September 29, 2006

A post To Rho, About Rho, and For Rho [Jack M.]
— Ace

Don't say I never did anything for ya, buddy.

Plus, I just don't think I can stop with my "inside baseball masturbatory" posts, despite your consternation and protestation. It's part of my charm.

So, in that spirit, I would like to post an entry by Ace's co-blogger LauraW that pretty much sums up the day's debate in the "Comment of the Year" thread.

No, rho, the argument is that you're a douche for complaining about the content of someone else's blog. You make demands for your preferred content, like Ace fucking works for you or something. You are a demanding douche. There's no other way to put it.

As far as inside baseball: I have it on good authority that Jack M. is a sexy bastard and that all his self-love is entirely justified. Women follow him like he's the fucking pied-piper of pussy.
Posted by lauraw at September 29, 2006 03:52 PM

Are you still happy, rho? You've made the front page! All Ace's content are belong to you!!!!

As for me? I leave all further discussion of rho to others. It's Friday night, and I see the gates of Hamelin in front of me. Time to start playing the tunes.

Posted by: Ace at 11:04 AM | Comments (48)
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I Now Pronounce You Husband And Daughter: Father/Daughter Couple Secretly Weds
— Ace

Maybe we can get one of these two to run as a write-in in Florida.

Thanks to Ray, via HotAir. Allah, by the way, wiil have Zawahiri's video up within an hour. He's apparently hitting the Democratic talking points pretty hard.

Posted by: Ace at 11:00 AM | Comments (21)
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Mark Foley May Resign Resigns
— Ace

But not over the scandal; so that he can spend more time with his children.

Well, other people's children, but close enough.

Florida Republicans are scrambling for a write-in candidate who is either a) a straight family man with no possibility of scandal or b) a closeted gay candidate who's actually figured out there are an awful lot of pictures of boys on the Internet.

Via The Corner.

Update: Via GayPatriotWest, he's Foley's resigned.

The gay issue is a dicey one. On one hand, it's considered invasive to inquire into someone's sexuality.

On the other hand, the CIA does so, for a good reason-- a closeted gay, or anyone with secret sexual behaviors (infidelity, etc.) is a definite security risk. In politics, it's a major political risk to boot.

Of course, Barney Frank isn't without his boyfriend-related political problems, either.

But this bastard seems to have been hitting on a teenager.

I don't think there's the legal predicate for it, but I wonder what a bigger investigation into what else he might have been up to would show. Although I joked about it (inappropriately), I suspect this guy has a lot of underage porn on his computer.

Creep. Why do people with penchants for criminal behavior like this go into politics at all? Are they looking to get caught?

Posted by: Ace at 10:15 AM | Comments (61)
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As Predicted: Presidential Hopefuls Vote Against Detainee Bill; Democrats In Tough Reelection Fights Back It
— Ace

Caution: NYT link.

The NYT spins this as Democrats asserting themselves against a weakened Bush. Apparently the fact that Democrats facing close reelection campaigns supported the bill doesn't indicate anything.

The Democratic vote in the Senate on Thursday against legislation governing the treatment of terrorism suspects showed that party leaders believe that President Bush’s power to wield national security as a political issue is seriously diminished.

The most vivid example of the Democratic assessment came from the party’s many presidential hopefuls in the Senate. All of them voted against the bill, apparently calculating that Mr. Bush’s handling of Iraq has undercut the traditional Republican strength on national security and will insulate them from what are certain to be strong attacks from Republicans not only this year but also in 2008.

Democratic opponents of the legislation said their political position was driven by a substantive determination that the bill, which creates rules for interrogating and trying terrorism suspects, is fundamentally flawed and a dangerous departure from founding American principles.

“The only reason to worry about the politics of it is if you don’t understand it and don’t have the guts to stand up and defend your vote,” said Senator Christopher J. Dodd, Democrat of Connecticut, who is considering a presidential race.

Over all, 32 Democrats voted against the measure while 12, including some of those in the most difficult re-election fights, backed it. Among the latter was Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut, whose perceived support for Mr. Bush has brought him political trouble at home.

It was a stark change from four years ago, when Mr. Bush cornered Democrats into another defining pre-election vote on security issues — that one to give the president the authority to launch an attack against Iraq. At the time, many Democrats felt they had little choice politically but to side with Mr. Bush, and a majority of Senate Democrats backed him.

So what is the Democratic position on detainee treatment? Once again, no one knows. There is no position; there is only political positioning. If you want tough treatment of terrorists to save lives, Democrats are in favor of that. If you want kid-gloves treatment in order to preserve our moral superiority, well, Democrats are in favor of that, too.

They're in favor of whatever's required to get your vote, and also in favor of whatever would cause you to vote against them, but they prefer to emphasize the positive.

Posted by: Ace at 10:05 AM | Comments (14)
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Daily Kos One of Oprah's "Sexiest Men In The World"
— Ace

Good Lord.

One of the sexiest men in the world? I'm not even sure if he's one of the sexiest men in his own pants.

Posted by: Ace at 09:38 AM | Comments (58)
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No More RaceWar on Survivor: Teams Merge
— Ace

After two episodes?

Then what was the point?

Oh yeah. Ratings.

The show wasn't as cringe-inducing as I expected, but mostly, it seems, because the producers stacked the racial deck. Each racial group was given one obvious layabout/moron/flake. (I don't know if the black tribe was-- they lost a guy right away and so it was hard to see who their weirdo was. But I imagine they had one.) So the show was stacked to be less about race vs. race than competents vs. incompetents within any tribe.

Posted by: Ace at 09:33 AM | Comments (11)
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Rep. Mark Foley (R) Questioned On "Inappropriate" Emails To Teenaged Page
— Ace

This seat just went from a likely hold to an almost certain loss.

First I called bullshit on this story. After all, isn't Mark Foley one of the Congressmen liberals are always claiming is gay?

Republican House member from Florida who was expected to cruise to reelection faced questions Thursday about the propriety of e-mails he sent to a teenage page on Capitol Hill, potentially adding to the GOP's political struggles as it attempts to maintain its congressional majority.

Six-term Rep. Mark Foley, a member of the powerful Ways and Means Committee and chairman of the House Entertainment Industry Task Force, is being made to explain a series of e-mails he sent in 2005 in which he asked the page how old he was and requested a photo.


The e-mails, copies of which were obtained by The Times, indicate that the boy, 16, then complained to another congressional staff member, noting: "Maybe it is just me being paranoid, but seriously. This freaked me out."

In another e-mail sent to the page, Foley, 52, said of a second teenager working on Capitol Hill, "He's in such great shape."

A Foley spokesman acknowledged that the congressman had sent the e-mails to the page. But the spokesman said they reflected nothing more than an innocent interest in helping young people take their pants off.

Okay, I added "take their pants off." But the "helping young people" thing? We've heard that before, haven't we?

For what it's worth, Mark Foley claims the tumult is just "character assassination."

George Michael immediately offered his support, further dimming Foley's political star.

Posted by: Ace at 09:26 AM | Comments (27)
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AZ State Commission To "Review" "Memorial" Inscriptions
— Ace

An attempt to forestall any further political fallout until after November. No one will comment on the appopriateness of these inscriptions, I'm sure, claiming they must "wait until the review is completed."

Tom Smith, Chairman of the commission which built this abortion, claims:

Smith said Wednesday it never occurred to him during the February meeting to check on details of the inscriptions’ wording.

“We never thought anything would be inappropriate,” he said. “It didn’t sound like there would be anything controversial.”

Never occurred to him to check the "details" of the inscriptions' wording?

The funny thing is, given this is a government operation, that's almost believable.

Memorials Are The First Draft Of Bullshit History Update: Iowahawk has an exclusive-- early rejected inscriptions for the "memorial."

Thanks to skinbad.

Posted by: Ace at 09:07 AM | Comments (9)
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Once More With Feeling
— Ace

Where are those Rove Mind Rays when you need them?

Posted by: Ace at 08:51 AM | Comments (4)
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5000 Years in 90 Seconds [Retired Geezer]
— Ace

Here's a pretty cool animated map of the Middle East through the ages.

It might be 'Old'... Real Old.

Posted by: Ace at 07:37 AM | Comments (27)
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Science News: The Key to Immortality is Dying Early and Often [Jack M.]
— Ace

At least that's the lesson I took out of this article.

But then, I may have missed the point.

Apparently, scientists have discovered a strand of bacteria (Deinococcus radiodurans for those of you scoring at home) that is able to die and resurrect itself due to an innate ability to repair its own DNA genome, even if that genome is destroyed.

Hell...I'll just let the article explain it. That's what blockquote is for anyway.

Without a genome, the microbe is effectively dead because it can't synthesize the proteins necessary for life.

In only a few hours, though, Deinococcus can reassemble its genome and return to life.

"This is the first case, I think, of a living cell that clinically dies — its DNA is chopped into little pieces and it has no metabolism — when desiccated, and yet, as long as it can reconstitute its genome, it reconstitutes its own life," said study team member Miroslav Radman of the University of Paris.

So how does this work? Short version:

The microbe is able to perform its remarkable feat because, like other bacteria, it carries at least two, sometimes more, copies of its genome and also because radiation damages DNA randomly.

So even if both genome copies are damaged, they likely aren't damaged in the same spots.

With the right tools, a microbe can piece together what the original sequence was.

The longer version involves DNA sequencing and proteins and all sorts of other stuff that is laid out in the article.

Why should we care?

Radman believes his team's findings open up the possibility of resurrecting dead cells in our own bodies, specifically those in our brains.

"It allows us now, legitimately, to dream of bringing back to life dead, or close-to-dead, neurons," he said.


So let me sum up this article in a way that may make it more familiar to regular readers of AoS.

Remember the episode of Star Trek where Harry Mudd kidnapped the crew of the Enterprise on behalf of a bunch of androids who wanted to study humanity in greater detail? Later on, the androids tried to thwart Kirk & Co.'s escape attempts by offering Lt. Uhura the opportunity to place her brain in an android body so she could live forever with eternal youth?

Of course you do.

These scientists are essentially the androids, and the bacteria are the key to placing Uhura's brain in a young body forever.

So suppose they are right. And you are offered Uhura's choice. Do you take it?

I don't.

Who wants to live forever? Half the fun in life is spurred on by knowing that one day it will end.

The other half? By getting to read my posts on a daily basis.

Which, come to think of it, is sort of similar to the first half. Because, after all, some of the fun of reading my posts is knowing that they too must eventually come to an end.

Which I guess means the ration is more like 75/25. But I was told there would be no math.

Posted by: Ace at 07:18 AM | Comments (30)
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Comment of the Year [Jack M.]
— Ace

Occasionally, I like to feature truly perceptive comments on the main page. Comments that just take your breath away with their sheer insight into the nature of things.

Generally speaking, these comments are only good for the day as they are in relation to a specific post, that, once read out of the news cycle, is no longer germaine to the conversation.

Rarely, however, there is a comment that reveals a universal truth so profound, and so astute, that to fail to feature it would be to snub the genius that walks among us.

So, as I am certain that no comment will top today's effort, I am going to go ahead and award comment of the year status to the following item:

Jack M. = scab = HOT.
Posted by kevlarchick at September 29, 2006 10:23 AM

Zen like in it's simplicity, it is a mantra that should be chanted over and over again until you reach a state of enlightenment. Like kevlarchick has obviously done.

I salute you, kevlarchick. In the next life may you be reincarnated as my Queen, for though I am pledged to another (can you believe I still haven't received a restraining order from MKH? What's a guy got to do for some attention around here?) in this life, in the next one my heart belongs to you.

It's karma baby. The kind that ran over your dogma. And you have it in spades.

Posted by: Ace at 06:35 AM | Comments (43)
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September 28, 2006

Memo to Andrew Sullivan: Here are the Foaming at the Mouth Caesarists you want [Jack M.]
— Ace

And wouldn't you know it? Like St. Andrew, they are British too.

Must be an English thing.

Anyway...I think I found out how St. Andi of the Blessed Monthly Bleeding Heartache came up with his clever "insult" the other day.

He was probably familiar with this story: "How two Roman Soldiers "did battle" in Bath House."

It isn't what you think though. Trust me.

A DISPUTE between two “Roman soldiers” in a 1st century bath house ended up in court when one man accused his rival of threatening to kill him with a replica helmet.

Remember, it isn't what you morons think.

Keith Mulhearn, who is fond of dressing up as a legionnaire called Maximus Gluteus, was forced to defend his reputation after it was claimed that he had run amok in a quiet York museum.

Yeah, yeah. Maximus Gluteus. It still isn't what you jokers think.

Mr Mulhearn, 40, the former curator of the city’s Roman Bath Museum, lost his temper with his successor, Graham Harris, because he believed that Mr Harris, 58, had stolen some of his replica Roman artefacts, York Crown Court was told.

He was said to have marched into the museum and aggressively brushed aside Mr Harris’s daughter before shouting: “I’m going to kill you” as he confronted her father, who was dressed as a Roman soldier.

See. It's just two museum curators who enjoy roleplaying in a 1st centure Bath House involved in a little, what would the English say?, tiff about replica Roman artefacts.

In addition to having been the museum curator for three years until he was succeeded by Mr Harris, Mr Mulhearn also ran an organisation called Lost Legion, a group of enthusiasts who re-enact battles from the Roman era.

Much of the group’s equipment had been purchased by Mr Mulhearn and was held at the museum, York Crown Court heard.

He believed that some of it had been stolen by Mr Harris, who runs a rival re-enactment group called the Sixth Legion, and he was detemined to reclaim his rightful property.

Really. There is nothing more competitive than the world of Roman Re-enactment. If you don't believe me, ask bbeck. I hear she hangs with these types on her weekends.

Mr Mulhearn said that he had not shouted or assaulted anyone. He had merely gone to the museum to retrieve property which belonged to him, including Roman coins, a replica tunic and the replica sword.

“I picked up the two helmets to inspect them. They weren’t mine and I noticed the sword and that was mine. I took it and left. I didn’t say I was going to kill anyone,” he said.

The jury took an hour to find Mr Mulhearn not guilty on all charges.

Yeah? Well here's one charge this jury finds you guilty of, Maximus Gluteus: foaming at the mouth caesarism.

Which, all things considered, I bet Sullivan has a much deeper appreciation for now.

UPDATE: Yes, Michael. This means I broke your picket line. I'm not in this for the money or the perks. I'm in it to entertain the people! And to be fakey internet friends with LauraW and Ace. And, most importantly, to advance my pursuit of the world's most perfect woman one post at a time! So take your Sally Field wanna be Norma Rae ass and unionize some other blog. And while you're at it, get me a juice box, juice box.

Posted by: Ace at 10:11 PM | Comments (52)
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The Only Gay Eskimo -- Michael
— Ace

It's late. Ace is not here. Maybe I've had a few drinks.

Time to get silly.

Thanks to Amish for this. more...

Posted by: Ace at 08:30 PM | Comments (14)
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House and Senate act on wiretaps, military tribunals for terrorist detainees [Dave in Texas]
— Ace

Republicans push back before November elections, with a healthy dose of "put up or shut up".

In a 232-191 vote in the House, representatives pass bill that would grant legal status for warrantless wiretaps, with some new restrictions.

Pelosi, et. al., apoplectic.

And the Senate passes a bill to create military commissions to prosecute terrorism suspects. There is little doubt the House will follow suit tomorrow, sending Bush the bill he asked for.

BONUS: Senate rejects Specter's amendment that would have allowed terror suspects to file habeus corpus petitions in court.

Lincoln would have approved.

Posted by: Ace at 07:21 PM | Comments (20)
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Workers of the Blogosphere Unite!!! -- Michael
— Ace

See, Ace just takes off whenever he wants. He appears on TV, he parties in New York, he meets the President, he parties in D.C., he whines about a case of the sniffles or being tired.

Most bloggers don't get away with this. Why can Ace do it? I'll tell you.

He is exploiting the proletariat! That's right, the capitalist Ace is expropriatating the fruits of the labor of his guest-bloggers!!!

Does he share?

I'm here to tell you, our compensation and benefits package is sub-standard.

There is only one solution. WE MUST UNIONIZE!!!!

I propose the formation of AOSHQ Guest-and-Co-Bloggers Union Local 101.

Now, to do this right, we need to maintain our solidarity, and have a laser-like focus on the demands we will make in collective bargaining with Ace. I'm thinking of the following:

1. One fifth of Val-U-Rite-Vodka per post.

2. Access to Ace's phone numbers for Thai Tranny Hookers.

3. Unfettered authorization to mock Dave @ Garfield Ridge. (I mean, fer cryin' out loud, the guy quit for only two days before he came crawling back for more of that blogging Jones.)

4. Free hobo corpse disposal.

5. Reciprocal linkage guaranteed for guest posters with their own site.

6. Permission to ban Bill at INDC Journal in the event of the slightest provocation.

Again, I must emphasize that complete solidarity is important if we are going to pull this off. This includes support from the commenters here. DO NOT BE AFRAID. Our right to organize is protected by law under the National Labor Relations Act.

Your feedback in the comment thread would be appreciated, including especially any additional bargaining demands that I have overlooked.

Posted by: Ace at 06:28 PM | Comments (73)
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Bulgarian Politician Suggests Purchasing A Gypsy Girl
— AndrewR

I think the Brussels Journal is becoming my new favorite website.

Here's the setup, as I understand it: An obscure European magazine that deals with EU issues is having a Parliamentarian-of-the-Year contest. An attractive Hungarian gypsy woman has been nominated.

Enter an irate Bulgarian:

Well, gentlemen, I must disagree with you. In my country there’re tens of thousands gypsy girls way more beautiful than this honorable one.

Hey, fair enough. The man's just sticking up for the home team, right?

Well, maybe. Wait for it... more...

Posted by: AndrewR at 05:00 PM | Comments (62)
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Joy Of New Homeownership
— LauraW.

Another good reason to hire a building inspector before you buy:

ST. ANTHONY, Idaho, Sept. 28 (UPI) -- An Idaho couple discovered they are sharing their new home with garter snakes -- lots of garter snakes.

Lyman Hepworth told KIFI-TV, Boise, he bought the house in St. Anthony in March. At that time, the snakes were peacefully hibernating in the basement, and the couple did not know they were there.

A few weeks later, the snakes woke up and began heading out for the summer. Hepworth said he killed about 50 a day until he found out that garter snakes are legally protected in Idaho.

Seriously? You guys don't have enough garter snakes out there? I can send you some of mine. No charge.

Posted by: LauraW. at 03:18 PM | Comments (32)
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Eight O'Clock Flashback -- Michael
— Ace

Ace is goofing off again. Nobody else will lower themselves to post music videos. I guess it's up to me.

This is for you, Jack. more...

Posted by: Ace at 03:17 PM | Comments (11)
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Faces of Courage -- Michael
— Ace

In the coming days, MSNBC will be running 60-second spots to honor America's military heroes. You can preview the first one below the jump.

We criticize the MSM endlessly here, and justifiably so. Let's applaud MNSBC for doing something truly decent and patriotic. You can contact MSNBC to express your views on this program by sending an email to

Thanks to Pupster, who found this at OPFOR. more...

Posted by: Ace at 01:06 PM | Comments (31)
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