December 31, 2006

Dirty Centaurs
— Ace

Christopher mentioned centaurs.

Surprisingly, the dirty centaurs sketch is available on YouTube.

Bonus: Do you like Christopher Walken?

Do you like Poe's The Raven?

What if you could somehow combine those two enthusiasms?

Played straight (I think), and halfway between a good reading and a kinda-silly Walken deal.

More... Now I'm desperate to find William Shatner reciting it -- which I guessed he'd done, and it seems I was right.

Haven't found a recording of that yet. But here's an odd 1974 concept album of rock (well, hippy-rock) interpretations of Poe's poetry. You can listen to the Raven one; it's not really all that horrible. Not particularly good, but not bad.

No Closer To Shatner's Raven... But running into odd things.

What the hell were these things supposed to be?

God I hated them. Though I think they had a Three Musketeers cartoon that I liked.

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A Tale of Two AP Polls: One Finds Americans Seeing Doom and Gloom, The Other Finds Them Optimistic
— Ace

Trouble is both headlines are based on the same poll.

Well, not exactly. The "optimism" story relies heavily on anecdotal tales of optimism. The doom and gloom one relies more on the actual poll findings.

Still-- if you can spin the same poll as yielding two perfectly contradictory results, doesn't that mean neither is correct? And that really the MSM is far too in the business now of not doing straight reporting but providing "overarching narratives" and engaging in "storytelling"?

One poll, two contradictory stories -- you can choose to run either one in your newspaper. AP can sell you happy or AP can sell you sad; the truth doesn't matter much, so long as you have an AP story running.

Question: Is anyone else happy to see 2006 go? A true annus horribilus. ("Annus horribilus" is a Latin term for "Andrew Sullivan.")

2007's gotta be better. Right?

Please: Is anyone going to do a photoshop/animated gif of the ball falling in Times square, except with Saddam dropping from the gallows?

People, you've got like three hours left.

Gank: Annus horribilus, not terribilus. Duh.

Thanks to Francesco Poli for pointing that stupidity out.

Posted by: Ace at 04:27 PM | Comments (29)
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Tim Johnson's Duration In Coma "Unusual"
— Ace

...according to a doctor (not one treating him, just asked for comment), whose opinion is now deleted from a WaPo article.

Dr. Keith Siller, director of the Comprehensive Stroke Care Center at NYU Medical Center and assistant professor at the NYU School of Medicine, said it is unusual for a patient to be sedated after brain surgery for more than a few days.

"The two-week period is longer than I would be happy with," he said.

Question: Why was this quote deleted? Did they get the quote wrong? Did they discover Dr. Keith Siller was not an expert on the subject? Or did they just decide they didn't want to add fuel to the low-heat fire to remove Johnson from the Senate and thus imperil Democratic control?

Remember when I suggested a Schiavo-Johnson comparison? Mickey Kaus credits Tim Noah as being the "only" person with "the balls" to speculate on a "partisan do-si-doh" on Johnson, with liberals now believing so long as you're alive, you're alive.

Well, he's an idiot and he wasn't the first.

Actually, he doesn't knock liberals. It's Kaus who more-evenhandedly suggests a change in position by both sides.

Noah, an absurd hack, of course sees this through the prism of conservative hypocrisy only, wondering if Tom DeLay would support legislation to prevent a feeding tube being removed from Tim Johnson, should it come to that.

Well, that's jackass; how about looking at the liberal hypocrisy? Are liberals now maintaining that someone who as of yet demonstrates no motor, speech, or other higher brain activity can remain a sitting Senator?

Terry Schiavo was in much worse shape, as I've said, but the issue there was only if she should be permitted to live, not permitted to continue "serving" as a US Senator in a seriously impaired state.

So there's not really any conservative hypocrisy on this. We pressed to keep Terry Schiavo alive, not to put her in charge of, say, the TSA.

Although, seriously, she wouldn't have been worse than the current regime.

Posted by: Ace at 04:08 PM | Comments (62)
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James Brown Resurrects Himself To Do One More Encore, But Pallbearer/Roadie Forces Him Off Stage
— Ace

Damn, I was looking for this clip for days.

I don't know how often James Brown did this. I know it's often-parodied (Paul Schaffer spoofed it on Letterman), but maybe he just did it once.

Still, it's the stuff of show-business legend.

I liked his claim of being "The Hardest-Workin' Man In Show-Business." Putting the emphasis on hard work, not natural talent. Nice. Although, of course, he had an awful lot of talent, too.

He helped that claim along with this stunt, which is so cheesy it's perfect. The silliness starts at 4:30.

The clip shows helpful bandmates trying desperately to lead James Brown off the stage -- apparently concerned for his health, as he was giving "too much show" for one man's constitution to handle -- and the indefatigable Brown refusing their medical intervention, determined to give just a little more, no matter what effect it might have upon his very life.


Via PajamasMedia, blogging out the old year and blogging in the new.

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Surprise DVD Treat: My Super Ex-Girlfriend
— Ace

Yeah, I was surprised too, but everyone I know who's seen it liked it. It got savaged by the critics, but who cares, because critics 1) are horrible judges of comedy and 2) despise anything that isn't indy or indy-ish -- and this movie, of course, with its conspicuously commercial high concept, is the antithesis of the quirky indy flick.

Give it a rent. You'll be surprised.

Of course, I went in (as most people I've discussed this with) with low expectations, an advantage I'm stripping away from you by recommending it; still, I think it will hold up. Just don't get your expectations absurdly high. It's a fun, chuckle-every-few-minutes light romantic comedy; it's not Anchorman or anything.

And if you want a great superhero double-feature, rent it along with the huge surprise of last year, Sky High.

Lefty Idiocy: From the amateur web-zine Slate's amateur web-zine reviewer, who finds a silly movie about a neurotic, controlling superheroine to be far too "enranging[ly]" "misogynistic" for her tastes.

Certainly it plays upon the hoariest stereotypes about women -- like how they, you know, sometimes throw a 1500 pound great white shark through your bedroom window. I mean, come on, it's 2006. Didn't we leave that bit of chauvanism back in 1955 with Donna Reed?

A less willfully misogynist movie might have made Thurman's double identity the starting place for an exploration of female power, super- or otherwise. What would you do if your girlfriend not only made more money than you, but knew how to stop an incoming missile with her bare hands?

Oh yeah -- a summer-movie rom-com "exploration of female power."
Sounds like comedy fuckin' gold to me.

That review is from the same silly cow who insists Margaret Cho is screamingly funny via the curious route of not being funny, by the way. So you know where she's coming from. Apparently it's a rule that women can never be portrayed as less than 100% virtuous and psychologically balanced or else a film is "misogynistic."

I have a feeling this movie hit a little too close to home for Dana Stevens.

Stupid Feminist Watch: It's sad that some people are so agenda-driven even when it comes to silly frivolities. I like this anecdote from Fred Wolf, onetime SNL writer, now a screenwriter/actor.

Is this stupid or what?

I had this one sketch. It was about five idiot guys who were working on oil rigs in North Dakota. And they're drilling a hole deep into the earth and out of that hole pops some sort of a subterranean human-- some crazy alien person. And it's Jeneane Garofalo. And these five idiots see her come out of the hole and she tells them that she lives in an underground kingdom, that they've been watching earth's progress over millions of years and they have all the answers to any question that we might have about life on earth. And that she has five minutes until exposure to the air will kill her. [She offers:] "Ask any question you'd like."

Well, when she first pops out of the hole, Chris Farley screams a really high-pitched scream, so after she gives her speech about how they could ask any question they want, the next thing out of Adam Sandler's mouth is, he turns to Farley and says, "What the hell kind of scream was that? When you saw the fish lady pop out of the hole, you screamed like a girl." And then they proceed to spend one minute of her last remaining time on earth arguing over how he didn't screalm like a woman, he screamed like a man. And back and forth. The point of the sketch was that theese guys were idiots and that they were blowing their chance at, you know, at great knowledge.

Jeneane Garofalo raised hell with three or four people before I got wind of it that I was being "disrespectful to women" in that it is a fault of a guy to scream like a girl, that because Farley screamikng like a girl would bring chastisement, she said that meant that women therefore are deserving to be chastised when they scream. It was one of the most convoluted, strangerst, most ridiculous reasons I've ever heard to dislike a sketch.

Posted by: Ace at 03:03 PM | Comments (16)
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Big Stuff
— Ace

Very cool with a suprise twist at the end.

Via Garfield Ridge, who links a strangely un-PC and violent narwhal action playset.

That's right, I said it -- narwhal action playset. That just happened.*

* Second best line from Talledega Nights, after the line about using a second knife to pry out the knife lodged in Ricky Bobby's thigh.

Posted by: Ace at 02:41 PM | Comments (17)
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Slublog's Proposal For Immigration
— Ace

A good starting point, it seems to me.

Posted by: Ace at 02:30 PM | Comments (20)
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Sweet: Around 10 House Seats Will Migrate From Blue To Red States After 2010 Census
— Ace

For a potential net pickup of +20 seats, though, as everyone now clarifies, that would assume all of these seats would in fact be red. Which they won't be; they'll just be in red states, and red states have lots of blue areas. In fact, maybe it's the blue areas, the cities and adjoining suburbs, which will get almost all of the new seats.

Barone thinks it's good for a +10 pickup, at best.

But for presidential election purposes, that's +20 voters in the electoral college controlled by voters in red states.

Not too shabby.

Of course, with all of this movement south and west, one also has to consider that some of the migrants from the blue northeast and midwest might flip a red state to purple or even blue. Colorado seems one of the lower-hanging of fruits. And of course there's always Florida.

Posted by: Ace at 02:23 PM | Comments (14)
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Real Healine: "Science told: Hands off gay sheep"
— Ace

Special rights for gay sheep. Who will speak for the straight sheep? Apparently you can still molest them 'til your heart's content.

Actually it's about experiments to "cure" gay sheep of teh gheyitude.

SCIENTISTS are conducting experiments to change the sexuality of “gay” sheep in a programme that critics fear could pave the way for breeding out homosexuality in humans.

The technique being developed by American researchers adjusts the hormonal balance in the brains of homosexual rams so that they are more inclined to mate with ewes.

It raises the prospect that pregnant women could one day be offered a treatment to reduce or eliminate the chance that their offspring will be homosexual. Experts say that, in theory, the “straightening” procedure on humans could be as simple as a hormone supplement for mothers-to-be, worn on the skin like an anti-smoking nicotine patch.

The research, at Oregon State University in the city of Corvallis and at the Oregon Health and Science University in Portland, has caused an outcry. Martina Navratilova, the lesbian tennis player who won Wimbledon nine times, and scientists and gay rights campaigners in Britain have called for the project to be abandoned.

Navratilova defended the “right” of sheep to be gay. She said: “How can it be that in the year 2006 a major university would host such homophobic and cruel experiments?” She said gay men and lesbians would be “deeply offended” by the social implications of the tests.

But the researchers argue that the work is valid, shedding light on the “broad question” of what determines sexual orientation. They insist the work is not aimed at “curing” homosexuality.


The scientists have been able to pinpoint the mechanisms influencing the desires of “male-oriented” rams by studying their brains. The animals’ skulls are cut open and electronic sensors are attached to their brains.

By varying the hormone levels, mainly by injecting hormones into the brain, they have had “considerable success” in altering the rams’ sexuality, with some previously gay animals becoming attracted to ewes.

Thanks to MK and Charley Fox.

Posted by: Ace at 02:05 PM | Comments (26)
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Deaths In Iraq Down From 2006, But LAT Headlines Story "Monthly US Death Toll At 2-Year High
— Ace

More expertise for y'all.

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NYT Article Claimed El Salvadoran Woman Jailed For 30 Years For Illegal Abortion, When In Fact She Was Imprisoned For Strangling A Newborn Child; Refuses To Correct
— Ace


Posted by: Ace at 01:31 PM | Comments (32)
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Predictions For 2007
— AndrewR

National Review's got 'em. Dave at Garfield Ridge's got 'em. And now so do I.

In no particular order:

The release of Spiderman 3 is beset by controversy when Sam Raimi includes a scene in which a fight between Spiderman and Hobgoblin devolves from punches, to shoves, and finally ends with five minutes of slow, deep kissing.

Buoyed by the success of his reality-denying Holocaust Conference, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad lays plans for his “Timothy Dalton is the Definitive James Bond” conference.

Mitt Romney’s hopes for a run at the presidency are crushed when reporters reveal that, in addition to being a Mormon, he is also a centaur.

In response to falling ratings for the yearly Oscar telecast, the Academy decides to award adult films for the first time. Viewers tune in in record numbers to see who wins the trophies for categories like “Best Use of a Ball Gag in a Gay DOM/SUB Film” and “Most Convincing Portrayal of a Cheerleader’s Trip to the Equipment Room”.

Sean Hannity’s on-air domination of Alan Colmes continues with a new nightly segment entitled “Make Me a Sandwich, Alan”.

Proving that he’s still his own worst enemy, John Kerry attends a Halloween party dressed as a blackface minstrel and is caught on camera singing the racist folksong “Possum Up A Gum Tree”. He later explains the incident by saying that “such stereotypes are often revered folk heroes for many in the African-American community, and I was merely paying tribute to that.” He then adds, “And Mel Gibson was right about the Jews”. Jane Hamsher immediately rushes to explain that the costume and quotes need to be taken “in context”.

On Christmas Eve, Dick Cheney is visited by the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. Before they can teach him any valuable moral lessons, however, he bums a twenty from them, snorts a line of blow, and sends the Ghost of Christmas Past back out to procure an underage Ukrainian prostitute and a pack of smokes for him. The other two are forced to stay and service his wife while he watches. It is generally agreed by all involved that this is the Best Christmas Ever.

Happy New Year, morons.

Posted by: AndrewR at 05:30 AM | Comments (79)
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December 30, 2006

The Execution Video
— Ace

Obviously a macabre content warning.

Posted by: Ace at 02:21 PM | Comments (81)
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Indian Chess Player Busted For Using Hidden Bluetooth To Receive Computer-Calculated Moves
— Ace


Ten year suspension for egregious cheating.

Reuters notes this means he won't face justice for any other violations he would have committed had he been playing for the next ten years, rather than being suspended.

The world mourns.

Posted by: Ace at 11:38 AM | Comments (53)
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December 29, 2006

The Very Briefest of Neocon Retrospectives
— LauraW.

Earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

See you on the flip side, buddy.

UPDATE: Most Hilarious Troll Pap Award goes to Civil Behavior:

we were winning more hearts and minds in the Middle East with our music and technology than losing them PRIOR to Baby Bush's invasion.

Gee, you'd almost think these guys weren't happy about Saddam's fate.

CB's super effective multifaceted Hearts And Minds Anti-Tyrant Action Plan, below the jump. more...

Posted by: LauraW. at 08:36 PM | Comments (394)
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Reuters: Saddam's Execution Means He Will Never Face Justice For Other Charges
— Ace

Ohh, that's good, chocolatey bias, compelling and rich.

During his three decades in power, Saddam was accused of widespread oppression of political opponents and genocide against Kurds in northern Iraq. His execution means he will never face justice on those charges.

Guess he beat us, huh?

Thanks to Rodney.

Posted by: Ace at 07:11 PM | Comments (92)
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UPDATE: Aribiya Now Reports: Saddam Dead
Iraq Streaming TV Link
UPDATE: Saddam Reaches Execution Site
UPDATE: "Within a minute or two," according to Aribiya TV

— Ace

That update from FoxNews TV.


If you just can't wait for FoxNews, the link for streaming TV from Iraq is on the left.

Update On Streaming Video: Seems to be overwhelmed by high demand.

A US judge, by the way, just denied Saddam's lawyers' request for a stay of execution. Which was, of course, obvious.

Within the hour, they say. But they've been saying that all day.

A bit of gallows humor: As William Palmer was being led onto the gallows platform in 1856, he looked at the trapdoor and asked his executioner, "Are you sure it's safe?"

From that site of funny or odd lists.

Thanks to Axoxtl.

A Little After-Hanging Music... from Jimmy Page and Robert Plant.

Posted by: Ace at 05:18 PM | Comments (203)
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Triumph The Insult Comic Dog Vs. Quebec
— Ace

This is old, but still funny. French-Canadian bashing never gets old.

Posted by: Ace at 02:59 PM | Comments (22)
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Martha Stewart Spent $1200 On A Vibrator
— Ace

One called "The Thumper." Twelve bills of jackhammer action.

It's a good thing.

These and other strange revelations made on the Howard Stern show.

Via PetiteDov.

Posted by: Ace at 02:09 PM | Comments (43)
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Saddam Hanged (Well, Eventually This Headline Will Be Correct)
— Ace

Damn, I broke my glasses last night -- like a nerd -- and I have to go get a new pair. So I'm going to miss the soothing creak of the rope.

Here's a thread to discuss it.

I haven't been this disappointed about missing a TV show since I had to rush out to get a genital-eczema cream during Constantine's rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody on American Idol.

Posted by: Ace at 12:24 PM | Comments (85)
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