February 27, 2017

The Morning Report 2/27/17
— Open Blogger


Good morning, kids. Hope you all had an enjoyable weekend. Yes, the Oscars were last night and in case you missed it, just look up any of Fidel Castro's speeches and settle in for several hours of anti-Americanism that's eminently more entertaining than that parade of pig-ignorant egomania. The Academy Awards started its long descent into vulgarity in the 1970s. Aside from Marlon Brando infamously declining his Oscar, the most notorious stunt came from noted Joo-hater Vanessa Redgrave, to which legendary screenwriter (and my personal hero) Paddy Chayefsky later told her to sit down and shut up "but in the nicest possible way," as my old boss Al Ruddy used to say. Anyway, here's the latest from around the world, across the nation and up your street. Have a better one and remain blessed.

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February 26, 2017

Sunday Overnight Open Thread (2/26/17) Academy Award Free Edition
— Open Blogger


Quotes of The Day

Quote I

Nature never makes any blunders, when she makes a fool she means it. Archibald Alexander

Quote II

Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid. John Wayne

Quote III

President Obama is the greatest hoax ever perpetrated on the American people. Clint Eastwood

Quote IV

God has a most wicked sense of humor. Maureen O'Hara


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Oscars Thread
— Ace

The only film I liked this year, The Migrations of the Quokka: Rivers of Blood, Tears of Fire, wasn't nominated, so as usual I could give AF about any of this shit.

However, some of you might give AF about this shit, so here's a thread.

I'll put the giraffe on below in case you want to see something that's actually interesting. more...

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Livecam of Expectant Giraffe, Awaiting Birth of Baby Giraffe

— Ace

Is this something?

Not as good as a baby goat, but still something. I think. I guess we'll have to wait until she farrows* until we know for sure.

By the way, YouTube briefly pulled this livefeed of a pregnant giraffe for nudit and explicit content. No, really.

The owner of a New York zoo planning to live-stream a giraffe giving birth says the video feed was briefly removed from YouTube because animal rights activists labeled it sexually explicit....

In a video posted on the zoo’s Facebook page, Patch blamed "a handful of extremists and animal rights activists" for interrupting the stream from the "giraffe cam."

Why aren't users who lodge such obviously false and harassing complaints disbarred from every lodging a complaint again? That would stop this nonsense in a hurry.

* I got this word from Psych. I got "farrier" from Archer. I don't know if they're related.

Spoiler: If you want to see a giraffe being born, but can't wait around all day for this one, you can watch this video of a baby giraffe being born in Dallas 2015.

I'm sure it's pretty much the same thing.

It looks kinda weird.

Bonus Cute:

WARNING: Quokkas are highly venomous mammals who leap at their prey's throats to inject them with a necrotizing poison that causes their heads to rot before their bodies die. They are known locally as "Springing Cobra-Rats of the Death-Kiss."

PS, not really. They're just cute little marsupials who like berries and hugs.

Just more #FakeNews.

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Food Thread: [Insert Clever Title]
— Open Blogger


Eggs have been in the forefront of The Horde's consciousness for a few days. Perhaps it is the unseasonably warm weather that has us thinking of spring and new life and deviled eggs. Or something.

As snacks go, deviled eggs are pretty damned good, especially since they are infinitely tweakable. But there is one problem, and no matter what your favorite chef says, it is impossible to cook eggs so that they are easily peeled. Oh, sure, sometimes, maybe often, your special technique works. But the failure rate is significant, and don't you deny it. There are a few variables such as the age and condition of the egg that are a challenge to manage. But....even a failure is not a catastrophe. Maybe you folks are too hoity-toity to chomp up a bit of shell, but at Chez Dildo that happens on occasion.

One commenter (sorry, I can't find the comment) made the point that eggs shouldn't be subjected to high heat, and I couldn't agree more. I used to fry eggs in fat that was just at the smoke point, but I have recently moved away from that technique and have found that gentle heat, whether I am cooking in fat or scrambling with cheese, makes a better, more tender egg. There is a French egg dish that my mom called Des Oeufs Brouilles (I think that just means "scrambled eggs") that is fantastic, and is simply scrambled eggs cooked at very low temperature with copious quantities of fat (butter and sour cream). With constant stirring, the eggs don't form curds, but become incredibly creamy. It's a huge PITA, but it is an incredible dish. more...

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Bill Paxton, RIP at Age 61 Due to Complications During Surgery
— Ace

He had finished filming the CBS series "Training Day" (based on the movie). But what "completed filming" can mean with respect to an ongoing series, I don't know. I guess they mean he completed the first order of 8 or 13 shows or whatever.

Although he is well known as a high-impact actor who walked into movies already wearing the character with little need of a screenwriter's help, he also directed the interesting, weird, unexpected existential thriller "Frailty."

I'm surprised he didn't direct more. He certainly earned his ticket to direct more movies. But directing, I'm given to understand, takes a lot of time, whereas an actor working as an actor can appear in 4, 5, 6 movies in a year. As a director, I think you have to spend a full year on a project, from casting rewriting to location-scouting to shooting to editing to promotion.

Correction: Actually he did direct another feature -- The Greatest Game Ever Played, about a famous golf match.

Apparently he also had a minor role as a "Soldier" in Stripes. I don't remember that.

Posted by: Ace at 08:03 AM | Comments (668)
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Three Terrorists Die From Spicy Hummus And Toxic Gas, But Mostly Toxic Gas
— Open Blogger

Hamas blames Egypt for deaths of 3 from toxic gas in Gaza tunnel

This is like the man who kills his parents, then pleads for mercy because he is an orphan.

The three died in a smuggling tunnel between the Gaza Strip and the Sinai Peninsula early Saturday, and five were injured, after the group inhaled toxic gas during attempts to repair the tunnel.

The tunnel was destroyed in an Egyptian army border operation in Rafah, and the Palestinians were working to rebuild it when they were exposed to the gas.

Hamas digs the tunnels so they can smuggle weapons and conduct terrorist attacks. But Egypt killing them while they do it is an unacceptable response? Sure, we can discuss the decency of using toxic gas. I guess that's not very nice. In response I think we should boycott, send a stern letter, have a vigil, say, "tsk tsk Egypt!"

Yes, I am being flip, and the behavior expected of civilized countries does not include using poison gas against their enemies. But I have no sympathy for Hamas, which is simply a collection of murderers who have become accustomed to an obscene double standard that has protected them from the consequences of their own behavior.

So maybe I will call the Egyptian Embassy and tell them that what they did wasn't very nice. And then ask them where I can get Egyptian Ful Medames, which is sort of a fava bean paste that is fantastic with a bit of garlic, olive oil and chopped parsley. You eat it for breakfast with pita. it's great!

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Sunday Morning Book Thread 02-26-2017
— Open Blogger

Library of kindltot.JPG
Library of Kindltot

Good morning to all you 'rons, 'ettes, lurkers, and lurkettes. Welcome once again to the stately, prestigious, internationally acclaimed and high-class Sunday Morning Book Thread, where men are men, all the 'ettes are hotties, safe spaces are underneath your house and are used as protection against actual dangers, like natural disasters, or a Trump press conference, and special snowflakes do not get respect, but instead, a big load of guffaws. And unlike other AoSHQ comment threads, the Sunday Morning Book Thread is so hoity-toity, pants are required. Even if it's these pants, which I can't see you could wear them and keep a straight face.

Books are masters who instruct us without rods or ferules, without words or anger, without bread or money. If you approach them, they are not asleep; if you seek them, they do not hide; if you blunder, they do not scold; if you are ignorant, they do not laugh at you.
--Old farmer's Almanac

Pic Note

If this library didn't belong to an actual moron, it would have had to have been invented. You can click on it for a closer look. It's got pretty much everything a moron library should have:

Shelves crammed with books? Check.
Unorganized stacks of books on floor? Check.
Interesting bric-a-brac scattered throughout? Check.
Comfy chair? Check.
Cat? check.

Yeah, it's a moron library, all right

Kindltot tells me:

the aluminum boxes are Svea and Coleman camping stoves, and of course there is my truncated collection of US mess kits. We will brush over the various stabby things, the lard press, and only mention that I regret I couldn't fit in the Matthew Brady portrait of Millard Fillmore that is on the adjacent wall.

Where Are They Now?

Chelsea Clinton, whom a former top aide to Bill Clinton once referred to as 'a spoiled brat', has a new book out. I'll bet you didn't know that. The way it's not being promoted, maybe *she* doesn't know it, either.

And speaking of the Clintons, in this "where are they now?" article about the current whereabouts of the many shady and sleazy operatives from the early days of the Clinton crime family, when their corrupting influence was still limited to Arkansas, sacred honor compels me to inform you about the books that they've written, what with me being the proprietor of the book thread and all.

Susan McDougal

A couple of years in the pokey gave her enough time to write The Woman Who Wouldn’t Talk: Why I Refused to Testify Against the Clintons & What I Learned in Jail.

I can think of a number of very good reasons:

1. I don't want to be placed on that list.

2. I knew Bill would pardon me before he left office

3. Hello, sweet retirement nest egg.

Webb Hubbell ("Chelsea's Dad")

After he wrote his memoirs, Friends in High Places: Webb Hubbell and the Clintons' Journey from Little Rock to Washington DC, he wrote several detective novels, starting with When Men Betray:

Why would Woody Cole, a peaceful, caring man, shoot a US Senator in cold blood on live television? That's the mystery facing attorney Jack Patterson as he returns to Little Rock, Arkansas, a town he swore he would never step foot in again.

The tagline of the latest entry in this series, A Game of Inches, which will be released in June, is “Believe it or not, murder is just the tip of the iceberg.”

You have to ask yourself if he did that on purpose.

I wonder if there's an Arkansas horndog governor who puts in an appearance along with his power-crazed, corrupt wife who will never be president?

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EMT 02/26/17 UNITY edition
— Open Blogger

So, That happened.

Special guest commentary by Rick James, below the fold. more...

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February 25, 2017

Overnight Open Thread (25 Feb 2017)

What a joke. Transgender boy wins controversial girls state title. I feel bad for the girls that were not afforded a fair match. more...

Posted by: CDR M at 05:04 PM | Comments (687)
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Trump: I'm Not Going to the White House Correspondent's Dinner
— Ace


Instead, the White House Correspondents' Association says they'll be celebrating accomplishments of America and the American people.

Nah, just fuckin' wit' ya. They're going to praise themselves and turn it into yet another Media Awards ceremony:

Posted by: Ace at 01:06 PM | Comments (751)
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Saturday Afternoon Chess/Open Thread 02-25-2017
— Open Blogger

shotglass chess2.jpg
Looks Like They're Playing The Dewars Gambit

Good afternoon morons and moronettes, and welcome to the Saturday Afternoon Chess/Open Thread, the only AoSHQ thread with content specifically for all of us chess nerds who pay homage in the temple of Caïssa, goddess of the chessboard. And, for those of you who aren't nerdly enough for chess, you can use this thread to talk about checkers, or other games, or politics, or whatever you wish, only please try to keep it civil. Nobody wants to get in the middle of a tactical tomato melee. Unless you're Italian and could use the extra sauce.

“Many have become Chess Masters, no one has become the Master of Chess”
--Siegbert Tarrasch

Pic Notes

The chess set in the pic (h/t tsrblke) is on sale at woot for only $11.99. How can you afford *not* to buy it?

I've never played drunk chess ("capture a piece, do a shot"), and I don't think I ever will. After 3 or 4 captures, I doubt I'd be able to focus my eyes enough to tell the pieces apart. Which I guess is the point.

A friend of mine back in the day told me he once went with a buddy to a bar in San Jose, drank margaritas and played chess until closing. He remarked that the quality of their playing started out bad, got worse, and toward the end of the evening, they were throwing the pieces at each other.

Problem 1 - White To Play (412)

Hint: White mates in 2

20170225 - Problem 1.jpg
7r/rp3q1p/1B1kbp2/1B1p2p1/2P5/P7/1P4PP/2KRR3 w - - 0 1


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Ace of Spades Pet Thread
— Open Blogger


It's that time again, time for the almost world famous Ace of Spades Pet Thread, where 4 legged Morons are welcome.

Get comfy and grab a beverage or a piece of pie and enjoy. Before we get going, do any of these dogs belong to you? h/t Oregon Muse

dogs .png


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Saturday Gardening Thread: Gearing Up [KT]
— Open Blogger

sea.jpg large.jpeg

Or, "That manatee was master of his Romaine"

Hello, Horde! Gardening and farming are really gearing up in the Central Valley now. And there are big things going on in a few other parts of the country, too. It's still a tough month for gardening in most of the country, though. Here's a Regional Gardening Guide for February. Spring will arrive. There's a pretty photo of grape hyacinths in the snow at the link.

Lettuce visit Yuma, Arizona today for a preview of spring. Winter lettuce harvest is underway. Weather may impact lettuce supplies across the country sometime in March or April. They have had a warmer and wetter than normal winter in Yuma, and some issues with mildew. And the Salinas Valley in California has been hit hard by flood conditions in the fields. I think the coordination of the lettuce harvest between the two growing areas is interesting. Something we don't usually think about when picking up produce at the supermarket.

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People Who Butcher History Are Doomed To Be...Uh...Stupid
— Open Blogger

50 years of progressive-controlled education, and we get people who can't place the Berlin Wall and Hitler on a timeline of history.

Care to guess how many of these knuckle-dragging, booger-eating fools can tell you when the Civil War was fought, or What the Renaissance was, or where Carthage was?

Posted by: Open Blogger at 05:34 AM | Comments (651)
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Saturday Morning Weird News Dump
— Open Blogger


Good morning boys, girls and everything in between. Let's take a look and see what happened this past week that didn't get a lot of attention here at the AoSHQ. more...

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EMT 02/25/17 1d20?
— Open Blogger


Any word yet on whether Donald made his saving throw? How 'bout the rest of you... feeling bound up yet?

I think I made mine. I don't appear to be covered in chains. Any more than normal, at least. Haha....

shit...Here comes the wife.

[Just joking around with the fellas, honey!]

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February 24, 2017

Overnight Open Thread (24 Feb 2017)

Oh just stop it with this stupid SJW BS. New Han Solo 'Star Wars' prequel already under fire as 'too white'. Most people only care if it'll be good/entertaining. I don't go to movies based on the race/sex of those involved. more...

Posted by: CDR M at 05:07 PM | Comments (695)
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Super-Light GAINZZZ Thread
— Ace

I'm a natural night-owl, and I think it's because I dread the new day. Seriously. I think I have an aversion to going to bed, because I feel I didn't get enough done and I'm just not done with the current day yet.

But as you know, sleep is important, not just how much, but when. These videos from that guy I keep linking lately -- this on the importance of sleep, and this on how to improve sleep -- finally gave me the propaganda I needed to start going to bed by 12.

Note that it doesn't matter if this is true or not; whether true or not, it's still useful propaganda for getting me to do what I've long wanted to do (go to bed at a normal hour).

So the propaganda is this: For most people (it varies, but for most), the period of peak human growth hormone production is between 10 pm and 2am, if you're asleep during those hours. If you're not asleep, you missed out, and you'll just have to limp along with your sub-sub-standard HGH production.

Human growth hormone has so many absurdly positive effects on the human body that there's a black market in getting exogenous doses of it. It's called the "Youth Hormone" because it may slow aging effects, which is increasingly important to me as I contemplate, one day, entering my thirties.

So, after reading a lot about how to increase HGH (naturally) through stupid herbal supplements and crap, it turns out one of the most important ways is just to go to sleep at a decent time like a normal person.

I have been doing that (though I've been having sleep problems for unrelated reasons).

A point this guy makes in those videos is that there's actual sleep and then there's effective sleep. If you drink caffeine any time before bed (some people say you need to stop like ten hours before bed, which seems extreme), you may fall asleep, but you might cause yourself to have ineffective sleep where you just don't push into the deeply restorative phases of sleep very deeply or for very long. So if you go to bed with caffeine or alcohol in your system, your clock might say you got seven hours of sleep, but a more accurate measure, based on how long you spent in deep restorative sleep, might be more like six hours.

Oh and I mentioned this already, but thanks for the various tips on overcoming insomnia. One of the most effective things for me was putting a cold compress on my pillow to chill the blood in my neck and back. The body reads "cold" as "time for sleep," apparently.

Another thing I've been doing -- and given the weather, it's been pretty easy to do this -- is making sure I get real sunlight in my face soon after I wake up, to reset the body clock.*

Another simple thing which is harder to do that I'd've imagined -- drinking a lot of water. Which, yeah, helps GAINZZZ.

I think this might be a problem some have with getting enough water. I think this is my own problem. When you're dehydrated, your brain is kind of fuzzy, and you're low energy.

So what do you drink? Water? No, you're fuzzy-headed and you're low energy. You drink coffee, tea, or Coke Zero, Jack!

But of course those cause you to pee out more water, dehydrating you further. Making you more fuzzy headed and lethargic.

So what do you drink? Water? No way, give me another Coke Zero! I'm tired, baby!

So anyway, I think the message here is you just gotta suck it up a few days and really pound that sweet sweet water, Marco Rubio style, until you get properly hydrated and not tired and slow-witted and in need of constant caffeine.

A couple of weeks ago, when I was drinking water, I was feeling pretty good. Now because of low sleep, I've been having Coke Zero and not so much water, and I'm just dead tired and worse yet I'm getting cramps a lot. Almost like my body is saying, "Drink water, asshole."

So that's all I got this FriGAINZZZ. The two cheapest and most important supplements out there, which everyone ignores because they're trying to track down Distilled Tiger Breath mixed with Powdered Foot Fungus From a Shaolin Monk's Slipper from a black-market vitamin dealer in Kuala Lampur.

My GAINZZZ this week: None. Tired as shit. I didn't even expect GAINZZZ because I knew just by the way I felt that my body was pure crap. Happy I just didn't go backwards.

Broccoli Sprouts: Seems like a cheap way to have a constant supply of high-nutrient low-carb veggies.

Broccoli sprouts are loaded with anti-oxidants, with much more suphurophane by weight than broccoli.

And you can just make mason-jars full with a week or so's growing, in a mason jar inside your house.

I just got some seeds and the jars. Haven't actually started the process yet.

I know this guy is a hippie but hear him out.

* I forgot the point of this blather -- even though my sleep has been poor due to CPAP problems, I kind of like going to bed now because I kind of like getting up. So I don't dread the next day. I imagine I'll feel better about it once I get some good sleep.

Posted by: Ace at 02:34 PM | Comments (476)
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Oh Dear, Make the Stupid Stop Already
— Ace

Witches are going to cast a spell tonight on Donald Trump and supporters to drive him out of office.

Witches will protest President Donald Trump on Friday at midnight by casting a spell under the crescent moon

The purpose of the binding spell is to stop President Trump from doing harm and banish him from office

Among the objects required to complete this spell are an unflattering photo of Trump, a tiny orange candle, a Tower tarot card and bowls of water and salt

After lighting the small candle that has President Trump's name carved onto it, participants must begin the new chant that was written just for this spell

'I call upon you / To bind / Donald J. Trump / So that he may fail utterly / That he may do no harm/To any human soul,' says the chant

The lyrics also take aim at President Trump's supporters, with the lines: 'Bind them in chains / Bind their tongues / Bind their works / Bind their wickedness'

I could tell you one celebrity is taking part, but that would be a lie, because it's Lana Del Rey who wasn't really a celebrity even when the PR machine was pushing (hard) for her to be one, and then you'll just go "Who TF is Lana Del Rey?" and I'll have to say "I don't really know, I think she tried to be a singer for a few years."

Below, a video which is, as far as I know, the most enduring song of Lana Del Rey.

Posted by: Ace at 01:25 PM | Comments (521)
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