February 28, 2006
— Ace Male fans go berserk (in a good way!) when a soccer star tosses his dirty, stinking soccer shorts into a crowd.
Why, it's like Tom Jones, in reverse, and with filthy, smelly man's athletic shorts.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 05:43 AM (pzen5)
Anyway, baseball season is coming up. Woot!
Question: If you are a star pitcher of a major league baseball team, and your own kid comes up against you in batting practice, and crushes your first pitch over the left field wall, thus making you look bad to your peers, what do you do?
Answer: You throw the punk a little chin music. That'll teach his ungrateful ass.
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 05:57 AM (UdJCa)
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 28, 2006 06:00 AM (t/SB8)
The old man ain't takin any shit from his kid.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 06:10 AM (pzen5)
You pick a less boring sport to torture your child with.
Baseballzzzzzzzzzz season. Hooray, another year of spitting and crotch groping to pre-empt Law & Order reruns on TNT.
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 06:19 AM (qF8q3)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 06:24 AM (pzen5)
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 06:27 AM (qF8q3)
Posted by: Randy Johnson at February 28, 2006 06:30 AM (pzen5)
Posted by: too many steves at February 28, 2006 06:51 AM (BIwsj)
Bah. What would a girl know anyway? Gimme a ballpark on a warm summer night, a brace of hotdogs with brown mustard and relish, a cold soda, and a good game of baseball: I'm a happy man.
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 06:57 AM (/V4PN)
That's pretty funny.
Posted by: ralphie at February 28, 2006 07:25 AM (5f5DF)
Sorry, I'm excited.
And bbeck...go here to see a hot baseball player.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 07:34 AM (l+FwE)
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 28, 2006 07:47 AM (t/SB8)
Hot? Unkempt, unshaven, and a slacker.
Posted by: Victorian Gentleman at February 28, 2006 07:48 AM (4uzEh)
Et tu, RWS? Which just goes to show the double standard - you all say you want a "man" - strong, job, honest. But when confronted with Mr. Baseball Sex, you melt.
This is some pretty boy who managed to make it to the Gap before they closed. No class.
Posted by: Victorian Gentleman at February 28, 2006 07:50 AM (4uzEh)
Posted by: AKA Lynnie at February 28, 2006 07:55 AM (BJYNn)
Was that addressed to me? I'm a chick, and when you're wrong you're wrong...but when I wear my husband's old jersey, I don't wear anything else.
Mrs. Peel, I'd rather go here or here. I'm not much into pro atheletes, but tennis has the highest percentage of hotties.
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 07:56 AM (qF8q3)
Anyway, yeah, he's nice to look at, but I wouldn't really want him.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 08:14 AM (l+FwE)
Ok, ok..we all know that baseball players are man ho's, so no, I wouldn't want him for a husband, but I can look, can't I?
At least he isn't naked, which is more than I can say for the girls you guys oogle at.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at February 28, 2006 08:15 AM (t/SB8)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 08:18 AM (Rsjj6)
It's what I do.
So disperse, Texans.
Posted by: Bart at February 28, 2006 08:23 AM (TLeaB)
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 08:28 AM (qF8q3)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 08:32 AM (Rsjj6)
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 08:46 AM (qF8q3)
becks, I'll join you. We'll just look at those little pants and the biceps bustin out of the sleeves. Ball and a stick? Who cares?
Posted by: kevlarchick at February 28, 2006 08:49 AM (Sg0Y5)
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 08:54 AM (qF8q3)
Its so slow and boring, when you come back from the ballpark all you talk about was how good the hotdogs were.
A baseball game is a cosmic event in which three weeks of time are compressed into a few hours, but if you are inside the stadium, you still feel the passage of three weeks of time.
They should rewrite the rulebook so that the outfielders are permitted to curl up on the grass and take alternating naps, thus providing something more exciting for the fans to watch.
Boring, slow-ass game. I'm just saying.
Posted by: lauraw at February 28, 2006 08:55 AM (QMMge)
Posted by: kevlarchick at February 28, 2006 08:58 AM (Sg0Y5)
A football field, on the other hand...
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 08:59 AM (l+FwE)
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 09:02 AM (/V4PN)
Ah, perfect. We have home brew and usually Beck's in the fridge.
And no chaperones.
As long as you're legal that can be arranged.
I've never understood how people can feel that way...there's something happening every second on a baseball field.
But the "something" that's happening is so boring.
But hey, to each his own. I like sword-fighting, so I can't exactly cast aspersions.
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 09:05 AM (qF8q3)
Trying to explain baseball to people who don't get it is like trying to explain Monty Python's Flying Circus to people who don't get it. You may get the factual bits across, but you'll never get the idea across. You either get it or you don't.
Soccer, on the other hand, sucks. And tennis is bizarre: what other sport can you play until you're 80, but considered washed up at 18?
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 09:05 AM (/V4PN)
There is no accounting for taste. If you Mrs. Peel prefer this man-boy to a real gentleman, then so be it.
I can look,can't I?
My mother ogled the knees of scotsmen when I traveled with her to Edinburgh in my formative years. Most embarrassing and unbecoming.
Posted by: Victorian Gentleman at February 28, 2006 09:06 AM (4uzEh)
Posted by: JackStraw at February 28, 2006 09:07 AM (J8+2b)
I'm sure the wimmen provide some decent eye candy, too.
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 09:09 AM (qF8q3)
Posted by: scott at February 28, 2006 09:20 AM (Ffvoi)
You see, that's the thing that's makes baseball appealing to so many people. Tall, short, thin, fat, skinny, muscular, fast, slow, white, brown, black, yellow, speak any language... ANYONE can play baseball or softball! It's not like basketball where you have to be extra tall or football where you have to be extra large or extra fast just to get a shot a participating.
Another part of the appeal is the rich history and the statistical comparisons between various players of different eras.
Ever been to a pro football game? Now THAT'S a slow boring game - they espend half the day standing around between plays for TV commercials. On top of that, they can play the entire game at the other end of the field from where you are sitting - now that's really fucked up!
Posted by: Madfish Willie at February 28, 2006 09:20 AM (D2pBz)
bbeck, I don't like men in shorts. The sole exception to this rule is Mr. Thomas Magnum, Private Investigator.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 09:22 AM (l+FwE)
lol. I can't.
Surely, Mrs. Peel, you would also make an exception for Sean Connery. Best legs ever.
And Charlton Heston, perhaps. Oof.
Posted by: bbeck at February 28, 2006 09:26 AM (qF8q3)
Baseball moves as fast as it should. There is no clock, and that's a good thing. I think the shot clock and the play clock are artificial constraints, quite frankly, and add little to the game. Plus, in baseball there is no tie -- you win, you lose, or you get rained out. I like that. I also like the long season -- you can be fairly sure that the divisional champion at the end of the year is truly the best team, not some out-of-left-field fluke who got lucky in a wildcard playoff game.
And I like that ballparks are more personal than huge stadiums. You can see the player's faces and hear their chatter. You hear the pop of the ball in the glove and the crack of the bat. You can follow a player all season long; you have hard statistics to work with, not the adulation of a bunch of ESPN guys frothing over the latest NFL or NBA do-nothing.
And people have been pissing and moaning about "moneyball" since the 1940's -- that particular argument doesn't wash, if it ever did. The pro game is what it is, and it's been that way for nearly fifty years. You accept it or you move on. I'm more of a regional-leagues guy myself (go Honkers!), but I like the bigs too.
Baseball is the wonderfulest sport ever.
Well, except for the Yankees. They can burn in hell. Steinbrenner is the Devil.
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 09:42 AM (UdJCa)
Then let me cheer you up. Baseball is too slow. Glacially slow (pre-global warming, even). Evolution-of-the-universe-as-we-know-it slow. Development of real communication between the sexes slow.
Can't stand playing it and I can't stand watching it.
There, now you should have a righteous case of the giggles.
Posted by: geoff at February 28, 2006 09:52 AM (vpYuK)
But I'd have to be really drunk
Oh yeah, like that ever happens. Fine. We'll watch season 3 of 24
you guys got me wondering about Tony now.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 09:52 AM (pzen5)
Softball, yes. Baseball, no. Particularly since the inclussion of so many foreign players, the game has never been at such a high level. Even as Monty has noted in the minors, the talent pool of athletes playing baseball has never been greater. Anyone who thinks baseball is easy has never tried to hit a major league change up after a fastball...forget a curve. Its often said that hitting a baseball at that level is one of the hardest things in all of sports. I agree.
I had a string going of 6 opening days at Fenway and it always amazed me how fast each of those days went. Speed is in the eyes of the beholder I guess.
Posted by: JackStraw at February 28, 2006 09:53 AM (J8+2b)
I always think it's funny that people will criticize baseball, or soccer, or what have you, and watch golf on TV. Different strokes, I guess.
Posted by: Rob at February 28, 2006 09:56 AM (BFtAQ)
I'm secretly in love with Tony Almeida. Want to do him like a viking.
Posted by: DaveinTexas' alias at February 28, 2006 10:02 AM (Sg0Y5)
Of course, the follow-up question about how I manage to get infatuated with such men is still unanswered.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 10:06 AM (l+FwE)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 10:12 AM (pzen5)
And every year, like the swallows returning to Capistrano, the pundits gloom about how baseball is dying. And every year it manages to do great business and bring in legions of new fans. Did you see the crowds flocking to the Washington Nationals games? It was insane.
Even for the lowly KC Royals, they always manage a good gate even when the team is in the doldrums.
Professional Baseball is doing just fine.
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 10:15 AM (/V4PN)
Golf? Bah. NASCAR, now there's a mystery. I will never get how someone can stare at cars going around in a circle for hours. On TV.
Posted by: JackStraw at February 28, 2006 10:17 AM (J8+2b)
It reminds me of a story told about Bob Gibson. Somebody asked him once if he'd knock down his grandmother. He replied, "Only if she dug in on me."
Posted by: Brown Line at February 28, 2006 10:21 AM (VrNoa)
Posted by: roc ingersol at February 28, 2006 10:23 AM (m2CN7)
I can understand the folks flocking to the Nationals games, considering how long they had to pretend to support the Oryuls (easily one of the worst-run franchises in pro sports).
But I honestly believe that in another generation or two, kids won't invest the same time and effort in baseball that their parents and grandparents did. Soon no one will remember listening to the World Series on the radio; baseball was made for radio and suffers on TV, whereas football is nearly the opposite. Baseball also provided tons of baby boomers with endless statistics to memorize and cards to trade, whereas now kids are probably too into their iPod lists to notice whose onbase percentage is best against lefthanders in August.
Just my two cents. I like going to the park as much as the next guy- no beer tastes better.
Posted by: Rob at February 28, 2006 10:25 AM (BFtAQ)
I've gotta say: I wouldn't weep much if pro baseball went away. I enjoy it, but it's never been my favorite part of the game. I love the regional leagues, the highschool leagues, even the peewee leagues. There's something about baseball that to me says community better than any other sport; the coach might be the guy who works on your car during the week, and the line judge is your insurance agent. Your neighbor's kid pitches; your co-worker's kid is shortstop.
The pro game is better played, I suppose, but like all big-money sports it is losing any regional character it used to have. Most of the big-name players are Latin now, and are in it only for the money -- most will tell you straight out that they only got into baseball in the first place to make money, not out of any love for the game. And to me, that's just sad.
And I wish more black Americans would get into the game. I'm no fan of Barry Bonds, but he was right when he said that the league has too few black players any more. I've often wondered if black kids automatically think of the NBA rather than the MLB when they're kids? Or maybe it's because basketball is an easier city-game than baseball -- baseball needs a diamond and special gear, where all basketball needs is a half-court and a hoop.
I sincerely hope baseball never goes away. It would be like watching an essential part of America die.
Plus, you know, soccer sucks. Oh, well, there'll always be bowling for those red-state types who aren't into NASCAR.
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 10:33 AM (UdJCa)
This has been today's completely useless baseball fact. Thank you. That is all.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 10:35 AM (l+FwE)
1) Great looking girls played tennis.
2) Good looking girls played golf.
3) The hoochie mammas showed up for the Byron in Dallas.
4) The girls at the Colonial were beautiful, sophisticated.
5) From 3 & 4, great looking girls watched golf.
6) The best place to see women - Dallas Stars Hockey, or Fort Worth Fire.
7) Second best - A Mavs basketball game.
Best place to meet cool women - the ballpark. It sounds like Mrs. Peel would fit right in.
Posted by: DDG at February 28, 2006 10:39 AM (4uzEh)
On any given weekend in the warm weather there are thousands of kids playing.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 10:46 AM (pzen5)
Speaking as someone who grew up playing organized baseball, basketball, football, and soccer, it always surprised me how vehemently soccer was dismissed by my elders. Probably related to the distrust/dislike of foreigners that a lot of people brought home with them from Korea/Europe etc. Anyway, one day my Pops (born in '39, baseball fan going back to the Boston Braves) was outside with us when we were kicking a soccer ball around. It was clear, within seconds, that the average Americansouthernconservativecollegeeducatedwhiteguy born in 1939 was simply not used to using his feet at play. And I think that's the main gist of the popular anti-soccer sentiment in this country: they never played it. Never.
Posted by: Rob at February 28, 2006 10:48 AM (BFtAQ)
And rightly so. Two hours of euroweenies playing keep-away.
Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 11:01 AM (/V4PN)
Posted by: alessandra at February 28, 2006 11:30 AM (n/PLG)
Do not mess with da man T Jones - He rules in the pop adorable way to tease us, the female audience.
"She's a lady..............uoh oh uoh she's a laaaaaady"
ah the good ol'days when pop wasn't trash and ugly nipples in wardrobe malfunctions and lame homo-obsessed cow-sheep herder songs
Posted by: alessandra at February 28, 2006 11:42 AM (n/PLG)
Besides, anyone who can catch as well as he does can't be stupid. Did you know he lowered Detroit pitchers' ERA by a full run and a half when he got traded there halfway through '96? That is some serious catching skilz.
Posted by: Mrs. Peel at February 28, 2006 11:43 AM (l+FwE)
and this is not some stupid homo prostitute...
Posted by: alessandra at February 28, 2006 11:51 AM (n/PLG)
hey, pot, this is kettle.
Posted by: lauraw at February 28, 2006 12:02 PM (QMMge)
Posted by Mrs. Peel
Not me, give a nice man in shorts and I am happy.
(along with all the attibutes I've posted in the other thread ;-)
Posted by: alessandra at February 28, 2006 12:19 PM (n/PLG)
Remeber they're baseball players, not athletes.
Football is the most boring sport, because 3/4s of the time nothing is going on besides refs looking confused. And basketball is like watching mugger training camp.
Aussie rules football is pretty good, when you can find it on TV.
And you now Ace is glued to Ice Dancing.
Posted by: Iblis at February 28, 2006 12:33 PM (9221z)
What about kilts?
Posted by: DDG at February 28, 2006 12:51 PM (4uzEh)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at February 28, 2006 01:09 PM (pzen5)
There it is! The completely useless baseball facts that are fun to know - part of the rich history of the game I was talking about!
The first baseball game I ever watched was on TV. 1968 World Series, St Louis Cardinals v Boston Red Sox, Bob Gibson (1.12 ERA, best single season ERA in modern history) v Denny McClain (31 game winner - the last 30 game winner in MLB history), Gibson fans 18 for the World Series Record (at that time).
Posted by: Madfish Willie at February 28, 2006 01:31 PM (D2pBz)
Posted by: spurwing plover at February 28, 2006 04:51 PM (1mdPR)
What about kilts?
lol - Kilts are weird. Doesn't do too much for a guy ;-)
Although those Roman type short clothes weren't bad, if a guy had the bod to go with it.
Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 02:19 AM (n/PLG)
Chris Rock says that word like no one else. too funny.
Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 02:22 AM (n/PLG)
Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 02:24 AM (n/PLG)
lol - you forgot that 99% of the time they're just running aimlessly up and down the field and not scoring anything. Veeerryyy boring. If humans were bright, they would change the rules in soccer, so that at least each game would score up to 10 goals.
Playing soccer is lots of fun though. Probably why it's so popular with kids.
Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 02:35 AM (n/PLG)
Wish you could have heard Lewis Grizzard tell that joke. There's nothing like the genuine southern drawl.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 03:34 AM (pzen5)
Posted by: kevlarchick at March 01, 2006 03:47 AM (Re5V/)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 11:47 AM (pzen5)
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