse them for telling the truth about the horrible things she did!! VRWC, part 2. Still ticks me off.

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (gTQoY)

213 Harder than a concubine's heart? an Asian concubine

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (0F67M)

214 Point of order. Are we happy that Clinton lost, or that Trump won? My call was that we needed Trump's Mad Media Skillz to win this cycle. That and redefining the R party to be more inclusive. Combined it overcame Trump's exaggerated negatives. I also said all along that when elected, Trump will be at least pretty good and can surprise to the upside. He's a Giuliani-like pragmatist with NYC bridge-and-tunnel values, which is what we need right now. I'm even more convinced of this now.

Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (SIY7D)

215 and I don't even have a penis. Posted by: no good deed Sure you do, its just battery powered and in the side table.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (39g3+)

216 Hey guys, I just found this Jackson Pollack painting in my apartment. It's a pretty unique one, because you can only see it under a black light.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (KUaJL)

217 My boner has broken the spacetime continuum & has simultaneously banged 1957, 1966 & 1995 Sophia Loren.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (7HtZB)

218 My schadenboner is bigger than ESPNs viewership losses.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (1H9ox)

219 Ah yes, I recall specifically how difficult it was for Bambi to fill the SecTreas post. And he finally gets Geithner. Making the complete package of failing upwards into power and riches of the late 90s Dem/Beltway something historic, indeed. Geithner, Gorelick, Raines, et al. People who directly, materially contributed to the greatest (and least excusable) financial catastrophe in history. Cabinet posts, plum board of director slots, fortunes (Bermuda estate and a scratch golf game for Raines).

Posted by: rhomboid at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (QDnY+)

220 I going deer hunting this weekend. Im hanging my tree stand on my schadenboner.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:09 AM (8XRCm)

221 Saruman is looking down from my schadenboner at his Orc army coming out of my pubes.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (kJtGF)

222 I've never understood the idea of calling your doctor if it lasts more than four hours. Fucker can see it on the 10:00 news like anyone else! Along with everyone on my Christmas List.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (0F67M)

223 I'm going to use my schadenboner to strike back at space aliens. Two can play at this anal probe game!

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (/tuJf)

224 Are we happy that Clinton lost, or that Trump won?
Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 01:09 PM (SIY7D)

Why can't it be both?  I am ecstatic about both.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (S2VsH)

225 27 Since I knew I'd get willowed: I'll probably get willowed, but OT, I took the Horde's advice and eliminated any way for my ex g/f bunnyboiler-in-training to contact me, including changing my phone number. Hopefully that's the end of it. Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at November 30, 2016 12:47 PM (Jcg9Q) Good call. Stand well back as the crazy goes past.

Posted by: Halfwise at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (rB/gm)

226 If I were Keith Ellison, I'd be real ambivalent about taking the leadership of the DNC right now.  I mean, the post is like being the chief engineer of the Titanic right now.

On the other hand, it could be a safe assignment.  If the Democrat party survives, he'd be a hero, and if it doesn't, well, it wouldn't be his fault.

Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (iIzG7)

227 FLAMING clown Schaudenboners!!!!!!!!!! Fify

Posted by: Bigbys Preening Fingers at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (kth/o)

228 The REAL winner in all this? Nancy Pelosi. Thanks to Hillary's loss, Pelosi remains the highest-ranking female American politician OF ALL TIME, a position she will almost certainly hold until the day she dies. Pelosi was so stoked to maintain her #1 ranking that she immediately scheduled her seventh facelift.

Posted by: zombie at November 30, 2016 08:10 AM (jBuUi)

229 one that values not only a new style of leadership but also a policy outlook that prioritizes women and children. This shit is disturbing. All people should be treated fairly under the law. Inalienable rights should be respected. No one should be "prioritized". If Obama were forced to donate one of his kidneys to an illegal Mexican woman or child who needed one, that would be "prioritizing women and children", but I'd guess even he would see that that would be immoral.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (Pby3z)

230 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (6IPEM)

231 Well, looks like these recounts are going to cost even more, so keep giving til it hurts! It's for the children you know! And you DO love children, don't you?

Posted by: Dr. Jill Stein at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (qJhUV)

232 I'm harder than Harry Reid at an Oshkosh b'Gosh runway show.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (MQZBa)

233 Point of order. Are we happy that Clinton lost, or that Trump won? I'm happy that Clintoon lost. And happy that Trump won over Yeb!, Katshit and the rest of the GOPe crew.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (WlGX+)

234 Pelosi was so stoked to maintain her #1 ranking that she immediately scheduled her seventh facelift. She is now sporting a goatee.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (sUwfN)

235 You know what's weird? For the last 3 weeks this song has been playing in my head: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2LYekeK0HWo Sing Sing a song la la la lala....

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (LWYzG)

236 CNBC has Bwarny Fwank on talking about Trump rolling back Dodd-Frank. Lisp on Bwarny, lisp on

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (493sH)

237 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. ... You can play with mine for a little bit if you like.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:11 AM (1H9ox)

238 Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. Posted by: L, Elle -- Where does the line start?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (7ZVPa)

239 Im hanging my tree stand on my schadenboner.
Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 01:09 PM

I'm hunting WITH my schadenboner.  Take that, Ted Nugent!

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (S2VsH)

240 "I don't mean to "work blue," but my boner just launched a smaller auxilliary sub-boner. It looks like the escape pod in Star Wars, only instead of droids, it has bickering sperm inside of it. One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon." People, this is great literature, pure and simple. I can just hear Luke (ace)'s wing-man droning "stay on target . . . stay on target . . ." just before Luke (ace) administers the money shot . . . fires the missile . . . errr, destroys Kate's . . . ahh, clam canyon. So when Han Solo (Insomniac) and Chewbacca (Misanthropic Humanitarian) fly in overhead and take out Darth Vader (George Soros), does that mean it was a double team? I'm sure Princess Leia (Alex the Chick) will not approve.

Posted by: Sharkman at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (CS7jF)

241 This was absolutely beautiful. And yes, it's going to last longer than four hours.

Posted by: Colorado Alex In Exile at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (FYrz1)

242 We are going to be having so many schaudenboners that we will be forced to petition the POTUS and ask him to please stop giving us schaudenboners,,,,

Posted by: !Deplorable Lives Matter! at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (oBuXO)

243 Residents of the Burj Khalifa are complaining that my schadenboner is blocking their view. And smells like bacon.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (kJtGF)

244 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. IIRC, a commenter here, long ago, used the phrase "girl wood." So, that's something, right?

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (u0s1P)

245 So how come we haven't heard any chatter about the RNC chairmanship? Who's rumored to replace Priebus?

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (WlGX+)

246 re 183: next question: who controls the Dems now, the Clintons, the Obamas, or some third equally revolting person(s), eg, Sander and the Sandbots? and I nominate 190 for the thread's off topic thread winner. Like a weekend with Bill in a fantasy in his office.

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (2JQBv)

247 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 01:11 PM (6IPEM) ------ **slides over** How YOU doin. Have you met my friend?

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:12 AM (8XRCm)

248 I made a Joke they are pissed Trump took jobs away from Mexico because he's racist. Some moron was saying that Trump was violating X law in negotiating with Carrier, and needs to be arrested Now.

Posted by: Patrick from Ohio at November 30, 2016 08:13 AM (dKiJG)

249 I just saved a trip to Home Depot for an ornamental yule log.  I will be using my shadenboner instead.

Posted by: MacGruber at November 30, 2016 08:13 AM (sWgE+)

250 My schadenboener has become self-aware and now introduces me by saying "Say hello to my lil' fren!"

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:13 AM (/tuJf)

251 Correction:

"In voting for her, Americans rejected Donald Trump's old, macho vision of leadership and embraced a new paradigm, one that values not only a new style of leadership but also a policy outlook that prioritizes women and aborting their children."

Posted by: Ripley at November 30, 2016 08:13 AM (1BQGO)

252 Shoot for the Exhaust Port, ace. You can't miss.

Posted by: Hope Solo at November 30, 2016 08:13 AM (MQZBa)

253 I'm not tired of winning yet. The next four years will be like a non stop rock concert.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (6IPEM)

254 Someone need to Photoshop a pic of the Wash Mall and copy the Wash monument again and again to fill up the pic. Then label it "Excited Inauguration Crowd, Jan. 20, 2017".

Posted by: Mama AJ at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (gTQoY)

255 Did anyone else skip the blurbs quoted and went right for the dick commentary? Just me?

Posted by: Blanco at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (tGBt6)

256 Are we happy that Clinton lost, or that Trump won? Posted by: Ignoramus Think of it this way: You'd be happy to watch a sex tape of Kate Upton giving someone a blowjob. You'd also be happy if you ejaculated. But you'd be SUPER-DUPER happy if the reason you ejaculated was that you WERE the guy getting that blowjob!

Posted by: zombie at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (jBuUi)

257 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. OK guys, who's willing to share theirs with her?

Posted by: Blanco Basura at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (4WhSY)

258 171 Posted by: Aunt Jemimah at November 30, 2016 01:04 PM (MQZBa) ------------------------------------------- somebody needs to wake that woman up if she's going to sing that song.

Posted by: Robert Johnson at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (sCBEO)

259 My schadenboner can be seen from space.

Posted by: Guy Who Can't Stop Splooging at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (uhftQ)

260 This week on Ace's Wide World of Schadenboners we have the MSM and their Agony of Defeat being snatched from their Jaws of Victory.

Posted by: Zombie Jim McKay at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (XoldI)

261 Shoot for the Exhaust Port, ace. You can't miss. Posted by: Hope Solo at November 30, 2016 01:13 PM (MQZBa) ----- never gets old

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (8XRCm)

262 I was laughing so hard at this post that a co-worker just now knocked on my office door and asked me if I was OK.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (u0lmX)

263 I live very close to the Canadian border. The Mounties just called. The maples have filed a complaint. It seems my shadenboner's just too lofty, and it's grabbing up all the light.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:14 AM (WlGX+)

264 We have wormsign the likes of which even God has never seen.

Posted by: Stilgar at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (0F67M)

265 JONATHAN CHAIT Her very real missteps were compounded by a press corps that treated her guilt as an unexamined background assumption. She is almost certainly the first president to survive simultaneous leak-attacks by both a faction of rogue right-wing FBI agents and Russian intelligence. What world do these people live in?

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (493sH)

266 You'd be happy to watch a sex tape of Kate Upton giving someone a blowjob. You'd also be happy if you ejaculated. Immmmm...nope. ;^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (tOcW/)

267 "Her very real missteps were compounded by a press corps that treated her guilt as an unexamined background assumption." That is some Grade-A Pure Fabrication of Reality right there. Chait needs to be on meds if he thinks that was the case. Seriously.

Posted by: red speck at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (RcEOo)

268 Sort of bummed I didn't get a Fidelfie

Posted by: Prezzy Lipout at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (viGLK)

269 Okay, you guys are hilarious. I love this comment thread

Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (6IPEM)

270 re 245: you want someone who can help the party win, so maybe they'll go with Robby Mook.

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (2JQBv)

271 You know what's weird? For the last 3 weeks this song has been playing in my head: Posted by: Soothsayer I want a hippopotamus for Christmas Only a hippopotamus will do! Thanks USPS!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (sUwfN)

272 Shoot for the Exhaust Port, ace.

Yes.

Posted by: Hope's Rolo at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (vtcmf)

273 Shoot for the Exhaust Port, ace. You can't miss. Posted by: Hope Solo at November 30, 2016 01:13 PM (MQZBa) Cover me, Porkins, I'm going in.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (0F67M)

274 Q : What will Hillary Power Through, today? Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 12:48 PM (MQZBa) A: A bottle of vodka, Huma's Xanax prescription and some Parkinson's medicine!

Posted by: Huma Loves Hillary at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (3aBcq)

275 234 She is now sporting a goatee. ======================== Is that what a merkin looks like?

Posted by: MTF at November 30, 2016 08:15 AM (sCBEO)

276 262 I was laughing so hard at this post that a co-worker just now knocked on my office door and asked me if I was OK. LOL I'm glad I work from home, so I can laugh like a hyena and nobody can hear me!

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:16 AM (WlGX+)

277 The trouserworm has turned.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:16 AM (1H9ox)

278 Oh Ace, you're a caution!

Posted by: Pug Mahon, Gloaty McGloatface at November 30, 2016 08:16 AM (RwwCT)

279 To be fair to Jonathan Chait, he's an ignorant twat.

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at November 30, 2016 08:16 AM (FqgrG)

280 >>My schadenboner can be seen from space. My schadenboner can see me from space.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:16 AM (/tuJf)

281 Really the only way it gets better is if we get a snap of a confused looking Hillary standing in traffic wearing a dirty housecoat and slippers with a quart of gin in her pocket.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 30, 2016 08:16 AM (4ErVI)

282 And my comment to you got willowed of course, so here it is ------ Wise course of action Country Boy. I took my dip into crazy land as a learning experience and have actually become a happier person. Every now and then pain really does make you stronger. ------ I will add that it is a great source of amusement to most of my friend's wives. From time to time they even sing me a little song about her..

Posted by: The guy with the hair at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (xXpwR)

283 273 Shoot for the Exhaust Port, ace.

You can't miss.
Posted by: Hope Solo at November 30, 2016 01:13 PM (MQZBa)


Cover me, Porkins, I'm going in.

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 01:15 PM (0F67M)

Dammit, this is gonna end well for everyone but me...

Posted by: Porkins at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (WuRdh)

284 see kelloggs just pulled all advertising from breitbart because of their political leanings and their views on immigration.maybe kelloggs could double up their ad buys on espn. fuck kelloggs.

Posted by: chavez the hugo at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (KP5rU)

285 My schadenboner can be seen from space. My schadenboner can see me from space. ... My schadenboner is space.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (1H9ox)

286 "Really the only way it gets better is if we get a snap of a confused looking Hillary standing in traffic wearing a dirty housecoat and slippers with a quart of gin in her pocket."

That might actually solve my schadenboner problem.

Might.

Posted by: Qoheleth at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (iIzG7)

287 Pelosi was so stoked to maintain her #1 ranking that she immediately scheduled her seventh facelift. She is now sporting a goatee. Posted by: rickb223 at November 30, 2016 01:11 PM (sUwfN) A saw a press conference and thought the Dems had chosen Dr. Phibes

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (493sH)

288 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. OK guys, who's willing to share theirs with her? Posted by: Blanco Basura We aren't called "the horde" for nothing!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:17 AM (sUwfN)

289 Astronauts from the ISS are claiming that my schadenboner is leaning less than the San Francisco Millennium Tower.  So that's good.  I've got structural integrity going for me.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (S2VsH)

290 I've been lightheaded for two weeks now. There is a downside to this schadenboner thing.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (7ZVPa)

291 "Update: My dick is now actually a pimp. It's turnin' out ho's and tricks and givin' them the back of its dick-hand if they give it any sass." Ace has obviously been reading yesterday's Twitter idiot-commentator Tariq "King Flex" Nasheed's classic "The Art of Makin'": http://tinyurl.com/The-Pimp-Hand-is-Strong-Yo

Posted by: Sharkman at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (CS7jF)

292 I'm sure Princess Leia (Alex the Chick) will not approve. Posted by: Sharkman at November 30, 2016 01:12 PM (CS7jF) That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me.

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (mf5HN)

293 This week on Ace's Wide World of Schadenboners we have the MSM and their Agony of Defeat being snatched from their Jaws of Victory.

Watching Hillary tumble end over end into a faceplant in the Scooby van would be quite humorous.

Posted by: tu3031 at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (qJhUV)

294 Thanks to my schadenboner, I have to buy two airplane seat tickets.

Posted by: Guy Who Can't Stop Splooging at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (uhftQ)

295 Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 01:15 PM (493sH) I know. It's so weird.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (tOcW/)

296 My boner is in violation of several nuclear disarmament treaties with Russia.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (7HtZB)

297 My schadenboner's so big it just came up and tapped me on the back and asked if I wanted more pudding.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (X6fMO)

298 Okay, she endured "25 years of relentless and frequently crazed hate directed at her husband." Where? When? I thought Bill Clinton was beloved. That's what the Party press always told us. Isn't that why it was so important to have him campaigning for Barky....and for Hillary? Very confusing.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (Nox3c)

299 283 273 Shoot for the Exhaust Port, ace. You can't miss. Posted by: Hope Solo at November 30, 2016 01:13 PM (MQZBa) Cover me, Porkins, I'm going in. Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 01:15 PM (0F67M) Dammit, this is gonna end well for everyone but me... Posted by: Porkins at November 30, 2016 01:17 PM (WuRdh) C'mon, man, you knew you were fucked the moment you took off. I mean, your name is Porkins for God's sake.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:18 AM (0mRoj)

300 So...the author's allowed these pieces to be published anyways because they hated to see their virtue go unsignalled?

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:19 AM (WlGX+)

301 My schadenboner is so huge the FAA just filed a restraining order.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:19 AM (0mRoj)

302 The University of Montana just received funding to study my schadenboner. They are hoping to prove that it is hiding a second boner inside itself like some sort of Meso-American Phallic Pyramid.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 08:19 AM (MQZBa)

303 This thread is a "casino" of shadenboners.  H/T Tariq "I Hate Whitey" Hassan.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 30, 2016 08:19 AM (PY9jH)

304 https://tinyurl.com/j3mjcn5 Cubs Co-Owner Todd Ricketts as Commerce Secretary

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 08:20 AM (y3aQB)

305 Has John Harwood been fired yet?

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:20 AM (JBggj)

306 Hi there, sailor.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at November 30, 2016 08:20 AM (ZO497)

307 Watching Hillary tumble end over end into a faceplant in the Scooby van would be quite humorous. Tossed in like a sack of feed WAS priceless!

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:20 AM (sUwfN)

308 OOOPS Deputy Secretary of Commerce

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 08:20 AM (y3aQB)

309 Justin Verlander is looking for Ace, and Justin is pissed.

Posted by: S Holmes at November 30, 2016 08:20 AM (+TcCF)

310 Ignoramus you are mostly spot-on, but it seems the de rigeur references to Trump likely to be a bad president are, well, de rigeur. As these comments are never expanded with any details, I've always wondered what they were based on. My own task list for Trump was to eliminate Yeb!, eliminate Rubio, and force the GOP field to deal seriously with mass illegal migration and rule of law. Beyond that I had no agenda for him. He's already out-performed by defeating Hillary and most of the "establishment" in several fields.

Posted by: rhomboid at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (QDnY+)

311 Hopefully that's the end of it. Posted by: Country Boy - Deplorable and proud of it at November 30, 2016 12:47 PM (Jcg9Q) Nicely done, CB. Nicely done.

Posted by: Sharkman at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (CS7jF)

312 Posted by: rickb223 at November 30, 2016 01:20 PM

Somebody should have grabbed the shoe and eBayed it.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (S2VsH)

313 My schadenboner is so huge the FAA just filed a restraining order. Posted by: Insomniac ---------- Yeah, sorry. That exceeds carry-on limits.

Posted by: FAA at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (ZO497)

314 I received a nasty letter from my homeowners' association, and another from the FAA. Something about unauthorized structures and night lighting being required.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (7ZVPa)

315 https://tinyurl.com/j3mjcn5 Cubs Co-Owner Todd Ricketts as Commerce Secretary --------------- I'm thinking Theo Epstein - he might be able to do the impossible, like shut down the Department of Education.

Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (gmeXX)

316 It's like a Turkish bath house in here!

Posted by: The guy with the hair at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (xXpwR)

317 Has John Harwood been fired yet? Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 01:20 PM (JBggj) Nope, he's still parked across the street from Trump Tower giving his non-biased reports

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (493sH)

318 Trump grabbed Jonathan Chait by the pu**y

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:21 AM (WlGX+)

319 This thread is a red herring. Is so full of phallus-y.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:22 AM (8XRCm)

320 Too funny, Ace.

Posted by: IC at November 30, 2016 08:22 AM (a0IVu)

321 *runs sobbing from the room*

Posted by: John Holmes at November 30, 2016 08:22 AM (ZO497)

322 ettes get schadepokies

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:22 AM (39g3+)

323 That schadenboner was just too big for Jim to handle.

Posted by: Zombie Marlon Perkins at November 30, 2016 08:22 AM (XoldI)

324 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. Posted by: L, Elle Google "packer".

Posted by: Chazz Bono at November 30, 2016 08:22 AM (Pby3z)

325 It's like a Turkish bath house in here!
Posted by: The guy with the hair at November 30, 2016 01:21 PM

I thought you liked the bathhouse, Timmy?

Posted by: Captain Over at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (S2VsH)

326 My schadenboner's so huge I'm getting a hummer from the face on Mars right now.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (0mRoj)

327 250 My schadenboener has become self-aware and now introduces me by saying "Say hello to my lil' fren!" Posted by: JackStraw I actually took this picture of your schadenboner: http://www.zombietime.com/up_your_alley_2008/part_2_full/IMG_3934.JPG (Don't worry, it's G-rated and safe for work.)

Posted by: zombie at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (jBuUi)

328 Ace, you have me crying here.

Posted by: real joe at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (FdTDf)

329 Porkins is dead?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (LWYzG)

330 I just wanted you to know that I used the Amazon Portal to order a Penis Durometer.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (MQZBa)

331 I love how the left counted their votes before they stole enough of them. Slimy bastards top to bottom.

Posted by: Eromero at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (zLDYs)

332 Forget liberal tears, it's Niagara Falls.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at November 30, 2016 08:23 AM (PY9jH)

333 Oh my, so many penises. *fans self*

Posted by: Mr. Garrison at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (RwwCT)

334 Pelosi should ease up on the botox treatments, she is starting to look like a crypt keeper. That said, she looks better than Hillary these days.

Posted by: IC at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (a0IVu)

335 If you haven't seen Morning Joe on Hillary joining the recount you owe it to yourself to watch. Mika playing the George Burns straight man role is particularly enjoyable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTiIBBmoe74
 

Posted by: [/i] [/u] [/s] [/b]An Observation at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (rhswq)

336 This thread seems really rapey.

Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (Fmupd)

337 and there's this, which I noticed on weaselz: headline: The election really was rigged a quote: "Millions of would-be voters didn't participate because of obstacles designed to discourage them." WaPo: Dana Milbank ('Milbank' is Danish slang for 'twat') http://tinyurl.com/hgbcuuj

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (2JQBv)

338 Earlier this morning, I was viewing YouTube  videos of Election Night coverage.  The best was Newsbusters. Oh, man.  The CBS meltdowns was ... Awesome. 

The emotional contrast between Norah O'Donnell and Charlie Rose was startling.  I don't know if O'Donnell was popping uppers or if she was a closet Trump supporter, but she looked bright and shiny, while Rose looked like he was on the downslope of an epic bender.

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (JBggj)

339 I envision all these guys as having pre-written pieces for all kinds of news events. Mass shootings Muslim terrorist acts, Republicans caught in scandals, etc. Just fill in the blanks.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (39g3+)

340 If this keeps up and congress does not do it's job, Obama is going to use his pen to enact schadenboner control.

Posted by: Ripley at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (1BQGO)

341 Jim never has a 4 hour schadenboner at home...

Posted by: Chick From Airplane at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (MQZBa)

342 Grant Tinker is dead?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (LWYzG)

343 My top 2 images from the entire general election will always be: The FAB getting tossed in back of that van like a stack of lumber. And Trump taking the stage in Miami to the strains of "Do You Hear the People Sing?" and that Les Deporables backdrop right after the FAB's "basket of deplorables" gaffe, and the crowd going insane.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (WlGX+)

344 It's the bittersweet. I watched every game of that series as a kid, the most exciting, wonderful & heartbreaking sporting event I can remember. I'm trying to get the autographs of every member of that team. Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 01:03 PM (7HtZB) Hextall with the MVP trophy, though.

Posted by: Halfwise at November 30, 2016 08:24 AM (rB/gm)

345 We don't need any more Noods. I want to stay on this thread forever. You guys excel at dick jokes. I'm so proud of you!

Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 08:25 AM (6IPEM)

346 That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:18 PM (mf5HN) Given my previous multiple experiences with The Ravage, I do aim (ahem) to please, Your Grace.

Posted by: Sharkman at November 30, 2016 08:25 AM (CS7jF)

347 (Don't worry, it's G-rated and safe for work.) Posted by: zombie at November 30, 2016 01:23 PM (jBuUi) G rated means something different in San Francisco I see.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:25 AM (tewYv)

348 * hmm. 'Debbie does Alaska'. We might be able to do something with that*

Posted by: Hallmark Channel at November 30, 2016 08:25 AM (ZO497)

349 I was taking a bath and my schadenboner looked like the grainy photo of the Loch Ness Monster.

Posted by: MacGruber at November 30, 2016 08:25 AM (sWgE+)

350 The emotional contrast between Norah O'Donnell and Charlie Rose was startling. I don't know if O'Donnell was popping uppers or if she was a closet Trump supporter, but she looked bright and shiny, while Rose looked like he was on the downslope of an epic bender. Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 01:24 PM (JBggj) That was Charlie Rose I thought it was Boris Karloff.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:25 AM (493sH)

351 You might think that Jenner, being intact and a conservative would have a schadenboner. But because he has been undergoing estrogen therapy, he is almost certainly impotent and sterile at this point.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 08:26 AM (Pby3z)

352 Grant Tinker was the head of NBC is the eighties when NBC primetime was practically dead. And then came the Cosby Show that saved the network.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 08:26 AM (LWYzG)

353 I'm glad Trump won. I like his cabinet picks so far and getting rid of Obamacare and slowing the border sieve will be enough for me. Cruz on the Supreme Court would knock his Presidency out of the park in my opinion.

Posted by: Seems legit at November 30, 2016 08:26 AM (U+nHb)

354 Look at the size of that thing!

Posted by: Wedge Antilles at November 30, 2016 08:26 AM (7HtZB)

355 Buncha leftists burned a flag in front of the Trump Hotel.

Yeah. You showed him.

Trump Trolling Level: Galactic Overlord


PS: #That'sWhyYouGotTrump

Posted by: RoyalOil at November 30, 2016 08:27 AM (e2Rx3)

356 Hill Street Blues Night Court Cheers Family Ties Before this, NBC had nothing.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 08:27 AM (LWYzG)

357 And then came the Cosby Show that saved the network.

jelloboner

Posted by: Hope's Rolo at November 30, 2016 08:27 AM (vtcmf)

358 That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:18 PM (mf5HN) The court of Her Imperial Malevolence is a lot like Cuba. One always speaks nicely of the Empress. Or else.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at November 30, 2016 08:27 AM (X6fMO)

359 You might think that Jenner, being intact and a conservative would have a schadenboner. But because he has been undergoing estrogen therapy, he is almost certainly impotent and sterile at this point. Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 01:26 PM (Pby3z) THAT"S FUNNY BECAUSE HE'S A CHICK WITH A DICK.

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at November 30, 2016 08:27 AM (tewYv)

360 What world do these people live in?

Posted by: TheQuietMan


It's a cult.

Posted by: weft cut-loop[/i][/b] at November 30, 2016 08:28 AM (1G5R8)

361 324 This is one of those rare times that I have penis envy. Where's my schadenboner, huh? Well, where is it? I feel like I'm missing out. I fell cheated. Posted by: L, Elle Google "packer". Posted by: Chazz Bono at November 30, 2016 01:22 PM (Pby3z) Packers! Woo!

Posted by: MST3K Running Jokes at November 30, 2016 08:28 AM (7HtZB)

362 354 Look at the size of that thing! Posted by: Wedge Antilles at November 30, 2016 01:26 PM (7HtZB) Cut the chatter, Red 2.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:28 AM (0mRoj)

363 Grant Tinker was married to Mary Tyler Moore. Hot Mary Tyler Moore. Speaking of Mary, she's in very poor health and nearly blind from Type 1 diabetes. I was quite dismayed when I read that.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 30, 2016 08:28 AM (4ErVI)

364 Before this, NBC had nothing. Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 01:27 PM (LWYzG) You call Supertrain! nothing?!?!

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:28 AM (tewYv)

365 The Worlds Strongest Man producers just called to see if they could use my schadenboner in an event. They asked if it could be "made smaller".

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:28 AM (6xi6q)

366 Muad 'dib! Stop scaring the sandworms away with that thing!

Posted by: Stilgar at November 30, 2016 08:29 AM (XoldI)

367 Posted by: Wedge Antilles at November 30, 2016 01:26 PM

Cut the chatter, Red Two.

Posted by: Red Leader at November 30, 2016 08:29 AM (S2VsH)

368 What are the odds that the only fat guy in the rebellion would be named Porkins?

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 08:29 AM (0F67M)

369 "318 Trump grabbed Jonathan Chait by the pu**y" I remember when Jonah Goldberg wrote (might have been Rich Lowry) that Chait was the kind of reasonable liberal that conservatives could have useful conversations with.

Posted by: Benji Carver at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (OD2ni)

370 Somebody should make up a bunch of alternate reality t-shirts of Hillary!'s Presidency- like "BAM! Take that Patriarchy! *big goofy ass picture of Hillary! smiling* President Hillary Clinton" I think you'd have a double market. Whining true-believers showing their support for delusional insanity and the rest of us being all ironical and dickish.

Posted by: naturalfake at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (vZ9Fw)

371 Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 01:28 PM

Damn.  Beat me by that much...

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (S2VsH)

372 I haven't laughed so hard in a very long time. Thanks! Shadenboner- LMFAO

Posted by: Fritz62 at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (txGCj)

373 The FAB getting tossed in back of that van like a stack of lumber. Hillary's collapse leaving a shoe behind should be the enduring image and symbol of the 2016 election. It would have been 40 years ago. It would have been if she were the Republican. But because of protected class/Clinton Foundation muscle/Democrat... the news will never mention it again.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (39g3+)

374 'Give me a a fulcrum, and a place to stand and my Schadenboner will move the Earth.' -Shit Archimedes Said, Vol. I

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (MQZBa)

375 How funny. I never have received an answer from all of those who wanted Hillary as first woman president: "Why this particular woman?" My speculation is that for woman of a certain age she became the avatar of all of their feminist rage. They needed her victory to justify their lives to themselves. So her failure is not just personal but generational. Which makes it much, much more satisfying.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 08:30 AM (hLRSq)

376 368 What are the odds that the only fat guy in the rebellion would be named Porkins? Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 01:29 PM (0F67M) He developed an eating disorder from being named Porkins.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:31 AM (0mRoj)

377 Has anyone told Ace to take the rest of the day off yet? Just in case no one said it, Ace take off for the rest of the day. There's no way you can top this post.

Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 08:31 AM (6IPEM)

378 I saw the Avatars of Reactionary Sexism open for the Stone Temple Pilots at the Whiskey in '88.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:31 AM (8ZskC)

379 So her failure is not just personal but generational. Go on..

Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (0F67M)

380 Where's the article from Bill Wynn rubbing it in?

Posted by: Benji Carver at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (OD2ni)

381 re 363: I remember seeing her at the Emmy awards in 1993 and she looked pretty bad then.

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (2JQBv)

382 377 Has anyone told Ace to take the rest of the day off yet? Just in case no one said it, Ace take off for the rest of the day. There's no way you can top this post. Posted by: L, Elle at November 30, 2016 01:31 PM (6IPEM) Only with another schadenboner.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (0mRoj)

383 Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 01:09 PM (MQZBa) Always with Teh Funneh!

Posted by: Tammy al-Thor #FreeCthulhu at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (lkEum)

384 Vagina is out? VAGINA IS OUT???!!!

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (8ZskC)

385 But because of protected class/Clinton Foundation muscle/Democrat... the news will never mention it again.
==============

"news"?

Oh, you mean the Ministry of Propaganda's speakpieces.

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:32 AM (JBggj)

386 Porkins is dead?
Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 01:23 PM

No, no.  I'm alright.  I'm alr...

Posted by: Porkins at November 30, 2016 08:33 AM (S2VsH)

387 Where's the article from Bill Wynn rubbing it in? Posted by: Benji Carver at November 30, 2016 01:32 PM (OD2ni) The toilets at the Chamber of Commerce aren't going to clean themselves.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:33 AM (493sH)

388 384 Vagina is out? VAGINA IS OUT???!!! Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 01:32 PM (8ZskC) It's not supposed to be, but there's surgery for that.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:33 AM (0mRoj)

389 Brian Dennehy bows to the immensity of my schadenboner.

Posted by: davidt at November 30, 2016 08:33 AM (XoldI)

390 News conference: FBI still looking for a reason Stabby Somalian became Stabby Somalian.

"Dammit! This is a real whodunnit!"
"Sure is, sarge!"

Posted by: tu3031 at November 30, 2016 08:33 AM (qJhUV)

391 354 Look at the size of that thing!

Posted by: Wedge Antilles at November 30, 2016 01:26 PM (7HtZB)
<<


Stay on target!

Posted by: Red Leader at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (sWgE+)

392 My schadenboner's so big it just came up and tapped me on the back and asked if I wanted more pudding. Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at November 30, 2016 01:18 PM (X6fMO) When I die of aspiration pneumonia, it's your fault.

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (mf5HN)

393 I'm getting jealous of my schadenboner. I sat at a concert in the nosebleed seats, and he was in the front row. The day before.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (6xi6q)

394 Prolly the best thing I've read with a boner on the interwebs all week.

Posted by: Deplorable Redneck Bitter Clinger at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (DaDYr)

395 Another alt. reality t-shirt: Vagina is Queen! *big goofy ass picture of Hillary! smiling* President Hillary Clinton

Posted by: naturalfake at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (vZ9Fw)

396 I believe the term boner originated with the Joker, of Batmanfame

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (Pby3z)

397 Uh oh -- latest exit polls show Hillary up by 7 in Pennsylvania! Looks like she's got it locked up. THAT will deflate your premature ejaculators, you damn Trumpthuglikkkans!

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (jBuUi)

398 My speculation is that for woman of a certain age she became the avatar of all of their feminist rage. They needed her victory to justify their lives to themselves. So her failure is not just personal but generational. Which makes it much, much more satisfying. Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 01:30 PM (hLRSq) *Fistbump*

Posted by: Barky McFuckstick's Rogue Telepromter at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (i0ykY)

399 Looks like it's going to be an early night for vagina.

Posted by: Bill Gynn at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (vtcmf)

400 You know, they offered me the role of Ace's Scadenboner. But, some parts are just too big to pull off.

Posted by: Brian Dennehy at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (MQZBa)

401 Dicks to left of me Boners to the right Here I am Stuck in the middle with Ace

Posted by: The cockpit at November 30, 2016 08:34 AM (xXpwR)

402 OH, Has anybody mentioned. Hillary Clinton will never be be president of the United States also Bill Clinton will never return to the white house other than to visit.

Posted by: USNtakim at November 30, 2016 08:35 AM (hMqvx)

403 Queen Vagina I currently rules selected precincts of a house in Chappaqua, not including the kitchen.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:35 AM (8ZskC)

404 The only thing up by seven points is my schadenboner.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:35 AM (0mRoj)

405 We many never understand the motive for this post. Hey, anyone seen my pizza?

Posted by: John Kasich at November 30, 2016 08:35 AM (4ErVI)

406 Chait spoke the truth when he started his piece with, "Sparing the Republic from the whims of a twisted maniac is no small triumph."

Posted by: davidt at November 30, 2016 08:36 AM (XoldI)

407 My speculation is that for woman of a certain age she became the avatar of all of their feminist rage. They needed her victory to justify their lives to themselves. So her failure is not just personal but generational. Which makes it much, much more satisfying. Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 01:30 PM (hLRSq) Yup. Which makes it so much better. *rolls around in it*

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:36 AM (mf5HN)

408 I just got a notice from the United Nations saying my schadenboner violates the ICBM Treaty.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:36 AM (jBuUi)

409 I'm glad Trump won. I like his cabinet picks so far and getting rid of Obamacare and slowing the border sieve will be enough for me. Cruz on the Supreme Court would knock his Presidency out of the park in my opinion. Posted by: Seems legit We couldn't handle the schadenboners. I'm afraid half the horde would stroke out.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:36 AM (sUwfN)

410 Muad 'dib! Stop scaring the sandworms away with that thing! Posted by: Stilgar Didn't Herbert base them on Muzzies?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 08:37 AM (Pby3z)

411 My schadenboner reached all the way over to Wisconsin and drank Hillary's milkshake.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:37 AM (/tuJf)

412 If I had an erection this big back in 1974, Evel Kneivel could have walked across the Snake River Canyon.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 08:37 AM (MQZBa)

413 My speculation is that for woman of a certain age she became the avatar of all of their feminist rage. They needed her victory to justify their lives to themselves. What, the tiny apartment and the 25 cats aren't justification enough?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:37 AM (8ZskC)

414 Just in case no one said it, Ace take off for the rest of the day. There's no way you can top this post. Posted by: L, Elle at November --------- I hear MSNBC has a few bottoms soon to be looking for a shot

Posted by: The cockpit at November 30, 2016 08:37 AM (xXpwR)

415 One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon. ----- This is no cave....

Posted by: Hans Solo at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (8XRCm)

416 Has anybody mentioned. Hillary Clinton will never be be president of the United States also Bill Clinton will never return to the white house other than to visit.
---
Yes, but she's powering through her election loss.

Posted by: Methos at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (3Liv/)

417 I'm a lifelong Republican as you know, but after seeing the latest poll from Florida with Hillary up 5, these articles seem correct. It will be an early night.

Posted by: Bull Wynn at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (OD2ni)

418 My schadenboner keeps a diary. It's called "The Guinness Book of World Records."

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (jBuUi)

419 I just had to tell my schadenboner to shut the hell up about concubines. Dick.

Posted by: Banana Splits Guy at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (6xi6q)

Posted by: RedMindBlueState[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (kDUMP)

421 Running for President in 2020 - Al Franken VP Running Mate 2020 - Jill Stein Imagine the bumper sticker!!!

Posted by: Huma Loves Hillary at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (3aBcq)

422 Yet another alt. reality t-shirt: Glass Ceiling? **big goofy ass picture of Hillary! smiling* SMASHED!!!

Posted by: naturalfake at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (vZ9Fw)

423 Local news reported that the Portland Police Department spent a bit over a half million dollars in over time, as a result of the "protests". That's money that could have been used for all those social programs they like, but went to the cops instead. I hope they enjoyed their play time on the freeway.

Posted by: Notsothoreau at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (5HBd1)

424 "I took it upon myself to visit a popular, rowdy conservative 'blog' during the election to get the inside story. This was safer and easier than actually visiting any real conservatives, because then I would have to leave my Manhattan apartment and go to Jesusland, which as we all know is full of lynching sister-marrying inbred morons and unsafe for sophisticates such as we. "There I found a strange mix of delicious despair and ridiculous confidence, a melange of misery and joy constantly squabbling. Two camps were formed, each attacking the other in a symbol, nay, a microcosm of the dwindling and insignificant political right in America. Although I could find no obvious signs of racism, there was clear spite toward what was referred to as the "GOPe" or "elite" which was usually personified in Hispanic-friendly Jeb Bush or Hispanic Marco Rubio. "The one shared position in both camps was a spite toward Hillary clinton that transcended mere sexism into burning Nazi-like hate. Hillary was declared the worst of all persons, an unperson who must never be allowed to gain office again. I took notes of names, fearing for her life. Disguising myself cleverly as one of them, I appealed to moderation and sanity but was quickly denounced as a "troll" for daring to suggest reason. For a moment I feared my cover had been blown, when several commenters announced I was working for George Soros, but they offered no evidence, and it seemed simple speculation.... -Bill Wynn's pre-election Hillary Victory article

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (39g3+)

425 eyeball warning: don't click the link in 397.

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:38 AM (2JQBv)

426 410 Muad 'dib! Stop scaring the sandworms away with that thing!
Posted by: Stilgar


Didn't Herbert base them on Muzzies?

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 01:37 PM (Pby3z)


Sort of. Maybe more Bedouin than Islamic.

Posted by: davidt at November 30, 2016 08:39 AM (XoldI)

427 One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon. ------ Whats so hard about that??? We used to shot Womprats in Kate Upton's clam canyon back on Tattoine.

Posted by: Luke Skywalker at November 30, 2016 08:39 AM (8XRCm)

428 I took a life-sized picture of my shadenboner. Next year I'm going to fold it.

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:39 AM (WlGX+)

429 Our boners will blot out the sun. Posted by: Grump928(C) at November 30, 2016 12:45 PM

Then we shall cry and protest in the shade!

Posted by: Whinging leftist pajama boys everywhere[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 30, 2016 08:39 AM (kDUMP)

430 on second thought: Glass Ceiling? *big goofy ass picture of Hillary! smiling* SHATTERED!!!

Posted by: naturalfake at November 30, 2016 08:39 AM (vZ9Fw)

431 405 We many never understand the motive for this post. Hey, anyone seen my pizza? Posted by: John Kasich at November 30, 2016 01:35 PM (4ErVI) === Kasich, buddy! Didn't know you were into "pizza." You should drop by my place sometime. I have a shit ton of "pizza" chained up (clears throat) uh I mean in my freezer in my basement. Tell no one.

Posted by: John Podesta at November 30, 2016 08:39 AM (BDZWU)

432 329
Porkins is dead?

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 30, 2016 01:23 PM (LWYzG)

Unfortunately.  Looking good for the rest of us though.

Posted by: Biggs D. at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (WuRdh)

433 I can't find it now, but the poster (Jen?) who said that Hillary should be no feminist icon is absolutely correct. Thanks.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (tOcW/)

434 ReutersLegal 30/11/16 13:41 Breaking: Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara, after meeting with Trump, says has agreed to remain in current post. FAB's ass just got Hotter from the Hot seat she is sitting on

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (y3aQB)

435 My schadenboner impregnates passing women -- without ejaculating.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (jBuUi)

436 Official announcement in Charlotte.  Despite two days of rioting by innocent yoots, the white cop who shot that black angel will not be charged.


So stand by for more rioting.


http://fxn.ws/2gIXZX8


Posted by: Vic[/i] We Have No Party at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (mpXpK)

437 Instant manhood!

Posted by: Pubert Adams at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (Fp4vv)

438 My schadenboner reached all the way over to Wisconsin and drank Hillary's milkshake. Draaaaainaggge!

Posted by: Daniel Plainview at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (0F67M)

439 Sort of. Maybe more Bedouin than Islamic. So. Islamic hobos?

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (sUwfN)

440 BTW, Jonathan Chait went to Michigan. Where Jim Harbaugh is still mad.

Posted by: MTF at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (sCBEO)

441 Sort of. Maybe more Bedouin than Islamic.

=================

"They denied us the hajj!"

So ...

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (JBggj)

442 Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 01:38 PM (39g3+) Golf. Clap. Nicely done!

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:40 AM (WlGX+)

443 FAA has requested blinking lights be installed for safety, and current trajectory is lining the moon up like a cue ball

Posted by: A deplorable dude in MI at November 30, 2016 08:41 AM (0LQ4f)

444 I think the 4 hour thing originated with the Woody Allen movie, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex. The mad scientist scene.

Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 08:41 AM (Pby3z)

445 >>>Posted by: Wedge Antilles at November 30, 2016 01:26 PM (7HtZB) I have a great idea! Wedge Antilles should be played by Leslie Jones. We could even digitally insert her face into the original movies! It's gold!

Posted by: Disney Executive at November 30, 2016 08:41 AM (4dhU8)

446 "I'm glad Trump won. I like his cabinet picks so far and getting rid of Obamacare and slowing the border sieve will be enough for me. Cruz on the Supreme Court would knock his Presidency out of the park in my opinion. Posted by: Seems legit" Amazing that the Never Trumpers could not see that this was an easy choice. We dodged a bulllet.

Posted by: Benji Carver at November 30, 2016 08:41 AM (OD2ni)

447 214 Point of order. Are we happy that Clinton lost, or that Trump won? My call was that we needed Trump's Mad Media Skillz to win this cycle. That and redefining the R party to be more inclusive. Combined it overcame Trump's exaggerated negatives. I also said all along that when elected, Trump will be at least pretty good and can surprise to the upside. He's a Giuliani-like pragmatist with NYC bridge-and-tunnel values, which is what we need right now. I'm even more convinced of this now. Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 01:09 PM (SIY7D) Since I viewed our globalization-driven march to a euro-style "democracy" as an existential threat to American values and the Bill of Rights, I not only wanted trump to win but was amazed a candidate actually made it on the field that would seriously oppose this predestined New World Order. It was Cruz or trump up until I walked into the primary voting booth and I pulled the trigger for trump because I thought he was the best shot at turning things around. I think it actually takes a trump type to do what needs to to be done. Hopefully our trump is up to the task. So far so good. Won't sweat the small or even medium stuff.

Posted by: Keith not a one-named troll at November 30, 2016 08:41 AM (USf3s)

448 Georg Cantor developed his theory of infinite sets when he tried to count the sperm in just one eruption from by schadenboner.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:41 AM (jBuUi)

449 This is no cave....

These aren't the sperm you're looking for.

Posted by: Ben-Wa Kenobi at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (vtcmf)

450 In and around the lake Shadenboners come out of the sky and they stand there!

Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (WlGX+)

451 The Big Bang just e-mailed and said . . .

Posted by: Sharkman at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (CS7jF)

452 boner is a funny word, it used to mean "mistake" or "accident, and was quite innocent. Then at some point it took on the meaning erection which makes all the use of the term before that point have a totally different meaning. Particularly the before-mentioned Batman comic with Joker saying things like "I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!" http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/136/

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (39g3+)

453 This is sad. I was With Her,, until I wasn't....

Posted by: Hillarys missing shoe at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (HSmrB)

454 May have to lance it soon. If not, will be forced to boldly go where no man has gone before...the Clintonian Clam Canyons. Wish me luck. Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 12:55 PM Ahem.

Posted by: V'ger Webb at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (DMUuz)

455 Amazing that the Never Trumpers could not see that this was an easy choice. Yeah. There should be a section in the DSM-V about those folks.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (8ZskC)

456 For a moment I feared my cover had been blown, when several commenters announced I was working for George Soros, but they offered no evidence, and it seemed simple speculation.... -Bill Wynn's pre-election Hillary Victory article Damn, we were THAT CLOSE to getting Bill Wynn

Posted by: Stump-toothed Cousin Humpers at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (rB/gm)

457 I was told you people were in rare form on this thread. That both Ace and the Horde were very Ace-and-Horde like. I can't begin to read 400+ comments, but hey, I'm here for the first time in forever. The fuck is up, Horde?

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:42 AM (9CkBG)

458 Giraffes evolved because something needs to be long enough to give me a blowjob.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:43 AM (jBuUi)

459 *rolls around in it* Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:36 PM

*raises hand*

Will there be bounding and gamboling later?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 30, 2016 08:43 AM (kDUMP)

460 My boner just beat the crap out of Chuck Norris.

Posted by: Dirty Randy at November 30, 2016 08:43 AM (jjaLl)

461 Stronger Together!


Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:43 AM (JBggj)

462 BCochran is in da house.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (8ZskC)

463 Never Trumpers

====

Ad homninennem !!

Freeze, gopher!

Posted by: Mortimer, Finish Her! at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (toH8T)

464 A cobra once bit my schadenboner. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (jBuUi)

465 I was told you people were in rare form on this thread. That both Ace and the Horde were very Ace-and-Horde like. I can't begin to read 400+ comments, but hey, I'm here for the first time in forever. The fuck is up, Horde? Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (9CkBG) ------- Heya!!! But dont think we're done giving you shit about carrot chili.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (8XRCm)

466 Trampoline gymnastics?

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (JBggj)

467 Amazing that the Never Trumpers could not see that this was an easy choice. We dodged a bulllet. Posted by: Benji Carver at November 30, 2016 01:41 PM (OD2ni) --------------------------- Have to go to Harvard to be that dumb.

Posted by: Ben Shapiro at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (ZsN9X)

468 The fuck is up, Horde? Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM

You mean besides our epic Schadenboners?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (kDUMP)

469 I'm thinking Theo Epstein - he might be able to do the impossible, like shut down the Department of Education. Posted by: SH at November 30, 2016 01:21 PM (gmeXX) Theo is a lib. When Arrieta tweeted out his willingness to help the Hollywood libs move to Canada after the election, Theo stepped in to say "Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing, BUT - we shouldn't hurt the precious feelings of snowflakes..."

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (u0lmX)

470 457 I was told you people were in rare form on this thread. That both Ace and the Horde were very Ace-and-Horde like. I can't begin to read 400+ comments, but hey, I'm here for the first time in forever. The fuck is up, Horde? Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (9CkBG) Our schadenboners. Duh.

Posted by: Insomniac at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (0mRoj)

471 My schadenboner is getting channels from China.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:44 AM (/tuJf)

472 I been out today doing 4-lane highway roadbores with my schadenboner.

Posted by: Eromero at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (zLDYs)

473 *raises hand* Will there be bounding and gamboling later? Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 30, 2016 01:43 PM (kDUMP) Maaaayyyyybbbeee. To attention whore even more than usual, now the Horde has visual proof that when I am so doing I must be careful lest I get two black eyes.

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (mf5HN)

474 The fuck is up, Horde? Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (9CkBG) Dick jokes. A PLETHORA of dick jokes.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (tewYv)

475 I think the 4 hour thing originated with the Woody Allen movie, Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sex. The mad scientist scene. Posted by: Steve and Cold Bear at November 30, 2016 01:41 PM (Pby3z) Best line from that movie is when he's on the date and the girl is yapping on about all the crap she studies and Tony Randall (I think) says, in the brain, "We're not getting any tonight." Then the girl says, "I'm a grad student at NYU," and he exclaims, "We're in!!"

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (zc3Db)

476 Any new updates on Hillary's new cabinet picks?

Posted by: Marmeaux at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (xujbM)

477 452 boner is a funny word, it used to mean "mistake" or "accident, and was quite innocent. Then at some point it took on the meaning erection which makes all the use of the term before that point have a totally different meaning. Particularly the before-mentioned Batman comic with Joker saying things like "I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!" http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/136/ Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (39g3+) === Is that why there was that guy called Boner on that Growing Pains show?

Posted by: Independent George (or the commenter formerly known as Serenity Now!) at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (BDZWU)

478 So much talk about erections, and now BCochran shows up?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (7ZVPa)

479 79 In related-ish news, Buzzfeed and Cosmo have launched an SJW crusade against Chip and Joanna Gaines from HGTV because their church preaches that you shouldn't be gay. Sounds like they may need to put up a shiplap wall. Posted by: Ian S
From previous thread: I don't watch much home improvement shows (live in a condo, I can't do anything anyways). My parents come down a couple of times a year and my Mom watches it. I like it. They are a pleasant couple and its shows on TV. Now I know why. I guess I'll start watching it out of spite now. Mrs. Gaines is a very pretty gal.

Posted by: Puddleglum at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (aXyz7)

480 445 >>>Posted by: Wedge Antilles at November 30, 2016 01:26 PM (7HtZB) I have a great idea! Wedge Antilles should be played by Leslie Jones. We could even digitally insert her face into the original movies! It's gold! Posted by: Disney Executive at November 30, 2016 01:41 PM (4dhU You know that it's just a matter of time before Disney remakes the original Star Wars. Not just a paint-by-numbers rehash like "The Force Awakens" but a full on remake/reboot/re-imagining.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (7HtZB)

481 I can't begin to read 400+ comments Oh sure, give up before you even start

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (39g3+)

482 Hey Cochran! Today is the day that the 'Ettes get boners. Or something.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 30, 2016 08:45 AM (4ErVI)

483 The Tonopah Solar Power Plant only turns a profit when my schadenboner is within sight.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:46 AM (jBuUi)

484 "They usually come in pairs."

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:46 AM (JBggj)

485 Today is the day that the 'Ettes get boners. Line up, ladies. This might take a while.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at November 30, 2016 08:46 AM (8ZskC)

486 Heya!!! But dont think we're done giving you shit about carrot chili. Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 01:44 PM (8XRCm) I made a nice big batch of chili last week. Still eating on it. Not a carrot in sight. Buncha assholes. I blame Alex.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:46 AM (9CkBG)

487 Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (9CkBG) --------------- AtC told all of us that you were dead.

Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 08:47 AM (Fmupd)

488 Those whores were so looking forward to kissing her flabby boiled cabbage smelled granny ass for four years. The shit she would be able to get away with...and now, nothing. There is only a few wafting odors of her boiled cabbage and urine soaked housecoats and the sagging flesh creeping off her face, and hopes of another run for the Presidency when she will be ever older and more foul smelling. I am reminded of that wonderful story out of West Virginia, where an older woman was demanding two men shove their faces in her crotch, she threatened them with a knife because one of the guys refused because she had so much vaginal odor. We can picture Hillary in the same scene.

Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzzy at November 30, 2016 08:47 AM (yORMz)

489 482 Hey Cochran! Today is the day that the 'Ettes get boners. Or something. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 30, 2016 01:45 PM (4ErVI) I think they pay good money for that in Japan.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:47 AM (9CkBG)

490 My schadenboner just made a flyby of Venus.

After orbiting the Sun.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at November 30, 2016 08:47 AM (wtvvX)

491 "The fuck is up, Horde?" A lot of people here can't get enough dick.

Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 08:47 AM (SIY7D)

492 To all the wimmins' worried 'bout their boners... There is surgery for that! NSFW! http://tinyurl.com/jxt5qox Really though.. Aussies are really F'd in the head..

Posted by: catman at November 30, 2016 08:47 AM (22eqm)

493 Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (9CkBG) --------------- AtC told all of us that you were dead. Posted by: Soona -- I took it to mean that she did it, too.

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (7ZVPa)

494 "476 Any new updates on Hillary's new cabinet picks? Posted by: Marmeaux" Unlike Trump, I'm sure she will pick someone mainstream for the Supreme Court like Elizabeth Warren or Gloria Allred.

Posted by: Bull Wynn at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (OD2ni)

495 You know that it's just a matter of time before Disney remakes the original Star Wars. Not just a paint-by-numbers rehash like "The Force Awakens" but a full on remake/reboot/re-imagining. Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 01:45 PM (7HtZB) My knee jerk reaction is to say no way, they have so much opportunity with that universe that they can crank out new content for 100 years. But, then it is Hollywood. Give it a decade or two.

Posted by: Keith not a one-named troll at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (USf3s)

496 My schadenboner was once on Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (jBuUi)

497 375 My speculation is that for women of a certain age she became the avatar of all of their feminist rage. They needed her victory to justify their lives to themselves. So her failure is not just personal but generational. Which makes it much, much more satisfying. Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 01:30 PM (hLRSq) -------------------------------------- I'm not sure I agree, unless by "women of a certain age" you mean "left-wing/feminist women of a certain age." Based on exit polls, Hillary did worse with baby-boomer women than she did with the younger ones --- FAR worse if you limit it to whites. But yeah, the "second-wave" feminists, whether pre-boomers or boomers, are still crying the bitterest of tears. Which makes me dance!

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (Nox3c)

498 All bo-ners will be ex-ter-min-ated! Annihilate! Exterminate! Ejacu- uh, actually, let's leave it at that.

Posted by: Caitlek at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (Pby3z)

499 Burger King just emailed me that after seeing my schadenboner they are relinquishing the name Whopper. It will henceforth be know as Unworthy.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (/tuJf)

500 Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (9CkBG) --------------- AtC told all of us that you were dead. Posted by: Soona ------ Told us??? She was practically BRAGGING.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:48 AM (8XRCm)

501 "They usually come in pairs." Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 01:46 PM (JBggj) _________________________ *sigh*

Posted by: Hillarys missing shoe at November 30, 2016 08:49 AM (HSmrB)

502 I went to the beach with my shadenboner and caused coastal flooding across all 7 continents.

Posted by: AshevilleRobert at November 30, 2016 08:49 AM (9MRId)

503 AtC told all of us that you were dead. Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 01:47 PM (Fmupd) Yeah, that sounds like her. Nope. I had shoulder surgery that was an absolute bitch and that I'm still recovering from and will be recovering from for many months. Top that off with a I pretty much completely abandoned all social media/blogs/etc for a couple months before the election. On the upside, I am momentarily feeling ok. Yay modern chemistry.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:49 AM (9CkBG)

504 And we get 2 more years of Pelosi's "leadership" and "wisdom".

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at November 30, 2016 08:49 AM (g8BSw)

505 My schdenboner's blood type is AK-47.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:49 AM (jBuUi)

506 You know that it's just a matter of time before Disney remakes the original Star Wars. Not just a paint-by-numbers rehash like "The Force Awakens" but a full on remake/reboot/re-imagining. Likely the remake will be based on slashfic.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:49 AM (tewYv)

507 AtC told all of us that you were dead. Posted by: Soona -- I took it to mean that she did it, too. Posted by: Vashta Nerada at November 30, 2016 01:48 PM (7ZVPa) THAT'S SO MEAN!

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (mf5HN)

508 I live in hope that many of the people who left during the election due to infighting and anger will come back over the holidays. For the record, as far as I'm concerned: you're welcome back. Well, most of you.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (39g3+)

509 Schadenboners are like dwarf beards - the ladies get them too.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (7HtZB)

510 492 To all the wimmins' worried 'bout their boners... There is surgery for that! NSFW! http://tinyurl.com/jxt5qox Really though.. Aussies are really F'd in the head.. Posted by: catman at November 30, 2016 01:47 PM (22eqm) Heh at all the scrolling on the computer going on. "Again with the vagina scrolling honey?" "Dammit I'm a doctor!" "You're a cardiologist though..."

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (4ErVI)

511 Did Rachel Maddow cry on Election Night?  No, she didn't.

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (JBggj)

512 Will there be bounding and gamboling later? Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 30, 2016 01:43 PM (kDUMP) It's kinda difficult to bound and gambol with a schadenboner, is it not? Maybe not - I think I've seen guys who have just hit grand slams do it...

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (u0lmX)

513 Tell me about your schadenboner Usul...

Posted by: browndog at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (ccfl2)

514 One of the main reasons I don't want Trump to pick Romney as SOS is that I really don't want to see Trump advocates loose their faith in Trump over a selection that we wouldn't know how it would turn out.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at November 30, 2016 08:50 AM (FOeaV)

515 mitchellvii 30/11/16 13:54 We need the best to lead us Rep. Adam Schiff, told Democrats in nominating Pelosi. No one is better tactician than Nancy Pelosi. Lol.

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (y3aQB)

516 Radenboner! Rut Roh!

Posted by: Scooby at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (XoldI)

517 boner is a funny word, it used to mean "mistake" or "accident, and was quite innocent. Then at some point it took on the meaning erection which makes all the use of the term before that point have a totally different meaning. Particularly the before-mentioned Batman comic with Joker saying things like "I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!" http://www.dialbforblog.com/archives/136/ Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 01:42 PM (39g3+) You could say that about pretty much every slang word as it developed. Boner, for its part, is a word that actually makes sense for an erection - goes from flesh to bone, figuratively. I'm not all that sure that "boner" wasn't used for an erection long before it was used for a mistake (which I assume derived from "bone-headed").

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (zc3Db)

518 THAT'S SO MEAN! Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:50 PM (mf5HN) So. So it appears I'll be playing with voice effects the next time we record.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (9CkBG)

519 Likely the remake will be based on slashfic. Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 01:49 PM (tewYv) Motherfuckers better clear the rights with me before they use um um Um. Um I mean I'm sure I have no idea what you could possibly mean. Is what I mean. koff

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (mf5HN)

520 I can't begin to read 400+ comments, but hey, I'm here for the first time in forever. The fuck is up, Horde? I know, right? Next thing you know, there'll be a podcast or something. Next stop, CRAZYTOWN. (Podcasts are so much more fun when you're winning, if I may paraphrase a certain fictional general.)

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (u0s1P)

521 SIGH! Off 'liberal in a fugue state" sock.

Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (jBuUi)

522 Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzzy at November 30, 2016 01:47 PM (yORMz)


Damn, man, did you have to?!?!

Posted by: Dirty Randy at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (jjaLl)

523 I personally voted for Trump hoping for the best and that he would surround himself with a good cabinet to help focus his intentions and I voted against the shebitch with extreme prejudice. One vote two goals.

Posted by: USNtakim at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (hMqvx)

524 We are lucky we saw all of the pre-written trump stories printed on NOV 9. They had pre-written stories for trump, right?

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at November 30, 2016 08:51 AM (g8BSw)

525 My shadenboner has penetrated the Moon. The whole thing looks like a grade school science fair diorama.

Posted by: josephistan at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (7HtZB)

526 Nope. I had shoulder surgery that was an absolute bitch ----- Sounds like rotator cuff.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (8XRCm)

527 Sigh.

Posted by: zombie at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (jBuUi)

528 Aaaand the Pirelli calendar continues straying from its original format: 2017 is artsy B and W photos of older actresses.

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/30/fashion/    
pirelli-calendar-beauty-at-any-age.html?_r=1

(remove space)

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (NOIQH)

529 To attention whore even more than usual, now the Horde has visual proof that when I am so doing I must be careful lest I get two black eyes. Posted by: alexthechick - why ------ *types* *deletes* *types* *deletes*

Posted by: The cockpit at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (xXpwR)

530 Press whores at FBI news conference about OSU attacker are most concerned with............... Backlash.

Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (FqgrG)

531 Speaking of huge dicks, the guy with the biggest schlong in Hollywood history was good ol' uncle Milton Berle.  And apparently, a lot of other Hollywood alpha males would challenge "Milty" on this point.  And in EVERY measuring contest, Berle never once pulled his unit fully out.  He only ever pulled out "enough to win".

Is it true?  I don't know.  But that's the legend.  Of course, most of the legend comes from Jackie Gleason making jokes about it, so who knows.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (S2VsH)

532 71 I camped in Clam Canyon once. It was all bushy near the trailhead and pretty damp once you got inside. We smelled plenty of fish but couldn't seem to catch any. Posted by: WhatWhatWhat? - Takin' My Time on my Ride at November 30, 2016 12:52 PM (WlGX+) There's a little man in the boat near the entrance too. He was quite happy, but also spoke of a spot deeper inside the canyon that was absolutely amazing. Couldn't find it though.

Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2016 08:52 AM (bMG0w)

533 So was the Quayle visit trolling, or is he really being considered for something? Ambassador to Ireland, perhaps.

Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at November 30, 2016 08:53 AM (g8BSw)

534 *raises hand*

Will there be bounding and gamboling later?
Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 30, 2016 01:43 PM (kDUMP)



Maaaayyyyybbbeee.

To attention whore even more than usual, now the Horde has visual proof that when I am so doing I must be careful lest I get two black eyes. Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:45 PM


Truly the Empress is benevolentish.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 30, 2016 08:53 AM (kDUMP)

535 SIGH! Off 'liberal in a fugue state" sock. Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 01:51 PM (jBuUi) You forgot to tap your shoes three times.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 30, 2016 08:53 AM (zc3Db)

536 I'm not all that sure that "boner" wasn't used for an erection long before it was used for a mistake (which I assume derived from "bone-headed"). It might have been concurrent, but in popular culture, people openly used boner for mistake without any grin or wink. It was presumed to have only one meaning for the bulk of society, to the point no editor had qualms in using it, until a certain point.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:53 AM (39g3+)

537 So. So it appears I'll be playing with voice effects the next time we record. Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:51 PM (9CkBG) *narrows eyes* *opens new volume*

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:53 AM (mf5HN)

538 I have such a ' boner that Georgia Hass would not turn her back on me..

Posted by: catman at November 30, 2016 08:53 AM (22eqm)

539 Here in Houston there is a knockout female with a t-shirt which says: "In case of an erection lasting four hours - call me immediately."

Posted by: [/i] [/u] [/s] [/b]An Observation at November 30, 2016 08:54 AM (rhswq)

540 SIGH! Off 'liberal in a fugue state" sock. Posted by: liberal in a fugue state at November 30, 2016 01:51 PM (jBuUi) --------- Sticky socks can mean only one thing.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 08:54 AM (8XRCm)

541 That is no moon!

Posted by: Obi Wan at November 30, 2016 08:54 AM (XoldI)

542 I know, right? Next thing you know, there'll be a podcast or something. Next stop, CRAZYTOWN. (Podcasts are so much more fun when you're winning, if I may paraphrase a certain fictional general.) Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 01:51 PM (u0s1P) We recorded one right after the election. And we had planned to do one Monday night. Then the youngest drunken midget started puking everywhere. Last night didn't work because I had prac....ummm...a prior obligation. We always recorded and released early in the week to avoid butting up against the HQ podcast, but apparently that thing has died...so maybe we'll get one in this week. Certainly would like to.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:54 AM (9CkBG)

543 re 424: "I took notes of names, fearing for her life." This guy is a loon. "For a moment I feared my cover had been blown, when several commenters announced I was working for George Soros" So now we know who Gerg is..?

Posted by: Mallfly ver 2.0001 at November 30, 2016 08:54 AM (2JQBv)

544 Kellyanne ran Quayle's 96 Presidential run. Such as it was. So that card probably got him in the door.

Posted by: blaster at November 30, 2016 08:55 AM (tewYv)

545 531 Speaking of huge dicks, the guy with the biggest schlong in Hollywood history was good ol' uncle Milton Berle. And apparently, a lot of other Hollywood alpha males would challenge "Milty" on this point. And in EVERY measuring contest, Berle never once pulled his unit fully out. He only ever pulled out "enough to win". Is it true? I don't know. But that's the legend. Of course, most of the legend comes from Jackie Gleason making jokes about it, so who knows. Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 01:52 PM (S2VsH) That sounds pretty gay.

Posted by: Wally Cox and Marlon Brando at November 30, 2016 08:55 AM (4ErVI)

546 531 Speaking of huge dicks, the guy with the biggest schlong in Hollywood history was good ol' uncle Milton Berle. And apparently, a lot of other Hollywood alpha males would challenge "Milty" on this point. And in EVERY measuring contest, Berle never once pulled his unit fully out. He only ever pulled out "enough to win". Is it true? I don't know. But that's the legend. Of course, most of the legend comes from Jackie Gleason making jokes about it, so who knows. Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 01:52 PM (S2VsH) I heard it was a race with Forrest Tucker from F Troop.

Posted by: Sebastian Melmoth at November 30, 2016 08:55 AM (FOeaV)

547 O/T: Per FBI rep on FNC, there is still not enough evidence to determine whether the OSU knifer committed an act of terrorism.

Posted by: Bill R. at November 30, 2016 08:55 AM (escKN)

548 517 boner is a funny word, it used to mean "mistake" or "accident, and was quite innocent. Then at some point it took on the meaning erection which makes all the use of the term before that point have a totally different meaning. Particularly the before-mentioned Batman comic with Joker saying things like "I'll show them how many boners the Joker can make!" Posted by: Christopher R Taylor I actually own a book from the 1930s called "Boners for Kids!" -- a silly joke book for children. I saved it just because oft he title.

Posted by: zombie at November 30, 2016 08:55 AM (jBuUi)

549 This is adorable. https://twitter.com/NeverRINOs/status/803670759285526528 However. It does rather raise the question, how does one get a bear cub off one's leg?

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (mf5HN)

550 Sounds like rotator cuff. Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 01:52 PM (8XRCm) Torn labrum repair, removed a bunch of scar tissue from the rotator, cut a bunch of muscle from the shoulder to the chest to try and loosen everything up. Appears I'm rocking some Frozen Shoulder action too. Everything is coming up Cochran!

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (9CkBG)

551 Yep. The dangers of wish casting made manifest.

Posted by: Iblis at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (9221z)

552
*opens new volume* Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:53 PM


Aren't they more effective to stand on when they're closed?

Posted by: RedMindBlueState[/i] [/b] [/s] [/u] at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (kDUMP)

553 Is it true? I don't know. But that's the legend. It came up in pretty much every Friars club roast along with a host of gut-busting hilarious but incredibly raunchy jokes.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (39g3+)

554 It might have been concurrent, but in popular culture, people openly used boner for mistake without any grin or wink. It was presumed to have only one meaning for the bulk of society, to the point no editor had qualms in using it, until a certain point. Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 01:53 PM (39g3+) I'm not sure that proves anything. You could say the same thing about the name "Dick" even though that has meant "dick" for a very long time.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (zc3Db)

555 That sounds pretty gay. Posted by: Wally Cox and Marlon Brando at November 30, 2016 01:55 PM (4ErVI)Don Don't bring me into this...

Posted by: Marvin S. Healing at November 30, 2016 08:56 AM (22eqm)

556 The FAB getting tossed in back of that van like a stack of lumber.

The AOS style sheet preferred expression is "like a sack of Kibbles and Bits"

Posted by: [/i] [/u] [/s] [/b]An Observation at November 30, 2016 08:57 AM (rhswq)

557 You know that it's just a matter of time before Disney remakes the original Star Wars. Not just a paint-by-numbers rehash like "The Force Awakens" but a full on remake/reboot/re-imagining. With a very diverse cast fighting the white supremacist Empire. Luke will be a black lesbian or tranny.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:57 AM (493sH)

558 >>Kellyanne ran Quayle's 96 Presidential run. >>Such as it was. >>So that card probably got him in the door. Or maybe the fact that he is from Indiana and he and Pence are friends. He was there to meet with Pence.

Posted by: JackStraw at November 30, 2016 08:57 AM (/tuJf)

559 I made a nice big batch of chili last week. Still eating on it. Not a carrot in sight. Buncha assholes. I blame Alex. Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 01:46 PM (9CkBG) You make sure you get them all first because you love them so much. And that's why you're still eating it. Because without the carrots its hard for you to stomach it.

Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2016 08:57 AM (bMG0w)

560 We always recorded and released early in the week to avoid butting up against the HQ podcast, but apparently that thing has died...so maybe we'll get one in this week. Certainly would like to. I tease, but they're really a lot of fun. Ace's is good, but it helps when the voices are more distinct. (Like in a black-and-white movie, where the main characters are all white guys in suits so you can't tell who's who unless one's not wearing a hat or is fat or something.)

Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 08:58 AM (u0s1P)

561 O/T: Per FBI rep on FNC, there is still not enough evidence to determine whether the OSU knifer committed an act of terrorism. Posted by: Bill R. at November 30, 2016 01:55 PM (escKN) The FBI is another swamp Trump needs to drain

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:58 AM (493sH)

562 *opens new volume* Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 01:53 PM (mf5HN) My very own volume? Excellent. *Burns hands*

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 08:58 AM (9CkBG)

563 In a bold move that has even her harshest critics applauding, President-Elect Clinton selected her daughter, Chelsea, to be the next Secretary of State.

Posted by: Newsweak at November 30, 2016 08:59 AM (xujbM)

564 436--- Official announcement in Charlotte. Despite two days of rioting by innocent yoots, the white cop who shot that black angel will not be charged. Posted by: Vic We Have No Party at November 30, 2016 01:40 PM (mpXpK) ---------------------------------- The cop was NOT white. He was black, the son of a highly decorated Charlotte detective. He was a football star and good student at Liberty University. With his grades and record (and AA) he could have done just about anything ---the FBI recruited him, e.g. But he went back home to serve where his father did. He believed in the importance of good men serving as cops in their own hometown. His black life doesn't matter though. Our ruling class prefers the POS thug who drew a gun on him. /rant off

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at November 30, 2016 08:59 AM (Nox3c)

565 clam canyon!!~ that's awesome!

Posted by: Brian at November 30, 2016 08:59 AM (UnMRd)

566 I worked at Schlumberger long ago with a guy who could drag his circus cock out the side slit of his coveralls to take a slash.

Posted by: Dave at Buffalo Roam at November 30, 2016 08:59 AM (pWqHP)

567 Torn labrum repair, So, you're like a virgin again?

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 08:59 AM (sUwfN)

568 Press whores at FBI news conference about OSU attacker are most concerned with............... Backlash. Posted by: Nigel West Dickens at November 30, 2016 01:52 PM (FqgrG) Still waiting since 9/11

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 08:59 AM (493sH)

569 Aren't they more effective to stand on when they're closed? Posted by: RedMindBlueState at November 30, 2016 01:56 PM (kDUMP) SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE SCRIBBLE

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 09:00 AM (mf5HN)

570 The movie, Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome, was almost named, Mad Max: Beyond the Schadenboner but Tina Turner already had a song coming out that summer called, Schadenpoon and they thought it might cause confusion with the fans.

Posted by: Dang at November 30, 2016 09:00 AM (8b+oT)

571 So, you're like a virgin again? Posted by: rickb223 at November 30, 2016 01:59 PM (sUwfN) ----- Heh. I knew that if I didnt, somebody else would.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 09:00 AM (8XRCm)

572 You could say the same thing about the name "Dick" even though that has meant "dick" for a very long time. There's never been a point where suddenly people went "oh you can't use Dick any more, that's dirty" though. It happened with Boner.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:00 AM (39g3+)

573 It came up in pretty much every Friars club roast along with a host of gut-busting hilarious but incredibly raunchy jokes.
Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 01:56 PM

It came up at his funeral, too.  I can't remember which comedian said it, but the line was "Milton will be buried on Sunday, and his penis the following day."

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 09:00 AM (S2VsH)

574 Any new updates on Hillary's new cabinet picks? Posted by: Marmeaux at November 30, 2016 01:45 PM (xujbM) Plenty of bourbon, gin, and vermouth. You meant drinks cabinet, right?

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 09:01 AM (hLRSq)

575 I prefer to imagine Kate Upton as having a Clam dell, something small and adorable.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:01 AM (39g3+)

576 >>Per FBI rep on FNC, there is still not enough evidence to determine whether the OSU knifer committed an act of terrorism.


You'd think they might get around to updating their definition of "terrorism" in the age of ISIS. Not like ISIS is all that stealth about their plans, methods, etc.

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at November 30, 2016 09:01 AM (NOIQH)

577 561 O/T: Per FBI rep on FNC, there is still not enough evidence to determine whether the OSU knifer committed an act of terrorism. Posted by: Bill R. at November 30, 2016 01:55 PM (escKN) The FBI is another swamp Trump needs to drain Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 01:58 PM (493sH) -------------------- Patience, Grasshopper. Fredo is stil prez. Once Trump takes his right hand off the Bible, the FBI will suddenly attain a whole new perspective.

Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 09:01 AM (Fmupd)

578 524 We are lucky we saw all of the pre-written trump stories printed on NOV 9. They had pre-written stories for trump, right? Posted by: Cat Ass Trophy at November 30, 2016 01:51 PM (g8BSw) Picture the sweating and the panicking at the keyboards as FL, NC, and WI were called: "I have to write a victory piece for HITLER! I didn't write one because he was supposed to lose! Shit what do I do now? I can't think, I can't type, I can't shit or go blind because the unthinkable just happened!!!"

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 09:01 AM (u0lmX)

579 "Per FBI rep on FNC, there is still not enough evidence to determine whether the OSU knifer committed an act of terrorism."

We sent out a press release.  Seriously, what the fuck do we have to do here?

Posted by: ISIS at November 30, 2016 09:02 AM (S2VsH)

580 575 I prefer to imagine Kate Upton as having a Clam dell, something small and adorable. I could be that farmer in that dell.

Posted by: rickb223 [/s][/b][/i][/u] at November 30, 2016 09:02 AM (sUwfN)

581 Patience, Grasshopper. Fredo is stil prez. Once Trump takes his right hand off the Bible, the FBI will suddenly attain a whole new perspective. Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 02:01 PM (Fmupd) ------ Yeah .... I think the average agent is all about doing their job. Its the assholes in the corner offices that need replacing.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 09:03 AM (8XRCm)

582 I actually own a book from the 1930s called "Boners for Kids!" -- a silly joke book for children. I saved it just because oft he title. Posted by: zombie

-----

Can I take a look at that book ya got there?

Posted by: Harry Reid at November 30, 2016 09:03 AM (8b+oT)

583 Any new updates on Hillary's new cabinet picks? Posted by: Marmeaux at November 30, 2016 01:45 PM (xujbM) Qualuuds, Valium, and Klonopin to get her docile. Adderall, Ritalin, and Ephedrine to send her into public.

Posted by: BCochran1981 - STILL ALIVE at November 30, 2016 09:04 AM (9CkBG)

584 I tease, but they're really a lot of fun. Ace's is good, but it helps when the voices are more distinct. (Like in a black-and-white movie, where the main characters are all white guys in suits so you can't tell who's who unless one's not wearing a hat or is fat or something.) Posted by: Lance McCormick at November 30, 2016 01:58 PM (u0s1P) Thank you!

Posted by: alexthechick - why does no one listen to me about Outside at November 30, 2016 09:04 AM (mf5HN)

585 >Torn labrum repair They do that to the slutty Muslim girls before they get married.

Posted by: garrett at November 30, 2016 09:04 AM (MQZBa)

586 There's never been a point where suddenly people went "oh you can't use Dick any more, that's dirty" though. It happened with Boner. Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 02:00 PM (39g3+) It wasn't the late 80's apparently. Kirk Cameron's best friend on the show, the character played by Walter Koenig's late son, was nicknamed Boner.

Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2016 09:04 AM (bMG0w)

587 We sent out a press release. Seriously, what the fuck do we have to do here? Posted by: ISIS at November 30, 2016 02:02 PM (S2VsH) If you changed your name to Christian Fascist Racist League, that would work.

Posted by: Aetius451AD at November 30, 2016 09:04 AM (92kX2)

588 The local news here in Columbus just carried the news conference with law enforcement. The FBI just said they still arent sure if Mr. Stabby was influenced by ISIS and are still looking for clues.

Posted by: Trigon at November 30, 2016 09:05 AM (HBU7W)

589 Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 02:00 PM (39g3+) Remember hearing about "Merkel's Boner" of mlb fame? It had nothing to do with poor merkel's schlong but with the fact he didn't step on second base (I believe) and so lost a game. Merkel not have a boner after his boner -quite the opposite I would guess.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 09:05 AM (u0lmX)

590 There's never been a point where suddenly people went "oh you can't use Dick any more, that's dirty" though. It happened with Boner. Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 02:00 PM (39g3+) Could be ... but most of the slang words from that same era got replaced around the same time.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at November 30, 2016 09:05 AM (zc3Db)

591 Posted by: Trigon Dude, you're creeping me out with the third eye and everything

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:06 AM (39g3+)

592 Kirk Cameron's best friend on the show was nicknamed Boner. Posted by: buzzion
-----
That's weird.  I nicknamed my boner, "Best Friend".

Posted by: Dang at November 30, 2016 09:06 AM (8b+oT)

593 There's never been a point where suddenly people went "oh you can't use Dick any more, that's dirty" ------ Married men everywhere disagree.

Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 09:07 AM (8XRCm)

594 but my dick is so large right now it has its own zip code I don't know about that but I'm pretty sure the Hordes Prostrates now have their own IP subnet.

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at November 30, 2016 09:07 AM (8J/Te)

595 My schadenboner is so big I've been asked to have a cameo role as a Nutcracker ballerino in the upcoming remake of Top Secret.

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 09:07 AM (1H9ox)

596 Maybe they WEREN'T as surprised as they made out to be.....



http://tinyurl.com/jd4vv32



Posted by: Nip Sip at November 30, 2016 09:07 AM (NbJXF)

597 BCochran, I sympathize with the saga of your shoulder. I had mild tendonitis in my right shoulder for a couple of months and it sucked bigly. I can't imagine what you're going through. Be strong, my man.

Posted by: Marmeaux at November 30, 2016 09:07 AM (xujbM)

598

 

One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon.

 

 

 

Trump needs to declare it a national monument so it will be protected by federal law

Posted by: Deplorable Male Logic at November 30, 2016 09:08 AM (lKyWE)

599 The Man in the White Suit

Posted by: mrp at November 30, 2016 09:08 AM (JBggj)

600 Boner? Damn near killed 'er!

Posted by: ajmojo at November 30, 2016 09:08 AM (1H9ox)

601 @Bcochran1981

For your shoulder rehab, go to Starting Strength and look up the video for their rehab protocol.

Well worth your time, considering the pain associated with the surgery and rehab.


Posted by: browndog at November 30, 2016 09:08 AM (ccfl2)

602 It's not a "bone", people. Bones do not figure into it. It is hydraulic pressure, due to blood.

Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (Pby3z)

603 I don't mean to "work blue," but my boner just launched a smaller auxilliary sub-boner. It looks like the escape pod in Star Wars, only instead of droids, it has bickering sperm inside of it. One of the sperm is carrying the secret plans to DESTROY Kate Upton's clam canyon. That Ewok uses his tongue better than a 20 quatloo Registered Companion.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (LuZz8)

604  noodles

Posted by: davidt at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (XoldI)

605 The Obama administration decided a long time ago to treat ISIS like they are schoolyard bullies that will just go away if you ignore them.

Posted by: Dang at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (8b+oT)

606 We sent out a press release. Seriously, what the fuck do we have to do here? Posted by: ISIS at November 30, 2016 02:02 PM (S2VsH) THIS^ There were numerous questions they wouldn't answer due to the ongoing investigation. But, she did admit he was reading Anwar Awlaki's writings among other things. Even with the FBI not releasing much of what they know, there it was obvious in the first couple hours that this was a terrorist act. I've never figured out why the administration chooses to lie when the truth would serve them better.

Posted by: Bill R. at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (escKN)

607 Now think of this - if the horde has had nonstop schadenboners since Nov. 9, the leftists have had the reversal. Their balls have dropped off, like little mouse turds falling into the dirt, and dicks, already insignificant, have retracted so far into their bodies they now have vags without benefit of surgery.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (u0lmX)

608 Merkel not have a boner after his boner -quite the opposite I would guess. Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 02:05 PM (u0lmX) I think it referenced doing something "boneheaded" - really incredibly stupid. As thick as a skull of pure bone. A numbskull.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 09:09 AM (hLRSq)

609 Patience, Grasshopper. Fredo is stil prez. Once Trump takes his right hand off the Bible, the FBI will suddenly attain a whole new perspective. Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 02:01 PM (Fmupd) ------ Yeah .... I think the average agent is all about doing their job. Its the assholes in the corner offices that need replacing. Posted by: fixerupper at November 30, 2016 02:03 PM (8XRCm) I want Trump to bring in R Lee Ermy as Secretary of Shitcanning Liberals. What are you doing in my (fill in department), numbnuts? What part of get your worthless ass out of here don't you understand? Do you need help leaving? Because my boot placed up your ass will get the job done.

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 09:10 AM (493sH)

610 The FBI is still looking for evidence that it was a terror attack?
They probably could not find evidence of fornication in a whore house.

Posted by: Cicero Skip at November 30, 2016 09:10 AM (FIrEF)

611 I would love to know who the poll trolls really were. Soros-paid astroturf or actual "TruCons" that wanted some sort of "told you so" moment.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:10 AM (g9iYn)

612 Posted by: Nip Sip at November 30, 2016 02:07 PM

Oh, SHE suspected she might be toast about 72 hours before.  That was when her campaign suddenly "rediscovered" the state of Michigan.  They knew they had read the tea leaves wrong, and knew they had to stop listening to their own press for a minutes.  But it was way too late by then.

But to the media?  This was an epic blindside for most of them (including Fox and NRO).  Only the LA Times seemed completely unfazed, since they had their OWN polling that was telling them a very different stroy that they weren't interested in hammering into new shapes.  They get kudos for that.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 09:11 AM (S2VsH)

613 So University of Oregon fired their football coach for sucking this year, and now the local news is interviewing the players for their reactions. Look, I get that these guys probably need some practice before they try to get into the NFL and all but... let's face it, these are college student jocks who get some cheerleader to do their homework. They haven't had to string a coherent sentence together their entire lives. Its kinda painful.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:12 AM (39g3+)

614 Watch a load of SJWs cry......



http://tinyurl.com/hzeh5wx

Posted by: Nip Sip at November 30, 2016 09:12 AM (NbJXF)

615 My schadenboner is so big I'm renting it out to an Indian reservation in North Dakota to use as a pipeline.

Posted by: Dang at November 30, 2016 09:12 AM (8b+oT)

616 Imagine there's no boners. It's easy if you try.

Posted by: Yoko Ono at November 30, 2016 09:12 AM (Pby3z)

617 It's not a "bone", people. Bones do not figure into it.
Posted by: Caitlyn Jenner at November 30, 2016 02:09 PM

We disagree.

Posted by: Racoons at November 30, 2016 09:13 AM (S2VsH)

618 THIS THREAD IS FUNNY BECAUSE THERE'S NO WAY A PENIS COULD BE AS BIG AS SOME ARE SAYING.

Posted by: BEN ROTHLESBERGER at November 30, 2016 09:13 AM (Fmupd)

619 Tonight, we water our Schadenboners in the Potomac.

Posted by: The cockpit at November 30, 2016 09:14 AM (xXpwR)

620 My schadenboner is so big it just bumped into the Hubble Telescope.

PS:  It is really chilly in space as my SB is numb and I am worrying now about frostbite..

Posted by: oddnot at November 30, 2016 09:14 AM (g1MTt)

621 The biggest disconnect to me was that even if you completely believed the polls were dead on, it would have the equivalent to a Super Bowl game where there was a 2 point spread. basically, a coin flip that leaned ever so slightly towards Hillary. Yet, the MSM would take the data and make absurd predictions like 99% Hillary wins. My sense was the undecideds would break towards Trump and there were some hidden Trump voters. All it took was like a 3 point movement and he won. I did not see him though losing the popular vote.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:14 AM (g9iYn)

622 Oh, SHE suspected she might be toast about 72 hours before. Right about the time she canceled the fireworks barges. She had the internal data that wasn't using 2012 demographics.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:14 AM (39g3+)

623 Posts like this are why I finally stopped lurking here and started posting. I love all of you. And you, Ace! Sorry - for a second I didn't see you there. Your schadenboner blocks the view.

Posted by: iwuzhere at November 30, 2016 09:15 AM (GRNzr)

624 Only the LA Times seemed completely unfazed, since they had their OWN polling that was telling them a very different stroy that they weren't interested in hammering into new shapes. They get kudos for that. Posted by: Rusty Nail at November 30, 2016 02:11 PM (S2VsH)

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:15 AM (kXoT0)

625 I don't to push youse guys over the edge, but Pelosi prevailed as minority leader. Yes!!! According to Adam Schiff (CA-D) in The Hill "No one is a better tactician than Nancy Pelosi," Buhwahahahaha!

Posted by: Shanks for the memory at November 30, 2016 09:16 AM (TdCQk)

626 I feel so inadequate.  <<squirt>>

Posted by: Anthony W. at November 30, 2016 09:16 AM (75WaT)

627 My schadenboner is so big it has it's own patronus.  It's a gym sock.

Posted by: Harry Potter at November 30, 2016 09:17 AM (8b+oT)

628 So sorry about 624. I hit post to soon. I meant to say: The LA Times absolutely does deserve credit for not just reading the tea leaves correctly but having the guts to keep publishing facts instead of the continual wishcasting done by everyone else.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:17 AM (kXoT0)

629 I want Trump to bring in R Lee Ermy as Secretary of Shitcanning Liberals. What are you doing in my (fill in department), numbnuts? What part of get your worthless ass out of here don't you understand? Do you need help leaving? Because my boot placed up your ass will get the job done. Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 02:10 PM (493sH) Even better is him saying it through a bullhorn two inches from their face.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at November 30, 2016 09:17 AM (4ErVI)

630 CNBC interviewing someone at the Washington Post over Steve Mnuchin's "minefields". I guess they had to take a break from "Trump's Rally Too Soon Too Fast!!!!"

Posted by: TheQuietMan at November 30, 2016 09:17 AM (493sH)

631 My sense was the undecideds would break towards Trump and there were some hidden Trump voters. All it took was like a 3 point movement and he won. Deep down, my gut was telling me that Hillary wouldn't pull the numbers, and that there were enough undeclared "secret" Trump voters that it could overwhelm the margin of fraud. but I've been wrong so much lately I ignored it. My gut told me Obama would win in 2012 but it made no sense rationally so I ignored that, too.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:17 AM (39g3+)

632 Watch a load of SJWs cry...... http://tinyurl.com/hzeh5wx Posted by: Nip Sip at November 30, 2016 02:12 PM (NbJXF) For me, the best part is that there are a few folks scattered through the crowd who have enough grit to control their emotions......but they're too SCARED to turn to some mewling quim curled up in a ball and sobbing and tell them "Knock it off. So we lost this round. We have work to do." If they actually did that, the mewling quims would turn on them viciously, so they keep their mouths shut.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at November 30, 2016 09:17 AM (LuZz8)

633 I did not see him though losing the popular vote.
Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:14 PM

We're STILL counting illegal alien provisional ballots for Hillary here.  We won't be done until April of next year.

Posted by: California at November 30, 2016 09:18 AM (S2VsH)

634 Polifact is continuing its long tradition with the "Trump-o-meter" showing how many campaign promises he breaks as time goes on. I remember how many laughs and how much fun we had with the Obama-meter they ran in his first term! Oh wait...

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:19 AM (39g3+)

635 I am not the owner/operator of a penis, so I can't join in all that throbbing fun. However, I can report that Miss Kitty is thrilled on behalf of vaginas everywhere that Hillz' musty old cooter did not become VayJayJay POTUS The First.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:19 AM (kXoT0)

636 Only the LA Times seemed completely unfazed, since they had their OWN polling that was telling them a very different stroy that they weren't interested in hammering into new shapes. They get kudos for that. Posted by: Rusty Nail But if we're being honest, wasn't the LA Times also wrong as well? Yes, they were about the only outfit that had Trump ahead, but it was a national poll that had him winning the popular vote by like 4%. Instead he actually lost the popular vote.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:19 AM (g9iYn)

637 Strangely enough it turns out Politifact actually did do an Obamameter... its a batch of stupid lies, but they did do it http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/promises/obameter/

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:20 AM (39g3+)

638 Deep down, my gut was telling me that Hillary wouldn't pull the numbers, and that there were enough undeclared "secret" Trump voters that it could overwhelm the margin of fraud. but I've been wrong so much lately I ignored it. My gut told me Obama would win in 2012 but it made no sense rationally so I ignored that, too. Posted by: Christopher R Taylor I seem to remember you saying several times Hillary was going to win and that you were certain about it.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:20 AM (g9iYn)

639 I'm concerned about my FSS, frequent Schadenboner syndrome. The list of symptoms include a feeling that I can now do any damn thing, like cold approaching prettiest girl in a bar and nodding knowingly at keno numbers as they pop on the monitor. Help!

Posted by: Knaws at November 30, 2016 09:20 AM (Eg4A3)

640 You'd think at least a few of the midgets would fall off the end of my schadenboner but there they go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6cnryxwH6A

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at November 30, 2016 09:21 AM (8J/Te)

641 Oh, SHE suspected she might be toast about 72 hours before. Right about the time she canceled the fireworks barges. She had the internal data that wasn't using 2012 demographics. Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 02:14 PM (39g3+) Yeah, when the announcers were perplexed and puzzled as they reported that she was cancelling her NYC fireworks, I thought to myself, we have got this thing. I was frankly surprised that she did that. It looked weak and she had piles of campaign cash, so saving money on fireworks was an odd signal.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:23 AM (kXoT0)

642 But if we're being honest, wasn't the LA Times also wrong as well? Yes, they were about the only outfit that had Trump ahead, but it was a national poll that had him winning the popular vote by like 4%. Instead he actually lost the popular vote. Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:19 PM (g9iYn) If we take out the illegal and the dead and so on and so forth he won the popular vote.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:24 AM (kXoT0)

643 I seem to remember you saying several times Hillary was going to win and that you were certain about it. Yeah I was, and it surprised the heck out of me when she lost. But deep down something was telling me she wouldn't pull the votes. The math didn't add up. I just was certain she'd get enough fraud to pull over the top. You know how it goes, or maybe its just me, I have a rational level of thought that goes over the facts, and a gut instinct/intuition that pulls intangibles together and often they conflict. After 2008 and 2012, I didn't believe the American people were sane or trustworthy to vote in their best interest. I'm still amazed they did.

Posted by: Christopher R Taylor at November 30, 2016 09:24 AM (39g3+)

644 635 I am not the owner/operator of a penis, so I can't join in all that throbbing fun. However, I can report that Miss Kitty is thrilled on behalf of vaginas everywhere that Hillz' musty old cooter did not become VayJayJay POTUS The First. Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 02:19 PM (kXoT0) I'm sure that you can find a volunteer to let you borrow there's for a bit.

Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2016 09:25 AM (bMG0w)

645 Yes, they were about the only outfit that had Trump ahead, but it was a national poll that had him winning the popular vote by like 4%. Instead he actually lost the popular vote. Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:19 PM (g9iYn) ----------------- I imagine if a voter audit were done, especially in CA, I bet he would take the popular vote as well.

Posted by: BEN ROTHLESBERGER at November 30, 2016 09:26 AM (Fmupd)

646 Yeah, when the announcers were perplexed and puzzled as they reported that she was cancelling her NYC fireworks, I thought to myself, we have got this thing. I was frankly surprised that she did that. It looked weak and she had piles of campaign cash, so saving money on fireworks was an odd signal. Posted by: Sherry McEvil Was that ever really verified as the "reason"? I seemed to hear other things like it was the local Fire Dept and a building code issue. I just can't imagine that someone in the Clinton campaign saw a poll and said "cancel the fireworks!!" the day before. That's such a minor budget issue. It's also clear that Trump's campaign didn't think they were going to win until later in the evening. I think both sides were blindsided.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:27 AM (g9iYn)

647 I want new penalities on illegal aliens even registering to vote that are so severe they don't even think about it. Something along the lines of this... If you are illegal and register to vote, then 1. All your property and assets are seized 2. Citizenship for your anchor babies is revoked 3. You get put on a chartered plane and dumped somewhere in your home country. 4. You can never be a citizen even if you re-enter legally and your spouse and children can never be citizens. Real ACTUAL Citizens dies so that we could vote freely and it absolutely enrages me that the Dims game the system so hard.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:28 AM (kXoT0)

648 Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:27 PM (g9iYn) WRONG Trump computer Guy was 95% sure Trump would win on Sunday Night

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 09:28 AM (y3aQB)

649 Off dumbass sock

Posted by: Soona at November 30, 2016 09:29 AM (Fmupd)

650 Was that ever really verified as the "reason"? I seemed to hear other things like it was the local Fire Dept and a building code issue. Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:27 PM (g9iYn) No reason was given. That's why the announcers were so puzzled. Our side speculated that she knew she was losing and did not want to waste the money.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:29 AM (kXoT0)

651 129 "My Shadenboner is the monlith from the begining of 2001: a space odyssey" Well MINE is like the monolith from the END of 2001: a Space Odyssey. "Oh my God. It's full of stars!!"

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at November 30, 2016 09:31 AM (wFWxb)

652 WRONG Trump computer Guy was 95% sure Trump would win on Sunday Night Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 02:28 PM (y3aQB) Agreed. I was thinking he would win IF he had enough votes to counteract the fraud. It's certainly a sad thing that Illinois and other states have such corrupt elections that it taints the whole process.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:32 AM (kXoT0)

653 I'm sure that you can find a volunteer to let you borrow there's for a bit. Posted by: buzzion at November 30, 2016 02:25 PM (bMG0w) Yeah, the Horde is generous like that.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 09:33 AM (kXoT0)

654 #647 "3. You get put on a chartered plane and dumped somewhere OVER THE OCEAN SORT OF ON THE WAY TO in your home country." FIFY, don't mention it, really.

Posted by: Ray Van Dune at November 30, 2016 09:33 AM (wFWxb)

655 I read somewhere the fireworks were for only two  minutes.  How much could that have cost?  Seems the Clintons are all about the Benjamins.

Posted by: DJ Jazzy Mel at November 30, 2016 09:34 AM (75WaT)

656 Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:27 PM (g9iYn) WRONG Trump computer Guy was 95% sure Trump would win on Sunday Night Posted by: Evilpens I'm skeptical of things like this. We''l probably never know the truth but I don't for a minute everyone in Trump's campaign was 95% sure that he was going to win on Election Night, including the candidate himself. I do think though most people in Hillary's camp were "certain" she would be the next President.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:34 AM (g9iYn)

657 Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 02:32 PM (kXoT0) That is why DUMocrats don't want voter ID when you need it for everything else

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 09:36 AM (y3aQB)

658 Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 02:34 PM (g9iYn) was on Lou Dobbs & Lou ask him & said that & was more Confident on Monday, But Tues. was nervous because it was election day

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 09:38 AM (y3aQB)

659 BREAKING UN ruling to free WikiLeaks Assange to stand after British appeal rejected on.rt.com/7wiy

Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 09:39 AM (y3aQB)

660 was on Lou Dobbs & Lou ask him & said that & was more Confident on Monday, But Tues. was nervous because it was election day Posted by: Evilpens fair enough, I just think you ALWAYS put on an optimistic face even if you actually did feel you were going to lose. I remember all sorts of positive "signals" were coming out of Romney's camp during the run up until election night that they were looking at a win.

Posted by: Maritime at November 30, 2016 09:42 AM (g9iYn)

661 I'm sure Hillary was looking forward to reading these while enjoying a slice of cheese pizza from her buddy James Alefantis at Comet Ping Pong.

Posted by: brass pair at November 30, 2016 09:48 AM (YEelc)

662 I was frankly surprised that she did that. It looked weak and she had piles of campaign cash, so saving money on fireworks was an odd signal. Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 02:23 PM (kXoT0) It would have been truly wonderful if they had started firing them off early, still confident of a Hill win - right before the night turned truly dark for the leftists. Hillary would have paid for a Trump fireworks celebration over Manhattan!

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 09:51 AM (u0lmX)

663 In their hubris, the Hillary campaign had ordered up a fireworks display to go off around 9:30 pm on election night, right outside their Big Party at the Javits Center on the Westside of NYC. Around 9:30 pm because that was when the networks would declare her the Winner! But a different sort of fireworks went off at 9:30 pm at the Javits Center, as Hillary's tirade in the Green Room scorched the eyebrows off of her trusted Inner Circle of Mooks and Flukes.

Posted by: Ignoramus at November 30, 2016 09:54 AM (SIY7D)

664 625 I don't to push youse guys over the edge, but Pelosi prevailed as minority leader. Yes!!! According to Adam Schiff (CA-D) in The Hill "No one is a better tactician than Nancy Pelosi," Buhwahahahaha! Posted by: Shanks for the memory at November 30, 2016 02:16 PM (TdCQk) Yes, the tactic of parading around with that giant gavel after pushing Ocare though was sure a winner -for the GOP.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 09:55 AM (u0lmX)

665 I'll admit it - all day and into the evening on Election Day, I walked around with a heavy heart. I was absolutely sure they'd steal it. I couldn't even bear to turn on my TV until the Horde told me it was OK. I had too many scars from '12.

Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 09:57 AM (u0lmX)

666 LOL!

Posted by: SMFH - 9-2 at November 30, 2016 09:59 AM (CRotO)

667 It would have been truly wonderful if they had started firing them off early, still confident of a Hill win - right before the night turned truly dark for the leftists. Hillary would have paid for a Trump fireworks celebration over Manhattan! Posted by: Donna and V. (sans ampersands at the present time) at November 30, 2016 02:51 PM (u0lmX) That's IT! You are brilliant. Trump would have owned her on Twitter over it. It wasn't the money, it was the chance that it would be co-opted by Trump.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 10:01 AM (kXoT0)

668 Wow, these articles are so bad they're fantastic!

Better open up the sunroof today, schadenboner's not going away.

Posted by: t-bird at November 30, 2016 10:01 AM (2z74n)

669 That is why DUMocrats don't want voter ID when you need it for everything else Posted by: Evilpens at November 30, 2016 02:36 PM (y3aQB) They prevail because there are still a few poor old Black folks without birth certificates...who have still managed to access every single bit of American life.

Posted by: Sherry McEvil, Stiletto Corsettes now with tiny wizened charcoal grey lump that is the McEvil heart at November 30, 2016 10:03 AM (kXoT0)

670 So when are the fireworks?

Posted by: wth at November 30, 2016 10:03 AM (HgMAr)

671 They don't care. They're not even embarrassed. They felt it was their responsibility to get her elected-period! It's evident that feel that they know what's best for the country and no one can convince them otherwise.

Posted by: Very Irredeemably Undude at November 30, 2016 10:04 AM (2X7pN)

672 The Saga Continues: Trump Tower, New York City. Barricades surround the building as the president elect interviews applicants for positions and takes the please of supplicants. The latter arrive as workers finish the large flaming Golden Scalp Weasel on the tower's roof. "We have answered your summons, president elect Trump." "You have thrown everything against me during this campaign," he responds, "but I want to meet with you to show that I am magnum...er, magniloq...er...munici...hey, no hard feelings." "Thank you," Megyn says with ill-grace. "Don't take it so hard, sweet cheeks. I want to offer you a place." "What? In a harem?" Megyn says, shocked. "I'm a serious professional journalist!" Mika shouts. "You're a professional alright and you wear your credentials on your chest. But enough of the Tom-foolery, I'm not here for mish. I have another proposition." "And that is?" Megyn asks, glancing over at Mika and adjusting her top. "Throughout the campaign you shilled for Hillary. It was so obvious even the cretins in the British tabloids were laughing at you. It can be worth your while to do the same." "Why shill for Hillary," Mika asks, clerly puzzled. "She's done, she's taking a walk in the woods..." "Being sent to the farm for old dogs..." Megyn adds. "Going fishing with Fredo..." Mika quips, glaring at Megyn. "Pushing up daisies..." Megyn snarls as she faces Mika. "GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" the pair growl as they stand with clenched teeth, nose to nose. "Down Sheba, down Lassie! You'll spook the Golden Scalp Weasel. Man, you dames are nuts and I know dames." The pair slowly back off with smiles as fake as a Dollar Shop gold ring. "Kisses, Megyn." "Love you, Mika." Trump shudders. "No, I want you to act like you're still skeptical about me, but secretly support me. Do things like how unsure you are about my actions and then spin the results as 'Darn, he really pulled off something there' as if you are amazed." "Why?" "You'll keep your audience of Lefties who want red meat about how stupid I am and then you'll suck in the Righties who go "Ha-ha! He really put one over on the press!" That way I win and you win - I get to look good and you get super ratings and big contract bonuses. Deal?" Mika and Megyn give grudging glances at each other before leaping forward. "You bet," Megyn says. "Nobody sucks up like I do!" "No one out lick-spittles me, Little Miss Round-Heels," Mika says. "Ladies, you agree. Take the rest to the girl's washroom and handle it old school." The Golden Scalp Weasel sighs in relief as the blondes, honing their nails, leave.

Posted by: *Mikey NTH - Days of Rage and Tears Black Friday Sale at The Outrage Outlet! at November 30, 2016 10:08 AM (hLRSq)

673 You trying to give althouse a fatal case of the vapors?

Posted by: Lord Sir x at November 30, 2016 10:08 AM (nFwvY)

674 Damn, I'm *so* not tired of all this winning...

Posted by: GuyfromNH at November 30, 2016 10:11 AM (5zfq1)

675 I do an hour on the elliptical everyday. I used to read, listen to a podcast, book, or radio show, or watch a movie or show. Since November 9th, I stream election night coverage, alternating the cable/network channel each day. It's all on YouTube, hours and hours of it. I move the arrow to about 10:30 PM and watch the panic and horror set in on all of their faces. I watch them trying to convince themselves that there are still enough outstanding Hillary votes for her to win. They become apoplectic around midnight. I'm still watching it three weeks later. It never ceases to delight me and my workout hour has never passed so quickly. For variety, I stream episode 26 of The Circus which leaves me equally happy and satisfied.

Posted by: Flowerbelle at November 30, 2016 10:14 AM (lDRgY)

676 Is Mr. Ace's pimpin' pudendum serving "ho-cakes" that are actually waffles drenched in Maine maple syrup too?

Posted by: Donovan Nuera at November 30, 2016 10:17 AM (iucaD)

677 We noticed that Hillary and co began campaigning and spending money in states that Obama had carried, including Wisconsin. This was about a week before the end. I think that their internal polling showed major problems, or at least, vulnerability.

Posted by: Blue Hen at November 30, 2016 10:35 AM (326rv)

678 ....

Posted by: willy at November 30, 2016 10:36 AM (Ffw22)

679 Got bounced out of the DMV renewal line today... They said I would need a COMMERICAL. License to drive a Schadenboner that YUGE!

Posted by: !Deplorable Lives Matter! at November 30, 2016 10:38 AM (oBuXO)

680 Mandarin Michael J. Totten probably had a version of the same prefab type article pre-positioned for deployment ... and then gotterdammerung. Hilarious!

Posted by: 13times at November 30, 2016 10:46 AM (WHVu+)

681 All the "blue" content is okay, but you better not be keeping a concubine anywhere.

Posted by: Snidely Whiplash at November 30, 2016 10:54 AM (y6b1g)

682 MY BONER IS SO BIG I'M HUNG LIKE A LIGHT SWITCH.

Posted by: R. DUKE at November 30, 2016 10:56 AM (ONH2e)

683 Jesus humping Christ on a fucking crutch. Do they want to drive down the value of their magazine any further? Yes, you have to do this shit in advance, and yes you get to eat millions in printing costs. But to publish this shit on the web? Acting like you knew exactly why the Shrillery won?

Nobody has any fucking shame anymore. They're all dropping their pants and shitting in their hands and flinging it. Unless your Nancy Pelosi, and your feeding it to your cockgobbing husband who too busy looting the government to feed himself.

Posted by: Uma Thurmond's Feet at November 30, 2016 11:39 AM (AghXX)

684 How sweet it is! My special lady friend of 4 years dumped me via text msg. minutes after the networks called it for Trump.  But this this is so satisfying.

Posted by: Peter Schneider at November 30, 2016 12:39 PM (El+Jz)

685 Even more remarkable was the way she won it: by running as a woman, who championed policies aimed at women, against an avatar of reactionary sexism. This gobblygook is why Trump won. And the boner.

Posted by: batterup at November 30, 2016 12:42 PM (mtGE/)

686 It's like Sliders - the television series, only better because it NEVER HAPPENED. PS: if there is a cure, I don't want it. 4+ hours of turgidity is like a baseball bat in your hand when extra innings are required. So soul satisfying!!!

Posted by: itzWicks at November 30, 2016 12:44 PM (Ql1ja)

687 Clam canyon -- lol!

Posted by: Joe at November 30, 2016 01:11 PM (c+nR5)

688 Freaking fabulous. Do you know how hard it is to supress laughter at work. All I could do was giggle/snort.

Posted by: Beardpool at November 30, 2016 01:21 PM (VK/Bq)

689 We elected a vagina to the governorship here and will elect a new vagina in 2 years.

Posted by: Stupid Braindead CA Voters at November 30, 2016 01:40 PM (4kbi9)

690 Anybody ask Clockboy who he voted for? *munches popcorn*

Posted by: torabora at November 30, 2016 01:41 PM (4kbi9)

691 Trump Deniers.

Posted by: Stan at November 30, 2016 09:18 PM (n8g88)

692 Damn, so much blood has been directed towards my nether regions that my heart's cavitating!

Posted by: BubblePuppy7 at December 01, 2016 06:57 AM (sEoyy)

693 My shadenboner lasted more than four hours but I didn't call a physician. I called EVERYBODY!

Posted by: Stan at December 01, 2016 08:19 AM (n8g88)

694 My shadenboner is so large it burns diesel!

Posted by: Stan at December 01, 2016 08:20 AM (n8g88)

695 'We're gonna need a bigger boat!'

Posted by: Stan at December 01, 2016 08:59 AM (n8g88)

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