April 27, 2006

Dirty, Filthy Hyena Whores
— Ace

Weird animal sex stuff.

It's interesting that female hyenas are the more musclular and powerful, and socially dominent, gender.

It's even more interesting that alpha females give out androgenizing pheremones to make their offspring tougher, bigger, and more aggressive. A case of social status of the parent directly impacting the health, size, competitiveness, and competence of the children, which has somewhat sad implications for humanity, if such an effect is present in our species as well. (Which I bet it does.)

And then the article gets weird. So weird it gets put past the jump.

But providing the extra hormones takes a toll on the mother. The dose of androgen that she received from her own alpha mother damages her ovaries, making it difficult to conceive.

It also causes female reproductive organs to grow. A lot. Her clitoris, which contains the birthing canal, protrudes 7 inches from her body.

"Imagine giving birth through a penis," said study co-author Kay Holekamp of Michigan State University. "It's really weird genitalia, but it seems to work. Although giving birth through a 'penis' isn't a trivial problem."

The clitoris' birth canal is only an inch in diameter, and the tissue often tears as a 2-pound cub squeezes through the narrow opening. The rip can be fatal, as evidenced by the high death rate for first-time mothers.

Because of the female's awkward genitalia, successful mating for hyenas is tricky to pull off. It takes careful positioning for the male to crouch behind her and somehow get his penis to point up and backwards to enter her clitoris.

In related news, Mike's pants just got uncomfortably tight.

Thanks to SWOOD.

Posted by: Ace at 09:21 AM | Comments (10)
Post contains 282 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I used to write for a college humor publication called the Hyena. This story is far funnier than anything we could have ever come up with.

Posted by: Andrew at April 27, 2006 09:25 AM (GnZn+)

2 Because of the female's awkward genitalia, successful mating for hyenas is tricky to pull off.

Boy. You're telling me? And its not just the physical issues. Those hyena babes can be demanding as hell.

Like my Daddy always said "Stick to domesticates son. "

And I would too, but they hyena bitchs are just so....I dunno....powerful?

Posted by: Mike at April 27, 2006 09:37 AM (KeOQp)

3 That would explain why Aristotle thought hyenas were an example of non-sexual (or at least abnormal) reproduction among animals; they probably couldn't tell whether the things were male or female.

Seven inches? Good lord.

Posted by: Knemon at April 27, 2006 09:39 AM (a3KVd)

4 Looks like Mike took you up on your challenge, Warden

Posted by: wiserbud at April 27, 2006 09:40 AM (AQGeh)

5 Is Mike two-timing me? Again?

Posted by: Mike's Dog at April 27, 2006 09:43 AM (K13iK)

6 Sorry, pup, but it sure looks that way. But, hey, look at it this way...at least your rectum get s a break from his needle-dick poking at it for a while.

Posted by: wiserbud at April 27, 2006 10:11 AM (AQGeh)

7 I'd cut my guts open with my own teeth before I shot a two pound anything out of my wang .

Posted by: compos mentis at April 27, 2006 10:26 AM (xHpUK)

8 Ace,

You really ought to give props to Ann Althouse - she had this blogged this morning.

Posted by: Jeff at April 27, 2006 10:34 AM (yiMNP)

9 Sorry puppy, but it was just right

Like they say, when its right, you just screw and get drunk.

Posted by: Mike at April 27, 2006 01:58 PM (6n7kd)

10 I'd love to hear the ID explanation of this one.

Posted by: Improbulus Maximus at April 28, 2006 01:29 AM (0yYS2)

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