May 29, 2007

Ahem: Women Who Engage In Condom-Free Sex Happier
— Ace

They don't call it joy juice for nothin'.

I'll tuck the filthy quotes beyond the jump.

Here's the title, though:

Crying Over Spilled Semen
Why women who don't use condoms feel happier.

You've been warned.

The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful—and potentially ddictive—mood-altering chemicals.

Study author Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State University of New York in Albany, also found that women who routinely had intercourse without condoms became increasingly depressed as more time elapsed since their last sexual encounter. There was no such correlation for women whose partners regularly used condoms.

Gallup's survey of 293 college women also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended. "These women are more vulnerable to the rebound effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency," says Gallup.

Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins, and some of these are absorbed through the walls of the vagina and are known to elevate mood.

...

Gallup says he has since replicated the findings with a sample of 700 women and will examine whether "semen withdrawal" places women at an increased risk for depression...


I think I speak for all the men on this blog when I say ladies, You're welcome.

In related news, Amanda Marcotte has again taken up her old hobby of cutting on her thighs.

Incidentally, for those who doubt this report, please be aware it carries the official seal of the American Association of Behavioral Psychologists:


Flappy, The Bareback-Humpin', Uprotected-Uglies-Bumpin'
Rocketsauce-Pumpin' Raptor of Love

...so you know it must be legit.

Posted by: Ace at 12:43 PM | Comments (54)
Post contains 330 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Hmm, women who don't use condoms are more likely to seek a new partner as soon as a relationship ends. Is it really a semen addiction, or is it just a side effect of the herpes?

Posted by: Shivv at May 29, 2007 12:51 PM (v8h2M)

2 Hmm, you're not teh ghey, you're just depressed!

Posted by: Iblis at May 29, 2007 12:53 PM (9221z)

3 Looks like Jesse James Dupree was onto something when Jackyl wrote "She Loves My Cock".

Posted by: Andrew at May 29, 2007 12:53 PM (S9O4a)

4 Truer, and less comprehensible, words were never spoken, Andrew.



Posted by: ace at May 29, 2007 12:55 PM (+u1X0)

5

potentially ddictive


Oh yeaaaaaaah baby.  I'm ddictive alright.  I'm the ddictah of looooove.


Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 29, 2007 12:56 PM (pzen5)

6 Also:

those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended

They needed a study to figure it out? What aspect of this does the word "whore" not cover?



Posted by: Andrew at May 29, 2007 12:57 PM (S9O4a)

7 Joy juice offsets. Now there's a market

Posted by: Iblis at May 29, 2007 12:57 PM (9221z)

Posted by: Entropy at May 29, 2007 01:00 PM (HgAV0)

9
Study author Gordon G. Gallup, Ph.D., a psychologist at the State University of New York in Albany

God damn it! Why weren't they doing this study when I went there? I'd have changed my major and everything to help science and make the ladies happy. That's just the kind of guy I am.

And they've even made the NCAA Basketball Tournament the last two years.

Born too damn early I guess.



Posted by: Drew at May 29, 2007 01:00 PM (gNyUT)

10 Flappy the Freedom Eagle is IMPRESSED that Ace of Spades continues to use my image as a symbol of his VICTORY over the America-hating forces of liberalism who credulously accepted an accurate leaked memo rather than loudly telling everyone that it was obviously false!

As an icon of truth and justice, I insist that you continue to use my patriotic image to prove to the world that you, Ace, are not embarrassed at all about this incident.  Not in the slightest!  The more you post my image, the more people will begin to believe that you were right and everyone else was wrong.  Patriotic ceramics are POWERFUL in this way!

Just slap down a Flappy image every few posts or so for the next week, and any lingering feelings of shame will disappear entirely!


Posted by: Flappy the Freedom Eagle at May 29, 2007 01:03 PM (z8kZy)

11 Also contains more than 100% RDA of vitamin C and riboflavin

Posted by: genghis at May 29, 2007 01:03 PM (++b1q)

12 So the full pron money shot makes them a little more happy?
Or just more glowing skin?
Vaginal absorbtion seems to be the key, what about that cocksucking control group that Ace oversees?
So many questions I have......

Posted by: mbruce at May 29, 2007 01:04 PM (LLCm9)

13

Patriotic ceramics are POWERFUL in this way!


Precisely what the top brass at the pentagon were thinking. That boy has a good head on his shoulders.


Posted by: Entropy at May 29, 2007 01:04 PM (HgAV0)

14 Tremble before the might of my PENIS POWER http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAwLYJYsa0A

Posted by: z ryan at May 29, 2007 01:05 PM (9Ml1C)

15

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vTzPbn6Hdk


She just loves my big 10 inch......record of my favorite blues.


When did Joan Rivers join Aerosmith?


Posted by: Entropy at May 29, 2007 01:08 PM (HgAV0)

Posted by: Andrew at May 29, 2007 01:17 PM (S9O4a)

17

No wonder those bukkake girls always look so happy.


I mean, or so Ace tells me.  I've never looked at porn-o-graphy.


Posted by: TallDave at May 29, 2007 01:18 PM (odS+4)

18

Pshh.....there goes Andrew stealin my link glory..


Posted by: Entropy at May 29, 2007 01:20 PM (HgAV0)

19 This might explain why Mcswain seems positively giddy most of the time.

Posted by: wiserbud at May 29, 2007 01:29 PM (hp0Gj)

20 Is this anti-depressent administered oraly?

Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 29, 2007 01:51 PM (QTv8u)

21

Is this anti-depressent administered oraly?


Well its suppository form is quite popular in some circles.


Posted by: Iblis at May 29, 2007 01:55 PM (9221z)

22

Gallup says he has since replicated the findings with a sample of 700 women and will examine whether "semen withdrawal" places women at an increased risk for depression...


 


I need a volunteer for a scientific study...


Posted by: JohnW at May 29, 2007 01:56 PM (Dc9q6)

23 I was expecting a vapo rub form, before you went all nuclear iblis.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 29, 2007 01:58 PM (QTv8u)

24

JohnW,


Exactly what style of semen would you prefer to test?


Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 29, 2007 02:03 PM (QTv8u)

25

I was expecting a vapo rub form, before you went all nuclear iblis.


Or nasal inhaler?


Posted by: Iblis at May 29, 2007 02:18 PM (9221z)

26

"Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins"


and don't forget the protein, ladies.  Lots and lots of protein.


Posted by: slug at May 29, 2007 02:31 PM (zWs8V)

27 Explains why both of Peter North's wives' nicknames were 'Giggles'.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at May 29, 2007 02:31 PM (Ft+og)

28

"Semen contains hormones including testosterone, estrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins"


and don't forget the protein, ladies.  Lots and lots of protein.

That's right -- and while vaginal intake is the preferred method, oral sex can be an effective means of meeting your daily semen requirements, but   only if you swallow.

Posted by: Nordbuster at May 29, 2007 02:35 PM (jYT9+)

29 Rocketsauce?  OMG, I laughed so hard!  You are sick.

Posted by: Maggie at May 29, 2007 02:36 PM (XiJJE)

30 Macswain was the last American to go into oral alone, and he completed 23 orbits.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 29, 2007 02:48 PM (FXakj)

31

OT:


Drew! When did you go to Albany? I was there from '84 to '89.


Posted by: John F Not Kerry at May 29, 2007 03:15 PM (7FgWm)

32 So semen dries chicks crazy?  Wunderbar...... What hath I wrought?

Posted by: HerrMorgenholz at May 29, 2007 03:27 PM (K/lgF)

33 I was a history major. I certainly wasn't involved in any sex experiments- or situations, for that matter.

Posted by: John F Not Kerry at May 29, 2007 03:30 PM (7FgWm)

34 I just love that warm fuzzy feeling when I help someone in need.

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at May 29, 2007 03:31 PM (HPU22)

35

Oh, and that happy feeling is all about love, people.  Latex-free, hot, mood-elevating, monkey love.  Ahhh yeahhh.


Posted by: OU_Gryphon at May 29, 2007 03:34 PM (HPU22)

36 Zero percent trans-fat.  

Posted by: eman at May 29, 2007 03:35 PM (FWrFx)

37

Ahhh yeahhh.


I love that clip OU_Gryphon.


Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 29, 2007 04:12 PM (QTv8u)

38

Were all the chicks polled (so to speak) single?


'cause maybe they went bareback and were happy because they're, well, married or something.


On the other hand, I'm a dateless loser, so what do I know?


Posted by: Secundus at May 29, 2007 04:35 PM (hOlF+)

39

Secundus?


why are you parroting the idea that the consentual rape of women that is marriage is a source of joy?


Oh! SHIT!!!  Marcotte just jacked my keyboard, and by jacked, I don't mean the good kind.


OH! SHIT!! SHITT!!  Frisch is fucking with my mouse, I will be back later.


Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 29, 2007 04:37 PM (QTv8u)

40 Present beware, future beware

he's coming, he's coming, he's coming

Posted by: Toby928 at May 29, 2007 05:24 PM (ATbKm)

41 as it were

Posted by: Toby928 at May 29, 2007 05:28 PM (ATbKm)

42 FRED!  HE'S COMING!!!

Well, it looks more like he's only breathing hard right now, but still.......

Posted by: wiserbud at May 29, 2007 05:50 PM (hp0Gj)

43

I totaly jacked that rumor hours ago!!


The powerline guys know people, if you know what I mean.


Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 29, 2007 05:58 PM (QTv8u)

44

In case I missed current reference to it try this one....


http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/6681511.stm 


So this would make you bosom friends I guess. Makes sense in Islamospeak. Oh yes! Allah can be good!.


Posted by: backm row guy at May 29, 2007 07:29 PM (8ntiZ)

45 I love your page!

Please consider adding a link to my homepage, The
Internet Radio Network. At the IRN you can listen for
free to 26 of Americas top Talk Shows via Streaming
Audio!
http://netradionetwork.com

Steve

Posted by: Steve at May 29, 2007 07:43 PM (ZIDZE)

46 Related, I'd bet money that there are serious psychological downsides for women who have sex with condom-wearing partners.  As far as their reptilian hindbrains are concerned, their partner is sterile.  There've got to be strong evolutionary pressures to detect and dump a sterile partner.

Posted by: Botec at May 30, 2007 12:36 AM (D7pfm)

47 I hear Planned Parenthood is changing its name to Happyland.

Posted by: KellyK at May 30, 2007 03:36 AM (Z9tCp)

48 Ace finds a news story that justifies all the anime porn news stories on VD I've ever watched. Remember guys, safety first! At least until you can trust her, and then go for it! At least until the baby shows up. 'cause, y'know, no condom....


Posted by: exdem13 at May 30, 2007 06:44 AM (I4jEf)

49

I think I speak for all the men on this blog when I say ladies, You're welcome.


Hypothetically, at least. You'd be welcome is what we're trying to say.


It's hard to cheer up a dead deer, after all.


Posted by: Roy at May 30, 2007 07:28 AM (RNbCq)

50 Wow.  Old.  I remember forwarding this story to my wife, oh, five years ago when it was on Salon.

Posted by: Xoxotl at May 30, 2007 11:17 AM (F/ysA)

51 Oh, I don't know, I've always found the ones that let you blow it in her are......well........pretty slutty. Just one mans observation.

Posted by: Capitalist Infidel at May 30, 2007 11:35 AM (WNnHL)

52 You say that like it's a bad thing, C. Infidel.

Posted by: Xoxotl at May 30, 2007 05:17 PM (F/ysA)

53 Bad thing? Hardly, where would guys like me be without sluts like that?

Posted by: Capitalist Infidel at May 31, 2007 08:44 AM (WNnHL)

54 As an icon of truth and justice, I insist that you continue to use my patriotic image to prove to the world that you, Ace, are not embarrassed at all about this incident. Not in the slightest! Impotenz

Posted by: Moko at December 05, 2009 07:08 AM (dGHQb)

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