April 26, 2006

Did I Mention That GDP Is Expected To Have Grown Nearly 5.0% Last Quarter?: A Mixed-Media Cowbell Extravaganza
— Ace

I mentioned this pretty prominent, with boldfacing and all, earlier today. But only four people bothered to comment on the news.

Yesterday's news that consumer confidence was at a four-year high was similarly greeted with the yawns usually expected from Aaron Brown, or whoever Aaron Brown might be having sex with.

Meanwhile, of course, the Dow hit a six year high.

Why was this, I wondered? Then I remembered. You're all a bunch of drooling morons. If I don't include cute graphics and cowbell-themes, you just don't "get" basic economic news.

Pardon my oversight. Here, for the first time, the Golden Cowbell image with the Ace of Spades Cowbell Theme attached (click on it for song). [Song courtesy of Blaster's Blog.]

But maybe even that isn't sinking in to your thick, Cro-magnon moronskulls. So additional audio-visual cues of a slightly risque nature are provided after the jump.

Whitesnake album cover with Cowbell theme:

Hot big-booby Austrian gaming girl-geek, again with Cowbell theme:

And if that still isn't enough to penetrate your solid-bone cretinheads,
how about KIM RICHARDS from Tuff Turf with Cowbell theme?

Some here are Justine Bateman partisans, so, okay, here's Mallory Cheesecake, with Cowbell Theme:

And finally, if you low-functioning stupidheads don't get it YET, here's Johnny Coldcuts, the time-travelling foul-mouthed baloney sandwhich, trying to explain it to you:

Give the economy the props it deserves,
you rotten shitbag goatfuckers!

Mark it in your calenders: Dow Jones 11,000
by July, you dirty-asses!

Johnny Coldcuts doesn't like the Ace of Spades Cowbell theme, as it's "too pussyshit" for his tastes, so he suggests the Allah-produced Lionel Ritchie/Pat O'Brien duet of Hello to celebrate the good economic news.

(Note that that song is not safe for work, because Lionel Ritchie is really foul-mouthed.)

All right, all right... for the Ladies and/or Homos:

Okay, I know Jason Bateman might not be every one's cup of tea, but it was this or Chris Klein or Charles Nelson Reilly.

Posted by: Ace at 11:20 AM | Comments (53)
Post contains 357 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Um...is this supposed to bea big deal? I'm not sure. Help me a little here, Ace-man.

Posted by: Tiglath-Pilsner III at April 26, 2006 11:24 AM (12nak)

2 The Golden Cowbell!

and the Whitesnake cover (is there some hidden meaning there?) and big boobie Austrian chick and Kim AND Johnny Coldcuts?

If the Dow hits 15k this is the FIRST place I'm checking out.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 26, 2006 11:26 AM (pzen5)

3 I, for one, welcome the return of our Kim Richards overlord.

Posted by: Guy T. at April 26, 2006 11:27 AM (j02xJ)

4 We kind of already knew the economy was going well, you idiot. WE READ YOUR FUCKING BLOG!

Posted by: Mark V. at April 26, 2006 11:27 AM (2ipxY)

5 Well, as Cautiously Pessimistic noted yesterday; "If only there was some sort of organization that could investigate this stuff and then report the results."

You fill a need I didn't even know I had.


Posted by: Toby928 at April 26, 2006 11:28 AM (ATbKm)

6 Look, turdlick, Bushbell, Whitesnake, girlie-gamer, Kim Richards - that's all well and good. But until I see Justine Bateman, it's just another one of Bu$hitler's jobless recoveries that only benefits rich white fundamentalist Texans, understand?

Posted by: Rocketeer at April 26, 2006 11:33 AM (GFaLW)

7 Someone needs momma's attention.

Posted by: pajama momma at April 26, 2006 11:35 AM (IC2Qj)

8 Who cares if the economy is good-- don't you know there's a war on?

Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at April 26, 2006 11:37 AM (y1hCN)

9 But what about the children?

Posted by: Anonymous Geek at April 26, 2006 11:43 AM (YvXOH)

10 Maybe if you threw some of that lesbian pron in the mix .....just a thought.

Posted by: morning wood at April 26, 2006 11:44 AM (+aNmG)

11 Justine Bateman added to the extravaganza.

I meant to add her, but, you know, it kind of got annoying linking every old pic I've ever put up.

But she's on there now. Pardon the oversight.

Morning wood,

Kim Richards and Mallory together are lesbian pron. Just use a little bit of imagination.

Posted by: ace at April 26, 2006 11:46 AM (yQUbP)

12 What, no Mad Max Interceptor?

Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at April 26, 2006 11:51 AM (y1hCN)

13 So additional audio-visual cues of a slightly risque nature are provided after the jump.

Gotta admit, Ace knows his audience.

Posted by: Steve at April 26, 2006 11:55 AM (149Ek)

14 I have a fever, and the only precription is MORE COWBELL!

Posted by: leatherneck at April 26, 2006 12:00 PM (D2g/j)

15 Wow, this post gives the lesbian porno post a run for its money as "best Ace post ever." It's got something for everyone.

Posted by: j at April 26, 2006 12:02 PM (yHvEo)

16 Wow I never noticed just how fricken rocking the economy was! Thanks ace! All my fears have been for naught. And to think all those nice folks at huffpo think the countries in the sh*tter.

Posted by: morning wood at April 26, 2006 12:02 PM (+aNmG)

17 That's better. Please don't let it happen again.

Posted by: Silk at April 26, 2006 12:08 PM (0Hk2d)

18 And to think all those nice folks at huffpo think the countries in the sh*tter.

Darling, it IS. Do you know how much a gallon of aviation kerosene is? It cost me $4,049.85 to fill up the Learjet the other day, and that won't even get me back to LA from NYC fighting the jetstream all the way. If things don't get beter soon, I'll have to start flying commercial first class, and just how am I supposed to live like that?

Answer me. HOW?

Posted by: Arianna at April 26, 2006 12:14 PM (GFaLW)

19 I'm not a gay, but that picture of Justin might make me change. The Bateman parents must be wonderful specimens to produce such beautiful children.

Posted by: Dale at April 26, 2006 12:18 PM (VE3QR)

20 "Being a drooling moron is highest form of patriotism"

-Stuff Jefferson Said
Third Edition - 1965

Posted by: FreakyBoy at April 26, 2006 12:34 PM (cfpMt)

21 What's an "economic news"?

Posted by: Ralph Wiggum at April 26, 2006 12:42 PM (biNPb)

22 Fine, I'll look up my own picture of Adam Baldwin.

He's a conservative, you know, you should give him the beefcake space.

Posted by: bbeck at April 26, 2006 12:51 PM (qF8q3)

Posted by: Slublog at April 26, 2006 12:52 PM (aGpO3)

Posted by: Slublog at April 26, 2006 12:55 PM (aGpO3)

25 Aw, Slu, that's the nicest thing anyone's done for me today! Thanks!

Cheese and crackers, that man is gorgeous. Smart, too. And 6' 4". Swoon.

Morena's very pretty, too. There's been talk about her in the lead role for the Wonder Woman movie, which would probably be the only reason to see it. Hubby thought she was hot until the "Heart of Gold" episode, and then her behavior turned him off. He's more of a Kaylee type, anyway.

Posted by: bbeck at April 26, 2006 01:02 PM (qF8q3)

26 Kaylee's pretty cute, as well.

The only woman on that show who's I don't find attractive is River. She's pretty, but seems weird..

Posted by: Slublog at April 26, 2006 01:10 PM (aGpO3)

27 And, in response to this post, the Dow is up 71 points to 11,354.490, and the NASDAQ is up 3 to 2,333.630.

Apparently, the market was waiting for the cowbell picture

Posted by: Jay at April 26, 2006 01:26 PM (H5zz/)

28 Slubs, I also thank you. Between that stud, who I remember mostly from X-files, and the fine Tony Snow, it's been a damn good cowbell kinda day.

Posted by: kevlarchick at April 26, 2006 01:30 PM (bWRxm)

29 It isn't good news until it's accompanied by photos of Scarlett Johansson in a bikini.

Gentlemen, I direct your attention to the following:


You're welcome. Really.

Posted by: Ed Snate at April 26, 2006 01:32 PM (bb361)

30 Gentlemen, I direct your attention to the following:

Wow, I didn't know she had implants.

Posted by: bbeck at April 26, 2006 01:34 PM (qF8q3)

31 If those photos don't turn you guys into drooling morons, I don't know what will.

Worked for me

Posted by: Ed Snate at April 26, 2006 01:35 PM (bb361)

32 Implants, schmimplants. Real or natural ... WOWZA!

Posted by: Ed Snate at April 26, 2006 01:36 PM (bb361)

33 What can we do? By now the economy's put together so many great quarters that there's no more studio space left to explore.

Posted by: Paul Zrimsek at April 26, 2006 01:51 PM (E3Bj/)

34 Wow, the economy's sporting wood! who woulda known, huh?

Posted by: Laddy at April 26, 2006 01:51 PM (Jcl/L)

35 Forget Mallory.

Alex P. Keaton should be the AoS poster boy.

By the way, speaking of boobs, Elise Keaton had a nice pair. Meredith Baxter-Birney-Hyphen-Dash-Hyphen was in made for TV movie in the early '90s called My Breast.

She showed her left breast while the doctor examined it for lumps. Not only did we see the entire boob, but we saw it poked and prodded. For the ladies who don't understand why that is significant, I'll explain.

It's one thing to see naked parts of a woman. But it is entirely different to see the naked part squeezed and jiggled. It gives the guy a better, let's say, sense of textuality. (Is that a word?) Well, you get my drift.

Posted by: Bart at April 26, 2006 01:59 PM (Bc9zE)

36 Snuggly, you're such a dorkwad.

Wanna go out with me?

Posted by: Feisty at April 26, 2006 04:49 PM (J5+Si)

37 The homeless guy I see on the way to work every day might have a disagreement with you on the matter, ace.

I'd talk to him myself to see what he thinks, but I never can find the time in the rush home to check on how much my stock portfolio has gained (22% in the last year.)

Also, I don't give a flying fuck about smelly beggars who refuse to do an honest day's work.

But still.

Posted by: The Warden at April 26, 2006 05:22 PM (rZ5uY)

38 I definitely have a fevah now. And I found out that Whitesnake definitely had an official cowbell player (scroll down to the name "Roger Glover").

Posted by: Jester at April 26, 2006 05:27 PM (bsyaY)

39 I'll never understand the scruffy look for men.

In that pic Jason Bateman looks like he smells like pee.

OK, so Charles Nelson Reilly will deafen you by laughing crazily in your ear whilst snuggling. And he'll spit on you a lot while he talks.

But he looks like he probably smells good.

Posted by: lauraw at April 26, 2006 06:13 PM (o6H31)

40 No one understands why I shave on Saturday.

except lauraw. her and her damn hump. *sigh

Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 26, 2006 06:26 PM (NmPpZ)

41 Not one remark about how Johnny Coldcuts looks!
Well I think he looks more like turkey than bologna.

Posted by: The Real Steve at April 27, 2006 03:31 AM (n0lBX)

42 Well, this sucks because one of the reasons that we have people in the military is because job opportunities are so rare that these people have no choice but to join the military, with nary an idea that fighting may ever occur. Right? I guess this is not one of those jobs that our government is willing to outsource or let Mexicans do off the books.

Oh well, so long war on ter....

Wait, good economy and good recruitment numbers?!?!?! Its like all the criticism of the last 4 years have no basis in reality and were just pulled from some reporter's ass.

Posted by: joeindc44 at April 27, 2006 03:41 AM (K0x/A)

43 Good point joe.
According to the people who don't understand why anybody would join the military unless they were starving, recruitment should be extremely low.

But I'm sure they can flip it around- 'Imagine what recruitment would be like if the economy weren't so robust! Damn that Bush!'

Oh, and speaking of illegals...in a more barbaric time we could use forced conscription to deal with them.

It would be more cost effective than deportation or incarceration, and my belief is that the flow of new illegals over the border would stanch itself to a great degree.

If I were Queen of America this would be a very different place.

Posted by: lauraw at April 27, 2006 04:02 AM (RMMp2)

44 If I were Queen of America this would be a very different place.

We'd all have ponds and flowers in our back yard.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 27, 2006 04:26 AM (pzen5)

45 Or as they're called in Texas, tanks and dendelions.

Posted by: lauraw at April 27, 2006 04:35 AM (RMMp2)

46 lauraw, I would elect you queen. I would also elect Dave in Texas as queen, for that matter. Scruff and all.

I would also elect the stud Johnny Coldcuts as queen. Salty and yummy hot thing that he is.

Posted by: kevlarchick at April 27, 2006 04:38 AM (OXVLj)

Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 27, 2006 04:46 AM (pzen5)

48 You don't vote for a queen!

How'd you become queen, then?


Posted by: Roy at April 27, 2006 04:55 AM (2XXia)

49 I think Jason B. Is just fine. Certainly a better choice than Chris K. Keanu from the Matrix would be my first choice though.

Posted by: Marty at April 27, 2006 05:31 AM (vxsJT)

50 The latest Washington Post-ABC News poll showed 47 percent of voters “strongly” disapprove of Bush's job performance, vs. 20 percent who said they “strongly approve.”

Clinton’s strong disapproval never got above 37 percent in Post-ABC polls during his presidency.

Posted by: Mike at April 27, 2006 07:12 AM (leJWb)

51 Go figure: people are led to believe that the economy is in the toilet, and at the same time, they feel dissatisfied with the job the president is doing.

I'll be that's never happened before. Usually the people's approval of the president is completely unrelated to their perception of the economy.

Even so, the article says that the preference for Democratic control of congress has been falling.

Posted by: Roy at April 27, 2006 07:39 AM (2XXia)

52 So, Mary, are you going to take that bet or what?

Posted by: Gutless Weasel at April 27, 2006 07:51 AM (iDneH)

53 Jason Bateman? Next time you throw chicks and homos a bone, I suggest I want to be entertained by the big bell Russell keeps under his leather skirt.

Posted by: SarahW at May 25, 2006 05:02 AM (mZUFb)

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