March 01, 2013

"DavesLaw" of New Yorker Cartoons
— Ace

Iowahawk said something yesterday (which he's said before, but he reminded me of it yesterday) about The New Yorker's cartoons.

You know those drab, vague watercolor black-and-white cartoons skewered on Seinfeld for never making any sense?

Iowahawk proposed that every New Yorker cartoon -- every one -- could be made funnier by replacing its caption with:

"I'm going to kill myself."

Is it true? Well let's test this proposition under strict laboratory conditions. Let's do Science.

newyorker.jpg
"I'm going to kill myself."


I'm going to mark that as a positive. But maybe we just got lucky the first time.

newyorkerfish.gif
"I'm going to kill myself."


Pretty good! But two incidences does not define a trend.

new-yorker-menonstreet.jpg
"I'm going to kill myself."


Well, that works too.

For the last test in Phase One of our experiment, what about the fake New Yorker cartoon which was featured in Seinfeld? The one that made the point about these cartoons sucking and making no sense? The one with the pig at the complaints window that turned out to be stolen from a Ziggy?

seinfeld-new-yorker-cartoon.jpg
"I'm going to kill myself."


Well that seals it then. Okay, Iowahawk was right: Every New Yorker cartoon is better with the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself."

But now we have to test against a Control Group. We have to make certain this rule is only applicable to The New Yorker. Perhaps it's an even more generally-applying rule.

What about Family Circus?

Family-Circus.jpg
"I'm going to kill myself."


Interesting. Bloom County?

bloom-county_288x288.jpg
"I'm going to kill myself."


But what about Calvin and Hobbes?

Calvin-and-Hobbes-calvin-and-hobbes-1395577-1024-768.jpg
"I'm going to kill myself."

Well this all seems very intriguing.

But one last test. Surely this trick could not possibly work with Peanuts.

Not Peanuts, surely.

Snoopy-And-Charlie-Brown-1-SUTSS0YOIW-1024x768.jpg
" I'm going to kill myself."


Peanuts too.

Conclusions: Iowahawk was correct in his claim that the caption "I think I'm going to kill myself" makes all New Yorker cartoons funnier.

However, it seems the rule also applies to a large number of other cartoons. Iowahawk's rule might an even more powerful Principle of Science than he originally anticipated.

Corrected: Iowahawk points out his gag is "I'm going to kill myself," not "I think I'm going to kill myself," as I had it. I've changed all captions to conform to his actual joke.

Posted by: Ace at 08:47 AM | Comments (337)
Post contains 391 words, total size 4 kb.

1 ace, erg is fouling the Breitbart thread.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 08:49 AM (UOM48)

2 I love Snoopy

Posted by: WilDave at March 01, 2013 08:50 AM (wFGr5)

3 And Ace broke the blog.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 08:50 AM (da5Wo)

4 That right there is some funny shit.

Posted by: taylork at March 01, 2013 08:51 AM (ppNDn)

5 yeah it does seem cyclic...

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 08:51 AM (LRFds)

6
... always knew this blog leans to the right....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 08:51 AM (nELVU)

7 It definitely works in all Archie cartoons. For the reader.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 08:51 AM (w+Dvf)

8 I sorta think it's Charlie Brown saying it....and Snoopy is pondering how to help...

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 08:52 AM (LRFds)

9 The one with the fisherman and the psychologist would also be funny with

"And yet, all I can catch is crabs."

Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 08:52 AM (qxcKC)

10 The Calvin and Hobbes one wasn't funny.

Posted by: SarahW at March 01, 2013 08:52 AM (LYwCh)

11 What about Marmaduke?  does it work on Marmaduke?  i love that rascally mutt. 

Posted by: annoyed at March 01, 2013 08:52 AM (uEm7J)

12 I love Snoopy


Get lost, Perv Boy.

Posted by: Snoopy at March 01, 2013 08:52 AM (z9HTb)

13 How come italics works for Ace but not for me?

Sequester?

Posted by: Dusty at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (KR2Ca)

14 Early O/T. So sue me. Rush has a hilarious SkyFall song sequestration parody playing.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (6zgse)

15 I didn't think it worked for Family Circus or C&H but all the rest, adding the sentence actually made them funny.

Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (0PiQ4)

16 I'm at Wendy's. gettin some horseburgers

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (NNTrd)

17 I wonder if it would work on Doonesbury too.  Zonker and Mike talking:  "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (Hx5uv)

18 It would work on moar cartoons, but, sequester.

Posted by: annoyed at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (uEm7J)

19

But one last test. Surely this trick could not possibly work with Peanuts.

 

Not Peanuts, surely.

 

 

 

Given poor Charlie    Brown's propensity for always getting shafted with the short end of life's stick,    I'm surprised every Peanuts strip DOESN'T end with, "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 08:53 AM (4df7R)

20 17 WalrusRex,

well with the Uncle duke portions of Doonesbury little changes...

God bless Uncle Duke

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 08:54 AM (LRFds)

21 Finally, a post I really like.

Posted by: Leonard Cohen at March 01, 2013 08:54 AM (C8mVl)

22

 

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: Z Ryan at March 01, 2013 08:54 AM (fMK2m)

23 I wonder if it would work on Doonesbury too. Zonker and Mike talking: "I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 01:53 PM (Hx5uv)

 

 

Wait wait wait.   You're telling me that's NOT what   every Doonesbury   strip says?   Crap, I've been hallucinating all these years.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (4df7R)

24 17 I wonder if it would work on Doonesbury too. Zonker and Mike talking: "I think I'm going to kill myself."



Or the grandma (whatshername) who's working for Lizzie Warren.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (UOM48)

25 Cause like crabs are pubic lice, otherwise known as cockmites.

And the irony is that he tries to catch fish.

But most people , when engaging in sexual contact, try to avoid catching crabs cause they little fuckers hurt like the dickens.

And know you know why I stopped masterbating.

Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (qxcKC)

26 OK, I laughed at this.  Good stuff, ace.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (szUf0)

27 She blinded me! With Science!

Posted by: Thomas Dolby at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (UrENZ)

28 This is a major discovery...on the order of Plank's constant.

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (/gHaE)

29

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

 

Where's Joffen?

Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 08:55 AM (u2a4R)

30 Here you go, speaking of those about to go all morituri.

http://tinyurl.com/bgnchok

 

Posted by: comatus at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (qaVK+)

31 The phrase "I think I just shit myself" also works for all New Yorker cartoons.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (w+Dvf)

32 Ziggy would never take his own life.

Posted by: toby928© for TB at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (QupBk)

33 You're a gay fish!

Wait . . . what?

Posted by: bonhomme at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (IgCV5)

34 19 MWR,

Yeah...it is sorta there unwritten ain't it...?

God bless you Charlie Brown keep fucking kicking that chicken football

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (LRFds)

35 Italics are beneath us right now.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (yCvxi)

36 Friday, slow day.

Have a good weekend.  I have started!

Posted by: Billy Bob, Pseudo Intellectual at March 01, 2013 08:56 AM (wR+pz)

37 Now, Phase II of the experiment is to see if it's just cartoons that this works with.

I propose dubbing videos of Chris Matthews and Ed Schultz and see if it works then.

Posted by: Herr Morgenholz at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (szUf0)

38 Works for Ewok captions too

Posted by: Dark Ages at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (aG9Vk)

39 32 Toby 928th,

Cathy on the other hand the Female Ziggy....

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (LRFds)

40 So apparently a prized dog was probably poisoned at the Westminster Dog Show, the samoyed dog died a couple days after the show. The handler thinks it might have been animal rights activists who went too far.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (NzBQO)

41 One of my all time favorite Calvin & Hobbes quotes is this (Calvin obvs): I'm sick of everyone telling me what to do all the time! I hate my life! I hate everything! I wish I was DEAD! (thinks) Well, no I donÂ’t. Not really. I wish everyone ELSE was dead!

Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (VtjlW)

42 Could we please have a Dennis Rodman thread so I can sock the CIA wanting to debrief him for a week?

Posted by: Beagle at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (sOtz/)

43 Thanks for cleaning up the Breitbart thread. 

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (UOM48)

44 That cartoonist should defect to the Onion.  They'd snap him right up and double his salary

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (/gHaE)

45 I always thought Charlie Brown was suicidal.  I always hoped Doonesbury was.

Posted by: kathysaysso at March 01, 2013 08:57 AM (6H6o8)

46 >>>The phrase "I think I just shit myself" also works for all New Yorker cartoons

We're unanimous on that.

Posted by: Allen's kid and Al Roker at March 01, 2013 08:58 AM (szUf0)

47
Dick Tracy - Works.

Nancy - Doesnt Work

Lil Abner - Works.

Beetle Bailey  - Works

Ziggy - Works

Dennis the Menace - Doesnt Work.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 08:58 AM (nELVU)

48
I don't think it works in the Charlie Brown scene.  It just seems sad in that one, because Charlie is always put upon.

but what does work as well as Iowahawk's is:

"That's a drone strike".

Try it.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 01, 2013 08:58 AM (p/cQy)

49 During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today.

"I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: Commander Spock at March 01, 2013 08:58 AM (e8kgV)

50 Dilbert?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 08:58 AM (UOM48)

51 Wait a minute...how the hell did it get to be Friday so soon?  I coulda swore it was Wednesday...

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 08:58 AM (/gHaE)

52 You know how hard it is to stifle snickers in an office full of humorless drones?

Posted by: Pug Mahon at March 01, 2013 08:59 AM (K+mtQ)

53 45 kathySaySo,

eh...I sorta had a guilty pleasure with Uncle Duke and Honey......

otherwise "yes"

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 08:59 AM (LRFds)

54 Remember ANDY CAPP, B.C., and WIZARD OF ID?

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (+7i2c)

55 I believe "I think I just shit myself" works better in every cartoon above.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (w+Dvf)

56 Might even make "non sequitur" funny.

Posted by: MadisonConservative at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (Y/HG5)

57 Surely Doonsebury could be improved in the same manner.

Posted by: Pyrocles at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (cv5Iw)

58 The peasants are revolting!

Posted by: toby928© for TB at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (QupBk)

59 I agree with the hypothesis, by the way.

Posted by: chique d'afrique (the artist formerly known as african chick) at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (6zgse)

60 Calvin and Hobbes cannot be improved upon.

Posted by: Jaws at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (4I3Uo)

61 I tried it with, "But first, you will blow me."

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (r5w1L)

62 During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today.

"I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: Obi-Wan Kenobi at March 01, 2013 09:00 AM (e8kgV)

63 Mary Worth -- totally

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 09:01 AM (/gHaE)

64 Effing Brilliant ! ! !

Posted by: GenghisJohn at March 01, 2013 09:01 AM (uLSuD)

65 The peasants are revolting!

Posted by: toby928© for TB at March 01, 2013 02:00 PM (QupBk)


----


yeah.... and I think they're disgusting...

Posted by: King Barrack Ozzymandius at March 01, 2013 09:01 AM (nELVU)

66 The idiot, smug, hipster daughter in Doonesbury.  Totally.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:01 AM (UOM48)

67 "That's what she said"
"It was this big"
"And now you will blow me"
"Just let me eat my waffle"
"Present"

Posted by: Others that work at March 01, 2013 09:01 AM (szUf0)

68 remember when you were liitle and you'd use WAX PAPER and a BUTTER KNIFE to transfer SUNDAY COMICS?

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 09:02 AM (OZ9Xn)

69

OT

I love Texas. On the radio, just a few minutes ago I heard an ad for The Silencer Shop, in Austin that will help you with the license. Even Austin isn't as lame as CA or NY.

 

 

Posted by: Invictus at March 01, 2013 09:02 AM (OQpzc)

70 Except for Calvin and Hobbes, which is unimprovable. As for the New Yorker: it is dead to me.

Posted by: NYC Parent at March 01, 2013 09:02 AM (8GA+4)

71 You know where else this would work?  Every pic we see of Dear Leader.

Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 09:02 AM (cJHn3)

72 "I am not a dictator"

Posted by: Others that work at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (szUf0)

73 The one thing I was thankful for while listening to the JEF's speech was that MSNBC wouldn't  have  Senator Mike Castle (R) Delaware on tomorrow apologizing for the extremists in his party who caused the sequester trouble.

Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (u2a4R)

74 49 During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today. "I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said. "I think I'm going to kill myself." Posted by: Commander Spock at March 01, 2013 01:58 PM (e8kgV) ______________________ I've got my Wookie all up in my Klingon! Phasers at full speed!!

Posted by: Secretary of Defense Hagel--now with weapons!! at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (r2PLg)

75 68
remember when you were liitle and you'd use WAX PAPER and a BUTTER KNIFE to transfer SUNDAY COMICS?


... or use "Silly Putty"

Posted by: Abe Lincoln at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (e8kgV)

76 We've got Bloom County and C&H, but not the third member of the holy trinity? You can't dis Gary Larson like that.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (yCvxi)

77 Ooops, wrong thread.

Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (u2a4R)

78 remember when you were liitle and you'd use WAX PAPER and a BUTTER KNIFE to transfer SUNDAY COMICS?

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 02:02 PM (OZ9Xn)

----

jeebus  -  you must be OLD....  ALL the kewl kids used Silly Putty....

Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 09:03 AM (nELVU)

79 Calvin and Hobbes cannot be improved upon. Posted by: Jaws at March 01, 2013 02:00 PM (4I3Uo) Here you go. The Calvin & Hobbes archive - http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes Hey, it's Friday afternoon, it's not like anyone was going to do anything anyway.

Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 09:04 AM (VtjlW)

80
51 Wait a minute...how the hell did it get to be Friday so soon? I coulda swore it was Wednesday...

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 01:58 PM (/gHaE)




Booze is a helluva thing.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 09:04 AM (da5Wo)

81 The Far Side was the best.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:04 AM (UOM48)

82 Doonesbury IS SO FUNNY. It isn't the kind of funny where you laugh. But the funny where you smile and say "yes yes yes!"

Did you know his dorm was called Doonesbury cause it was a messy? That is HILARIOUS.

Ok, that is the funny where you laugh.

Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 09:04 AM (qxcKC)

83
We better check it with "It's a form of weasel" just to be sure.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 01, 2013 09:04 AM (p/cQy)

84 The President is all wee-weed-up !

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: Maxine Waters at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (e8kgV)

85 hahaha, yeah, we used play doh, too and clay

Posted by: soothsayerwing plover at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (NNTrd)

86 Remember John Wilkes Booth?

BOOM!

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (w+Dvf)

87 Ace is really funny today! I'm laughing at this like I laugh at jokes women don't get. That's a lot of laughter for this moron!

Posted by: Truman North at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (I2LwF)

88 oh man... has anyone here ever seen Garfield minus Garfield? look it up you will either fall out of your chair laughing or piss yourself.

Posted by: dr. shatterhand at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (n/ogz)

89 Wow that's funny!

Posted by: Barry Obama at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (BuSM8)

90 >>>You can't dis Gary Larson like that.

I tried, I couldn't find any Gary Larson cartoons which didn't already have a caption, and I don't know how to edit photos.


Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (LCRYB)

91 The Country is Evolving according to any Liberal. Take a Look at Compton, Baltimore, Detroit and Memphis and Atlanta...and now DC

Posted by: Clemenza at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (x59Gv)

92 82 Edgy onion Writer,

Yeah "Seinfeld"....that said the Uncle Duke manages the redskins bit?

*looks around alone*


guys....guys?

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (LRFds)

93 You know where else this work? Here. As the last line to every comment.

Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (0PiQ4)

94 Here you go. The Calvin & Hobbes archive - http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes


Hey, it's Friday afternoon, it's not like anyone was going to do anything anyway.

Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 02:04 PM (VtjlW)



Damn you. It's bad enough that I keep having to minimize AoS and Schlock Mercenary. Now you drop Calvin and Hobbes on me????

Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 09:05 AM (da5Wo)

95 The phrase "I think I just shit myself" also works for all New Yorker cartoons.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 01:56 PM (w+Dvf)

 

 

----------------------------------------------

 

 

I went and looked again at the cartoons using your heading, and I think it's much funnier.

Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (cJHn3)

96 "I could have been a writer for the Onion"

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (/gHaE)

97 Has anyone looked at the 'comics' section of a newspaper recently? Granted the humor to space ratio has always been low, but G-ttdamn! There isn't a single funny thing in them. Even Dilbert sucks more than usual.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (Ipj15)

98 On a more serious note, I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: Truman North at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (I2LwF)

99 Downer topic, especially on a day when I'm mourning the birthday of the creator of "Calyso", a great record, becaming a sad, foolish man who wanted to change society with a maximum of pain, I mean Harry Belafonte. I use the past tense metaphorically.

Posted by: Sensitive Artist at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (Kxz3Y)

100 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a malignant traitor.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (4OvDk)

101 This is a major discovery...on the order of Plank's constant.

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 01:55 PM (/gHaE)

 

Plank's constant - That planking will always, ALWAYS make the planker look like a colossal douche.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (4df7R)

102 remember John Wilkes Booth?

BOOM!

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (w+Dvf)


----


Yeah.... That John Wilkes Booth.   The first actor to get inside Lincolns head.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (nELVU)

103 "Car!"

Posted by: Best Gary Larson Caption Ever at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (szUf0)

104 This line also works: "...It turns out, she was actually just talking about her vagina."

Posted by: Eaton Cox at March 01, 2013 09:06 AM (q177U)

105 90 Ace,

part of my point in the In Memory thread was that Andrew's strength was taking disparate ideas from multiple sources using multiple media and background to make a case...

we have a diverse staff here...*maybe?*


Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:07 AM (LRFds)

106 You know where else this work? Here. As the last line to every comment.

Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (0PiQ4)

 

Oh God, you're so right.

 

I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:07 AM (4df7R)

107 So you're saying only black comic strips aren't funny?

Posted by: Soledad in the Boondocks at March 01, 2013 09:07 AM (I88Jc)

108 Bah. Doesn't work for Family Circus because it's too mundane. Doesn't work for Calvin and Hobbes because that rapes my happy memories. Works for Peanuts because, if you actually read the strips one after another from the very beginning, it's relentlessly depressing. Not at all surprised about the rest of them.

Posted by: joncelli at March 01, 2013 09:07 AM (RD7QR)

109 93 You know where else this work? Here. As the last line to every comment. I think I'm going to kill myself. Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (0PiQ4) Oh you're right!

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:07 AM (FsUAO)

110 Pfft, that's nothing--the real caption that works for every New Yorker cartoon is: "Christ, what an asshole."

Posted by: Tom at March 01, 2013 09:07 AM (tMGxX)

111 98 TruNorth,

Mein Fruend Kill zee otharss...it eez more funnn

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (LRFds)

112 69.  heh.

Posted by: Schneider at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (a8Iqx)

113 Didn't the New Yorker cartoonist just ended up stealing stuff from Ziggy?

Posted by: somebody else, not me at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (nZvGM)

114 Its like Fortune Cookie fortunes you can end them all with "in bed".

I suppose that is even true for these cartoon captions.

"I feel like i am going to kill myself ... in bed."

Posted by: Long Island at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (hl8SI)

115 98 On a more serious note, I think I'm going to kill myself. Posted by: Truman North

"On a more serious note, I think I just shit myself" is funnier.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (w+Dvf)

116 I love Texas. On the radio, just a few minutes ago I heard an ad for The Silencer Shop, in Austin that will help you with the license. Even Austin isn't as lame as CA or NY. Posted by: Invictus at March 01, 2013 02:02 PM (OQpzc) UGHHHH, can't move for at least another 3 years.

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (FsUAO)

117 "I think I just shit myself," really works with Dilbert. 

Posted by: Diogenes at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (1/RiT)

118 WNEW used to have Chuck McCann do the comics in the afternoons and Sunday morning.

His best was Little Orphan Annie, when he would dressup like Annie with silvered glasses.  Next best was "Moon Maid" in the "Dick Tracy" comics ... "eny-moony-minnie-moony"

Posted by: 60's dude at March 01, 2013 09:08 AM (e8kgV)

119 I am not a dictator.  I think I am going to kill myself.

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 09:09 AM (Dnbau)

120 My favorite Gary Larson cartoon (I have it on the fridge):

http://tinyurl.com/9w8snk3

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:09 AM (UOM48)

121 You're missing the point, Ace.  The pointlessness of NY cartoons is pointedly ironic, in a pointless kind of way.  Quit trying to make it make a point.  Get the point?

Ouch, I think I hurt myself.

Posted by: pep at March 01, 2013 09:09 AM (YXmuI)

122 It would be hilarious coming from Nelson from Pickles. What? We were all thinking it.

Posted by: red sweater at March 01, 2013 09:09 AM (oATMN)

123

RIP Andrew Breitbart.  Funny I did not know much about him, but have only come into the fight midstream.

 

I worked so much and was not paying attention, but was shocked to see how much of this beautiful country had started to slip away from us.

 

No longer.  Stand and fight.

 

Fuck you.  WAR.

 

Great "scientific experiment" with the captions Ace.

Posted by: Prescient11 at March 01, 2013 09:10 AM (tVTLU)

124 How many times has Cathy's boyfriend said that?

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:10 AM (wtvvX)

125 @120
Good, but not School for the Gifted or Boneless Chicken Ranch good.

Posted by: pep at March 01, 2013 09:10 AM (YXmuI)

126 I prefer "I love lamp"

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (Dnbau)

127 Which causes me to remember:  Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?

Because I can't think of one...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (wtvvX)

128 >>>However, it seems the rule also applies to a large number of other cartoons.

Well I think the real issue here is it works for any confusing or otherwise unfunny cartoon. The issue being ALL New Yorker cartoons lack humor and are confusing.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (0q2P7)

129 We actually need the originals to determine if the new caption has made them funnier.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (vBSha)

130 Blondie in Dagwood.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (UOM48)

131
Midvale School for the Gifted.


All time, best comic printed.  Ever.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (nELVU)

132 Jane
"I think I am going to kill myself" doesn't work with that Larson cartoon.

Posted by: Long Island at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (hl8SI)

133 I wouldn't doubt Iowahawk...

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (f9c2L)

134 Rush talking about the girl trying out for NFL. Surprised he hasn't nentioned George Plimpton.

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 09:11 AM (OZ9Xn)

135

The phrase "I think I just shit myself" also works for all New Yorker cartoons.
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 01:56 PM (w+Dvf)

 

I just tried it against a few "Far Sides."   Yep, totally works.   And it's even more hilarious.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:12 AM (4df7R)

136 Because I can't think of one...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (wtvvX)


----


Nancy.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 01, 2013 09:12 AM (nELVU)

137 132 Jane
"I think I am going to kill myself" doesn't work with that Larson cartoon.

Posted by: Long Island at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (hl8SI



I know.  I just love the cartoon.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:12 AM (UOM48)

138 >>>Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?

Cathy was topical and witty when I was in short pants. That time has passed by decades.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:12 AM (0q2P7)

139 Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?

Because I can't think of one...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (wtvvX)

 

"Mary Worth."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:12 AM (4df7R)

140 131
yep

Posted by: Dept. Of Accuracy Dept. at March 01, 2013 09:13 AM (+I8Mq)

141 perhaps the shorter "I sharted"

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 09:13 AM (Dnbau)

142 That may not work for Doonesbury cartoons, but it would make me laugh my ass off to hear Gary Trudeau say it.

Posted by: wiserbud at March 01, 2013 09:13 AM (WCe8r)

143 As far as Calvin & Hobbes goes..  I would be looking for the next panel wherein Hobbes explains why Calvin may want to think twice about that...

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at March 01, 2013 09:13 AM (f9c2L)

144 Has anyone looked at the 'comics' section of a newspaper recently? Granted the humor to space ratio has always been low, but G-ttdamn! There isn't a single funny thing in them. Even Dilbert sucks more than usual.

***

I find Frank and Ernest to sometimes be pretty funny.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 09:13 AM (Hx5uv)

145 it would be really funny with Prince Valient

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 09:14 AM (Dnbau)

146 Try also: "Obama is a Stuttering Cl*sterf*ck of a Miserable Failure."

I think that might work, too. It's funny but not ha ha funny. More true and depressing than funny. Let's say universally morose. That makes it kinda New Yorker funny.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 01, 2013 09:14 AM (eHIJJ)

147 "My favorite Gary Larson cartoon (I have it on the fridge):" I can't pick a favorite. I like the one with the woman looking at the side rearview mirror and seeing nothing but a big bloodshot eyeball and the "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear" warning. One bear holding a rifle talking to another bear "Thunderstick? This, my friend, is a Winchester 30.06" Two standing side by side, one with a big target on his chest: "Bummer of a birthmark Hal." Ugh, just too many and I haven't seen these in probably 20 years.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:14 AM (yCvxi)

148 @139  Except Mary Worth actually solves problems.  Cathy is in an eternal circle-jerk with hers.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:15 AM (wtvvX)

149 My NYC s-i-l used to leave New Yorker mags all over her mother's house whenever she visited.  Like unwanted gifts or something.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:15 AM (UOM48)

150 It also appears to work as the caption for Obama press conferences

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at March 01, 2013 09:15 AM (SO2Q8)

151

 

Heh.

The 'Bloom County' one...peering into their underwear...was the funniest.

 

Posted by: wheatie at March 01, 2013 09:15 AM (QPnFm)

152 During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today. "I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said. "I think I just shit myself."

Posted by: keena at March 01, 2013 09:15 AM (wNsNP)

153 Cathy is Julia of the JEF's campaign literature

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 09:16 AM (Dnbau)

154 Damn you. It's bad enough that I keep having to minimize AoS and Schlock Mercenary. Now you drop Calvin and Hobbes on me???? Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (da5Wo) *blows kisses*

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 09:16 AM (VtjlW)

155 And at least Nancy had some nice artistry.  Plus there was no confusion as to gender roles...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (wtvvX)

156 Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?
Because I can't think of one...
Posted by: Tex Lovera


Mamma.

Go check one out if you want to experience the white hot rage of knowing someone was paid money to draw that singularity of anti-humor.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] [/b] at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (Ipj15)

157 During President Barack Obama's surprise sequester press conference, CNN
reporter Jessica Yellin asked him why he couldn't do anything to stop
the automatic spending cuts that start to take effect today.

"I canÂ’t do some kind of Jedi Mind Meld on congressional Republicans," Obama said.
"I think I just shit myself."

Posted by: keena at March 01, 2013 02:15 PM (wNsNP)

 

lol!

 

Also, WTF?   "Surprise" press conference?   Shouldn't that have    been a given, that he'd have a presser?  

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (4df7R)

158 Joe Scarborough on Morning Joe:

"I'm one of the few true conservatives left in the Republican Party."

"I think I just shit myself."


Mika:  "Me too."

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (UOM48)

159 Shit, two deer standing side by side, one with a big target on his chest: "Bummer of a birthmark Hal."

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (yCvxi)

160 >>>Ugh, just too many and I haven't seen these in probably 20 years.


I know you miss the Wainwrights, Bobby, but they were weak and stupid people - and that's why we have wolves and other large predators.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (0q2P7)

161 this one would also be very good with "I;m going to kill myself"

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/.a/6a00d8341c630a53ef013486a73dbf970c-500wi

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 09:18 AM (bJm7W)

162 Ace you'll regret this.


*shakes fist (pinky out)*

Posted by: The New Yorker at March 01, 2013 09:18 AM (w+Dvf)

163 159 Jane D'Oh,

I really should force myself to glean Morning Cho again....I need to know how his interns are doing in his new job...

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:18 AM (LRFds)

164 easier -- click the nic

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 09:18 AM (bJm7W)

165 What about the Katzenjammer Kids?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at March 01, 2013 09:18 AM (BuSM8)

166 @156:  you do have a point there...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:18 AM (wtvvX)

167 Great post, Ace. Really funny. You always are. We need it today on the anniversary of Breitbarts death. I think I'll go kill myself.

Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 09:19 AM (0PiQ4)

168 Re; The Samoyed possibly poisoned at the Westminster Dod Show: But PETA co-founder and president Ingrid Newkirk said "it makes no sense whatsoever" that an animal rights activist would harm an animal. "It's a fantasy, it's a fallacy," she told the AP by phone Thursday night. "How dare you point a finger and cast aspersions when you haven't a clue." - See more at: http://abclocal.go.com/wls/story?section=news/national_world&id=9011986#sthash.qBP2JaiV.dpuf Eco-terrorists/animal rights activists broke into a place for breeding poultry near me and let the birds go so that they would be "free." Stupid morons, You let birds go-birds used to being fed and housed so that they could then be killed by predators and die on the road, and that was apparently better then being raised and humanely killed to be used for restaurants and supermarkets. I wouldn't put it past some nutty animal rights activist to kill a dog to make some sort of point-whatever it was.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 09:19 AM (Uhg6n)

169 156 Dack Thrombosis,

a shade before my time...and wasn't the quote then..."I am going to kill YOU!"?

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:19 AM (LRFds)

170 Well I don't know about y'all. But I'm having an awesome day. Generations of lies, corruption and fraud are about to come crashing down. This is a good thing.

Posted by: esch at March 01, 2013 09:20 AM (bwXBm)

171 Put my vote down for "Cathy" being the worst ever. The "I think I'm going to kill myself" works on those, but probably accurately reflects Cathy's state of mental health.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:20 AM (yCvxi)

172

93 You know where else this work? Here. As the last line to every comment.


Posted by: L, elle at March 01, 2013 02:05 PM (0PiQ4)
 

----------

 

Or...."Kill me now".

 

Which is sort along the same theme as the Sweet Meteor of Death  meme.

 

Posted by: wheatie at March 01, 2013 09:20 AM (QPnFm)

173 Neigh, I do not see anything funny about this

Posted by: John Kerry, Secretriat of State at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (A6EXC)

174 172 wheatie,

Smod...my coordinates ARE,,,,

yeah that works as well....

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (LRFds)

175 We don't get "Cathy" here, thank gawd.  "Ack!"  (gag)

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (UOM48)

176 Our only hope is the intellect and backbone of John Boehner.

I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (Hx5uv)

177 >>>I wouldn't put it past some nutty animal rights activist to kill a dog to make some sort of point-whatever it was.

It's not an unknown quantity. Check out PETA kills animals and never let them anywhere near your pets. They kill close to 90% of the pet's they "rescue"

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (0q2P7)

178 One comic strip I dearly miss is the original Dick Tracy by Chester Gould.  When he quit writingdrawing it, it just was not the same.

Man, I miss me some bullet trajectories....

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (wtvvX)

179 Ugh, just too many and I haven't seen these in probably 20 years. Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 02:14 PM (yCvxi) The polar bears at the igloo "These are my favorite! Crunchy on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside!"

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (VtjlW)

180 re 156: click the nic -- I remember this one as frequently depressing

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 09:21 AM (bJm7W)

181 My Favorite Larsion cartoon showed a horse with spikes on the back and the Cowboy telling the little boy , "Thats old Spike Bobby , if you can ride him he's your's"

Posted by: Clemenza at March 01, 2013 09:22 AM (x59Gv)

182

Here's my favorite Frank and Earnest

 

http://tinyurl.com/b2bvtta

Posted by: Infidel at March 01, 2013 09:22 AM (O/fK8)

183 "I am not a dictator"

Posted by: Others that work at March 01, 2013 02:03 PM (szUf0)


He's a dick-taker, not a dictator.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 09:22 AM (673KB)

184 *blows kisses*

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 02:16 PM (VtjlW)




I got kisses?



......................................



Ha ha ha ha ah Bannion! I got kisses!

Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 09:23 AM (da5Wo)

185 You can still find Far Side calendars and such at Barnes and Noble. 

Best cartoons ever.  I can't think of a single one that wasn't laugh-out-loud funny.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:23 AM (UOM48)

186 One of the best things about The Far Side was the sheer WTFness Larson could come up with sometimes.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:24 AM (yCvxi)

187 I think I'm going to kill myself is pretty good. Another catch all phrase that I think would be quirky would be "Fuckin' A". Try it.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 01, 2013 09:24 AM (jucos)

188 I enjoyed Alley Oop as well.  Week days he was the time traveling caveman and on Sunday was his adventures in Mu.

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 09:24 AM (Hx5uv)

189 Just in ...
Joan Rivers to play The Joker in next Batman

Posted by: Howie Rottman at March 01, 2013 09:24 AM (e8kgV)

190 I must admit that "I think I sharted" works particularly well with the Family Circus cartoon, especially if you assume they're about 7 or so.

Posted by: joncelli at March 01, 2013 09:25 AM (RD7QR)

191 >>>ACE BRING BACK TEH COLORS!

We haven't been able to get ampersands back and you want color?

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:25 AM (0q2P7)

192 "The polar bears at the igloo "These are my favorite! Crunchy on the outside, soft and gooey on the inside!" Another classic.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:25 AM (yCvxi)

193 194 I cant wait until the cartoon series comes out starring the Obamas.

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

Posted by: jwb7605 (Let It Burn) at March 01, 2013 09:26 AM (Qxe/p)

194 Now, y'all can go do whatever you want, but as for me, I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 01, 2013 09:27 AM (BDHOa)

195

"Midvale School for the Gifted"  (click nic)   would work wonderfully with either of the captions.   

 

"I think I'm going to kill myself."

"I think I just shit myself."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:27 AM (4df7R)

196
"Sequester." seems to work.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 01, 2013 09:27 AM (p/cQy)

197 "Harry Reid is never going to stop molesting us, is he?" also works as a substitute caption.

Posted by: wooga at March 01, 2013 09:27 AM (HHa2C)

198 joncelli@192,

So South Park-erize Family Circus? Might work.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 01, 2013 09:27 AM (eHIJJ)

199 "Cathy" was amusing for about a year or so and then Whatsherface ran out of material. There are only so many golly-it's-tough-being-a-young-woman jokes you can make before it gets stale. Or YOU get stale. You have to wonder how some of these comics keep their gig for so long.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 09:28 AM (C8mVl)

200 Back to the thread from 4 months ago on e-cigs. Stopped in to the tobacco store, and was going to get the usual pound of tobacco and tubes for roughly $25, but decided to give the e-cigs a whirl for about the same price. We'll see how this bullshit works out.

Posted by: Whatev at March 01, 2013 09:29 AM (A7Wh1)

201 I also think Get Fuzzy is pretty funny (even if it does lean to the left).

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 01, 2013 09:29 AM (Hx5uv)

202 "OH MY GOD!!  THEY KILLED BILLY!!!""

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:29 AM (wtvvX)

203 You have to wonder how some of these comics keep their gig for so long.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 02:28 PM (C8mVl




Srsly.  I can't find one mock-worthy thing about President Obama and his administration.  But Booooosh will never get old.

Posted by: Gary Trudeau at March 01, 2013 09:29 AM (UOM48)

204 Were you guys talking about Rick DiPietro's comments? He had a chance to do some good, to reach a lot of people, but I heard he's walking it all back. J. Severin on the beck network is having Father Martin as a guest. Just tuned in, been inundated with stuff so I had no idea that they were trying to make the retirement from the Papacy into something more than it is in the MSM. But I'm not surprised. Severin is having Father Martin on after the break to discuss ths very subject, for those so inclined. You google beck radio and click the button and the pop up opens the audio.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 09:30 AM (/b8+5)

205 194 I cant wait until the cartoon series comes out starring the Obamas.

Try "Cleveland" -- imagine the bear in a dress that looks like the curtains

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 09:31 AM (bJm7W)

206 If the rule applied to Funky Winkerbean, both of its readers would cheer.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 01, 2013 09:31 AM (xjpRj)

207 The other cartoons are 'funny' but not necessarily 'funnier'

Posted by: Bill from Chappaqua at March 01, 2013 09:31 AM (0SXI6)

208

The picture at Drudge now, of Bammy with his hands up ala frigging Evita.   "I am not a Dictator."   Brilliant.

 

But it would be even funnier if the headline was, "I think I just shit myself."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:31 AM (4df7R)

209 Remember every Memorial Day during the BOOOOSH administration, when I'd print the names of all the troops killed in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Gee, I haven't done that since my Precious became president.

Posted by: Gary Trudeau at March 01, 2013 09:32 AM (UOM48)

210

I also think Get Fuzzy is pretty funny (even if it does lean to the left).

 

It was very funny at one time, but lost its appeal a couple years back when the writer started getting political. Real pity - for awhile is was what Garfield would have been if Garfield was funny.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 01, 2013 09:32 AM (B4jfv)

211
What about Marmaduke? does it work on Marmaduke? i love that rascally mutt.

Not so much. But with Garfield, yeah. You can even replace the line with "I think I'm going to kill you.", to make it even funnier.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 01, 2013 09:32 AM (KESFj)

212 I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: The fly on Obama's face at March 01, 2013 09:32 AM (YmPwQ)

213 Letterman used to bring a guy out and they would read a family circus cartoon. It was a pretty funny bit because you were laughing at the stupidity of the cartoon itself.

Posted by: Whatev at March 01, 2013 09:33 AM (A7Wh1)

214 by the by, speaking of really awful comics, anyone besides me familiar with McFathead in the Sunday NY Times Ed section?

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 09:33 AM (bJm7W)

215 Has anyone looked at the 'comics' section of a newspaper recently? Granted the humor to space ratio has always been low, but G-ttdamn! There isn't a single funny thing in them. Even Dilbert sucks more than usual.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at March 01, 2013 02:06 PM (Ipj15)


Funny you should say that. Read a copy of the Calgary Sun (supposedly a "conservative" paper, if it matters) yesterday at a fast-food joint. They used to have a decent comics page. No more. About half a tabloid page of lame cartoons that look like they were drawn by some 20-something hipster douchebag. And they all more or less looked alike.



Comics used to have distinctive artistic style, and you could recognize an artist's work by that alone. Nobody would ever mistake a panel from Dick Tracy for a panel from Prince Valiant.



Today's comics are so crappy, I'm surprised some enterprising newspaper owner hasn't tried to go with a "classic comics" format, and buy the rights to re-run some of the old classic strips on a daily basis. Dick Tracy, Terry and the Pirates, Steve Canyon, Lil' Abner, to name but a few.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 09:33 AM (673KB)

216 <blink>miss you, andrew</blink>

Posted by: not really here at March 01, 2013 09:34 AM (0AkWH)

217 208 Were you guys talking about Rick DiPietro's comments?
He had a chance to do some good, to reach a lot of people, but I heard he's walking it all back.

J. Severin on the beck network is having Father Martin as a guest. Just tuned in, been inundated with stuff so I had no idea that they were trying to make the retirement from the Papacy into something more than it is in the MSM. But I'm not surprised. Severin is having Father Martin on after the break to discuss ths very subject, for those so inclined. You google beck radio and click the button and the pop up opens the audio.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 02:30 PM (/b8+5




No, curious.  We're talking about cartoons here.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:34 AM (UOM48)

218 177--- PETA kills...close to 90% of the pet's they "rescue" Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 02:21 PM (0q2P7) _____________ Yes, and unlike the SPCA they don't even TRY to find homes for them. They're a death cult. Talking to a PETA acquaintance once, I pointed out that if we didn't use cows for meat, milk, and leather, they would go extinct, except for a few kept in zoos. Her reply? "Zoos are immoral." They would rather an animal didn't even exist than to have us use it.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 09:34 AM (C8mVl)

219 For a serious/business paper, I think the WSJ has some pretty funny toons. They shouldn't be buried so deep, digitally.

Posted by: beachreader at March 01, 2013 09:34 AM (XYSwB)

220 Among the several browning Far Side comics my mother still has on her fridge is a political comic published right after we shot down Iran Air flight 655 in '88. It's an admiral looking over a radar operator's shoulder saying "This is the most advanced equipment that money can buy. What does it say?" The operator responds "Kill them all, let God sort it out." Which sums up dear old mom's approach to foreign policy quite well.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:35 AM (yCvxi)

221

I cant wait until the cartoon series comes out starring the Obamas.

 

 

----------------------------------------------

 

 

The name of the cartoon will be:  "Say What, Bitches"?  or  "Yes Dear".

Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 09:35 AM (cJHn3)

222 If I may add my thoughts  about  Breitbart.  The thing I most admire about him  was  he found  a way to use  the  left's  tactics  against  him, and he  never  tired in  doing  so.  One of the great disadvantages  that conservatives  have is that  conservatism is not  their  everything.  To  be  conservative  is  to  have  outside  interests.   Liberals  never  tire  -  I  would  find it tiresome.   We  need  more  fighting  for the cause  who  can  match  them  on  that  energy  level.  

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 09:35 AM (gmeXX)

223

Yeah it didn't work for the Calvin and Hobbes comic.  It would have been funny if it was  - 

 

' I'm going to kill Suzie'

 

 

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 09:35 AM (m2CN7)

224 127 Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?

------------

For a while, the Herald Journal up in Logan, Utah carried a comic strip called Phipps. It was four little pictures that made no sense with no words.

A Phipps strip of the less mysterious variety went like this:

- Panel 1: UFO arrives and lands next to character presumed to be Phipps
- Panel 2: UFO drives holds out his wallet, showing Phipps his credit cards
- Panel 3: Phipps shows out his wallet, showing UFO driver his credit cards
- Panel 4: UFO flies away

Most of them didn't make even that much sense.

Heh. Just googled "Phipps comic strip" and found this letter to the editor of the Deseret News complaining about the thing:

http://tinyurl.com/acgb84u

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at March 01, 2013 09:36 AM (1c58W)

225 Now this is quality comedy. I can't believe Ace doesn't have a paid comedy writing gig. The writing on most shows is pathetic.

Posted by: rfichoke at March 01, 2013 09:36 AM (oc9MW)

226 At least our fish wrap has Doonesbury on the opinion pages.  Still...

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:37 AM (UOM48)

227 I liked "Achewood" a lot.  It never really got political, just surreal.  I was sad when Onstad finally shut it down, but I saw he's trying to pitch an animated version of it.

Unfortunately, given the success rate of "print to video" comics, I do not hold out much hope...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:37 AM (wtvvX)

228

Do a search for Far Real Sides  and go to the worth.com site where they make real far side cartoons .   T

hey are excellent.  

Posted by: Big Swingin Al at March 01, 2013 09:37 AM (iWo0u)

229 The discussion of cartoons vis a vie the meme of "I"m going to kill myself" would naturally segway into a discussion of Rick DiPietro's comments on just this subject. It seems that the environs of living and working in NY might engender this kind of depression yet the natives and the newcomers might not even realize this is the constant climate.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 09:38 AM (/b8+5)

230 Just in ... Bonnie Franklin — dead at the age of 69 of pancreatic cancer — her sitcom was "One Day at a Time"

Everybody I knew tuned in to see Valerie Bertinelli

Posted by: Reginald FitzUrse, Hugh de Moreville, William de Tracy, and Richard le Breton at March 01, 2013 09:38 AM (e8kgV)

231 223 Margarita DeVille,

The left hates cats and dogs in a lot of cases...in New Zealand they want the felines extinct

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:39 AM (LRFds)

232 I think "You're a dick" works better than anything else.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at March 01, 2013 09:39 AM (uvaJ1)

233

Two related headlines from Drudge:

 

Soaring Property Tax Assessments Startle Homeowners...

 

Philly house goes from $12,000 to $116,700...

 

 

If I were the poor man who owned that   Philadelphia home, the caption under my picture would read, "MWR: Thinks she just shit herself."

 

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:39 AM (4df7R)

234 Comics  for  me  ended  with  C & H.  After Watterson  retired,  so  did  I from  reading  comics. 

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 09:40 AM (gmeXX)

235 >>> Now this is quality comedy. I can't believe Ace doesn't have a paid comedy writing gig. The writing on most shows is pathetic.

thank you but remember the whole joke is Iowahawk's.

Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 09:40 AM (LCRYB)

236 238 I think "You're a dick" works better than anything else.



How about "I'm a dick" and use it at Drudge under Barky's pic?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:41 AM (UOM48)

237

"Massive Ice Balls Wash Up On Shores of Lake Michigan"

 

GIANT ICE BALL 1 to GIANT ICE BALL 2:

"I think I just shit myself."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:41 AM (4df7R)

238

The  caption  ' Obama Sucks'   works  better.

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 09:41 AM (m2CN7)

239 If I were the poor man who owned that Philadelphia home, the caption under my picture would read, "MWR: Thinks she just shit herself."

Yeah... I think I would, too.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 09:41 AM (4OvDk)

240 135 The phrase "I think I just shit myself" also works for all New Yorker cartoons.

I just tried it against a few "Far Sides." Yep, totally works. And it's even more hilarious.


---------

It'd be perfect for "Cow Tools"

Posted by: Assault Citizen Anachronda at March 01, 2013 09:41 AM (1c58W)

241

I think "You're a dick" works better than anything else.

 

---

 

Why,  yes,  yes  it  does.  Well  done.

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 09:42 AM (gmeXX)

242 239 MWR,

I look forward to the arsons.....

I know if they try that stunt with me I will dismantle the house

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:42 AM (LRFds)

243 He's not a dictator.

But he is dickless...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 09:42 AM (wtvvX)

244 Furthermore, while saying the federal deficit does indeed need to be curtailed, Mr. Bloomberg argued the United States could owe “an infinite amount of money” and there is no specific amount that would cause the country to default.

... what a dick.

Posted by: Alexander Hamilton at March 01, 2013 09:42 AM (e8kgV)

245 I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: Portrait of George Washington at March 01, 2013 09:42 AM (ku7mz)

246 I'm a dick, Tater.

Posted by: Baracka I at March 01, 2013 09:42 AM (UOM48)

247 I wouldn't put it past some nutty animal rights activist to kill a dog to make some sort of point-whatever it was.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 02:19 PM (Uhg6n)


Ingrid Newkirk is a lying scrunt. PETA's own "shelters" have been killing animals, adoptable animals, at a rate that would have brought a smile to Eichmann's face.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 09:43 AM (673KB)

248

"Chicagoland:  New Tax      Puts      Cigarettes at $11/pack"

 

OBAMA: *reading headline*   I think I just shit myself.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:43 AM (4df7R)

249 I think I'm going to fap myself.

Posted by: dananjcon at March 01, 2013 09:43 AM (jvd3N)

250

He's not a dictator.

But he is dickless...

---

 

Is  that  true?

Posted by: Hizzoner, the Mayor at March 01, 2013 09:43 AM (gmeXX)

251 I don't think this would work with that bald Henry kid cuz he never spoke.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 01, 2013 09:43 AM (nIvhx)

252 test

Posted by: derit at March 01, 2013 09:43 AM (I88Jc)

253 241 Ace,

You're a lot better idea guy and straight man for Iowahawk than i was back when we ran together at LGF boss...

and when your dancing shoes are on you're with him in quality.

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:44 AM (LRFds)

254 Alright, I got in to work late because of the previously mentioned meeting with the principal.  I should probably do some work at work.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 09:44 AM (4OvDk)

255 Yeah... I think I would, too.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) Channelling Breitbart at March 01, 2013 02:41 PM (4OvDk)

 

Apparently the guy has lived there for 35    years,   with a    fairly steady    property value of $12K. 

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:44 AM (4df7R)

256 "Everybody I knew tuned in to see Valerie Bertinelli" I'll tune in to modern day Valerie Bertinelli

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:45 AM (yCvxi)

257

Furthermore, while saying the federal deficit does indeed need to be curtailed, Mr. Bloomberg argued the United States could owe “an infinite amount of money” and there is no specific amount that would cause the country to default

 

---

 

No  amount  of  reason and  logic  is  going  to  overcome  this  simple, but  faulty,  monetary  understanding  of  the LIV.

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 09:45 AM (gmeXX)

258 It'd probably work on those stupid "Love Is...". cartoons too.

Posted by: Bigby's Other Hand at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (3ZtZW)

259

Reminds me of Frank J's observation that every news story can be ended with the phrase:

 

"Muslims are outraged"

Posted by: News From 1951 at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (ze9yk)

260 If I were the poor man who owned that Philadelphia home Tell me this -- if you knew that he *used* to pay $200 in yearly property taxes and now has to pay $2,000 would you have as much sympathy? Folks in Philly get away with murder, pay next to nothing, bleed the school system dry, and demand the 'burbs pay toward their schools. I think he has grounds to appeal the assessment, but when folks in the outlying burbs are paying 10 to 20k in RE taxes per year for schools, my well of sympathy is pretty dry.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (feFL6)

261 Indonesian woman drowns nine year old son because small penis size "would ruin his life."

http://tinyurl.com/cvs34yc


Barry Soetoro:  "I just shit myself."

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (UOM48)

262 262 MWR,

Louisiana has as a matter of law safeguards against bungee jumping...

they're pissed he has a nice house and no mortgage...

bring it on Donks....

drive the middle to me.

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (LRFds)

263

From ArthurK's Bloomberg link in the sidebar:

 

BLOOMBERG:   "Our debt is so big and so many people own it that itÂ’s preposterous to think that they would stop selling us more."

 

I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (4df7R)

264 "I think I'm going to kill myself You Guys." There.

Posted by: Arbalest at March 01, 2013 09:46 AM (cd0jq)

265 I call SHENANIGANS!!!!

In order to prove that he cartoons are  funnier, there has to be a comparison between the unaltered cartoon and the ITIGTKM version.  In every case, the ITIGTKM is funnier for the New Yorker.  Of the others, only Family Circus passes the test.

The altered ones are always funny, though.

So ..... (spinning wheel)  ... 2  pinocchios.

Posted by: DRH at March 01, 2013 09:47 AM (xFoDt)

266 271 MWR,

or you know...some of the other quotes here...

point is I called out Midget Mayor this morning on his economic patent medical advice...


Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:47 AM (LRFds)

267

"I think "You're a dick" works better than anything else. "

 

I'm sorry, but that's not right. 

 

"I think I just shit myself"  has universal applications and fits not only comics but most everyday situations.

 

Next time you're in a restaurant and don't want to pay the bill, just call the manager over and whisper that in his ear.  If a cop is about to write you a speeding ticket, tell him "I think I just shit myself".  Need the day off of work, tell the boss.

 

The world needs more phrases like this.

Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 09:48 AM (u2a4R)

268 I think I'm going to eat myself.

Posted by: Meggie Mac at March 01, 2013 09:48 AM (vbh31)

269 As I look at these cartoons, all sorts of universal captions come to mind.  Each of them equally funny, to me, anyway.

Posted by: Soona at March 01, 2013 09:49 AM (cJHn3)

270 How about "I'm a dick" and use it at Drudge under Barky's pic?

Even better.

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at March 01, 2013 09:49 AM (uvaJ1)

271 Love is...a full refrigerator.

Posted by: Meggie Mac at March 01, 2013 09:49 AM (vbh31)

272 268 regular Moron,

yeah I would actually...I agree the blue model allows the games you invoke but the "justified reappraisal" renders us defacto renters on our property...

these games if anything will will drive the middle class back to sanity of "government generosity"

"we'll see"

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:49 AM (LRFds)

273 >>>If I were the poor man who owned that Philadelphia home, the caption under my picture would read, "MWR: Thinks she just shit herself."

The assessment went from 20K to 116K not the taxes.  Under the typical 1% scheme that means his taxes went from $20 to $1,160 a big jump for a fixed income but not what would be suggested by the headline.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 09:49 AM (0q2P7)

274 Alright, I got one... I got one. Scroll up and try this one. Ready? It works. Ready?

"You're a racist."

Posted by: The Mega Independent[/i] at March 01, 2013 09:50 AM (uvaJ1)

275

Tell me this -- if you knew that he *used* to pay $200 in yearly property taxes and now has to pay $2,000 would you have as much sympathy?

 

I would, actually.   It has nothing to do with the man himself, or any of the others who are facing similar issues.     Anybody who goes from $12K to over    $100K in property value in one year    has my sympathy.  The city is    trying to fix   its    assessment system, and in so doing it's going to really screw    a     lot of people.   They're foisting their    mismanagement problems onto the people    and saying, "Deal with it."

 

Spread it out over a few years, give people time to acclimate    or    sell.    But this is ridiculous.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:50 AM (4df7R)

276 Sorry for the long block quote, but I found it funny.

Celebrate 15 years of the World Socialist Web Site

The World Socialist Web Site has served as the indispensable political and intellectual guide for workers, students and youth who are seeking to make sense of events in a time of great crisis and human suffering, and to find a genuinely progressive-and, therefore, revolutionary-alternative to a dysfunctional capitalist world that is collapsing into barbarism.

The WSWS will review the political and theoretical basis for the site and its roots in the struggle for revolutionary socialism. Hosted by (2 local student groups without socialism in their titles).


I guess the 20th century lesson that socialism cannot exist without capitalism must be some kind of flat earth theory or hate speech now.

Since those wild-eyed capitalists have kept us in barbarism for 200+ years, I wonder what they plan to do now that they are firmly entrenched in the political/regulatory bureaucracy.

Stalking horses must be fun to ride. Giddy up!

Posted by: derit at March 01, 2013 09:50 AM (I88Jc)

277 Love is...a 30 HP vibrator.

Posted by: Sandra Flook at March 01, 2013 09:51 AM (vbh31)

278 So our sons one friend just told me......
"If I were the Pope, and retired as a virgin at age 85, guess what I would be working on changing?"

Teenagers....gotta love 'em.

Valerie Bertinelli looks exceedingly fine in the tv series "Hot in Cleveland"


Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 09:51 AM (S3fdp)

279 Dave's Law? Dave's not here, man.

Posted by: Chong [/i] at March 01, 2013 09:52 AM (feFL6)

280

"Next time you want to get that hot babe home faster from the bar so you can get your monkey sex on, just lean over and tell her "Honey, lets go...I think i just shit myself.""

 

I hate to say it, but I did know a few girls who that would work on.

Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (u2a4R)

281 "Indonesian woman drowns nine year old son because small penis size "would ruin his life." Hey mom, you know what else ruins kids lives? Drowning them in bathtubs. Officers have ordered her to have psychological tests I think any assumptions we can make at this point are pretty safe. I guess she's not familiar with the grower/show-er thing.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (yCvxi)

282 286 Sandy Fluck,

preferably barbed...

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (LRFds)

283 Too derivative.

Posted by: locomotivebreath1901 at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (O7he0)

284 This reminds of the Nietzsche Family Circus. Somebody put together a website that randomly mashes up Family Circus cartoons with Nietzsche quotes. http://www.nietzschefamilycircus.com/perm.php?c=77&q=69

Posted by: Occam's Safety Razor at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (qk1L5)

285 C'mon guys, I think I'm going to kill myself.

Posted by: Soft-minded liberal cartoon artist at March 01, 2013 09:53 AM (8/DeP)

286
I think I'm going to kill myself --
Not a valid study at all. There is no way today to separate the sequestration from the cartoons.  You would need a group of viewers who are not aware of the impending apocalypse for valid results.

Posted by: RioBravo at March 01, 2013 09:54 AM (eEfYn)

287

The  only  defense  I have  of  property  taxes  is that they  are  very  localized  (at  least in  Texas).  Other than  that, they are  just  like  income  taxes,  a  very  poor  and  burdensome  way  to  fund  the  government.   They  also  allow the same  kind  of  rent  seeking  found  in  our  federal  income  tax  code.   Old  people   get  their  rates  capped   at  the  expense  of the young  people  who  have  to  use  the  crappy  public  schools.   Big  companies  get  tax  abatements  that  small  companies  don't.   Values  that  do  nothing  but  go  up  every  year  with  no  rhyme  or  reason.   They  just  suck.

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 09:54 AM (gmeXX)

288 127Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?

Because I can't think of one...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 01, 2013 02:11 PM (wtvvX)

******************

 

Zippy the Clown.

Posted by: News From 1951 at March 01, 2013 09:54 AM (ze9yk)

289
Always liked the Far Side "Accordions in Hell" strip.

http://tinyurl.com/bzafmfw


Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (TIIx5)

290 "I think I'm going to kill myself" also makes a great closing linw on on letters to Penthouse Forumn.

Posted by: I can't believe it happened to me. at March 01, 2013 09:55 AM (i7B17)

291 Just read the story about that poor man who got swallowed up by the sinkhole under his bedroom in FLA.   I could make a terribly crude joke that, were    that to happen to me, shitting myself would be the least of my worries.  But man -- the poor, poor guy.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:56 AM (4df7R)

292 I think I just shit myself.

Posted by: John McClain at March 01, 2013 09:56 AM (w+Dvf)

293 Hey, Ace and J. Severin have a lot in common. Severin coined the phrase "secastration" and then heard someone on the MSM use it without attribution. Ace coins phrases all the time and people steal them without attribution.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (/b8+5)

294

"I think I just shit myself, but I haven't been able to reach my own ass in    years."

 

-Michael Moore

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (4df7R)

295 I think I just Mitt myself.

Posted by: John Boehner[/i] at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (uvaJ1)

296

RECOVERY SUMMER IS JUST A FEW MONTHS AWAY PEOPLE!!!!

---

 

Of  course,  if  the  recovery  isn't  up  to  bar,  its  all  the  GOP's  fault  for their  2%  cut   in  government.

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (gmeXX)

297
Holy crap, cigarettes are $11/pack in tax happy chicago.  I don't smoke but I assume most people buy theirs outside of city limits or via blackmarket.

If I was there I would say "I think I just crapped myself".

*crap being a funnier word then shit.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at March 01, 2013 09:57 AM (p/cQy)

298 I think I just shit myself.

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (w+Dvf)

299 Think I just shirt myself.

Posted by: Major Garrot at March 01, 2013 09:58 AM (i7B17)

300 I hate to say it, but I did know a few girls who that would work on. Posted by: jwest at March 01, 2013 02:53 PM (u2a4R) I didn't know you were German.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD. Knows it's going to kill us all. at March 01, 2013 09:59 AM (VtjlW)

301 Heard that hillbuzz guy is back with a bang. Apparently he's not happy with how Ram is running his town into the ground.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 09:59 AM (/b8+5)

302

Of course, it's alway humorous and somewhat poignant to end reading any Chinese fortune from a fortune cookie with...."in bed".

 

 

 

For example:  You are on the road to a better future......in bed.

or

Prosperity comes to he who is thrify.....in bed.

 

Posted by: Reader C.J. Burch writes.... at March 01, 2013 09:59 AM (Md8Uo)

303 I  am  not a  dictator  ...  in  bed.

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:00 AM (gmeXX)

304 Nobody  messes  with  Joe  ... in  bed.

Posted by: SH at March 01, 2013 10:01 AM (gmeXX)

305 I can understand being surprised at the rate of increase. But Philly is just a medium size nuke away from me and I watch those meatheads daily. They don't think they should pay ANYTHING in real estate taxes, as they have passed the same tired row house down from generation to generation, mortgage free. The residents can suck at the govt teat and have a pretty decent standard of living because their housing cost is only slightly north of ZERO. They then bitch and moan about the quality of schools, which they contribute next to nothing to support.

Posted by: Regular Moron [/i] at March 01, 2013 10:01 AM (feFL6)

306 Love is...a 30 HP vibrator. Posted by: Sandra Flook at March 01, 2013 02:51 PM (vbh31)

Are you sure you wouldn't rather have one powered by a Pratt and Whitney F-100 turbofan?

Jus' sayin'

Posted by: Sean Bannion at March 01, 2013 10:02 AM (sbV1u)

307 I dare say, I just crapped meself.

Posted by: Prince Valiant at March 01, 2013 10:02 AM (p/cQy)

308 I Think I Just Shit Myself


---The Onion

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 10:03 AM (w+Dvf)

309 Today's comics are so crappy, I'm surprised some enterprising newspaper owner hasn't tried to go with a "classic comics" format, and buy the rights to re-run some of the old classic strips on a daily basis. Dick Tracy, Terry and the Pirates, Steve Canyon, Lil' Abner, to name but a few.

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at March 01, 2013 02:33 PM (673KB)

 

***************************

 

There Oughtta Be a Law (Jimmy Hatlo), Li'l Abner (Al Capp). Although to be honest, you had to kinda sorta be educated to understand their jokes. And most folks were.

Posted by: Stuck in Calgary for the Duration at March 01, 2013 10:04 AM (ze9yk)

310 Qu Qwst Qwacked Qwslf.

Posted by: Donald Duck at March 01, 2013 10:04 AM (p/cQy)

311 I think I'm going to shit myself... in bed.

Posted by: mugiwara at March 01, 2013 10:04 AM (quyjo)

312 re 307 -- can go over $14 in NYC

that's one reason why I quit smoking and took up cigars

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (bJm7W)

313 >>>revolutionary-alternative to a dysfunctional capitalist world that is collapsing into barbarism.

Ah yes barbarism, perpetually decending on capitalism and landing in socialism.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (0q2P7)

314 Aw come on the reason why the stuff isn't funny is cause the lefties/libs/dems are too serious and have lost their creativity and sense of humor.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:05 AM (/b8+5)

315 Joan Rivers to play "The Joker"

Posted by: Heath Ledger at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (e8kgV)

316 "If I were the Pope, and retired as a virgin at age 85, guess what I would be working on changing?" Depends™.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 01, 2013 10:07 AM (nIvhx)

317

Holy crap, cigarettes are $11/pack in tax happy chicago. I don't smoke but I assume most people buy theirs outside of city limits or via blackmarket.

 

This is what I love about government ("love" being sarcastic).   They tax    tobacco      and alcohol    (but especially tobacco)    for two reasons:

 

1) To raise money, and

2) To encourage cessation

 

The problem is that these two goals are at cross purposes.    Once you raise the cigarette tax too high, no one's going to buy cigs anymore.     So then you're faced with either lowering the cost of cigarettes by lowering the taxes (thus reigniting revenue but also subverting cessation efforts)   or   going without that    sweet, sweet revenue stream.    And we all know how much polis love cutting taxes (*SNORT*).

 

I must admit, I love watching them squirm.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (4df7R)

318 Shitting yourself? That's so yesterday.

No, it actually happened just a minute ago.  BRB

Posted by: Al Roker at March 01, 2013 10:08 AM (sbV1u)

319 >>>"If I were the Pope, and retired as a virgin at age 85, guess what I would be working on changing?"

He didn't denounce his holy orders to the priesthood. Just his ministry as the Bishop of Rome.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose Now With More DOOM! at March 01, 2013 10:09 AM (0q2P7)

320 Jan Brewer thinks the prisoner release could be payback is the news headline. ya think?

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:09 AM (/b8+5)

321 New thread.

Posted by: The Guy Who Announces New Thread [/i] at March 01, 2013 10:10 AM (feFL6)

322 Crap always seems a little tighter, room temperature. Not all that unpleasant.

Shit seems like "steamy" is inferred. And sticky. And fucking raunchy.

I'm going to write a story about this. Here goes:

Crap tired of being called shit

At a press conference in Detroit yesterday, crap issued a formal statement claiming "I don't want to be called no shit anymore, no hows," and further pressed  national leaders to stop avoiding action. "This is a national emergency. A God-damned national emergency."

Representing Crap, is preacher and MSNBC new analyst,  Reverend Al Shapton. Sharpton was animated "you think shit could just walk its ass in hear and everything [is] going to be fine? Fuck that shit."

After addressing he 40 or so reporters, Crap handed out complimentary T-shirts, each of them customized with the words, "don't treat your Crap like shit."

The t-shirt's smelled like shit.

Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 10:11 AM (qxcKC)

323 He didn't denounce his holy orders to the priesthood. Just his ministry as the Bishop of Rome. Some people give up smoking or eating chocolate during Lent. But the papacy? Wow. So now he'll just be a 'regular Catholic' -- which I guess means we'll only see him at mass at Christmas and Easter.

Posted by: Typical Comedian Jokes [/i] at March 01, 2013 10:13 AM (feFL6)

324 You know what would be really funny?
Another article about how Americans love to eat.
Holy moly am I on fire.

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 10:14 AM (JVEmw)

325

Which causes me to remember: Is there actually a comic strip worse than Cathy?

 

 

Cathy was the pioneer of modern cartooning.  Now they're all that bad.

Posted by: eleven at March 01, 2013 10:19 AM (GXZgZ)

326 >>>The real trick is being able to take a crap in someone else's pants while they are still wearing them and then convince them that they in fact shit themselves. "I shit in the pope's pants" -- stuff Martin Luther actually said.

Posted by: wooga at March 01, 2013 10:22 AM (HHa2C)

327 "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" also works for all New Yorker cartoons.

Posted by: Vizinni [/i] at March 01, 2013 10:23 AM (O7Q1u)

328 Has Burge abandoned his blog??  In favor of, what....twitter?? Every time I check in--to his iowahawkdottypepad.dotcom-- it goes to the last post--right after the one entitled 'Stars get in my eyes"--w/ the pix of obama looking up in shilloutte--been that way since January, I think

Posted by: sandman at March 01, 2013 10:24 AM (fOvMn)

329 340 Sandman,

possibly or it could be he's hanging in the garage because of te winter working on his cars...

Twitter is more his thing and speaks more to his mastery of brevity and rapier slices...

I miss him a bunch, along with Baldi, Treach and the old gang...

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 10:26 AM (LRFds)

330 He'll be called Pope Emeritus and eventually will live on the Vatican grounds. I personally would like Pope Emeritus, Cardinal Ratzinger, sir but you can't have everything you want.

Posted by: Snarky the Bear at March 01, 2013 10:29 AM (/b8+5)

331 It's funny because it's true.

Posted by: Kasper Hauser at March 01, 2013 10:32 AM (HqpV0)

332 Not sure if anyone has mentioned Garfield Minus Garfield: http://tinyurl.com/4ul2wv

It's more disturbing than funny.

Posted by: Vercingetorix at March 01, 2013 10:34 AM (cxumr)

333 OMG, I am dying laughing here at my desk, good thing it's Friday afternoon.

Posted by: Ross at March 01, 2013 11:29 AM (DU9hE)

334 But that's why Iowahawk kicks ass and Owebama sucks horsecock.

Posted by: © Sponge at March 01, 2013 11:48 AM (xmcEQ)

335 "I think I'm going to kill myself" is actually funnier than "I'm going to kill myself." Sorry, Iowahawk.

Posted by: Esau's Message at March 01, 2013 02:31 PM (6c62F)

336 >>>"I think I'm going to kill myself" is actually funnier than "I'm going to kill myself." Sorry, Iowahawk.

I was thinking that.  It comes down to which actually sounds more like a suicide threat.  "I'm going to kill myself" sounds direct, but it also sounds like just an expression.  I like that "I think I'm going to kill myself" sounds like he's really contemplating it, not just using an expression like "Kill me now."


Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 04:16 PM (LCRYB)

337 I don't know why but I think I've laughed at this post more than any one ever on this blog. Weird, probably doesn't say good things about me. Bravo though.

Posted by: BillyBob at March 02, 2013 04:06 PM (UBAd2)

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