May 31, 2008

At The Movies With Dave in Texas
— Dave in Texas

SO! Ace ain't the only guy around here that can give you a decent review of the flicks and stuff. I actually went out tonight and saw this thing and had dinner afterward so there.

Ok, actually he is the only one between the two of us that can give you a decent review. This one is worth a quarter or so.

Indiana Jones and the uh, Something Skull.

Yeah, it makes that kind of impression on you.

Some a lot of (sorry), complete spoilers, so, you know... Short version. Eh.

Long version. Action scenes decent enough but somewhat contrived. Drama between Indy and Marion: not there. Drama between Indy and his newfound son: not there. Drama between Indy and Evil Russky chick: Not there. Hell I think his best scene was with a monkey.

Plot: Goofy.

Dialogue: It sounds like I wrote it.

CGI: Expensive as all hell.

It's not that it sucked, per se, it's just that we wanted it to be, you know. Good.

It will make a bazillion dollars.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at 06:31 PM | Comments (39)
Post contains 187 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I refuse to see it.  Just thinking about it reminds me of Alien 3.

Posted by: eman at May 31, 2008 06:35 PM (WWkFI)

2 I'm getting a suckitude vibe from it.

Posted by: someone at May 31, 2008 06:39 PM (2z2WN)

3 Tadas? You forgot to mention if there was boobage, very poor review.

Posted by: Hongqi at May 31, 2008 06:43 PM (+WuMm)


no Tatas.


At least none when I was awake

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 31, 2008 06:44 PM (eiOZw)

5 I think he meant Ta-tas. Ta DAS are essential the same...only really huge!

Posted by: HongqiSucks at May 31, 2008 06:46 PM (+WuMm)

6 SOME spoilers?  Damn, you gave away the whole thing.  You might just as well have posted up the entire screenplay.

Posted by: notropis at May 31, 2008 06:58 PM (b3/sw)

7 I didn't mention the.. ok I won't mention it.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 31, 2008 07:03 PM (eiOZw)

8 Yeah, it was ass.

Don't worry, I'll make up for it with the sequel: Indiana Jones and The Search For More Money.

Posted by: George Lucas at May 31, 2008 07:12 PM (TGfc0)

9 There is something wrong with the world when Short Round grows up to be tougher than Indiana Jones' son.

Short Round is now a martial artist and working as a stunt coordinator, recently worked with Jet Li on "The One".

Posted by: Rocks at May 31, 2008 07:21 PM (7rbe9)

10 Movies? Hit the couple in the "What hath Obama wrought" thread. They're worth the price of. admission

Posted by: Al at May 31, 2008 07:33 PM (Lk931)

11 Kinda over Indiana Jones. What Happens in Vegas was ok, especially the editing.

Posted by: republicangirl at May 31, 2008 07:35 PM (d20qX)

12 >> I refuse to see it.  Just thinking about it reminds me of Alien 3.

Sounds more Alien: Resurrectionish to me.

Posted by: Herr Blcher at May 31, 2008 07:41 PM (1hokU)

13 Sorry, but this post would have made some sense 4 days ago, now it's too lame to even troll it.

Posted by: Spartan Fan at May 31, 2008 07:46 PM (7365r)

14 Don't worry, Lucas and Speilberg are already planning "Indiana Jones and the Handbag of Death." It's a cross-over with Sex and the City, and features Shia La Douche as the star, Ford makes a five second cameo appearance, as "Mutt" pursues the ancient Handbag of Death, once held by Zsa Zsa Gabor, owned by a gay fashion designer (but I repeat myself) played by Stephen Cojocaru, to stop Carrie (Big Brown) from turning every woman in America into a shoe-ridden, horsefaced, hag with more sex partners than the entire NBA. Samantha is played by Bea Arthur.

After that, it's "Indiana Jones and the Moisturizer of Pain." Shia La Douche is back in action again, as Harrison Ford shows up for a three second cameo. Shia and co-star Calista Flockhart, search for the legendary Moisturizer of Pain, to stop villain Ashton Kutcher from turning every man in America into a metrosexual man-boy who watches Home and Garden TV. The climactic battle in the perfume counter is not to be missed, a CGI extravaganza.

Posted by: Jim Rockford at May 31, 2008 07:48 PM (4878o)


Posted by: Spurwing Plover at May 31, 2008 07:52 PM (FIMjF)


Hey Dave,

Where are you in Texas? Was just wondering if you saw it at the Alamo Drafthouse and, more to the point, if consuming beer during the film would help.

Posted by: mpur at May 31, 2008 08:06 PM (dS34G)

17 I saw it at the Alamo (Austin, downtown/Ritz location), and I think the pizza + beer did help.  Immensely.

Posted by: tachyonshuggy at May 31, 2008 08:23 PM (JBuzy)

18 Hmmm.   Might see if the Lake Creek location is showing it.

Posted by: mpur at May 31, 2008 08:41 PM (dS34G)

19 Iron Man rocked

Posted by: Frank G at June 01, 2008 03:00 AM (Ydps9)

20 Sex in the City, bitches.

That's your action flick for the Obama years.

Posted by: stinky esposito at June 01, 2008 03:37 AM (cNhmR)


I live between Austin and Waco.  Have been to the Alamo several times though.


And yes, I should have consumed alcohol before seeing this.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at June 01, 2008 03:43 AM (eiOZw)


I felt dirty after I watched it.  Kinda like the mistress peeping in on her lover while he is sharing Christmas with the wife and kids.  Like, the joke is on us, the smucks who really wanted a nice Indy movie, but got screwed instead.

$400 million dollars and they couldn't make a real crystal skull?  Or at least make it heavy plastic? 

Here is a spoiler for you......,  the other Indy movies had him doing incredible things, but this one had a jeep full of people, one of them in a trance holding a burlap sack, going over not one but THREE waterfalls that were bigger than Niagra and coming out INSIDE THE JEEP!  Duh.

We really need to get those ancient builders secrets because they have figured out that a little sand and some balancing of stone can go poof after 5 centuries, while my back door still gets stuck on rainy days.

See it, but take a shower afterwards.



Posted by: Ohio Granny at June 01, 2008 04:01 AM (c3teI)

23 If you turn your brain off, it's good. If you go in with a critical eye, it's probably not. I enjoyed it and the only thing my dad said afterwards was "That was pretty cool." If you know that anything short of spectacular is gonna piss you off, I'd wait for the dvd.

Posted by: Joanie at June 01, 2008 04:17 AM (Yyy1m)


I snuck out of the office on Tuesday afternoon to go see it. Man, was it lame! I mean bad, very bad. It was 'SciFi channel original movie' bad. I can't believe that after all this time, this is what Lucas and Spielberg come up with.

Shia's character was contrived. Allen's return was contrived. Ford and Allen look very old and have zero chemistry. A flaccid plot. You are left with the desire to see them all die horribly and for the Commies to win. It was like one of those crappy Allen Quartermain flicks.

Speaking of crap, the next installment of the Mummy is coming out soon. It will probably be better than this Indy.

I want my 8 bucks back so I can go see Iron Man again. Did anybody see the latest Narnia yet?

Posted by: Log Cabin at June 01, 2008 04:49 AM (j7zrD)

25 Narnia was a much better movie than Indy 4. Strong plot, good characters, great special efx, battles with what felt like real consequences(given that it's a fantasy film). Bear in mind it is a family/kid's movie, but a surprisingly tough minded one. I think Lucas' and Spielberg's main problem is that they've become sentimental old men. Narnia is a tougher minded film. Even family adventure movies need to feel like there's life, death, suffering, blood, and pain at risk to work. It just can't be a romp. Compare the first Indy to this one and you'll see the difference. The younger Lucas and Spielberg understood this. Old Man Lucas and Gramps Spielberg don't.

Posted by: rinseandspit at June 01, 2008 05:22 AM (S4WzI)

26 Boring. Unbelievably boring. We almost got up and left. The Mummy was a much better movie with actual chemistry between the characters, even the evil ones. Reminded me of  that awful movie with Harrison Ford and Ann Heche. talk about lack of chemistry. We were going to see Iron Man and we were late so saw this one instead. Not only a waste of money but also a waste of precious time.

Posted by: Sharon at June 01, 2008 05:50 AM (/rn73)


Karen Allen looked way more happier to be in a decent movie than to see Indy.

And who made the casting call on Shia?  Yeah that's right we need a nerdy jewish kid to play a 50's greaser.

Ford seemed to be in his own little world and everything else around him seemed fake.  It's like all the actors were thinking look at me I'm in an Indiana Jones movie.  Only Hurt looks like he's not distracted.

Posted by: TFB at June 01, 2008 06:17 AM (f26LG)


Yawn.  Hollywood out of ideas, news at 11.

Ace should peddle a script about a reclusive blogger who gets wasted and kills hobos at night.  It could be like American Psycho with an Ewok lead character.

Posted by: Hermit Dave at June 01, 2008 07:13 AM (Tk5HT)

29 Hollywood and TV show producers haven't had an original idea in years. I'm still waiting for "Rocky XXIV", where the 'Raging Bull' finally confronts his homosexual desires with the family pet. The ending scene would be his testimony before Congress on his right to 'marriage'. This 'right' was found on page 34 (the missing page) of the Constituiton which was stolen and secreted in the Ark of the Convenant by a bunch of homophobe Tri-lateralists in return for their helping the Knights Templar loot the US Treasury of all it's gold bullion. Kennedy was assassinated by the Bilderbergers when he discovered the original conspiracy.

Posted by: GarandFan at June 01, 2008 07:25 AM (eJ32B)

It's after 12 noon, EST, and not a moron blogger in sight. I think it's time to ration the valu-rite.

Posted by: GRC at June 01, 2008 07:32 AM (WZTMv)

31 What was most disappointing about this movie (other than the apparent inability to distinguish why the Soviet communists were bad - other than one shining moment in a tent in the Amazon) was the apparent loss of the ability to tell a story by Lucas and Spielberg. It dragged, it was uneven, there were areas that made no sense, it just was poorly done. It got better once they (finally) got out of the US, but it just was not very interesting at all.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at June 01, 2008 07:33 AM (7QZfU)


I live between Austin and Waco.  Have been to the Alamo several times though.

And yes, I should have consumed alcohol before seeing this.

Posted by: Dave in Texas

I'm on the north shore of Lake Travis northwest of Austin. I have a little coffee shop on FM 1431, if you're ever out this way, stop in. And yes, we serve lattes.

Posted by: mpur at June 01, 2008 09:08 AM (yHRdL)

33 The last Indy pic was better.  I think it was called "The Two Decade Pause".  Yeah, MUCH better.

Posted by: Dogstar at June 01, 2008 09:19 AM (FgxdU)

34 I thought it was alright. Compared to the crap that hollywood has been generated the past few years, even a run of the mill movie seems good.  Of course, I had the advantage of seeing it with my 8 year old son, which helps cut down on the cynicism.

By the way, I was the coolest Dad in theater after reading here that we should sit all the way through the credits at Iron Man.  Thanks morons!

Posted by: Terry at June 01, 2008 10:27 AM (vQgUp)

35 Yes, I know Indy movies are high adventures sprinkled with a little bit of fantasy, but I had to suspend a whole of belief seeing an old guy doing that much physical action, no matter how vigorous he appears to be. Every time I saw Harrison Ford getting beat up by a Commie in the movie I felt like I should be calling Social Services to report a case of elderly abuse. And in real life Indy would have broken his hip, like, a dozen times from all the falls he took just from the first scene.

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