January 29, 2010

50 Worst Movies Ever?
— Gabriel Malor

As voted by Empire readers. It's one of those awful things where you have to click through every damn page to see each one, so I've summarized the top (bottom) ten for you (you see how much I care?):

(10) THE ROOM
(9) HIGHLANDER 2: THE QUICKENING
( THE HAPPENING
(7) SEX LIVES OF THE POTATO MEN
(6) HEAVEN'S GATE
(5) EPIC MOVIE
(4) RAISE THE TITANIC
(3) THE LOVE GURU
(2) BATTLEFIELD EARTH
(1) BATMAN AND ROBIN

The page-by-page list is interesting, I suppose. It's got "reedeming features" for most of the films, at least; though nothing that would really make you want to watch them. There are a lot of genre flicks on this list.

I'm a little surprised that Transformers 2 appears at number 25, 'cause I rather liked it. Unashamedly pro-America, pro-humankind, pro-military. It's got the three things I like in a movie: (1) it's gorgeous; (2) it's loud; (3) SHIT BLOWS UP. I gave it one-and-a-crooked thumbs up. Not quite as enjoyable as the first one (too long), but still a fun movie.

I'm also surprised that Uwe Boll films don't make up the top (bottom) 5.

Oh, why not: Lemme tell you one of the other things I liked about it. The usual cliche where the protagonist breaks up with the love interest from the first film to get with new tail in the second? Not present. Bay nodded to it and then tried for some actual character development. Not bad for a popcorn flick.

First movie: boy.
Second movie: boy becoming man.
Third movie: man.

And I even hate that chirpy little bastard Shia LeWhatever.

Posted by: Gabriel Malor at 06:17 PM | Comments (764)
Post contains 280 words, total size 2 kb.

1 What, no "Ishtar" or "Reds"?

Posted by: rawmuse at January 29, 2010 06:21 PM (6Kciv)

2

I liked Heaven's Gate. There were problems with it, but you could see what Cimino was trying to do in more than a few places. Some of the shots looked like paintings...really cool...like Barry Lyndon except set in the Old West.

And I think it was French babe Isabelle Huppert that played a whore. She strutted around in the nude for what seemed like forever.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 06:22 PM (P33XN)

3 They should have limited the list to movies I've seen.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 06:24 PM (muUqs)

4 No "Driven"?

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:29 PM (Opmig)

5 What about "Pink Flamingos"?

Posted by: Chicken Faucker at January 29, 2010 06:29 PM (TkP2J)

6 Worst movie I've ever seen: Step Brothers.  I think they had a 2 page outline of a script when they started filming, then threw it out almost immediately.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 06:29 PM (n1uMU)

7 I like how the 8 and the ) become an emoticon.  Very happening.

Posted by: Mr Hat at January 29, 2010 06:30 PM (dUOK+)

8 I liked Battlefield: Earth.  Some movies are so bad they end up entertaining.  And it had Forest Whitaker.

Posted by: toby928 at January 29, 2010 06:30 PM (PD1tk)

9 No "Indiana Jones and the Grave Ninjas"?

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:30 PM (Opmig)

10

Looks like those editors need to "chill out."

Or else the producers of B&R will put them on ice.

INSERT FREEZE PUN!

Posted by: The Q at January 29, 2010 06:30 PM (pfStM)

11 Transformers 2 is the absolute worst, most insulting POS movie I've ever inflicted on myself. By the time Turturro radioed his superiors, "I have sighted robot scrotum", I wanted to put a bullet in my eye. My buddy took the time halfway through to text all of his friends, "AVENGE ME!"

And I say this as someone who enjoyed Transformers I.

Posted by: schizuki at January 29, 2010 06:32 PM (8dnmm)

12 "I like how the 8 and the ) become an emoticon"

8=========D - -   -      -        -  (*)

Posted by: Little Joey at January 29, 2010 06:32 PM (TkP2J)

13 Yike, it's on 50 different pages. I don't want to doink through a passel of bad memories just to make sure "Catwoman" is in there.

Posted by: arhooley at January 29, 2010 06:33 PM (BhSY6)

14 Shia "Even Stevens" LeBoeuf!!!

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 06:33 PM (GU29T)

15 Battlefield Earth, watched for free on TV and with low expectations, falls into the "So bad it's good" category. It's a good laugh-at-Travolta-and-munch-some-popcorn-on-a-lazy-Saturday flick.

Posted by: schizuki at January 29, 2010 06:34 PM (8dnmm)

16 I'll kick your ice, Empire readers!

Posted by: Mr Freeze at January 29, 2010 06:36 PM (fmSD1)

17 Um...Manos 'The Hands of Fate' is the worst film evah. I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a real movie.

Red Zone Cuba is pretty bad, too.

Posted by: Good Lt. at January 29, 2010 06:36 PM (n/M5O)

18 I'm going through the list and so far I'm not seeing Brian Dennehy in any of them...which is as it should be.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 06:37 PM (P33XN)

19 Huh, just got done with ol' Ator. Which I think beats all of those combined.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:37 PM (tyiS8)

20

BTW, the worst movie of all time has been filmed but unreleased.

Starring John Edwards, with a cameo by Rielle Hunter

Reenacting a scene from American Psycho

Posted by: The Q at January 29, 2010 06:38 PM (pfStM)

21 Please stop trying to defend Transformers 2. I beg you for my sake.

Posted by: Minimal good taste at January 29, 2010 06:38 PM (8dnmm)

22 I hope Knocked Up is on that list, holy shit that was awful.  Then again, anything with Katherine "Alien Head" Heigl is worthy to be there.

Posted by: Londo Cardassian at January 29, 2010 06:38 PM (fmSD1)

23 No 'Year of the Dog;'?

worst half movie I've ever seen.

first half was kinda dark but funny.. the second half tail dived into some PETA preachy bullshit movies do.

and I use to go to a Baptist church.  I know preachy.

Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 06:38 PM (+t0sg)

24 Oh, wait, is Moon on that list? That was a shitty one. Also the George Clooney adaptation of Lem's Solaris: fetid.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:39 PM (tyiS8)

25 A Viking movie starring Leo sounds like it'll be a shoo-in.

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:39 PM (Opmig)

26 I hope they have "Stalker" on the list. It made the otherwise unwatchable "Solaris" seem thrill-a-minute by comparison. It's one of only three movies I stopped watching and had to finish later because they were so bad. "Night of the Generals" is #2, and "El Topo" was so bad it is officially the only movie I started watching and never finished.

Posted by: SparcVark at January 29, 2010 06:39 PM (7lmfG)

27 Um...Manos 'The Hands of Fate' is the worst film evah. I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a real movie.

--------------------

The m-m-master will b-b-be displeased.

Posted by: Torgo at January 29, 2010 06:40 PM (8dnmm)

28 Ator? I actually saw that in the theater when it came out, if you can believe it. I think I saw it on the only screen it played on. I thought it was crap then and I was 11 or 12. I've never seen the sequels but I hear they're a laugh riot.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 06:40 PM (P33XN)

29 And M. Night Shmuhmuhmuhsomething's "Signs". Worthy of at least an hour of waterboarding to avoid.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:40 PM (tyiS8)

30 Sex Lives Of The Potato Men?

Is there a Darwin Award for movie titles?


Posted by: Crip Obama at January 29, 2010 06:40 PM (V2pCF)

31 Wing Commander.  The best part was the preview of Star Wars: Phantom Menace.  Thats right, the preview of a that steaming pile of crap was the best part of this movie.  It was that bad.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 06:41 PM (n1uMU)

32 'Red Planet' was pretty damn horrible too, with its guerilla kung-fu dog robot.

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:41 PM (Opmig)

33 (7) SEX LIVES OF THE POTATO MEN

This is really a movie title? Oh, wow, it is--and British-to-boot.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 29, 2010 06:41 PM (zmiSr)

34 And M. Night Shmuhmuhmuhsomething's "Signs". Worthy of at least an hour of waterboarding to avoid.


then you haven't seen 'The Happening' yet...   or even 'The Village'.

Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 06:41 PM (+t0sg)

35 Ator? I actually saw that in the theater when it came out, if you can believe it. I think I saw it on the only screen it played on. I thought it was crap then and I was 11 or 12. I've never seen the sequels but I hear they're a laugh riot. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 11:40 PM (P33XN) I've seen the first two all the way through. Oh man. I just don't know.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:42 PM (tyiS8)

36 'Signs' was at least several times better than 'Lady in the Swimming Pool' or whatever.

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:42 PM (Opmig)

37 Not even Morgan Fairchild gettin' nekkid could redeem the execrable "The Seduction."  And "Nomads" with Pierce Brosnan was the only movie I've ever walked out of.

Posted by: Diffus at January 29, 2010 06:42 PM (TPXmr)

38 Van Helsing is not one of the fifty worst movies of all time.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 06:43 PM (muUqs)

39 then you haven't seen 'The Happening' yet... or even 'The Village'. Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 11:41 PM (+t0sg) There are a lot of disgusting, painful, and illegal things I will do to avoid that sack of shit's terrible movies. He should be selling vinyl siding in Peoria.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:44 PM (tyiS8)

40 My favorite part of Ator was the bear. Cute. And the stock footage of a volcanic eruption tacked on at the end...for no fucking reason.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 06:44 PM (P33XN)

41 Be-de-be-de-be-de-be-de-buttcheeks!

Posted by: Twiki wannabe at January 29, 2010 06:45 PM (SHKl9)

42

I may be alone on this, but the first Blair Witch was probably the worst movie I ever saw in theaters.

I'm assuming the second one made this list.

Posted by: The Q at January 29, 2010 06:45 PM (pfStM)

43

Van Helsing is not one of the fifty worst movies of all time

I was thinking the same thing. Sure, it's mindless, but it's mindless fun. And you've got Kate Beckinsale bursting out of her outfit for the whole movie. What's not to like?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 06:45 PM (P33XN)

44 My favorite part of Ator was the bear. Cute. And the stock footage of a volcanic eruption tacked on at the end...for no fucking reason. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 11:44 PM (P33XN) Ator 2 has a nuclear test at the end for no good reason. I need another drink, I think.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:46 PM (tyiS8)

45 "Buffalo '66" is just so delightfully bad, it is one of my faves.

Posted by: rawmuse at January 29, 2010 06:46 PM (6Kciv)

46

thith pohtht ith faaabulous!

 

Posted by: style poleeth at January 29, 2010 06:47 PM (o+X8P)

47 Two movies that I've definitely walked out of  are "Leatherheads"  (unbelievably bad) and Amistad (unbelievably boring, long and weak).
I think there are others, but nothing's coming to mind.

Posted by: Crip Obama at January 29, 2010 06:47 PM (V2pCF)

48 and Amistad (unbelievably boring, long and weak).

Oh man, I had forgotten Amistad. I at least only rented it, and stopped it after ten minutes.

Maybe less.

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:49 PM (Opmig)

49 Hmm, is "Twister" in there? The "outrunning a tornado" scene is my favourite.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:49 PM (tyiS8)

50 This list excludes Ishtar, therefore it is invalid.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 06:50 PM (Ei3oZ)

51 Steve Martin's Pink Panther 2 is #31 on the list. Anyone know when Martin quit being funny? Was it after Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Whenever it was, he should've quit making movies years ago.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 06:50 PM (P33XN)

52 I think "The Blair Witch Project" was pretty bad, but the worst movie I've seen in a theater has to be "Blankman", with "Silent Hill" and "Attack of the Clones" close behind. I saw "Battlefield Earth" its opening weekend, but I knew what I was getting myself into.

Posted by: SparcVark at January 29, 2010 06:51 PM (7lmfG)

53 I have serious reservations about Empire readers; they wouldn't know a bad movie if it bit them in the ass--although I do second the motion on Ishtar, cut it up into guitar picks. What about such classics as the "O God" movies with George Burns, anything with nuns, "Flowers in the Attic", "Showgirls"--which ruined so many peoples' careers-- "Valley of the Dolls", "Dune", "Mommie Dearest", "Caligula",--another career destroyer--"Star Wars: The Phantom Menace", "Gigli", I could go on...

Posted by: Your Grandmother/A 12 year-old Boy 2012 at January 29, 2010 06:51 PM (yO8ge)

54 I'm struggling to think of any redeeming features to "Waterworld".

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 06:51 PM (Opmig)

55 Oh, more good stuff, just in case you're tempted to violate copyright (I wouldn't, but I'm just a good, upstanding person).

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:51 PM (tyiS8)

56 Well, I doinked through the whole list and I must say it was pretty disappointing. The ones who voted this list have obviously led sheltered lives.

I am beginning to discern this discordant noun-pairing thing in the title makes for a guaranteed lousy movie. Blade Trinity. Matrix Revolutions. Hellraiser Bloodline.

Posted by: arhooley at January 29, 2010 06:52 PM (BhSY6)

57 Steve Martin's Pink Panther 2 is #31 on the list. Anyone know when Martin quit being funny? Was it after Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? Whenever it was, he should've quit making movies years ago. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 11:50 PM (P33XN) I was going to say "Parenthood" or "LA Story", though he was really pretty far gone even then.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:53 PM (tyiS8)

58 Van Helsing is not one of the fifty worst movies of all time.

----------------------

You're right. It's one of the 30 worst. It actually angered me with its badness.

Posted by: schizuki at January 29, 2010 06:53 PM (8dnmm)

59

52

I have tried to block the Star Wars prequels out of my mind.

They were so bad that I started disliking the originals - now that's a bad sign for a movie.

Posted by: The Q at January 29, 2010 06:54 PM (pfStM)

60 I'm ashamed to say that I paid to see Battlefield Earth.

Posted by: EC at January 29, 2010 06:54 PM (iWj1i)

61 Speed II pretty much ended any chance of a Speed III.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 06:54 PM (muUqs)

62 Also missing, LA Story (Steve Martin and Sarah Jessica Parker).  Bad on an epic level, and not the kind of bad that is still watchable like, say, that cave man movie with Ringo Starr and Barbara Bach.  Or whatever her name was.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 06:55 PM (Ei3oZ)

63 I'm struggling to think of any redeeming features to "Waterworld". Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 11:51 PM (Opmig) Did Costner personally lose money on that one? Cos that would be redeeming for me.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:55 PM (tyiS8)

64 54 I'm struggling to think of any redeeming features to "Waterworld".

Jeanne Tripplehorn.  But she does it with the fish-man Costner and we don't see much, so the movie ruins even that.

Wanna see more of Jeanne?  Get Basic Instinct. 


Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 06:55 PM (otlXg)

65 60 I'm ashamed to say that I paid to see Battlefield Earth.

Posted by: EC at January 29, 2010 11:54 PM (iWj1i)

That's okay, your ticket money is now being used to heal people by touch down in Haiti.  No, really.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 06:55 PM (Ei3oZ)

66 No Steven Seagal flicks on that list?  I'd put On Deadly Ground in the top ten.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 06:56 PM (otlXg)

67 Two movies that never suck: "2001:..." and "Heathers".

Posted by: lincolntf at January 29, 2010 06:57 PM (V2pCF)

68

That list is pretty bad. First, I didn't care for Spiderman 3, but it hardly belongs in the top 50. And, I rather liked Blade Trinity and Dreamcatcher. Even if they weren't great movies, they weren't "top 50" bad.

They should also leave spoofs of the list. Yes, they're bad. But that's kind of the point, isn't it?

And where was "War of the Worlds"? That movie is insulting in its lack of respect for its audiences' intelligence.

I'm glad to see "The Happening" in the top 10, though. It truly belongs there.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 06:58 PM (sV0Yw)

69 I'd actually support a constitutional amendment calling for the destruction of Attack of the Clones.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 06:58 PM (muUqs)

70

Of all time?  Hardly.  I'll see your 'Ultraviolet' and raise you 'The Birth of a Nation.'  A sympathetic portrayal of the founding of the KKK, with no real black actors in it?  And,  four God damn hours long?

'Nosferatu' sucked too.  World's first real vampire movie, and it was like watching paint dry.

Posted by: Secundus at January 29, 2010 06:58 PM (WuvMD)

71 No Steven Seagal flicks on that list? I'd put On Deadly Ground in the top ten. Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 11:56 PM (otlXg) Oh man, did you see the one where he fought ter'rists on a train?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 06:59 PM (tyiS8)

72 No, no; don't change the subject. This is about movies that suck. Nice catch on "Waterworld" it ruined his career.

Posted by: Your Grandmother/A 12 year-old Boy 2012 at January 29, 2010 07:00 PM (yO8ge)

73

I have tried to block the Star Wars prequels out of my mind.

They were so bad that I started disliking the originals - now that's a bad sign for a movie.

Posted by: The Q

They had the same effect on me.  I can barely stand the old shit anymore, and I used to think they were pretty entertaining.

Posted by: Mr Hat at January 29, 2010 07:01 PM (dUOK+)

74 Jeanne Tripplehorn.

Sure, but she was so much hotter in Basic Instinct that seeing her not at all hot in Waterworld was just another massive disappointment.

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 07:01 PM (Opmig)

75 The whole point of a movie that sucks is that 1) you want your money back; or 2) you want to stab your eyes out, or 3) it ruined someone's career.

Posted by: Your Grandmother/A 12 year-old Boy 2012 at January 29, 2010 07:02 PM (yO8ge)

76 I tried to watch "Night of the Hunter" once, gritting my teeth through the first hour almost killed me. Mitchum could be a pretty cruddy actor when he tried.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:03 PM (tyiS8)

77 And M. Night Shmuhmuhmuhsomething's "Signs". Worthy of at least an hour of waterboarding to avoid.


then you haven't seen 'The Happening' yet...   or even 'The Village'.

Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 11:41 PM (+t0sg)

I guess he had sufficient time to work out the kinks in The Sixth Sense, but nearly everything after that has been slap-dash or even outright pilfered from other sources.  Like for instance, Signs could have been good if he hadn't merely grafted on the ending from Day of the Triffids.

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:03 PM (GU29T)

78 Okay, let's do Movies We've Walked Out On. Mine:

Joy Luck Club
Judge Dredd
Pay It Forward
Titanic (sort of . . . I deliberately skipped the first two hours and walked in for the ship sinking)

Posted by: arhooley at January 29, 2010 07:03 PM (BhSY6)

79 Plan 9 should definitely not be on the list. That's fucking crazy.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 07:03 PM (muUqs)

80 I'm with Q and Mr. Hat on the Star Wars prequels. The effect of "Revenge of the Sith" was like one of those old kung-fu movies where there's a secret technique that destroys the victim's kung-fu skills. I went into that movie a Star Wars fan and left not caring about the whole enterprise at all.

Posted by: SparcVark at January 29, 2010 07:04 PM (7lmfG)

81 "Being There", nice suckage on that one...

Posted by: rawmuse at January 29, 2010 07:04 PM (6Kciv)

82

I'm glad to see "The Happening" in the top 10, though. It truly belongs there.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 11:58 PM (sV0Yw)

It belongs at the bottom of the Marianas Trench, buried under a half-mile of sediment.

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:04 PM (GU29T)

83 Oh man, did you see the one where he fought ter'rists on a train?

{blushing} Yes. Yes I did.

I actually looked through the whole list, and was disappointed that Sex Lives of the Potato Men was not a science fiction film

Posted by: shibumi at January 29, 2010 07:05 PM (OKZrE)

84 I can't speak from experience, but a bunch of my douchebag friends went to see a movie called "Jeepers Creepers" a few years ago and still yell at each other whenever anyone brings up the question of whose choice it was.

Posted by: lincolntf at January 29, 2010 07:05 PM (V2pCF)

85 The whole point of a movie that sucks is that 1) you want your money back; or 2) you want to stab your eyes out, or 3) it ruined someone's career.
--------------------

If 1 and 2, then hopefully 3. Which is why I'm so glad that Elizabeth Berkley's career was killed by Showgirls.

Posted by: arhooley at January 29, 2010 07:05 PM (BhSY6)

86 Star Wars came out 33 years ago.  Its not surprising that a lot of us are completely sick of the entire franchise at this point.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 07:05 PM (n1uMU)

87 I'm with Q and Mr. Hat on the Star Wars prequels. The effect of "Revenge of the Sith" was like one of those old kung-fu movies where there's a secret technique that destroys the victim's kung-fu skills. I went into that movie a Star Wars fan and left not caring about the whole enterprise at all. Posted by: SparcVark at January 30, 2010 12:04 AM (7lmfG) I've actually been fervently praying for Lucas's death since about 3 seconds into Jar-Jar Binks's first line of dialogue opening day of "The Phantom Menace".

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:06 PM (tyiS8)

88 Titanic (sort of . . . I deliberately skipped the first two hours and walked in for the ship sinking)

You missed a pretty good scene where they show the engine room.

Of course, it only lasts five seconds or so, and the other 119 minutes, 55 seconds are crap.

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 07:06 PM (Opmig)

89 #71  Oh man, did you see the one where he fought ter'rists on a train?

Yes, Under Siege 2. It wasn't that bad (basically a rehash of Under Siege without the performances of Tommy Lee Jones and Busey), and a young Katherine Heigl was in that movie too.  

But On Deadly Ground deserves it's own special place in hell, even if it's only for the eco-tard speech at the end.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:08 PM (otlXg)

90

No Steven Seagal flicks on that list?  I'd put On Deadly Ground in the top ten.

I'd agree if I could stop laughing so hard. Michael Caine chewing the scenery is side splitting. And that part where they beat that old guy to death with a whale bone is so sadistic and over done that I still chuckle about it.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 07:08 PM (P33XN)

91 84 I can't speak from experience, but a bunch of my douchebag friends went to see a movie called "Jeepers Creepers" a few years ago and still yell at each other whenever anyone brings up the question of whose choice it was.

Ever see the sequel?  Ugh, at least some douche high-schooler tards got their just desserts.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:09 PM (otlXg)

92 78 Okay, let's do Movies We've Walked Out On. Mine:

Joy Luck Club
Judge Dredd
Pay It Forward
Titanic (sort of . . . I deliberately skipped the first two hours and walked in for the ship sinking)

Posted by: arhooley at January 30, 2010 12:03 AM (BhSY6)

Walked out on He Said She Said (Kevin Bacon and some chick I can't remember). 

Joy Luck is depressing as all hell.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:10 PM (Ei3oZ)

93 Ishtar and The Scorpion King should have been on the list. I would bump Dreamcatchers and Battlefield Earth perhaps. They were bad, but not the worst. I hear The Scorpion King 2 was even worse which kinda boggles my mind, but having seen the first 20 minutes of  Dungeons and Dragons I can sort of imagine.

Posted by: Sharrukin at January 29, 2010 07:10 PM (593B8)

94

No Steven Seagal flicks on that list?  I'd put On Deadly Ground in the top ten.



That was sub-moronic..  stop the refinery by blowing it up and causing just as much ecological damage than by letting it sit there..


Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 07:10 PM (+t0sg)

95 #90  I'd agree if I could stop laughing so hard. Michael Caine chewing the scenery is side splitting. And that part where they beat that old guy to death with a whale bone is so sadistic and over done that I still chuckle about it.

Agreed.  Wasn't the main corporate assassin dude also in Office Space? 

Well, if On Deadly Ground can't be put on the list because it's at least funny-bad, how about some other Seagal flicks?  Like, maybe, The Patriot or Belly of the Beast?

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:12 PM (otlXg)

96 Eye of the Beholder..

with Ewan MacGregor and Ashley Judd..

only redeeming qualities about that..  Judd was nekkid and I had free passes for the movie..

jeepers, cripes, you would think the producers of that flick would have stopped it or something..

it was aweful. 

Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 07:12 PM (+t0sg)

97 Where is ROBOT MONSTER?

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:14 PM (GU29T)

98 "Summer Catch", absolutely the worst.  Freddie Prinz Jr. should have been the one to put a gun to his head, not his dad...

Posted by: w'evver at January 29, 2010 07:14 PM (GkYyh)

99 Problem with Jeepers Creepers and its sequel is the director, Victor Salva, is a convicted pedophile. It's true.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 07:14 PM (P33XN)

100

The Happening has got to be the worst, most utterly pointless, plotless, painful movie to come along in a looooooooooooooooooong time.

Paid $2.99 to watch it on cable-on-demand about 6 months ago and to this day i curse and lament the lost 2 hours and three bucks it cost me. Vomitous.

Posted by: mike d at January 29, 2010 07:14 PM (4w55p)

101 63 I'm struggling to think of any redeeming features to "Waterworld".

Posted by: Waterhouse at January 29, 2010 11:51 PM (Opmig)


Dennis Hopper was entertaining.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:14 PM (KatTI)

102 Where are the Michael Moore and Oliver Stone films?

Posted by: Rewrite! at January 29, 2010 07:15 PM (d7Px0)

103 I can't speak from experience, but a bunch of my douchebag friends went to see a movie called "Jeepers Creepers" a few years ago and still yell at each other whenever anyone brings up the question of whose choice it was.

Posted by: lincolntf at January 30, 2010 12:05 AM (V2pCF)

And they made a sequel.  And both were produced by Francis Ford Coppola's Zoetrope Studio.....

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:16 PM (GU29T)

104 Where is ROBOT MONSTER? Posted by: Salish at January 30, 2010 12:14 AM (GU29T) Or "Smash Up: the Story of a Woman" Or "The Creeping Terror" Or "The Mesa of Lost Women" (my all time favourite) Or "Help!" Or "The She Devils of the SS"?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:17 PM (tyiS8)

105 Problem with Jeepers Creepers and its sequel is the director, Victor Salva, is a convicted pedophile. It's true.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 12:14 AM (P33XN)

Powder, right?

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:17 PM (GU29T)

106 98 "Summer Catch", absolutely the worst.  Freddie Prinz Jr. should have been the one to put a gun to his head, not his dad...

At least we some nice shots of Jessica Biel.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:17 PM (otlXg)

107 97 Where is ROBOT MONSTER?

Posted by: Salish at January 30, 2010 12:14 AM (GU29T)

Salish how DARE you blaspheme like that, Hugh-man!!! Robot Monster is the greatest movie ever made.

I ask you, "at what point on the graph do must and cannot meet????        I must...and yet I cannot." Fookin priceless!!!!

Posted by: mike d at January 29, 2010 07:17 PM (4w55p)

108 I cannot believe they missed my favorite bad movie.  A movie that makes each and every one of their fifty (except maybe White Girls) an academy award hopeful.

I am talking about, of course...

Tank Girl

Posted by: trainer at January 29, 2010 07:17 PM (yCWYQ)

109 Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 30, 2010 12:17 AM (tyiS

Or The Frozen Dead?

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:18 PM (GU29T)

110 #96  Damn you, Dave, for bringing that piece of crap up!

True story - my one friend was forced to watch Eye of the Beholder by his then bitch-of-a-girlfriend. 

I only saw the part where Obi Wan beat some guy up with brass knuckles.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:19 PM (otlXg)

111

Agreed.  Wasn't the main corporate assassin dude also in Office Space?

R. Lee Ermey played a bad guy in it, I think. And yeah, the guy from Office Space was in it too. I hope their checks cleared. 

Well, if On Deadly Ground can't be put on the list because it's at least funny-bad, how about some other Seagal flicks?  Like, maybe, The Patriot or Belly of the Beast?

Oh yeah. Seagal's been making flicks in Eastern Europe for years and they're all big piles of shit. He makes four or five straight to DVD turds and picks up four or five million bucks for each movie. People simply must quit renting this crap.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 07:19 PM (P33XN)

112 Where are the Michael Moore and Oliver Stone films? Posted by: Rewrite! at January 30, 2010 12:15 AM (d7Px0) Well, having seen "The Doors" and "Nixon", I'll give Stone credit: the acting, writing, and cinematography did not suck. In a larger sense they were pretty transparently idiotic movies, filmed by an obvious worshipper of all things suck, but they weren't poorly made.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:19 PM (tyiS8)

113 Posted by: mike d at January 30, 2010 12:14 AM (4w55p)

I went to see The Happening in a theater because I wanted to witness the suckage first-hand on the big screen.  And I must say, it didn't disappoint one bit: the plot holes, the lousy performances, the bad direction, and most of all, the inane premise all added up to a train wreck that was masochistically thrilling.

Posted by: Salish at January 29, 2010 07:20 PM (GU29T)

114 110 #96  Damn you, Dave, for bringing that piece of crap up!

I turned to my wife and asked if we should leave.. she said no.. its' bound to get better..  it didn't. 

Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 07:21 PM (+t0sg)

115
In the sci-fi category I would add 'Battle Beyond The Stars', and in horror comes 'Gothic'.

I rarely walk out of movies but those two make Xena the Warrior Princess look like Shakespeare.

Posted by: Sharrukin at January 29, 2010 07:22 PM (593B8)

116 Horror of Party Beach: the very first movie on Bob Wilkins' original Creature Feature on KTVU-2.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:22 PM (GU29T)

117 Shyamalan's best movie is Unbreakable.  Great shit, that.

But yes, now he's unbearable.  I remember being so pumped to see The Happening down in Arizona with my cousin and mah boyz.  The whole drive home we just talked about how terrible it was, like I mean, there's no way to take the movie seriously. 

And now he's going to fuck up The Last Airbender and make me go to jail for assault.

Posted by: yambles at January 29, 2010 07:23 PM (rxaXW)

118 #111 Oh yeah. Seagal's been making flicks in Eastern Europe for years and they're all big piles of shit. He makes four or five straight to DVD turds and picks up four or five million bucks for each movie. People simply must quit renting this crap.

He does have alternative sources of revenue now - Seagal's energy drinks and that special he has on A&E.

I saw part of one recent said "big pile of shit" where Seagal, in a badly dubbed scene, breaks as many bones on this one dude with a ball hammer as he can before the police arrive.  And then afterward, this dude just screams "You broke my arm, you fucker, my arm!"

I was thinking that I would be in more pain from the busted ribcage and kneecaps...


Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:24 PM (otlXg)

119 I've tried to watch some of Che´; it's horrible.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 07:25 PM (muUqs)

120

Missing...

Waterworld

Mulholland Drive

Posted by: KLL at January 29, 2010 07:25 PM (/5Axw)

121 There are some sucky zombie movies that belong on that list, like Land of the Dead and the Day of the Dead remake.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:27 PM (otlXg)

122 Isn't Che four or five hours long? I don't have problems with movies that run for longer than three hours, but I don't want to watch one that glorifies that asshole.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 07:27 PM (P33XN)

123
Also...

The English Patient

Field of Dreams

Posted by: Hippolytus at January 29, 2010 07:28 PM (2ObNl)

124 In the sci-fi category I would add 'Battle Beyond The Stars', and in horror comes 'Gothic'.

Posted by: Sharrukin at January 30, 2010 12:22 AM (593B

Battle Beyond the Stars was a quickie Roger Corman rip-off of Star Wars, like Carnosaur was a quickie Roger Corman rip-off of Jurassic Park.  And Dementia 13 was a Roger Corman rip-off of Psycho - but written and directed by his then-apprentice Francis Ford Coppola.

Interesting fact: Corman had leftover film stock after making Bucket of Blood, so he decided to knock out a quick monster movie on an ultra-low budget.  He wrote a script in a week and filmed it fast: it was Little Shop of Horrors.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:28 PM (GU29T)

125 I don't see how Eyes Wide Shut isn't on that list.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:28 PM (KatTI)

126 Sci-Fi flop - Supernova.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:29 PM (otlXg)

127 Alexander with Coleeeeen Farell

Posted by: Amused Observer at January 29, 2010 07:30 PM (EioPx)

128 Dune. Any of the Saw movies. Anything by Bruce I. Gordon. Anything with Matt Frewer.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:30 PM (tyiS8)

129

I don't see how Eyes Wide Shut isn't on that list.

I second that. I think critics liked this movie because they either didn't want to admit it that they didn't understand it, or because it was Kubrick's last movie. Or both.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 07:31 PM (sV0Yw)

130 Posted by: stuiec at January 30, 2010 12:28 AM (GU29T) I find Corman's stuff charmingly bad, or at least most of the stuff I've seen. I can't give him too much grief.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:32 PM (tyiS8)

131

Out.

Of.

Fuckin.

Africa.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2010 07:32 PM (Wh0W+)

132 Pay It Forward was pretty awful in its way.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:33 PM (GU29T)

133 Wayne Barlowe's book is much better than any movie and the title is:
GOD'S DEMON.

I highly recommend it!
Paperback version.
Its so good I read it twice - back to back.

phoenix

Posted by: kay at January 29, 2010 07:34 PM (TW1NB)

134 No really, the part of Che I saw made me want to shoot a baby in the face.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 07:35 PM (muUqs)

135 134 No really, the part of Che I saw made me want to shoot a baby in the face.

The Dawn of the Dead 2005 remake made me want to do the same, but only for zombie babies.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:36 PM (otlXg)

136 129 I don't see how Eyes Wide Shut isn't on that list. I second that. I think critics liked this movie because they either didn't want to admit it that they didn't understand it, or because it was Kubrick's last movie. Or both. Posted by: Jason at January 30, 2010 12:31 AM (sV0Yw) That movie made sex appear to be boring and unappealing. Kind of like space travel in 2001.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:36 PM (KatTI)

137 I find Corman's stuff charmingly bad, or at least most of the stuff I've seen. I can't give him too much grief.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 30, 2010 12:32 AM (tyiS

He's made a few good movies along the way.

And what's far more amazing, he's always made money on every one of his productions.

Meanwhile, he's turned out a ton of great directors from his tutelage, like Coppola, Martin Scorsese and Jonathan Demme.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:36 PM (GU29T)

138

Interesting fact: Corman had leftover film stock after making Bucket of Blood, so he decided to knock out a quick monster movie on an ultra-low budget.  He wrote a script in a week and filmed it fast: it was Little Shop of Horrors.

Posted by: stuiec at January 30, 2010 12:28 AM (GU29T)

I liked Little Shop of Horrors, but BBTS was horrid. Not bad in a good way, but mind numbingly bad.


Posted by: Sharrukin at January 29, 2010 07:37 PM (593B8)

139
I haven't seen it but wasn't Out of Africa pretty much like The English Patient?

Seems like any conversation involving the suckitude of one inevitably brings up the other.

Posted by: Hippolytus at January 29, 2010 07:37 PM (2ObNl)

140 136 129 I don't see how Eyes Wide Shut isn't on that list. I second that. I think critics liked this movie because they either didn't want to admit it that they didn't understand it, or because it was Kubrick's last movie. Or both. Posted by: Jason at January 30, 2010 12:31 AM (sV0Yw) That movie made sex appear to be boring and unappealing. Kind of like space travel in 2001.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:37 PM (KatTI)

141 132 Pay It Forward was pretty awful in its way.

Posted by: stuiec at January 30, 2010 12:33 AM (GU29T)

K-Pax.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:37 PM (Ei3oZ)

142 K-Pax now that was lousy.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:38 PM (KatTI)

143 Ooh!  Ooh!  The remake of Of Mice and Men!  No one could take John Malkovich seriously as Lenny.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:39 PM (GU29T)

144 Jerry Maguire

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:39 PM (tyiS8)

145 #141 K-Pax.

The Life of David Gale? 

/Okay, I only saw the part where he was banging some woman in the bathroom.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:40 PM (otlXg)

146 What about Chariots of Fire?  I spent the whole movie confusing the two characters. 

Posted by: Naan at January 29, 2010 07:40 PM (j5MTj)

147 A I

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:41 PM (KatTI)

148 What about Chariots of Fire? I spent the whole movie confusing the two characters. Posted by: Naan at January 30, 2010 12:40 AM (j5MTj) I did that through most of the bits of "The Departed" that I saw (& wished I hadn't).

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:42 PM (tyiS8)

149 Devil Girl From Mars

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 07:43 PM (KatTI)

150 147 A I

Posted by: sandbagger at January 30, 2010 12:41 AM (KatTI)

Good God that movie did not know when to end.  Everytime I expected the credits to start, here comes another 20 minutes of torture.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:43 PM (Ei3oZ)

151 Heaven's Gate is better than at least 90% of movies. No one who voted for it could possibly have seen it.

I'm not saying it's great. Movies tend to suck. It sucks less than almost all of them.

Posted by: oblig. at January 29, 2010 07:43 PM (AfZ39)

152 AI was gawd awful..


Posted by: Dave C at January 29, 2010 07:43 PM (+t0sg)

153 Jumper.


Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 29, 2010 07:44 PM (otlXg)

154 The Grinch
or anything with Jim Carrey.

Posted by: MPFS at January 29, 2010 07:44 PM (QuP9W)

155 Oh, was "I Robot" as bad as I imagine from having screeched in terror at Will Smith's acting in "Independence Day"?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:45 PM (tyiS8)

156 #146 The chariot was the one that wasn't on fire.

Posted by: Dread President Obama at January 29, 2010 07:46 PM (yO8ge)

157 Jumper. Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 12:44 AM (otlXg) Ohforfuckssake. I read that novel back around 1993 and fucking hated it. They made that garbage into a movie?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:46 PM (tyiS8)

158

>>  wasn't Out of Africa pretty much like The English Patient?

 

I'll never know. I can't risk two of those in one lifetime.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2010 07:47 PM (Wh0W+)

159 The Color Purple

Posted by: MPFS at January 29, 2010 07:48 PM (QuP9W)

160

"Inglorious Basterds" was pretty goddamn bad.

Why people worship Quentin Tarantino as a writer/director is beyond me. His talent for unorthodox story telling is overshadowed by the fact that he's a pansy sadist and his films are nothing more than nihilistic rips offs of previous genres.

Posted by: Dirk Diggler at January 29, 2010 07:48 PM (tZIia)

161 159 The Color Purple

Posted by: MPFS at January 30, 2010 12:48 AM (QuP9W)

Seriously?  I love that movie.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:48 PM (Ei3oZ)

162 156 Then what were they all running away from?

Posted by: Naan at January 29, 2010 07:49 PM (j5MTj)

163 bergerbilder's Rule of Sequels: III cannot be made unless II is better than I.

Posted by: bergerbilder at January 29, 2010 07:50 PM (S1Ttj)

164 Lindsey Lohan's bomb "I Know Who Killed Me".  I heard that the audience actually cheers when she's hit with the shovel

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 07:50 PM (sYxEE)

165 161 Whoopi and Oprah? 

Posted by: Naan at January 29, 2010 07:50 PM (j5MTj)

166 The Jazz Singer.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:50 PM (Ei3oZ)

167 There was a movie I remember seeing when I was three years old on the neighbors' TV: Caltiki, the Immortal Monster.  For years, I could remember the entire plot and whole scenes, but I could never find any evidence that the movie actually existed.  I watched other movies that I might have confused it with, like The Mole People, but always came up empty.

Then one day, I saw the listing in Leonard Maltin's 1,000 Movies on TV: Caltiki the Immortal Monster, Mexico, 1956 - BOMB.  I was vindicated, and some years later, I found a videotape copy.  Just exactly like I remembered it: a really bad rip-off of The Blob.  It was wonderful!

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:51 PM (GU29T)

168 Indiana Jones and the Magic Refrigerator, with aliens and stuff.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 07:51 PM (n1uMU)

169 Nobody mentioned Hudson Hawk? Good, we'll never speak of it again

Posted by: Bruce Willis at January 29, 2010 07:51 PM (sYxEE)

170

"Inglorious Basterds" was pretty goddamn bad.

Why people worship Quentin Tarantino as a writer/director is beyond me. His talent for unorthodox story telling is overshadowed by the fact that he's a pansy sadist and his films are nothing more than nihilistic rips offs of previous genres.

Dirk Diggler

Amen to that. That movie had me rooting for the Nazi's fer Christ sake. I liked Kill Bill though. The rest of his movies are crap as far as I can tell.


Posted by: Sharrukin at January 29, 2010 07:51 PM (593B8)

171 bergerbilder's Rule of Sequels: III cannot be made unless II is better than I. Posted by: bergerbilder at January 30, 2010 12:50 AM (S1Ttj) Does not account for the Horror genre . . .

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:52 PM (tyiS8)

172 Gabriel I'm with you on T2: RoTF, love it! Got some great visuals and a not bad story. Plus as you say its pro military and even makes Obama look bad for wanting to "make a deal with the bad guys at the expense of a teenager's life." Even though its done via a policy functionary who tries to manage the special unit. And Cybertronians apparently hatch... I just thought that was an interesting take on them.

Posted by: Rodney at January 29, 2010 07:52 PM (c6mrx)

173 Any movie with Vincent Gallo. Seriously, how that dude get work?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 07:53 PM (muUqs)

174 And, I rather liked Blade Trinity

--------------------------------
Me, too. It's the one with Jessica Biel, right? And how could you not love lines like, "You co**-juggling thundercu**!"

---------------------------------

And where was "War of the Worlds"? That movie is insulting in its lack of respect for its audiences' intelligence.

----------------------------------

Oh, cripes, you're not one of those, are you? There is very little in that movie that does not make sense or cannot be explained satisfactorily. With the exception of the Dakota Fanning screetching, it's a damn good and very harrowing flick.



Posted by: schizuki at January 29, 2010 07:53 PM (8dnmm)

175 165 161 Whoopi and Oprah? 

Posted by: Naan at January 30, 2010 12:50 AM (j5MTj)

I can look past that at the story itself, which I thought was really good, and had some really great performances - even Whoopi, whose politics I loathe.  Maybe because the first time I saw it, I wasn't aware of who they really were, so there wasn't any automatic bias on my part (which I fully admit affects me - I quit watching 24 when that bitch Garafalo came in, I just...no).

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:53 PM (Ei3oZ)

176 Nobody mentioned Hudson Hawk? Good, we'll never speak of it again

I actually kinda liked Hudson Hawk.  It was cheesy and awful but I found it oddly entertaining.  It had David Caruso in it!!  That has to count for something.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 07:54 PM (n1uMU)

177 173 Any movie with Vincent Gallo. Seriously, how that dude get work?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 30, 2010 12:53 AM (muUqs)

Is that the guy from the Brown Bunny movie with Chloe Sevigny and the blowjob scene?

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:55 PM (Ei3oZ)

178 Nobody mentioned Incubus, Kingdom of the Spiders, The Intruder... hell, just about every movie I made before Wrath of Khan

Posted by: William Shatner at January 29, 2010 07:55 PM (sYxEE)

179 Thomas Jane is a good actor, but someone keeps sabotaging his movies.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 29, 2010 07:55 PM (euuyg)

180 What was that flick that Geena Davis made with her husband - some pirate flick that bombed epically.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 07:56 PM (Ei3oZ)

181 Nothing by Roger Corman? The guy was a bad movie factory

Lots of big names got their start with him though.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 07:56 PM (sYxEE)

182 Obviously, all y'all (and the people who voted for this list) have missed have missed a few of the great here-today/gone-today low-buck disasters. Arch Oboler's "The Bubble" (in 3D!) was slightly worse than unforgivable, as was "Laser Blast." I walked out of "Nixon," too, and I didn't even like the real Nixon.

"Plan 9," on the other hand, was and remains a classic, one that no one else but Ed Wood could have pulled off (you should pardon the expression).

But don't mind me. I'm a big Russ Meyer fan, and if any of the dweebs consulted about the 50 Worst had seen "Beneath the Valley of the Ultravixens," "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls" or "Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!" they woulda been dumb enough to put them on the list, too.

Cretins.

Posted by: Chapeau du Tinfoil at January 29, 2010 07:57 PM (odn7e)

183 Nobody mentioned Incubus . . . Posted by: William Shatner at January 30, 2010 12:55 AM (sYxEE) Heh, I just saw that one last week. VERY entertaining. But bad, yes.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 07:57 PM (tyiS8)

184 Epic Movie was SUPPOSED to be awful...

Posted by: Richard Mcenroe at January 29, 2010 07:57 PM (2joUy)

185 What was that flick that Geena Davis made with her husband - some pirate flick that bombed epically.

Cutthroat Island?

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 07:58 PM (n1uMU)

186 The Agony Booth gives hilarious recaps of notoriously bad movies.

The Agony Booth

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 07:58 PM (sYxEE)

187 bergerbilder's Rule of Sequels:

III cannot be made unless II is better than I.

Posted by: bergerbilder at January 30, 2010 12:50 AM (S1Ttj)

Corollary: III will suck, unless it's the climax of a planned trilogy, and even then your odds aren't very good.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 07:58 PM (GU29T)

188 The Apostle. blech

Posted by: Traci at January 29, 2010 07:59 PM (/L+UX)

189 I had four severely impacted wisdom teeth removed, in pieces, while on Novocaine, not gas. It took two hours. It was more enjoyable than sitting through The English Patient. I've hated Ralph Fiennes ever since and I hate his brother, too, just by association.

Posted by: schizuki at January 29, 2010 08:00 PM (8dnmm)

190 Kingdom of Heaven.  Hamas couldn't make better anti-west propaganda then that piece of garbage.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 08:00 PM (n1uMU)

191 Star Whores

Posted by: The Great Satan's Ghost at January 29, 2010 08:00 PM (0STaW)

192 No "The Name of the King"?  The premise was interesting and I like Jason Statman but the movie was terrible, one of the most powerful people in the whole movie had her role limited to throwing a damn rope and 2 lines. 

Posted by: John at January 29, 2010 08:01 PM (NqhL+)

193 177 173 Any movie with Vincent Gallo. Seriously, how that dude get work?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 30, 2010 12:53 AM (muUqs)

Is that the guy from the Brown Bunny movie with Chloe Sevigny and the blowjob scene?

Posted by: tdpwells


I think so.

Posted by: J. D. Salinger at January 29, 2010 08:02 PM (muUqs)

194 Desperately Seeking Susan?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:03 PM (tyiS8)

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:03 PM (sYxEE)

196 Does not account for the Horror genre . . .

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 30, 2010 12:52 AM (tyiS

That genre falls under the Law of Diminishing Returns: a horror "franchise" will continue to generate sequels as long as it produces at least one dollar of profit.

Posted by: stuiec at January 29, 2010 08:03 PM (GU29T)

197 185 What was that flick that Geena Davis made with her husband - some pirate flick that bombed epically.

Cutthroat Island?

Posted by: kefka at January 30, 2010 12:58 AM (n1uMU)

Yes, that one.  Also missing from list.

I'll also add Escape from New York and the LA sequel - I'm sure the guys dug it for the macho factor, but man, the first movie was like a bad dream that just made me want to go outside and sit in the sun or something.  Didn't see the 2nd but I'm sure it belongs.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 08:03 PM (Ei3oZ)

198 The Marlon Brando/Val Kilmer remake of Island of Dr Moreau

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:04 PM (sYxEE)

199 189 I had four severely impacted wisdom teeth removed, in pieces, while on Novocaine, not gas. It took two hours. It was more enjoyable than sitting through The English Patient. I've hated Ralph Fiennes ever since and I hate his brother, too, just by association.

Posted by: schizuki at January 30, 2010 01:00 AM (8dnmm)

I will Avada Kedavra your ass.

Posted by: Lord Voldemort at January 29, 2010 08:05 PM (Ei3oZ)

200 Howard the Duck

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:05 PM (sYxEE)

201 And Superman 4!

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:05 PM (tyiS8)

202 "2001, A Space Odyssey" that whole thing is truly inscrutable. Not only is it inscrutable, but no one can figure it out...

Posted by: rawmuse at January 29, 2010 08:06 PM (6Kciv)

203 199 189 I had four severely impacted wisdom teeth removed, in pieces, while on Novocaine, not gas. It took two hours. It was more enjoyable than sitting through The English Patient.

You're Fired!

Posted by: J Peterman at January 29, 2010 08:07 PM (sYxEE)

204 Dances with wolves Utter. complete boredom with Costner sleep walking. Bonus points because it was LONG. Blood Sucking Freaks Ok, maybe falls into the "so bad it's good" B pic cateGORY. Nah, it sucks.

Posted by: jbarntt at January 29, 2010 08:07 PM (Ynr0B)

205 The Marlon Brando/Val Kilmer remake of Island of Dr Moreau Posted by: kbdabear at January 30, 2010 01:04 AM (sYxEE) Even the really old version (the Island of Lost Souls) wasn't very good. Charles Laughton & Bela Lugosi together couldn't save it.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:07 PM (tyiS8)

206 Speaking of Marlon Brando movies - Don Juan Demarco with Johnny Depp.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 08:08 PM (Ei3oZ)

207 Clambake and most other 60s movies with Elvis. The King himself couldn't stand the movies

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:09 PM (sYxEE)

208 .....Showgirls was only number 48?

Posted by: Hawkins1701 at January 29, 2010 08:10 PM (5rmNj)

209 The Ninth Gate.

Posted by: Ken at January 29, 2010 08:10 PM (e+x+O)

210

Mmmmm... Johnny Depp  

He falls into the shutup and act catagory for me.  Loved him since 21 Jump Street

Posted by: Naan at January 29, 2010 08:10 PM (j5MTj)

211 Death Race 2000 was a bad one by Corman, but it was hilarious

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:11 PM (sYxEE)

212 Loved Death Race

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 08:12 PM (muUqs)

213 Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and Pirates of the Caribbean 3.  They will be the last Disney product that I pay for for the rest of my life.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 08:12 PM (n1uMU)

214 Wasn't there a Smokey and the Bandit without Burt Reynolds?

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 08:13 PM (muUqs)

215 Clambake and most other 60s movies with Elvis. The King himself couldn't stand the movies Posted by: kbdabear at January 30, 2010 01:09 AM (sYxEE) Love Me Tender. I almost wept it was so terrible.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:13 PM (tyiS8)

216 Plan 9 from outer space...the Obama plan

Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 29, 2010 08:13 PM (3RWnU)

217 Wasn't there a Smokey and the Bandit without Burt Reynolds? Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 30, 2010 01:13 AM (muUqs) The last one I saw was done after Gleason's death, is that what you're thinking of?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:14 PM (tyiS8)

218 Airport '75, Airport '77, Concorde, Airport '79

However, had they not been so bad, we wouldn't have gotten Airplane

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:14 PM (sYxEE)

219 Waterworld and the Postman

Posted by: MPFS at January 29, 2010 08:14 PM (QuP9W)

220 209 The Ninth Gate.

Posted by: Ken at January 30, 2010 01:10 AM (e+x+O)

All his movies either suck or are overrated a la Rosemary's Baby.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 08:15 PM (Ei3oZ)

221

kefka-  Really, I liked 2

Pirates 3 was as bad as Mummy 3

Posted by: Naan at January 29, 2010 08:15 PM (j5MTj)

222 Exorcist II, The Heretic

In this one, the audience vomits green slime

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:15 PM (sYxEE)

223 >>The last one I saw was done after Gleason's death, is that what you're thinking of?

I think it may have had Gleason in it.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 08:16 PM (muUqs)

224 Maybe I'm thinking of something else, imdb doesn't agree with me.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:16 PM (tyiS8)

225 The Perfect Storm grossed over 100 million, but it was such a botch job with the script it was atrocious.

Posted by: kbdabear at January 29, 2010 08:17 PM (sYxEE)

226 Smokey and the Bandit III. Horrible.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 29, 2010 08:19 PM (muUqs)

227 Oh, come on, people...

Do you mean to tell me nobody chose No Retreat No Surrender?! That movie is so awful, it's art!

Posted by: tmi3rd at January 29, 2010 08:20 PM (ZNj7+)

228

If you go deep, like 70s, Charles Bronson and Jill Ireland in From Noon Till Three.

 

the horror.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2010 08:21 PM (Wh0W+)

229 Cannonball Run 2 Hope Floats Contact

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 08:22 PM (tyiS8)

230 what about Krull?

Posted by: artesian at January 29, 2010 08:26 PM (o8UHF)

231 Hope Floats

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 30, 2010 01:22 AM (tyiS

I object.   

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 08:26 PM (Ei3oZ)

232 Waterworld and the Postman

Because one bank-breaking, post-apocalyptic, disasterpiece wasn't enough to kill Costner's career...

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 08:28 PM (Y9WXU)

233

Freddy Got Fingered is objectively speaking probably the worst major release in motion picture history.

The films that were huge disappointments to me personally tended to be one's that disgraced cherished movie franchises I grew up with as a kid.  Star Wars:  The Phantom Menace for example.

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull though wins that prize.  I felt like punching a hole through the screen at the end of the movie.

 

 

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 08:28 PM (xIqkW)

234

Oh, cripes, you're not one of those, are you? There is very little in that movie that does not make sense or cannot be explained satisfactorily.

Yes, I am one of those. What about the movie makes sense and can be explained satisfactorily?

The fact that aliens buried machines in order to kill humans apparently before humans were even here?

That the tripod machines apparently ran on ground up human for fuel but also served the primary purpose of grinding up humans?

Or, that the aliens somehow were always behind them despite passing them like three times on their journey?

Or, that the aliens are plowing through cities destroying everything in their wake, but take 30 to 45 minutes of the movie to hang out outside of some farm house?

And this is just the stuff I can think of off hand.

Overall, the movie is moderately entertaining (except for the hiding in the basement of the farm house part), but it does qualify as bad.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 08:29 PM (sV0Yw)

235 "The Departed" was so awful I was actually happy that everybody died in the end. And thrilled that the damn thing was over.

"Van Helsing" should not be on that list. It's mindless fun with Hugh and Kate in great costumes, hot vampire chicks and exploding shit. What's not to love?

"Battlefield Earth" was not that bad. But, I read the book and liked it and thought they did a pretty good adaptation considering the size of the project. BE was written before Hubbard came up with the Scientology scam, so I think it gets an unfair bad rap.

"Black Dahlia" should have been on the list.

Posted by: mpur at January 29, 2010 08:29 PM (946fl)

236 what about Krull?

I think you are confused.  We aren't talking about the 50 awesomest movies of all time.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 08:30 PM (n1uMU)

237

Oh, here's another one....Blues Brothers 2000.  The original BB was the first R rated movie I ever saw back in 1980.  It's an American classic as far as I'm concerned.  The sequel made years after John Belushi had passed on was stupid beyond belief.  A pointless exercise. 

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 08:34 PM (xIqkW)

238

I didn't see Blues Brothers 2000, but you just knew nothing good could come of it. Kind of like the Pink Panther remakes.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 08:35 PM (sV0Yw)

239 You haven't lived until you've seen the dance number in Exorcist II: The Heretic. Oh sweet Jesus that fucking dance number!

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 08:36 PM (P33XN)

240 OK, so my nomination is from 1989, and French (of course).  It's called "Baxter".  I picked it up 'cause of the of the cover promoting a "thinking dog."  I incorrectly thought it would be cute/funny.  It was thee most horrendous piece of ... well, merde covers it nicely!  (wish the cover would've been coated with merde; I would never have touched it)  I loathe this "life is sh!t" postmodernism junk.  It's NOT film noir or black humor; it just sucks, period. 

Posted by: skitmom at January 29, 2010 08:37 PM (vhPrs)

241 They didn't have good prota, uh, prota, goneisssts.

Posted by: MRI at January 29, 2010 08:38 PM (cPFyh)

242 Cold Mountain won almost universal critical praise.  "What's his face" who had a role in 90% of motion pictures at the time and played NIcole Kidman's interest in the movie was actually supposed to be the film's protagonist.  By about 30 minutes into the film I was hoping he'd be shot by Confederate troops.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 08:38 PM (xIqkW)

243 The whole point of BB 2000 was the jam session at the end of the movie. Rent it, fast forward to the end and watch the battle of the bands scene. Awesome.

Posted by: mpur at January 29, 2010 08:39 PM (946fl)

244 I should be fair, though. War of the Worlds was bad, but they actually made War of the Worlds 2, starring "Kid" from "Kid N' Play". Now that's bad. And Kid is now like 45 years old.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 08:40 PM (sV0Yw)

245

243

I'll grant you that the jam session at the end of the movie was good, though I remember Eric Clapton had a look on his face like he had a train to catch.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 08:41 PM (xIqkW)

246 226 Smokey and the Bandit III. Horrible.

Posted by: Dr. Spank at January 30, 2010 01:19 AM (muUqs)



Best Burt Reynolds movie ever.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 08:42 PM (KatTI)

247 Nearly any Chevy Chase vehicle outside of the Vacation films and Fletch basically sucks.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 08:42 PM (P33XN)

248 Eric Clapton had a look on his face like he had a train to catch.

Naw, but he had a check to cash, I'm sure.

Posted by: mpur at January 29, 2010 08:43 PM (946fl)

249

The Bad News Bears III...they go to Japan with Tony Curtis as the manager.

I don't think I need to say anything else.

 

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 08:43 PM (xIqkW)

250 The Cube.
The Blues Brothers was great.

Posted by: pat at January 29, 2010 08:44 PM (TCZ5c)

251 Mission to Mars. Stupid face on mars spaceships and Victorian long neck alien crap. Plus Tim Robbins. Bleh.

Posted by: Apollo Creed at January 29, 2010 08:44 PM (cPFyh)

252

Nearly any Chevy Chase vehicle outside of the Vacation films and Fletch basically sucks.

Um, what else is there?

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 08:44 PM (sV0Yw)

253 Cube 2: Hypercube

Posted by: Apollo Creed at January 29, 2010 08:44 PM (cPFyh)

254 How did we forget Rhinestone Cowboy with Stallone and Dolly Parton?

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 08:44 PM (Ei3oZ)

255 247 Nearly any Chevy Chase vehicle outside of the Vacation films and Fletch basically sucks.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 01:42 AM (P33XN)



Spies Like us With Dan Akroyd rocked.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 08:44 PM (KatTI)

256 Speaking of Tony Curtis, anyone seen The Manitou. If not, you must. You simply must.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 08:45 PM (P33XN)

257

247

I saw a clip of Chevy Chase on Jimmy Kimmel wearing a red wig and trying to impersonate Conan O'Brien.  I think he would have done a better job trying to act like Nipsey Russell.  Awful beyond belief.  His comedic chops evaporated sometime in the mid-eighties.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 08:46 PM (xIqkW)

258

Plus Tim Robbins

Bob Roberts. Timmy's take on the right wingers. Jack Black with a swastika carved into his forehead.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 08:47 PM (P33XN)

259 Poor Chevy Chase. He should've stayed hooked on the painkillers and cocaine. He was funnier. Sure, he'd be dead now...but even that would be funnier than what we've witnessed in the last ten to fifteen years.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 08:50 PM (P33XN)

260

Bob Roberts. Timmy's take on the right wingers. Jack Black with a swastika carved into his forehead.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 01:47 AM (P33XN)

I still want to know why he gave money to 10 Repubs including Michelle Bachmann.  That was...bizarre.

It's hard not to let him ruin Shawshank every time I watch it, which is often.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 08:51 PM (Ei3oZ)

261 The Libertine.

Perfectly awful.

Posted by: mpur at January 29, 2010 08:53 PM (946fl)

262 Was stuck on a plane watching that Benjamin Button fiasco. Wanted to shoot myself. Worst flick I've seen in decades.

Posted by: Cowboy at January 29, 2010 08:53 PM (zwrlc)

263 Transformers 2 had more holes in it than a brothel. My childhood, pissed on yet again...

Can't wait for the A-Team!

Posted by: theworldisnotenough at January 29, 2010 08:54 PM (/Rdvy)

264

I still want to know why he gave money to 10 Repubs including Michelle Bachmann.  That was...bizarre.

Perhaps he's really a right-winger pretending to be a leftie to nail leftie chicks. That's what I did in college.

Ok, I actually didn't. But some do.

Although, that doesn't make much sense in reference to Susan Sarandon, who is, I believe, over 10 years older than he is.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 08:54 PM (sV0Yw)

265 Three Amigos was another good Chase flick. Same with Funny Farm

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 08:55 PM (cBeTr)

266

Can't wait for the A-Team!

I'm a bit worried about that one.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 08:55 PM (sV0Yw)

267 Caddyshack II? El Stinkaroony...

Posted by: Uncle Jed at January 29, 2010 08:55 PM (eKgqT)

268 Crash.

Alright, it may not be "top 50 worst of all time", but it was such an incredibly p.c. preachy, overly contrived, critically acclaimed, Oscar winning piece of crap that I almost wish I had crashed off a bridge while driving with Teddy Kennedy before having to sit through it.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 08:57 PM (Y9WXU)

269

I dipped my balls in The Three Amigos.

a quality of bad we should redesignate as "great bad".

Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 29, 2010 08:58 PM (Wh0W+)

270 Caddyshack II? El Stinkaroony... Posted by: Uncle Jed at January 30, 2010 01:55 AM (eKgqT) Jackie Mason and Randy Quaid were great in that flick

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 08:58 PM (cBeTr)

271 Spiderman 3 at 50 I agree it was crap but still far better than Superman III, IV and Superman Returns (as a  emo stalker deadbeat dad). Supes IV did make it on the list, Golan and Globus should have more crapfests on that list.

Howard the Duck, I saw that movie so many times as a kid, I probably received irreversible brain damage from it.

Street Fighter, what was worse is Street Fighter The Movie: The video game.

Dreamcatcher, remember when Stephen King films were GOOD? The only redeming quality of this film was Donnie Wahlberg as Dudditz, if you saw the cut scenes on DVD the ending would have been FAR WORSE. KIng has far years been off his game and merely phoning it in. This film is It, mixed with Stand By Me flashbacks mixed with aliens. He just took 3 of his old stories put them in a blender and got this crap smoothie.

Batman and robin, only redeemable quality is that it made Batman Begins and The Dark Knight possible

Suprised ZARDOZ was not on that list, a movie with a loincloth wearing Sean Connery taking orders from a stone head that loves guns and hates penises.

Posted by: Gary B at January 29, 2010 09:00 PM (1gWfF)

272 I dipped my balls in The Three Amigos. a quality of bad we should redesignate as "great bad". Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2010 01:58 AM (Wh0W+) one of the few 80's comedies that has gotten better with age

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:01 PM (cBeTr)

273 Hollywood is full of closet Republicans, and also you`re sometimes not sure who your friends are. When the whole Bull Durham (198 controversy happened there were three people who came very vociferously to our support, all either very conservative Democrats or Republicans - Clint Eastwood, Kevin Costner and Jack Valenti. And how many liberals? I didn`t see any. So I am not one that makes a judgment on someone because they are Republican. I know enough Republicans that are decent people, they love their families, we might have differences of opinion but we can find common ground. Tim Robbins

Maybe he is a closet conservative and needs to pretend to be a liberal to avoid being blacklisted?

Posted by: Sharrukin at January 29, 2010 09:01 PM (593B8)

274

The Cable Guy.  The first $ 20M payday for an actor.  Apparently the loose change that remained in the budget was used to purchase the hackneyed script.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:02 PM (xIqkW)

275 272 I dipped my balls in The Three Amigos. a quality of bad we should redesignate as "great bad". Posted by: Dave in Texas at January 30, 2010 01:58 AM (Wh0W+) one of the few 80's comedies that has gotten better with age

Posted by: fartbubble at January 30, 2010 02:01 AM (cBeTr)

Indeed.  It is infamous.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 09:02 PM (Ei3oZ)

276 The Man Who Knew Too Little?

Posted by: Uncle Jed at January 29, 2010 09:02 PM (eKgqT)

277

I hated Three Amigos with a passion. Saw it in the theater back in my pot smoking days. Even totally baked I sat there and wondered what the fuck I'd gotten myself into. Dreadfully unfunny.

Which brings up Martin Short. Ever seen Clifford? You'd remember because your eyes would be gone...melted clean out of your head. Short's another guy who'd be funnier six feet under. Pity.

The only consolation I'm seeing with the new A-Team flick is Liam Neeson. He's all kinds of awesome.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:03 PM (P33XN)

278 The Cable Guy. The first $ 20M payday for an actor. Apparently the loose change that remained in the budget was used to purchase the hackneyed script. Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 30, 2010 02:02 AM (xIqkW) wish Carrey didn't snatch that flick away from Chris Farley. Would have been a whole different flick. I do have to admit that the fight in the Medieval Times was pretty good

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:05 PM (cBeTr)

279 War of the Worlds 2 with KID, is actually the sequel to the USA/Sci Fi TV movie.
Not the Tom Cruise film.

Posted by: Gary B at January 29, 2010 09:05 PM (1gWfF)

280

I missed the Three Amigos.  Unfortunately there have been other films with Martin Short in them that I haven't missed.  I've never seen someone constantly act so goofy...straining to be funny....and failing miserably. 

And no, I didn't forget about Jerry Lewis.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:06 PM (xIqkW)

281 Eddie Murphy is another name that should evoke sensations of pure horror. Pluto Nash, Norbit...he should've been executed by lethal injection years ago.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:07 PM (P33XN)

282

War of the Worlds 2 with KID, is actually the sequel to the USA/Sci Fi TV movie.
Not the Tom Cruise film.

Well, that's good news. Although, it seemed like they stole some ideas. The Tripods looked roughly the same, for example, just smaller and crappier.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 09:07 PM (sV0Yw)

283

278

I didn't know Farley was up for that role.  Damn I bet that would have been good.  BTW, didn't mean to completely disparage Jim Carrey.  Dumb and Dumber remains a favorite guilty pleasure.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:08 PM (xIqkW)

284 Eddie Murphy is another name that should evoke sensations of pure horror. Pluto Nash, Norbit...he should've been executed by lethal injection years ago. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 02:07 AM it's what happens when you have a kid. Going from Raw to Pluto Nash

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:08 PM (cBeTr)

285 Dumb and Dumber is indeed a classic. The whole "pills are good, pills are gooood" is a line I've used to great effect many times since the film came out.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:09 PM (P33XN)

286 I didn't know Farley was up for that role. Damn I bet that would have been good. BTW, didn't mean to completely disparage Jim Carrey. Dumb and Dumber remains a favorite guilty pleasure. Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 30, 2010 02:08 AM (xIqkW) he was the first casting choice and it was a flick that he REALLY wanted in a "fuck, I'll do it for free" way. Then Carrey heard about it and wanted the role as well so they ended up dropping Farley like a hot potato.

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:10 PM (cBeTr)

287

285

The part where Jim Carrey is riding the motorscooter and the theme for the Wicked Witch of the West plays never fails to make me LMAO.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:11 PM (xIqkW)

288

Eddie Murphy = Vampire in Brooklyn. Jesus!

Of course, that one had Angela Bassett and she's pretty much a winner in anything even when the rest of the movie sucks hard.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:11 PM (P33XN)

289 fucking piece of shit software. Quit mashing my part with the shit I'm quoting and stop it with the fucking up when refreshing shit

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:11 PM (cBeTr)

290 I saw the teaser with the dancing baby for the Son of the Mask. I said out loud, I don't think so, after everyone was groaning through it.

Posted by: Gary B at January 29, 2010 09:11 PM (1gWfF)

291 they should have thrown in Bowfinger or Bulworth on the list

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:13 PM (cBeTr)

292 281 Eddie Murphy is another name that should evoke sensations of pure horror. Pluto Nash

Haha, i just watched that from Netflix. I hated it when i first saw it after it came out, but i gotta say, i actually enjoyed it this time around. And it's amazing how many big names are in it, john cleese, rosario Dawson, Peter Boyle, Randy Quaid, Joe Pantioliano, Jay mohr. It's bad no doubt, but actually pretty fun and Quaids robot is just so stupid it's funny. It's like a ten year old acting like a robot.

Posted by: koopy at January 29, 2010 09:14 PM (XllG0)

293

How come there's nothing by Will Farrell on that list? I can't even remember a single funny line or thing that happened in Talladega Nights, for example.

Posted by: Jason at January 29, 2010 09:14 PM (sV0Yw)

294

286

Chris Farley was always willing to be self-depricating to make people laugh.  My favorite kind of comedian.  He was also virtually impossible to dislike.  Damn I'm sorry he's gone.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:16 PM (xIqkW)

295 I think most of the stuff that comes out anymore just sucks and they can't even leave the old amazing films alone anymore, they have to remake them all into crap. Go watch the original Manchurian Candidate with Sinatra and then watch the new one with Denzel Washington... horrible!!

Posted by: Drew in MO at January 29, 2010 09:16 PM (yNnOg)

296 293

How come there's nothing by Will Farrell on that list? I can't even remember a single funny line or thing that happened in Talladega Nights, for example.

Posted by: Jason at January 30, 2010 02:14 AM (sV0Yw)

I'mma come at'choo like a spider monkey!

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 09:17 PM (Ei3oZ)

297

Two words: Robin Williams

He's looking at a couple of centuries in Purgatory just to work off the bad mojo he's created with films like Jack. Saw that one last month on AMC and wanted to pump a slug in my head. I laughed out loud when he had chest pains and fell down the stairs at school.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:17 PM (P33XN)

298 Go watch the original Manchurian Candidate with Sinatra and then watch the new one with Denzel Washington... horrible!!

Posted by: Drew in MO at January 30, 2010 02:16 AM (yNnOg)

I heard that he wanted to make an Obama movie but I wasn't aware that he already had.  Good to know.

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 09:18 PM (Ei3oZ)

299 or fuck, how about Ballistic: Ecks VS. Sever?

Posted by: fartbubble at January 29, 2010 09:19 PM (cBeTr)

300 Won't an Obama movie be Hollywood as a whole jumping the shark? When I was a child I knew something was over when they made spagettios for it...hmm Obama spagettios...

Posted by: Drew in MO at January 29, 2010 09:22 PM (yNnOg)

301 Awww man.  The remake of The Longest Yard with Adam Sandler and Chris Rock.  An extensive amount of dialogue was lifted directly from the original...which served to remind you of how atrociously inferior and unnecessary the remake was.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:23 PM (xIqkW)

302 Yeah, I'm surprised Hollywood hasn't rushed a bunch of pro-Barry pics into production. We're a year into The Won and I haven't seen anything along those lines. They should be coming out now. I wonder what that means.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:24 PM (P33XN)

303 300 Won't an Obama movie be Hollywood as a whole jumping the shark?

Posted by: Drew in MO at January 30, 2010 02:22 AM (yNnOg)

Considering it would be, like, the millionth time?

Posted by: tdpwells at January 29, 2010 09:24 PM (Ei3oZ)

304 Jack with Robin Williams was so bad I wondered how hard I'd have to hit the guy to shatter his eardrums.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:25 PM (P33XN)

305

302

I bet the guy who played "Urkel" needs work. 

 

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:25 PM (xIqkW)

306 The Billy Jack films. I loved the first one when I was a wee lad because of the action scenes. Saw it a couple of decades later and was astonished at how moonbatty it was. I've heard the sequels are absolutely fucking ridiculous.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:29 PM (P33XN)

307 Blue Velvet. 

I paid a buck to see it.  Still want that dollar back AND the two hours of my life I wasted on that piece of shit.

Transformers 2 sucked, but I did get off a great snark line watching it.  It was during the battle scene at Petra when they called in the Jordanians to help them defeat the bad guys.  I turned to my sweetie and said, "Shoulda called the Jews instead.  They'd have kicked their ass!"  Got a couple rows laughing with that one. 

Oh, I also hope Satan's Giant Barbed Cock will get revenge on George Lucas for Jar Jar Binks.


Posted by: bigpinkfluffybunny at January 29, 2010 09:32 PM (KWhJd)

308 I'd also be tempted to nominate the movie Showgirls, except for the fact that the movie is so damn funny, and Elizabeth Berkley didn't have qualms about showing the goods.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:34 PM (xIqkW)

309

VIDEO: 'Looks like Obama used the Middle Finger again today while Talking to Republicans

This is the 4th time..

Posted by: newser at January 29, 2010 09:34 PM (D2axM)

310 I thought I heard recently that McGruber is going to the big screen (and God help us all... it is) -- so quick check on the turds that come from SNL skits reveals:

Wayne's World 2
Coneheads
Night at the Roxbury
Ladies Man
Rockstar (the one with the Catholic school-girl freak)
Stuart Smalley had his own movie
Pat (freakin' PAT!)
the aforementioned  Blues Brothers 2000

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 09:35 PM (Y9WXU)

311

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: Part Two

I remember hearing it made $ 20,000.00 (that's right...twenty thousand) in ticket sales.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:37 PM (xIqkW)

312

I remember when I pitched a screenplay where Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky played two L.A. cops out on the edge trying to bring down a ring of racists led by Dick Cheney. Ann Coulter co-starred as a cigar smoking journalist with a bionic vagina.

Fuck if I know why no one picked up the rights.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:38 PM (P33XN)

313

A bit off topic, but my choice for the best unintentionally funny line in a movie comes from Boogie Nights.

"Do not fuck with Rollergirl!"

 

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:39 PM (xIqkW)

314

Coneheads

Yeah, you have to wonder where they were going with that one. Hell, the movie came out nearly 20 years after the last Coneheads sketch aired.

One time after I saw it, I was with a group of people and we heard a bunch of sirens in the distance and I just threw out the line from the movie, "Oh no, human authority figures" and got a huge laugh. Beats me.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:41 PM (P33XN)

315 307 Blue Velvet. 

I paid a buck to see it.  Still want that dollar back AND the two hours of my life I wasted on that piece of shit.
Posted by: bigpinkfluffybunny at January 30, 2010 02:32 AM (KWhJd)


Class of 1999

The theater manager apologized and told me I could see any two other movies I wanted for free.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 09:42 PM (KatTI)

316 Speaking of sequels with '2000' in the title, I'd like to put 'Heavy Metal 2000' on the list.  Freaking awful.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 09:42 PM (n1uMU)

317 316  
and Dracula 2000

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 09:44 PM (Y9WXU)

318 I had to look up Town and Country (4 . Any movie with Gary Shandling in it has to be a train wreck, no matter who else it stars.

Posted by: Doc at January 29, 2010 09:45 PM (rzJpR)

319 Why, oh why, is MST3K not around anymore?!?!?!

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 09:45 PM (Y9WXU)

320 Attack of the Killer Tomatoes: Part Two I remember hearing it made $ 20,000.00 (that's right...twenty thousand) in ticket sales. Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 30, 2010 02:37 AM (xIqkW) Shit. I tried to watch that on video one time. Good crapping chicken fuckers I nearly managed to block it out.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 09:47 PM (tyiS8)

321 What was the name of that movie with John Lithgow and Dudley Moore, where Moore played an elf and Lithgow was some evil corporate type trying to ruin Christmas? Good God was that an abomination. It was so bad that Dudley Moore died of a rare brain disease after it came out.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:47 PM (P33XN)

322 316 Speaking of sequels with '2000' in the title, I'd like to put 'Heavy Metal 2000' on the list.  Freaking awful.

Posted by: kefka at January 30, 2010 02:42 AM (n1uMU)


No frakkin' doubt.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 09:48 PM (KatTI)

323

Weren't their sequels to the movie "meatballs".  Even though I've never seen them, I can safely assume that without Bill Murray they must have been horrendous.

BTW, Bill's "It just doesn't matter" speech in the original movie is pure magic. 

Zen.   

Cathartic.

 

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:49 PM (xIqkW)

324

Second the mention of Zardoz.

On Tim Robbins - any chance he may have been such a flaming lib just to hop on Susan Sarandon?

And how has no one mentioned the greatest example of "worst movie ever": The Wicker Man remake with Nic Cage?

"The bees! They're in my eyes!"

Posted by: The Q at January 29, 2010 09:50 PM (pfStM)

325 319 Why, oh why, is MST3K not around anymore?!?!?!
 Posted by: little evil at January 30, 2010 02:45 AM (Y9WXU)


There's always Rifftrax. They even did the Star Wars Prequels and then the original trilogy.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 09:51 PM (KatTI)

326

Weren't their sequels to the movie "meatballs".  Even though I've never seen them, I can safely assume that without Bill Murray they must have been horrendous.

Damn you, sir. Damn you to hell. Just when I thought I'd forgotten about these turds, you remind me!

One of these flicks had an alien in it that looked like it was molded out of shit.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:51 PM (P33XN)

327

320

I watched it on video in the late eighties.  It had an insanely hot girl with sandy blonde hair in it.  Everything else about it was an offense to the human race.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:51 PM (xIqkW)

328 "The bees! They're in my eyes!"

I'm sorry, it is impossible for a movie that contains that line to suck.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 09:52 PM (n1uMU)

329 Second the mention of Zardoz. Posted by: The Q at January 30, 2010 02:50 AM (pfStM) I really need to see it, even if it really is as bad as everyone says. Speaking of "so bad it's good", have you ever seen "The Bad Seed"? I don't know when I've ever laughed so hard.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 09:52 PM (tyiS8)

330 Alexander. The Oliver Stone Crap fest. Definitely the worst I've ever seen.

Posted by: Bryan at January 29, 2010 09:54 PM (j0OLD)

331 Speaking of Nic Cage, I thought Ghost Rider was fucking horrible. Even Sam Elliot couldn't save it. Peter Fonda played the Devil and sucked ass. Eva Mendes showed up as eye candy and it looked they rubbed her down with grease before every scene. They cast the dope dealing kid from American Beauty as the villain, and he was utterly laughable.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 09:56 PM (P33XN)

332

The second Pirates movie begins to make sense after a few times viewing it.  The third one is still pretty bad.  Kiera Knightly doing a Braveheart style speech makes me cringe.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 29, 2010 09:57 PM (euuyg)

333 I knew someone who helped with casting on Born on the Forth of July.  There was a wrap party with Oliver Stone after the movie was finished and she got to attend.  She basically said that Oliver Stone was an even bigger prick than you think he is.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 09:59 PM (xIqkW)

334 325

Rifftrax has done 4 of the top 10 of these movies, plus they did Transformers 2 as well.

One of the best things is they do good movies too like Casablanca and more, and it's still worth watching.

They've done all the Pirates movies too and many others in this thread.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:01 PM (n72ys)

335 Kiera Knightly doing a Braveheart style speech makes me cringe. Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 30, 2010 02:57 AM (euuyg) Kiera Knightly needs to stop acting and start applying reduced pressure to . . . man, I need to just stop there.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:02 PM (tyiS8)

336 327

320

I watched it on video in the late eighties.  It had an insanely hot girl with sandy blonde hair in it.  Everything else about it was an offense to the human race.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 30, 2010 02:51 AM (xIqkW)


Karen Waldron

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 10:02 PM (KatTI)

337 The list forgot "Who's Your Caddy?" "From Justin to Kelly" "Boat Trip" "Delta Farce"

Posted by: Doc at January 29, 2010 10:03 PM (rzJpR)

338 Larry the Cable Guy Health Inspector

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 10:04 PM (KatTI)

339 There's always Rifftrax. They even did the Star Wars Prequels and then the original trilogy.

Niiice, it's actually the guys from the show! Might have to check it out sometime. I used to love MST3K when I was younger (even if some of the references could get way over my head), but watching those silhouettes as they were tearing apart those horrible flicks was so freakin' hysterical.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:05 PM (Y9WXU)

340

336

I looked her up on IMDB.  The pictures they have posted of her don't really do her justice.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 10:05 PM (xIqkW)

341 I miss Tom Servo and Crooooooooooooooooow

Posted by: Doc at January 29, 2010 10:05 PM (rzJpR)

342

Speaking of Alexander the Great, I'm watching one right now with the two greatest thespians in acting history.

William Shatner as Alexander

Costarring Adam West

The height of 60s ridiculous

Posted by: The Q at January 29, 2010 10:05 PM (pfStM)

343 This is the worst movie ever. Prince's Under the Cherry Moon"
A clip:
http://tiny.cc/ARFRp

Posted by: dri at January 29, 2010 10:09 PM (qLZ+x)

344 Yeah, some of them (Mike, maybe Kevin & Frank) do rifftrax, and I think Joel and Trace (and maybe Josh) are doing cinematic titanic. I honestly don't know if it's any good, I haven't tried it.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:09 PM (tyiS8)

345 I don't know if Star Trek movies count, but Star Trek 5: Kirk fights God(and wins).....really?  Is that necessary?

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 10:09 PM (n1uMU)

346 340

336

I looked her up on IMDB.  The pictures they have posted of her don't really do her justice.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 30, 2010 03:05 AM (xIqkW)

Google's not much help either I'm afraid.


339 There's always Rifftrax. They even did the Star Wars Prequels and then the original trilogy.

Niiice, it's actually the guys from the show! Might have to check it out sometime. I used to love MST3K when I was younger (even if some of the references could get way over my head), but watching those silhouettes as they were tearing apart those horrible flicks was so freakin' hysterical.

Posted by: little evil at January 30, 2010 03:05 AM (Y9WXU)

Rifftrax was the only way I could make it through 300. And Batman and Robin, The Room, The Phantom Menace...


Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 10:10 PM (KatTI)

347 Hasn't every movie starring Larry the Cable Guy tanked hard? I haven't seen more than five minutes of any of them.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:11 PM (P33XN)

348 344 Yeah, some of them (Mike, maybe Kevin & Frank) do rifftrax, and I think Joel and Trace (and maybe Josh) are doing cinematic titanic.

I honestly don't know if it's any good, I haven't tried it.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 30, 2010 03:09 AM (tyiS


Cinematic Titanic is high-larious. Rifftrax is high-larious. Hell Incognito Cinema Warriors is high-larious. Starting to see a trend here? 

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 10:13 PM (KatTI)

349

Superman IV:  The Quest for Peace.

Mariel Hemingway gets flown to the moon.  Through space.  Wind blowing in her hair.  But....no oxygen in space or on the moon.

Ed Wood had more concern for plausibility.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 29, 2010 10:15 PM (xIqkW)

350 Holy sh!t. I checked the list of trax they've got -- lot's of big-time, newer stuff.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:16 PM (Y9WXU)

351

Well, that's good news. Although, it seemed like they stole some ideas. The Tripods looked roughly the same, for example, just smaller and crappier.

Pretty sure the design of the giant robots being Tripod and additional descriptions of how they look are in the H.G. Wells book.  The fact that they look similar should not be at all surprising if they attempt to pay respect to the source material.

Posted by: buzzion at January 29, 2010 10:17 PM (oVQFe)

352 Theodore Rex is the worst film of all time. Bar none. And I have seen Manos and Plan 9 several times. Theodore Rex is worse. Much worse.

 Thankfully no one has ever actually had to watch it, so the damage is minimal.

Just imagine a $30 million direct-to-video buddy cop movie starring Whoopi Goldberg and a miniature talking T-Rex trying to solve crimes.

Zardoz is almost watchable, in comparison. Hell Strawberry Estates is better, and that's saying something.

Posted by: Buckshot Bill at January 29, 2010 10:17 PM (xBrqg)

353 339

Yes the 'team' is most always Mike Nelson (Head writer for almost all 10 seasons) and host for last 5.5 or so years, Bill Corbett (writer for years and Crow T Robot 97-99), Kevin Murphy (writer for years and Tom Servo for all but the first season).

There are guests sometimes 'sitting in' like Joel McHale (the soup), Weird Al Yankovic, etc.

Its usually pretty dang good, you get an mp3 (or .riff file if you use their player), with the .riffs you don't have to sync it up, with the mp3's you start the mp3 and they give some instructions on how to sync to the movie and every 5-15 minutes you get a 'sync' line that a voice says from the movie ideally they should both say the same thing at the same time, but being within < .5 sec is good enough.

The delivery of just the 'riffing' files means they can do ANY movie they want, they've even done that GOD awful Star Wars Holiday Special.  They do blockbusters and more, the riff for the newest Star Trek movie released the same day as the dvd/blu-ray release.

You just add it to a cart, check out, download, and you're good to go.  NO DRM on the files so they ask you don't give them out.  Pretty good deal, riffs run from 1-4 bucks each and there are around 80.  They also do 'shorts' with the video and riff and offer them in multiple formats  mpeg2, mp4, wmv, etc.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:18 PM (n72ys)

354 In the sci-fi category I would add 'Battle Beyond The Stars', and in horror comes 'Gothic'.

Are you high? Battle Beyond the Stars was an awesome movie! I so wanted the drink-dispensing belt buckle. I still want it.

For really bad movies I'd have to nominate The Osterman Weekend.  I think Peckinpah managed to violate the 2nd law of thermodynamics by getting that much talent together and then producing such a steaming pile.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 10:18 PM (LtIsn)

355 Even mocking the whole time, some of the stuff from the last couple of decades is just unwatchable. But I'd pay to see a riffed version of "Bad Lieutenant" (the original Keitel version). What a terrible, stupid movie that was.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:18 PM (tyiS8)

356 Glad (?) to see that The Happening is on that list.  Within 15 minutes I turned to my wife and said "Holy shit, you gotta be kidding me.  The fucking plants are causing people to kill themselves?" to which my wife replied "Nah, that's too obvious.  Let's see what the twist is."

And we waited for the twist.  The twist that never came.

It was the fucking plants causing people to kill themselves the entire time.  What the fuck?

Posted by: Xoxotl at January 29, 2010 10:20 PM (CbVPH)

357

Zardoz is almost watchable, in comparison. Hell Strawberry Estates is better, and that's saying something.

Holy shit! I've seen Strawberry Estates! Isn't that the one where the professor takes some kids into an insane asylum and they get attacked by ghosts or some shit?

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:20 PM (P33XN)

358 BTW: I have all available fan dvds, some are decent quality some are kind of funky, but I can dupe them for cost/shipping/etc for any morons who want origianal MST3K shows.  One note, I will NOT duplicate anything released for sale by shout factory, rhino or any other 'official retail' source unless it's no longer available and is not being sold, and hasn't been for > 1 yr, even then you'll get the fan copy (videoed off the air and transfered to dvd/qualities vary)  I have ALL KTMA episodes besides for 3  (1 2 and I think 4).  I have ALL 10 seasons worth of MST3K nationwide episodes as well.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:22 PM (n72ys)

359 Oh, "Fanny and Alexander", also "The Rite". Some of the absolute worst garbage from Bergman (I actually liked the Seventh Seal)

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:23 PM (tyiS8)

360 Bergman, in all his glory.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:26 PM (o10xL)

361 Ah, so here's where everyone is.

Btw, totally agree with you re Transformers 2, Gabe. I really enjoyed it. I also like that there was more humour in this one than the first one. I could've done without the weird Alex Jones-like roommate, though. I was hoping one of the Autobots would squash him.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:26 PM (gofDd)

362 Zardoz is almost watchable, in comparison. Hell Strawberry Estates is better, and that's saying something.

Oh man, how can anyone forget Sean Connery in that.. say, I dunno what to call it. Red diaper?

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 10:26 PM (LtIsn)

363 Oh, welcome, WTR

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:27 PM (o10xL)

364 Worst movie of all time? There are just so many to choose from. Off the top of my head: The Family Stone. And pretty much every other modern chick flick known to man.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:27 PM (gofDd)

365

The biggest turkey forever is:

Plan 9 From Outer Space

 Directed,produced, and financed by the infamous Ed Wood. They even made a movie on how inept he was.

 #2 is any Elvis movie

 #3 is any Richard Burton movie

 I grant you the fact that Ed Wood could make some half ass documentaries.

Posted by: chicocano at January 29, 2010 10:27 PM (2n5cq)

366 And I supposed Wanted was pretty bad. It had one of the main things I look for in movies, though, as Gabe said in the post: SHIT BLOWS UP.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:28 PM (gofDd)

367 K guys and gals start from 50.

Posted by: chicocano at January 29, 2010 10:29 PM (2n5cq)

368 Worst.
Movie.
Ever
.

The girl I was with and I sat through half of the movie blaming each other for buying the tickets, neither of us would admit to picking it.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:30 PM (jVHWM)

369 "Son In Law" needs to be in there.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:30 PM (o10xL)

370 More craptastic movies:

Eyes Wide Shut

Robin Hood (with Kevin Costner)

The Aviator

Titanic (except when the ship sinks and Leo dies)

The Notebook

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:30 PM (gofDd)

371 The best part of the Happening was the out of nowhere argument about hotdogs getting a bad wrap.

Oh and the part where John Leguizamo hitches a ride with some random people and suddenly starts talking about math problems. Until Dante from Clerks drives the car into a tree.

Of course I use the term 'best part' very loosely.

Posted by: Buckshot Bill at January 29, 2010 10:30 PM (xBrqg)

372 The girl I was with and I sat through half of the movie blaming each other for buying the tickets, neither of us would admit to picking it. Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 30, 2010 03:30 AM (jVHWM) Oh, even Humpty Hump couldn't save that stinker. Crap.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:31 PM (o10xL)

373 Directed,produced, and financed by the infamous Ed Wood. They even made a movie on how inept he was.

And it starred Johnny Depp if I'm thinking of the one you're talking about. I actually liked the movie Ed Wood, even though Horse Face played his girlfriend.

Plan 9 is so bad it's good.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:32 PM (gofDd)

374 The best part of eyes wide shut was where the chicks got nekkid.  We "watched" that one on the boat and finally resorted to just turning the sound all the way down to get through it.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:32 PM (jVHWM)

375 355

You can suggest it to either Rifftrax (rifftrax.com) or to Cinematic Titanic (cinematictitanic.com)  CT has: Joel Robinson, Trace, Frank, Mary Jo, and J. Elvis (the original servo from season one)

NOTE: Cinematic Titanic will need to be able to get 'rights' to the movie, whereas Rifftrax does not.

Other MST3K Alum projects that are pretty much like MST3K:

The Film Crew
Cinematic Titanic
Rifftrax

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:32 PM (n72ys)

376 365-

I haven't seen many Richard Burton flicks, but "Where Eagles Dare" was a quality way to spend an evening...

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 10:33 PM (UKELC)

377 Fools Rush In with Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek was awful, too.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:33 PM (gofDd)

378 Uh that's Joel Hodgsen NOT Joel Robinson (mixed up actor/role there) total moron brain fart.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:33 PM (n72ys)

379 Good call on Pauly Shore. A film career stillborn. Well, not really since he made many films, but it should've been. What a disaster.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:33 PM (P33XN)

380 I would also submit any Oliver Stone film, especially the awful, boring, horrendous "Alexander" starring Colin Farrel.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:34 PM (gofDd)

381 Eyes Wide Shut is the movie where I learned the appeal of actresses decreases proportionally with the amount of their dialog you can actually hear.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:34 PM (jVHWM)

382 Knockaround Guys
Donnie Darko
Mullholland Drive
Battlefield Earth - it was horrible and even then, it wasn't as bad as that damn book (the ending ruined the entire plot).
Metro
The Glimmer Man
Jack Frost (Jeff Goldblum)

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:34 PM (afWhQ)

383 I'd like to add, any Will Ferrel movie.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:35 PM (jVHWM)

384  #3 is any Richard Burton movie

Posted by: chicocano at January 30, 2010 03:27 AM (2n5cq)

Hold up there, let's not cast too wide a net eh?

You're talking about the star of The Spy who came in from the cold, The Wild Geese(a personal favorite), Where eagles Dare and a costar in The Longest Day.

Posted by: sandbagger at January 29, 2010 10:36 PM (KatTI)

385 Speaking of Marlon Brando movies - Don Juan Demarco with Johnny Depp.

Aww, I actually liked that one.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

That's two of my favorite movies. Well, the second one was kinda boring. But I really liked the first and the third.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:36 PM (gofDd)

386 I'd like to add, any Will Ferrel movie.

I enjoyed Elf, Old School, and Anchorman.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:36 PM (gofDd)

387 I'd like to add, any Will Ferrel movie. Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 30, 2010 03:35 AM (jVHWM) Twice, especially that abortion where Rene Zelweger plays an author narrating Farrell's life. Oof. I made it all of about 3 minutes.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:37 PM (o10xL)

388 Sorry Rum, I know it's shtick, but I just want to gouge out my own eyes every time I see that guy.  I don't know why.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:38 PM (jVHWM)

389 386 I'd like to add, any Will Ferrel movie.

I enjoyed Elf, Old School, and Anchorman.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 03:36 AM (gofDd)


Stranger Than Fiction was good.  The liberal slant wasn't even annoying, either.  Best compliment?  "it was like reading a book, but it was a film!"

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:38 PM (afWhQ)

390 Any film starring Pia Zadora.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:39 PM (P33XN)

391 King Arthur with Clive Owen and Keira Knightly sucked major ass. Couldn't stand that film. So bloody pretentious.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:39 PM (gofDd)

392 NO NO NO  stillborn career has got to be Yahoo Serious, and thank whoever it is that sidelined that guy after 2 yrs.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:39 PM (n72ys)

393

These "top ten" lists always suck because they are purely politically based in most cases. I note the absence of any of Michael Moore's crap which should occupy the top 10 like the plauge that they are. I also note the absence of Matrix II & III whch should be on there.

Yes, there are a lot of movies that were much worse than the once listed above.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 10:39 PM (QrA9E)

394 Lady in the Water
W (Oliver Stone)
Goodbye Mr. Chips the Musical
Anything with Buddy the Dog
The 3 Star Wars prequels
Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull
Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 29, 2010 10:40 PM (zmiSr)

395 Anything Jim Carrey's made since Ace Ventura.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:40 PM (Y9WXU)

396 This one (I don't actually know if Rene did the narration, it just sucks. HARD.)

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:40 PM (o10xL)

397 Stranger Than Fiction was good.  The liberal slant wasn't even annoying, either.  Best compliment?  "it was like reading a book, but it was a film!"

I wasn't sure how I felt about the film. I admit thought when he Spoiler for AHEAD:

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:40 PM (gofDd)

398 And it wasn't Renee Zele..whatever playing the narrator.  It was Emma Thompson.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:40 PM (afWhQ)

399 I would also submit any Oliver Stone film, especially the awful, boring, horrendous "Alexander" starring Colin Farrel.

Alexander the Gay?  Yeah, Gladiator did well enough to spawn a bunch of crap for a few years.  What about Troy?

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 10:41 PM (LtIsn)

400 Michal who?  Did he make films?

Oh, crock-umentaries!  That's a different sub-species.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:41 PM (jVHWM)

401 I'll contend that Donnie Darko is one of the most mind-numbingly boring movies ever made. That, and Pan's Labyrinth are two movies that I hope to never be subjected to again.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 10:41 PM (UKELC)

402 Can't beat Caligula.  Half the theatre walked just as soon as they got finished with the lesbian sex scene hyped with a pictorial in Penthouse.  I spent most of the movie trying to figure out how big the dump truck of money was they backed in Peter O'Toole's driveway to sing for this monstrosity.  Then later I saw Supergirl and learned that Pete had gone full on retard and would work in anything by then.

Posted by: Kyle Kiernan at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (VO2Bb)

403 What about Troy?

Troy at least had eye candy. Brad Pitt got really buff for the role and Diane Kruger was HAWT.

Any movie with Rene Zellweger sucks. I hate her and her lemon sourpuss face.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (gofDd)

404 Any movie starring Shaquille O'Neill.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (Y9WXU)

405 I admit thought when he Spoiler for AHEAD:

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 03:40 AM (gofDd)

Yes. 

(I bought the soundtrack, btw... the music is pretty good.  A little sad that they didn't record his version of Whole Wide World and instead just used the Wreckless Eric version)

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (afWhQ)

406 NO NO NO stillborn career has got to be Yahoo Serious, and thank whoever it is that sidelined that guy after 2 yrs. Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 30, 2010 03:39 AM (n72ys) thank you, everyone I know loved that young einstein crap when it came out. Man did it suck.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (o10xL)

407

Richard Burton was great at overemoting his characters and doinkin Liz Taylor.

That's about it.

Posted by: chicocano at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (2n5cq)

408 Are you high? Battle Beyond the Stars was an awesome movie! I so wanted the drink-dispensing belt buckle. I still want it.

Posted by: Ace's liver

"the drink-dispensing belt buckle"

You more than prove my point!

Posted by: Sharrukin at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (593B8)

409 I've got one that is likely not on the list and actually released to theaters:

Nightfall (from the Isaac Asimov short/novella)

It seemed to have been made by a community college drama and film department, the movie was so bad they tried spicing it up with 'simulated' sex  no real sex scenes, just lots of blankets and 'humping' under blankets.  The whole thing was SO bad we started counting those scenes and got to around 30-35 for a 90 min movie.

And that's just the beginning of the 'horror'.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:42 PM (n72ys)

410 I'm glad to learn that I'm not the only person who doesn't think Donnie Darko is one of the greatest films evah.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:43 PM (gofDd)

411 Sphere and Congo were pretty bad. So much so I didn't even bother to see Sphere or sit through all of Congo.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:44 PM (gofDd)

412 410

I was roped into watching it back in my undergrad days, with a bunch of folks who seemed to enjoy it. I remember emoting once during it- and that was laughing during the opening, when Maggie Gyllenhal announced at the dinner table that she'd voted for Dukakis. No one else got the joke...

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 10:45 PM (UKELC)

413 Evil Bun-Bun, I tend to avoid movies when I've read the book.  I made the mistake of violating that rule with Starship Troopers and came out of it feeling more violated than Heinlein.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:45 PM (jVHWM)

414 Donnie Darko was a pretentious pile of steaming refuse. 

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:46 PM (afWhQ)

415 Nightfall (from the Isaac Asimov short/novella) It seemed to have been made by a community college drama and film department, the movie was so bad they tried spicing it up with 'simulated' sex no real sex scenes, just lots of blankets and 'humping' under blankets. The whole thing was SO bad we started counting those scenes and got to around 30-35 for a 90 min movie. And that's just the beginning of the 'horror'. Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 30, 2010 03:42 AM (n72ys) That's obscure. I had no idea they filmed it. Good short story: the novelisation (with Silverberg) was tripe. I'm glad I've never even heard of hte movie before.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:46 PM (o10xL)

416 I was roped into watching it back in my undergrad days, with a bunch of folks who seemed to enjoy it.

Heh, that's how I ended up watching it, too. I was unimpressed, but I think I snickered at the Dukakis line, too.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:46 PM (gofDd)

417 Any movie with Rene Zellweger sucks. I hate her and her lemon sourpuss face.

Really?  I liked Bridget Jones's Diary.  Even though Hugh Grant is, on the whole, very annoying.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 10:47 PM (LtIsn)

418 Snakes on a Plane sucked ass.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:47 PM (P33XN)

419 Oh yes, Starship Troopers.  What a sad waste of an awesome book that one was.  Dina Meyer was in it, so it wasn't a total loss, but damn it was a bad movie

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 10:47 PM (n1uMU)

420 RENT the movie version was awful. So was the actual musical, although I do kinda like some of the songs. And it was cool seeing Tamyra Gray (American Idol contestant) singing live.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:47 PM (gofDd)

421 Troll II?

Posted by: Alec Leamas at January 29, 2010 10:48 PM (XASus)

422 Another one- for whatever reason, I had high expectations for Blood Diamond. Awful, awful, awful movie. That, and "The Good Shepherd"- three hours of Matt Damon pulling the blank-eyed "acting" schtick that he perfected in the Bourne flicks.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 10:48 PM (UKELC)

423 Sphere and Congo were pretty bad. So much so I didn't even bother to see Sphere or sit through all of Congo.

Poor Michael Crichton... other than Jurassic Park, has there been any descent movie made out of one of his books?

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:48 PM (Y9WXU)

424 I liked Bridget Jones's Diary.  Even though Hugh Grant is, on the whole, very annoying.

I never saw it, but I hear good things about it all the time. Cannot take Renee Z to watch it, though. I also hate Hugh Grant. I can tolerate him in Love Actually and that's it.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:48 PM (gofDd)

425 And what was worse, they came up with a sequel to that pile of steaming excrement!  WTF?!?
I mean really, how does one do Starship Troopers without even a mention of powered armor?
Trivia note, they used the ST uniforms in Firefly for the Alliance troops, so it wasn't a total loss I guess.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:49 PM (jVHWM)

426 422-

"They're eating my sister! And then they're going to eat me!!!!"

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 10:49 PM (UKELC)

427 GreenGas:

There's 'not living up to the book'  and 'Oh my GOD, how did the author or his estate EVER sign off on this'

The Nightfall movie was horrible, Starship troopers was about 10^18375th times better.

It's so bad it went from bad to good to bad to good to bad bad bad.  Worst part is it never bothered to stop at any of the 'good' places in that chain it just went directly to bad bad bad.  It is one of the worst movies I've ever seen including most of the MST3K source movies...  really really bad.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:49 PM (n72ys)

428

Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot.

Jesus God was that one a fuckin' train wreck. I can't see how Stallone ever worked again.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:49 PM (P33XN)

429 Oh, heavens.  I didn't see Congo because they screwed up Sphere so bad.  The books are good, but the travesty of the films...
Sphere was my favorite Crichton book at the time that they released the film, so I went to see it.  I still regret that decision and still bitch about the fact that they couldn't even get the look of the sphere correct, let alone any of the plot.

The only good movie to come out of Crichton's lesser known novels (anything other than JP) is the 13th Warrior.  It's so wrong, but so different, that it's a completely separate entity than the book.  And it's good solid action.

We won't even go into Sahara (Cussler's novel), which I won't even consider watching.  Matthew McConahey (whatever) as Dirk Pitt?  And that little pipsqueak as Al?  Blasphemy.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:50 PM (afWhQ)

430 "Raise the" Titanic shite- I vote for "Titanic" as top worst. What a shitty excuse for a movie. At least another shitty movie with Final Fantasy X graphics beat it out for top movie of all time.

Posted by: ms. docweasel at January 29, 2010 10:50 PM (kgwdA)

431 OK, how about movies so bad that they were good in an enjoyable funny sort of way?  First on that list has to be Army of Darkness.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:51 PM (jVHWM)

432 Jesus God was that one a fuckin' train wreck. I can't see how Stallone ever worked again. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 03:49 AM (P33XN) Hell, I thought that after Rocky 2.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:51 PM (o10xL)

433

No, Troll 2 is so bad it's pure fucking genius.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:51 PM (P33XN)

434 Borrowed Hearts with Roma Downey
Anything with Keanu Reeves
A majority of the movies on the Hallmark Channel

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 29, 2010 10:51 PM (zmiSr)

435 Posted by: soulpile at January 30, 2010 03:46 AM (afWhQ)

Haha, your name reminds me -- Soul Plane -- anything with Snoop Dogg and Tom Arnold has to be good.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:51 PM (Y9WXU)

436 Poor Michael Crichton... other than Jurassic Park, has there been any descent movie made out of one of his books?

Oh, that reminds me, worse book to movie ever: Timeline.

I was sooooooo disappointed too because I absolutely loved the book.

Was Andromeda Strain any good? I only saw parts of it and it was a 70s movie. I started the book but never finished it.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:51 PM (gofDd)

437 Nightfall (198 2.8 of 10 on IMDB:

http://bit.ly/aOLUQ2

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:52 PM (n72ys)

438 Oh, yeah, that Final Fantasy: the Spurts Within was pretty bad. Creepy too, the way those CGI people moved. Gah.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:52 PM (o10xL)

439 Adromeda Strain is pretty good, actually.  Holds up pretty well.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 10:53 PM (LtIsn)

440 Campy movie nomination:  Shaun of the dead  though that one was intentional.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:53 PM (n72ys)

441 Anything with Keanu Reeves

Break Point is classic 90s!

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:53 PM (gofDd)

442 The Neverending Story II. Even at 9 years old I could tell it sucked.

Event Horizon.

V for Vendetta.

Posted by: fiatboomer at January 29, 2010 10:54 PM (0Wf6c)

443 431-

I'm partial to Evil Dead 2 over Army of Darkness, personally- AoD has gotten a bit overexposed, methinks.

Along the same lines, Dead*Alive is also high-quality. Can't go wrong with Kung-Fu priests fighting the undead and zombie babies wreaking havoc on playgrounds.

I'd say- and a lot of people would disagree with this- that "Shoot 'Em Up" fits into the "so-bad-it's-good" category. That, and Punisher: War Zone, and...

Suffice to say, my "so-bad-it's-good" list would run for dozens of pages.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 10:54 PM (UKELC)

444 Captain Ron, with Kurt (Too Wong Foo) Russell. And Martin Short.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:54 PM (o10xL)

445

The China Syndrome.

Not because it was a bad film with performances, but because it has kept America from developing our nuclear power potential.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 10:54 PM (P33XN)

446 Break Point is classic 90s!

Eh, that would be Point Break.  And yeah, I loved that movie.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 10:55 PM (LtIsn)

447 Napoleon Dynamite is so bad that it's good. But, uh, that's kinda the point.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 29, 2010 10:55 PM (zmiSr)

448 Sahara was OK if you aren't familiar with the character's personalities as they are written.  Actually it followed the story line pretty well for a made-from-a-book movie, with only a few deviations (Dirk Pitt was Air Force, not Navy for instance), and at least they got the car thing right (there's always at least one unique vehicle per book).  And I kind of liked the guy that played Al, although it's not how I envision Al at all (like I said, enjoyable if you aren't familiar with the personalities of the written characters).

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 10:55 PM (jVHWM)

449 Oh, wait, that was Swayze in "To Wong Foo". Yeesh.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:56 PM (o10xL)

450 Eh, that would be Point Break.  And yeah, I loved that movie.

Hahaha, you're right. As I was typing that I knew it sounded wrong.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:56 PM (gofDd)

451 Congo.... that's right.

The movie where Bruce Campbell dies in the first five minutes. If he had been the main character the movie may have been less of a total piece of shit.

Posted by: fiatboomer at January 29, 2010 10:56 PM (0Wf6c)

452 Dack Thrombosis: and The China Syndrome was pretty dang fictional too.  I used to work in the nuclear power industry.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 10:56 PM (n72ys)

453 Oh, that reminds me, worse book to movie ever: Timeline.

I was sooooooo disappointed too because I absolutely loved the book.

Was Andromeda Strain any good? I only saw parts of it and it was a 70s movie. I started the book but never finished it.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 03:51 AM (gofDd)

Yes.  Timeline was a horrible adaptation.  The book was really good, though I think he wussed out on the ending just a little bit.  Still, anything about time travel and I love it.  The movie just ruined everything.

Jurassic Park III - second worst adaptation.  They combined two kids into one kid and made her the adopted daughter of the mathematician?  Whaaat?  Only the raptors made up for that.

Andromeda Strain the book is good.  The movie?  I don't remember it, so it must not be horrible.  It must have been boring.  I think there was a modern remake, too... but I could have memory issues.

I can't read TV tropes on Crichton - they bash him over their beloved global warming.. even though he was correct.  bitches.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 10:56 PM (afWhQ)

454 Oh, that reminds me, worse book to movie ever: Timeline.

I was sooooooo disappointed too because I absolutely loved the book.

Was Andromeda Strain any good? I only saw parts of it and it was a 70s movie. I started the book but never finished it.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 03:51 AM (gofDd)

That's the recent one I was thinking of. I think it was on USA or something not too long ago. Jesus, what a freakin turd that was.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 10:57 PM (Y9WXU)

455 I thought Napoleon Dynamite was boring. I couldn't sit through the first 10 minutes.

The Mummy 3 was horrible. I liked the first 2, but the 3rd was intolerable.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 10:57 PM (gofDd)

456 The worst movie of all time is "Evita" - not only is it a crappy movie, but it actively assaults you with Antonio Banderas and Madonna singing cliche Tim Rice lyrics to a hack Andrew Lloyd Weber score. The only way it could be worse is if it used random flashing lights to induce seizures.

Seriously. Has anyone here seen Evita, and still disputes this?

Posted by: wooga at January 29, 2010 10:59 PM (IhzyJ)

457 Honestly? How can it be that the Planet of the Apes remake has yet to be mentioned?

Posted by: Pug at January 29, 2010 10:59 PM (BbeaP)

458 Oh, wow, I just looked at Leguizamo's imdb page. For as shitty an actor as he is, he sure gets a lot of (crappy) jobs.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 10:59 PM (o10xL)

459 Jurassic Park III - second worst adaptation.  They combined two kids into one kid and made her the adopted daughter of the mathematician?

There was JP 2 and JP 3. I think you're talking about 2. I didn't mind it too much, but I didn't love it as much as the first one.

JP 3 was...meh. I liked that they added in elements of the book into the 3rd movie, that had been left out of the first movie, but it was just kinda thrown together and the plot was stupid. I kept hoping the dinos would eat William H Macy and Tea Leoni.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:00 PM (gofDd)

460 Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 30, 2010 03:55 AM (jVHWM)

Maybe it's been so long that I'd actually enjoy it.  As long as reading the book again was done after watching.  Sahara was my first Pitt book, so I'm a bit on edge about crappy movies from it.  Should probably pick up the Pitt series again... been about 15 years since I read one.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:00 PM (afWhQ)

461 Plan 9 is really not in the bottom 50. This is real moviegique bait, but to me, "worst movies" have to be those that aren't necessarily flawed in execution, but are completely ill-conceived—I mean, nothing's more painful than a flawlessly executed WTF. Painfully bad movies for me are like Atonement, Under The Volcano...for some Raging Bull even falls in this category.

Posted by: moviegique at January 29, 2010 11:00 PM (1y5Vr)

462 Pug, we're trying to forget the Planet of the Apes remake.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:00 PM (jVHWM)

463 No, Troll 2 is so bad it's pure fucking genius.

Another Rifftraxed movie.  Gotta love a movie with the word troll in the title with no trolls in the movie.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 11:00 PM (n72ys)

464 455 I thought Napoleon Dynamite was boring. I couldn't sit through the first 10 minutes.

It's one of those parody of culture reference things, like Psych (though Psych is so much better).

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 29, 2010 11:01 PM (zmiSr)

465 I can't read TV tropes on Crichton - they bash him over their beloved global warming.. even though he was correct.  bitches.

I loved State of Fear. Great book.

Has anyone here seen Evita, and still disputes this?

I saw it. I don't even remember half of it. Or most of it. And Banderas as Che is completely unbelievable.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:01 PM (gofDd)

466 WTR-

You want awful Mummy movies? The original black and white "Mummy" series from the 30s-40s ran for five films. The first one is amazing, the second one is all right. Those two are followed not by one, but by three abysmal sequels (I think the third one spent about 1/3rd of its 70 minute running time showing flashbacks from the previous movie). Not only that, but those three follow the exact same plot almost to the letter.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:01 PM (UKELC)

467 The Honeymooners remake.

WITH CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER AS RALPH! What the hell were they thinking?

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:02 PM (Y9WXU)

468 I kept hoping the dinos would eat William H Macy and Tea Leoni. Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 04:00 AM (gofDd) I keep hoping Tea Leoni will eat me. Dump your chump, I'm a real pirate who's loved you since "Flying Blind", babe (even though it wasn't very good).

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:02 PM (o10xL)

469 There can be only one...

Posted by: LivefromRussianHill at January 29, 2010 11:02 PM (z5cP1)

470 Another wretched book to movie: Queen of the Damned. Excellent book, fucked up movie.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:02 PM (gofDd)

471

Leguizamo I will always associate with Super Mario Bros., a film so offensive to the eye and ear that a killed the people that watched it with me and buried them in shallow graves out in the forest.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 29, 2010 11:02 PM (P33XN)

472 Majority of slasher films look ridiculous, too. What was that one, "Drag Me to Hell"? I laughed when the commercials came on TV. It's beyond campy.

Posted by: Miss'80sBaby at January 29, 2010 11:03 PM (zmiSr)

473 It's funny that movies like the Planet of the Apes remake and The Honeymooners remake get such big advertisement, but I don't remember seeing "Serenity" hyped for the theaters.  Does anyone else?

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:04 PM (jVHWM)

474 Leguizamo I will always associate with Super Mario Bros., a film so offensive to the eye and ear that a killed the people that watched it with me and buried them in shallow graves out in the forest.

Oh thank you VERY much I had totally blocked that from my memory, I think it's called hysterical amnesia or something.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 11:04 PM (n72ys)

475 Leguizamo I will always associate with Super Mario Bros., a film so offensive to the eye and ear that a killed the people that watched it with me and buried them in shallow graves out in the forest. Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 04:02 AM (P33XN) I honestly think he was worse in Ice Age. But Ice Age just kinda got under my skin and really irritated me. It was such a hack job of stupid cliches. With "cute" furry things. Bleh.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:05 PM (o10xL)

476 Rum, the Anne Rice novels never had any appeal to me at all.  I gave up halfway through "Interview" and I'm the guy that will read the back of the cereal box.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:05 PM (jVHWM)

477 I don't remember seeing "Serenity" hyped for the theaters.  Does anyone else?

I remember seeing a few commercials for it.  Also, SciFi channel did some stuff to promote it.

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 11:05 PM (n1uMU)

478 The squirrel is the best part of Ice Age.  I have a disk of just the squirrel clips.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:06 PM (jVHWM)

479 472-

I'm drawing a fine line here, but DMTH wasn't a slasher. It was more of a- well, I don't know what you'd call it. Supernatural slapstick, something like that (It was Raimi, so he was rocking a lot of Evil Dead/AoD stylings). But a slasher it was not- and I say that as somebody who owns and has watched every Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Nightmare on Elm Street multiple times.

And having revealed myself to be the creepy horror nerd, I shall slink off to a corner...

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:06 PM (UKELC)

480 GGE, I actually liked the movie version of Interview better than the book. The book put me to sleep. Anne Rice at least had input for the screenplay. For Queen of the Damned it seems they totally ignored her and mashed it with The Vampire Lestat. It was such drivel, which was really disappointing because the Vampire Lestat was also a great book.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:07 PM (gofDd)

481 Oh, yes.  I always get JP2 and JP3 mixed up in the films, since JP3 has nothing to do with the novels.  Arg.  JP3 wasn't too bad, but it wasn't great.

I have lots of issues with how the kids are portrayed in that series.  They mixed up the roles in JP1... and that was the whole point in the book!  The girl liked boy stuff, the boy liked girl stuff, and then the movie switched it back to standard gender roles.
For JP: The Lost World, though - I liked the godzilla moment in the movie.  It's not in the book, but it was a great addition.  It almost made up for the out-of-character bs they pulled.

And yes, I love the raptors in both films.  The grass scene in #2 was pretty great.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:08 PM (afWhQ)

482 475 Leguizamo I will always associate with Super Mario Bros., a film so offensive to the eye and ear that a killed the people that watched it with me and buried them in shallow graves out in the forest.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at January 30, 2010 04:02 AM (P33XN)


I honestly think he was worse in Ice Age. But Ice Age just kinda got under my skin and really irritated me. It was such a hack job of stupid cliches. With "cute" furry things. Bleh.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 30, 2010 04:05 AM (o10xL)

Clown. Spawn. *shudders*

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:09 PM (Y9WXU)

483 I liked the first Ice Age well enough. The second was sucked. Didn't see the third one. The Fox animated movies just don't appeal to me. I like Pixar for computer animation. The Shrek movies were okay. Not awful, but not great.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:09 PM (gofDd)

484 The squirrel is the best part of Ice Age. I have a disk of just the squirrel clips. Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 30, 2010 04:06 AM (jVHWM) Man, if I had any dirt on you at all, it would have just been mailed to the FBI. Gah. Yuck. No.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:09 PM (o10xL)

485 Any movie that is hailed at Sundance or any of the European film festivals.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:09 PM (QrA9E)

486 Ah, thanks, Vic. You just made me remember "Welcome To the Dollhouse".

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:10 PM (o10xL)

487 Spawn...."You sent me to hell, Jason! I'm here to return the favor!"  haha, great cheesy movie

Posted by: kefka at January 29, 2010 11:10 PM (n1uMU)

488 I liked the godzilla moment in the movie.

Yes! Terrorizing San Diego! (And wow gas was cheap back then! There's a shot of a gas station in one of the scenes.)

The raptors are my favorite. I want one for a pet. That won't eat me.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:10 PM (gofDd)

489 Another good way to tedll a stinker is if it won an Academy Award.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:11 PM (QrA9E)

490 You just made me remember "Welcome To the Dollhouse".

That and Happiness were beyond disturbing. I was scarred after watching both.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:11 PM (gofDd)

491 Why ya hatin' on the squirrel dawg?  That sloth was waaaaay more annoying.  I wanted the tiger to eat all of them halfway through and then die of food poisoning.
Yeah, I have kids so I've seen all three of them.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:12 PM (jVHWM)

492 Heh, will the movie thread hit 666 before the ONT?

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:12 PM (o10xL)

493 This one is only a hundred or so behind.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:14 PM (jVHWM)

494 Has anyone seen any Elvis movies lately? Haven't seen any for years. Maybe the originals were disposed in a fire like Adolf Hitler.

Posted by: chicocano at January 29, 2010 11:14 PM (2n5cq)

495 The raptors are my favorite. I want one for a pet. That won't eat me.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 04:10 AM (gofDd)

That'd be one hell of a vet bill to get one of those bad boys (er, they were all supposed to be girls I guess) declawed!

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:14 PM (Y9WXU)

496 Why ya hatin' on the squirrel dawg? That sloth was waaaaay more annoying. I wanted the tiger to eat all of them halfway through and then die of food poisoning. Yeah, I have kids so I've seen all three of them. Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 30, 2010 04:12 AM (jVHWM) Don't get me wrong, I'm not at all in favour of equal anything, but I just can't decide which one I would tear from the very fabric of time and cast into the void first. That movie made me hate so many things.

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:14 PM (o10xL)

497 The reason I like the squirrel clips is because bad things are always happening to him, like the coyote on the road runner cartoons.
It is funny because the squirrel DIES!

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:16 PM (jVHWM)

498 Denis Leary as the tiger was cool. That's about all that was cool.

Has anyone seen any Elvis movies lately?

I saw part of King Creole and the end of Blue Hawaii. They were so cheesy I liked them. But I'm way lenient about any movie made before the 70s.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:17 PM (gofDd)

499 BTW: IMDB has a search thing for 'worst movies' by category or all time, the top 250 is worth looking at (well bottom 250).

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 11:18 PM (n72ys)

500 Speaking of awful movies...

It's not considered an awful movie in the conventional sense, but I finally watched "A Clockwork Orange" tonight. That's an experience that I hope to never have to repeat again.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:19 PM (UKELC)

501 Good night, and keep remembering the closing scene of "Love Me Tender". Oh and the Cremaster Cycle . . .

Posted by: The Dread Pirate Neck Beard at January 29, 2010 11:20 PM (o10xL)

502 A Clockwork Orange was disturbing on so many levels. I couldn't finish it.

A.I. was bad and boring.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:20 PM (gofDd)

503 Just to pump the post count (well that and the fact that the bottom 100 link is buried a bit) here is the link to IMDB's bottom 100: http://bit.ly/dyZwI6

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 29, 2010 11:21 PM (n72ys)

504 The Pirate with Judy Garland and Gene Kelly was awful. Horrible. Terrible. Eye searingly bad.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:22 PM (gofDd)

505 WTR-

Yeah, I took a break about midway through (When Alex was in the prison courtyard and was picked for the "project"), and considered whether to go on- finally did, because I'm trying to work through all of Kubrick's flicks. Regardless, I found myself uncomfortable throughout- for all of the horror movies that I've seen, this had me feeling more uneasy than almost any of those.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:23 PM (UKELC)

506

Why all the hatin' on Elvis movies? They did one thing very well, act as a vehicle to get his music out there. One thing you can say about the Elvis movie is every stinking one of them made a profit. Something you can not say about any other star.

In any case, he had some I liked, he had some I didn't like. Oh, and I watched Follow That Dream on HD Net Movies a few months ago. That is one of the ones I like.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:26 PM (QrA9E)

507 Tank Girl!  I mention it because it is on right now.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:26 PM (jVHWM)

508 377 Fools Rush In with Matthew Perry and Salma Hayek was awful, too.

At least the opening sequence has Salma Hayek getting up out of an innertube. That was really, really hot.

A truly bad movie has no redeeming qualities.

Posted by: wooga at January 29, 2010 11:26 PM (IhzyJ)

509 Movies that were so bad nobody ever saw them to tell you they exist (or the trauma has deleted them from your brain cells):

Willow
Up from the Depths
Ice Pirates


Posted by: Kyle Kiernan at January 29, 2010 11:27 PM (VO2Bb)

510 Love Story
10

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:27 PM (afWhQ)

511 Tank Girl is a great movie.  It is one of those "bad but good" flicks.

Also, Willow is a good movie.  As is Labrinth (Labrynth?).

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:29 PM (afWhQ)

512 Willow??? My wife loved that movie. I didn't like it but I didn't think it was near as bad as others I have seen.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:29 PM (QrA9E)

513 I had three kids before Willow.
The one that asked to see it had to go.

Posted by: Kyle Kiernan at January 29, 2010 11:30 PM (VO2Bb)

514 Willow was a good movie.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 11:31 PM (LtIsn)

515 509  Willow

That's a Val Kilmer classic.

Actually, other than Top Gun and Heat, has Val Kilmer been in any movie that was any good?

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:32 PM (Y9WXU)

516 515

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was awesome. The Ghost and the Darkness was also pretty good.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:34 PM (UKELC)

517 About "Clockwork Orange" - the movie is a lot better if you know about the final chapter in the book which Kubrick left out of the movie.  It turns the whole story into a story about free will. 

Alex is supposed to be an evil person - and Kubrick tends to glamorize it to a disturbing level.  But the point of the story is that when Alex is robbed of free will, he still remains an evil person.  The final chapter of the book has Alex seeing the one of his old thug buddies and realizing he should change his ways voluntarily.

(text is here: http://pagesperso-orange.fr/chabrieres/texts/clockwork_orange.html)

Posted by: wooga at January 29, 2010 11:34 PM (IhzyJ)

518 63 to go!

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:35 PM (jVHWM)

519 And Tombstone- he was in Tombstone.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:35 PM (UKELC)

520 Actually, other than Top Gun and Heat, has Val Kilmer been in any movie that was any good?

Top Secret.

Posted by: wooga at January 29, 2010 11:35 PM (IhzyJ)

521 Dammit, wrong thread.  Hard to keep them apart.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:35 PM (jVHWM)

522 The Protector (Jackie Chan) - horrible film if only for the weird naked lab ladies.  wtf.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:36 PM (afWhQ)

523 Actually, other than Top Gun and Heat, has Val Kilmer been in any movie that was any good?

The Island of Dr Moreau.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:37 PM (afWhQ)

524 516 515

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was awesome. The Ghost and the Darkness was also pretty good.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 30, 2010 04:34 AM (UKELC)

I've never seen the first one. But I completely forgot about Ghost and the Darkness. And that was pretty good.

Guess I was thinking more about his horrible Batman movie, and The Saint, and the one an old gf had me watch where he was blind.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:38 PM (Y9WXU)

525 Actually, other than Top Gun and Heat, has Val Kilmer been in any movie that was any good?

Real Genius.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 11:39 PM (LtIsn)

526 Wooga-

Thanks for the link. After I watched the movie, I did a bit of research on wikipedia and found out about the novel's ending. I think the themes about free will are still in the film- and pushed to the fore at points- but, from what I read, Kubrick's ending more or less resulted from his seeming need to end most everything he does on an uber-cynical note (Which I don't mind in most cases, but Clockwork Orange was bleak enough as was...). Also, I guess the American version of the novel cuts out that last chapter, and Kubrick wrote the screenplay based off of his reading of that version. I guess he didn't find out about Burgess's true ending until he'd already written up the script, and he didn't want to change it by that point. I do agree with you that that ending radically alters the tone of the story, and its implications.

...That's what wikipedia tells me, anyway.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:39 PM (UKELC)

527 Oh Tombstone too!!! How could I forget about that.

"I'm your huckleberry." That was a good Doc Holliday.

Sorry, Val, didn't mean to trash your reputation.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:39 PM (Y9WXU)

528 Val Kilmer is one pretentious twat.  I saw an interview with him where he claimed he was better at being (insert whatever specialty here) because he had played one in a movie.
I wonder if he has ever portrayed a giant penis, he seems to be good at being a prick.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:40 PM (jVHWM)

529 Oh, and Top Secret.  That movie is hilarious.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 29, 2010 11:40 PM (LtIsn)

530 Jacob's Ladder
Fire in the Sky

Anything with Mr. Sarandon in it.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:40 PM (afWhQ)

531 Val Kilmer good.  liked Top Secret and at least he didn't kill the bat-franchise.

Willow? interminable, boring, pointless, daft.

Posted by: Kyle Kiernan at January 29, 2010 11:41 PM (VO2Bb)

532 Val Kilmer used to be really cute, too. Some stars just don't age well.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:41 PM (gofDd)

533 524-

I'd recommend Kiss Kiss Bang Bang. It's written by Shane Black, who wrote the scripts for Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout, and the like. It's kind of a modern-day action/crime flick with noir trappings, and it's got some solid comedic elements to it. Val Kilmer is pretty good in it, and Robert Downey Jr. is amazing.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:42 PM (UKELC)

534 532 Val Kilmer used to be really cute, too. Some stars just don't age well.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 04:41 AM (gofDd)

See: Robert Redford.  Karma's a bitch.

Also, Luke Wilson.  What happened?  Ok, well... he was a bit girlie to start, though.

Aged well:  Sean Connery, Clint Eastwood (depends.. he might be old and wrinkly, but he still kicks ass)

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:43 PM (afWhQ)

535 The Mission. Had to watch it 3 times, each time in a Spanish class. Also that one about the rainforest in Brazil. Emerald Forest? Something like that.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:44 PM (gofDd)

536 Horrible/obscure Robert Redford movie (well one of them, and fitting for this list) -- Sneakers.

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:47 PM (Y9WXU)

537 The Medicine Man.  I liked it when I first saw it.  Now, I see it's just a pc crapfest. 

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:48 PM (afWhQ)

538 See: Robert Redford.  Karma's a bitch.

Oh, I know! He was a hottie as a young 'un. Now...not so much.

Sean Connery looks amazing, even now. I also agree re Clint.

You know who also didn't age well (altho he was weird looking to begin with): Gene Wilder.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:49 PM (gofDd)

539 Sum of All Fears. Worst John Ryan movie evah!

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:50 PM (gofDd)

540

has Val Kilmer been in any movie that was any good?

Tombstone was good, in fact I thought that was his best movie.  As for Top Gun, other than the F-14 scenes and the bar scene with the "You Lost That Lovin Feelin" I thought that movie was bad.  

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:51 PM (QrA9E)

541 You know who also didn't age well (altho he was weird looking to begin with): Gene Wilder.

Oh man.  Curse you google!  That is scary.

Posted by: soulpile at January 29, 2010 11:51 PM (afWhQ)

542 Worst Jack Ryan -- Affleck or Baldwin?

Posted by: little evil at January 29, 2010 11:52 PM (Y9WXU)

543 Yeah, I saw him on a Boston Legal episode a couple years ago and recoiled in horror.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:53 PM (gofDd)

544 Sex Lives of the Potato Men is HILARIOUS!  Don't let the title dissuade you from seeing it.

It's a British movie about two men who are potato delivery van drivers.  They deliver potatoes to restaurants and so forth.  Apparently that's a job over there, who knew?

If you've seen The Full Monty and thought it was funny, then you'll like this movie too.

It ain't Lawrence of Arabia or Casablanca, but it sure as hell doesn't belong on a list of the WORST movies either.

I'd also like to point out that Battlefield Earth is definitely worse than Batman and Robin.

Battlefield Earth proved beyond all doubt that L. Ron Hubbard's science fiction efforts were just as fucked up and pathetic as his efforts to create a fascist death cult disguised as a religion.


Posted by: Lee at January 29, 2010 11:53 PM (8cnnJ)

545

Sum of All Fears. Worst John Ryan movie evah!

What really pissed me off about that one, other than once again they trashed a good book, was that they used 9-11 as an excuse to go PC on the asshole terrorists.

It should have been the other way around. This was Hollywood at its typical PC BS worst.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:54 PM (QrA9E)

546 Worst Jack Ryan -- Affleck or Baldwin?

Affleck, hands down.

Baldwin was actually pretty good looking when he was skinny. Even as a fat man he doesn't look so bad. And while he's a moonbat of the worst kind, I adore his character on 30 Rock. I think he completely makes the show.

Oh and speaking of Affleck-- Daredevil. That movie was beyond horrible.

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:54 PM (gofDd)

547 WTR-

I saw that in the theater- I've got all of the other Clancy movies (Red October, Patriot Games, Clear and Present Danger) and completist though I am, I can't bring myself to pick up that piece of crap. It's doubly disappointing because the book is actually very good- I'm reading it right now, and the plot is so much better than what I remember from the movie.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:54 PM (UKELC)

548 542 - Affleck.

Posted by: GreenGasEmissions at January 29, 2010 11:55 PM (jVHWM)

549 Even as a fat man he doesn't look so bad. And while he's a moonbat of the worst kind, I adore his character on 30 Rock. I think he completely makes the show.

I was reading a comment- maybe here, maybe someplace else. Somebody was talking about that new movie that he's in with Meryl Streep, and noted that he looks like he's about to explode. I did notice that while watching 30 Rock earlier- between the red face and the neck bulging in the collar, he looks like he's about to spontaneously combust.

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:56 PM (UKELC)

550 ...And I'm out. Enjoyed discussing movies with you all. Have a good night/morning!

Posted by: stanthecaddy at January 29, 2010 11:57 PM (UKELC)

551 Baldwin certainly looks better as a fatty than Al Gore. I noticed on the recent episode Al was on it looked like he'd dropped quite a bit of weight. Stress over the hoax that is AGW?

Posted by: wherestherum at January 29, 2010 11:57 PM (gofDd)

552

The other thing that pissed me off about Sum of All Fears was that I fucked up and bought the DVD based on the other movies in the series instead of waiting for a rental.

They should have renamed the movie because when they got done it had zero tie to the book.

Posted by: Vic at January 29, 2010 11:59 PM (QrA9E)

553 I liked Raise the Titanic

Posted by: Dreagon at January 29, 2010 11:59 PM (vuxje)

554 I have watched the full cut of Heaven's Gate. That is two (count 'em, two) VHS cassettes from the video rental place - and yes, by that I am saying it was a long time ago. I thought it was a remarkable film. There are vignettes of poignancy - most notably the third, final, short act -that remain with me still. To include it in a list with militantly shoddy carbuncles like The Love Guru or Battlefield Earth vitiates the entire endeavour.

Posted by: David Gillies at January 30, 2010 12:03 AM (g4zXx)

555

Anyone on this post cannot tell me that plan 9 is not the worst turkey ever made or conceived. It was supposed to be a shock thriller for the drive inn movie craze of the fifties.

 It starred Bela Lugosi who died about half way through the filming. Ed Wood was not detered,because he used his double who was about a foot taller. The plot was never to be seen. A flaming spaceship landing ,was a pie plate loaded with lighter fluid riding on a wire. The so called heroes ran through a cemetery where the headstones fell over like  cardboard. The spaceship lands, and they open the door, where they see a table and chairs. Don't forget the curtains around the window. You get the drift. The most awesome turkey ever, complete with an action trailer.

Posted by: chicocano at January 30, 2010 12:04 AM (2n5cq)

556 #479 "Drag Me To Hell" is what I call a "funhouse horror". The whole point is to shock you and make you laugh as well. "Evil Dead 2" was much the same. There aren't nearly enough funhouse horrors. It's not quite camp (when done well) but there's full knowledge that a shriek will be followed by a laugh. (Unlike the more "serious" horror flicks.

Posted by: moviegique at January 30, 2010 01:05 AM (1y5Vr)

557 #555 Actually, that's not true about "Plan 9". Lugosi died well before "Plan 9" was begun. The footage of him was stuff that Wood had in the can from years (literally) earlier. The plot is fairly straightforward, if showing early signs of Wood's descent into alcoholism: Aliens plan to invade (hamper? destroy?) earth by reanimating the dead, in a bid to keep us from discovering solarinite (from memory, wtf!) which will allow us to build a bomb that destroys the universe. You're attacking it for low production values which, IMO, misses the point. It's really the combination of low productions values, delirious plotting and idiosyncratic dialogue that make P9FOS the pile of celluloid awesomeness it is. Even though Wood was just sort of approximating movie-making, there was never anyone else who could genuinely duplicate the strange mix of earnestness and cynicism of Ed Wood. And anyone who thinks Tim Burton's movie Ed Wood is about what a _bad_ director Ed Wood was, they've missed the point.

Posted by: moviegique at January 30, 2010 01:15 AM (1y5Vr)

558 Ed Wood's stuff is so bad that it wraps around and becomes a parody of itself and therefore good.


Posted by: Lee at January 30, 2010 01:24 AM (8cnnJ)

559

I went from loving to hating Sam Raimi because of Spiderman 3.  Click on the link.

 

Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 30, 2010 02:33 AM (euuyg)

560 Metalstorm; The Destruction of Jared-Syn

Posted by: eman at January 30, 2010 02:44 AM (4tixt)

561 Any Lambada movie.

Posted by: mikey at January 30, 2010 02:56 AM (xfRfG)

562

I'll stick up for Raise the Titanic. There's only so much you can do to make a Clive Cussler novel into a movie on that budget. But I'd read the book the year before and loved it. Yeah, I was in fourth grade, don't care. Still have it on VHS.

Admittedly Richard Jordan was not a good pick for Dirk Pitt, but Jordan (God rest him) should have gotten a posthumous Oscar for Gettysburg.

Posted by: SGT Dan at January 30, 2010 03:08 AM (GgXZc)

563 When these lists come out, I'm always amazed at the films some people think were bad...The comments here just show that, very often, a film gets called 'bad' because some idiot doesn't get the fucking point.

Posted by: nickless at January 30, 2010 03:12 AM (MMC8r)

564

notice that no John Wayne movies are listed in the "bad" category.

we're snowed in here in south central Virginia so I'll be watching the "Duke".

Posted by: kelley in virginia at January 30, 2010 03:22 AM (TEIZr)

565 I gotta say, Windtalkers was pretty bad.  One of the few war movies I almost just turned off and walked away from.  Maybe it was because I had just watched the Band of Brothers series that clouded my judgement.  To go from an excellent war series to a Nic Cage war flick was probably not good timing.

Posted by: CDR M at January 30, 2010 03:30 AM (cvmTR)

566 Anybody list American Beauty?  What a pretentious piece of nonsense.  The main message of that movie is that suburban life sucks and everybody in the suburbs are hypocrites that'll be "reformed" if they only shun their responsibilities.  As a bonus, American Beauty has the military-personnel-are-evil theme, with the Marine character being a Nazi-memorabilia collecting, closeted, hard-ass control freak.

What really irked me at the time is American Beauty won five (?) Academy Awards!

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 03:32 AM (otlXg)

567 Thank you, nickless! I can't believe one of the early poster named "Stalker" - probably my favorite film!!!!! It's not for everyone, that's for sure, but it's absolutely a great film. And "Night of the Hunter" was named here! you've got to be kidding. great film.

Posted by: BlackOrchid at January 30, 2010 03:40 AM (SB0V2)

568 Vegas Vacation.

The National Lampoon Vacation series peaked at Vacation, although I'd say that Christmas Vacation is actually a bit better than European Vacation.  But there is nothing redeeming about Vegas Vacation - what a crap-fest!

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:02 AM (otlXg)

569 Oh, Jurassic Crock! How could I ever forget Jurassic Crock?

Posted by: Dread President Obama at January 30, 2010 04:05 AM (yO8ge)

570 Was "The Day After Tomorrow" on that list? It certainly should be. Effects laden dreck with a ridiculous story, and then it got enviro-preachy at the end. Crap, utter crap. For me, I hate most movies where all of humanity dies ever since a certain day 8 years ago, but that's all Roland Emmerich seems to make.

Posted by: UGAdawg at January 30, 2010 04:08 AM (/VjHB)

571 I'm sure I'll take some grief for this, but I'd have to put The Big Lebowski right up there in this worst movie category. I saw it for the very first time this past Christmas, and could barely sit through it. One of my relatives (who is a flaming liberal) insisted on having it in the lineup for a family movie-watching gathering. He declared it his all-time favorite and claimed to have watched it something like 100 times or more. For me, it was excruciatingly painful to endure.

Posted by: Soap MacTavish at January 30, 2010 04:08 AM (554T5)

572 The Highlander was actually a great movie before part 2 came out.  See, the Highlander 2 was so goddam bad it actually fucked up the first one.  Tells me Sean Connery is a bit of a douche.  He should have bailed on the 2nd one when he saw the script.  Or better yet, bet the shit out the writers with his left thumb like he did to that mug in the Prisidio.

Posted by: scottythrust at January 30, 2010 04:09 AM (VTeUD)

573

There are some awful movies on that list but none are any worse than the following:

Phantom of the Paradise
Cinderella Liberty
Cover Me Babe
The Strawberry Statement

Showgirls (on the list) and Amistad (not on the list but mentioned by morons) were both utterly horrible. What else did they have in common? NPR followed the making of both films with weekly updates and praised them as works of cinematic genius.

Posted by: Tinian at January 30, 2010 04:11 AM (7+pP9)

574 571 Was "The Day After Tomorrow" on that list? It certainly should be. Effects laden dreck with a ridiculous story, and then it got enviro-preachy at the end. Crap, utter crap. For me, I hate most movies where all of humanity dies ever since a certain day 8 years ago, but that's all Roland Emmerich seems to make.

Damn, forgot about that one.  I would say that 2012 is a better disaster movie than The Day After Tommorow.  Hell, even Independance Day is better.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:13 AM (otlXg)

575 Oh yeah.  American Beauty was a big steaming POS

Posted by: Amused Observer at January 30, 2010 04:14 AM (EioPx)

576 The Day After Tomorrow is probably the worst Roland Emmerich flick, but Godzilla is the second-worst.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:18 AM (otlXg)

577 Glad to see anything Matrix on the list. Pseudo cerebral bullshit, those movies were. That being said (goodbye credibility), Glitter wasn't THAT bad. No one pretended that it was Academy Award bound. A lot of movies we could like become reasons to tease us because we could like them because the end result comes nowhere near the fanfare that precedes them. Like anything Kill Bill. At least Glitter had a plot. The acting was similar.

Opinions. Take Limburger cheese.Whether you like it or not, it would be difficult to say it didn't impact your senses with a very loud memory and perhaps that is Limburger cheese's only goal in life. Some people actually like it. Some people actually make it and, who knows, they might even be proud of their "skill". Both parties are okay with it. They may or may not belong in the lowest caste of Obama's Global Paradise like me, perhaps, for defending Glitter. We must wait until He decides. I believe He will address those crises as soon as He has fixed the Great NCAA Football BCS Crisis.

Because, really, at the end of the day, it is what it is.

Which reminds me. Would anyone here consider writing out a top ten or twenty most pretentious and over used catch phrases? 

Posted by: ed davis at January 30, 2010 04:25 AM (OXIwN)

578 Anything with David Caruso will be a suck fest.

Posted by: TC at January 30, 2010 04:27 AM (QXKjZ)

579 What was missed, hmmm?  How about Doom, starring one of the worst actors of all time, The Rock? 

That movie was doomed from the start, as it was based off the Doom 3 video game.  But WTF was with the directors making the monsters' origin genetic instead of from Hell?  The only grace for that movie was the 5-10 minute FPS point of view.  If they had made the movie more like that, it might have been better despite the horrible script.

And Uwe Boll had better never touch the GoW franchise.  I can just imagine him casting somebody like Christian Slater for the role of Kratos, which would displease me (and the other GoW fanboys) greatly. 

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:27 AM (otlXg)

580
I saw this movie from the fifties awhile back called "The Twonkey" on one of the cable movie channels. Hands down, it was easily the worse movie I have ever seen. Makes an Ed Wood movie look like something from Cecille B. Demille or Orson Welles

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 04:27 AM (t72+4)

581 I take it most of you have never seen Showgirls.  Otherwise you would not even be discussing any other movie.  I guess if you're a guy at least it has some tits, but jeez-o-pete that has to be the worst script ever, and the acting is just beyond horrible.  Even Gina Gershon couldn't save it. 

Posted by: rockmom at January 30, 2010 04:32 AM (w/gVZ)

582 579 Anything with David Caruso will be a suck fest.

Jade wasn't too bad...oh, nobody believes that!  I just watched it on Skinemax because it had Linda Fiorentino doing things in it.  Decadent things...

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:32 AM (otlXg)

583 Any movie based on a video game is probably going to suck. Conversely, any video game based on a movie is probably going to suck. There are exceptions. For example, the Star Wars series on SNES. Those were pretty fun. I just don't know of any movies based on any video games that are worth a shit.

Posted by: ed davis at January 30, 2010 04:33 AM (OXIwN)

584
Dear leader speaks:

"The Middle East is obviously an issue that has plagued the region for centuries."
-Barack Obama



Posted by: Pre Paid Sex Monster at January 30, 2010 04:36 AM (0fzsA)

585
I take it most of you have never seen
Showgirls.  Otherwise you would not even be discussing any other movie.  I guess if you're a guy at least it has some tits and ass, but jeez-o-pete that has to be the worst script ever, and the acting is just beyond horrible.  Even Gina Gershon couldn't save it. 

Posted by: rockmom at January 30, 2010 09:32 AM (w/gVZ)



FIFY and also, thats why it doesnt make the list. Gratuitous T&A makes even the worse movie worth watching.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 04:37 AM (t72+4)

586 When is the 10 best movie list getting posted? I want to see how Crossroads does.

Posted by: Britney Spears at January 30, 2010 04:38 AM (4Kl5M)

587 Wow. I guess his save will be that this solar system is the region he is referring to? And then his legions of star-ships land...

Posted by: ed davis at January 30, 2010 04:38 AM (OXIwN)

588

I saw this movie from the fifties awhile back called "The Twonkey" on one of the cable movie channels. Hands down, it was easily the worse movie I have ever seen. Makes an Ed Wood movie look like something from Cecille B. Demille or Orson Welles

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 09:27 AM (t72+4)

I thought it was great!

Posted by: Tinian at January 30, 2010 04:39 AM (7+pP9)

589 "Being There" - which gave us our current president
"Zelig"
"Popeye" - Robin Williams just can't do comedy

I was subjected to these things because my brother has exquisitely bad taste in movies and I was a kid at the time with no other way to get to the movies.

"Dogville" - This may have gotten better after the first 5 minutes but at the time I didn't feel I would live long enough to make it worth finding out

"Shooter" - the stereotypes of Southerners and the conspiracy mongering was too much for me

"Loose Change"

Posted by: Voluble at January 30, 2010 04:39 AM (nZNTl)

590 584 Any movie based on a video game is probably going to suck.

The only such movie that I can think of that is watchable-bad is Resident Evil.  But the latter two RE movies, dear Lord! Resident Evil: Degeneration, which was CGI and not live-action, was actually pretty decent and took elements from the Resident Evil 1 through 4 games.

I've heard rumors that there's a live action RE:4 movie.  Doesn't Paul Anderson ever learn?!

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:39 AM (otlXg)

591 Night of the Lepus starring DeForest Kelley Horrible movie about atomic killer rabbits.

Posted by: artesianorst at January 30, 2010 04:41 AM (o8UHF)

592 Transylvania 6-5000, one of the only movies I've ever walked out of. To bad Jeff Goldbloom is dead.

Posted by: RobD at January 30, 2010 04:43 AM (wGIVf)

593 592 Night of the Lepus starring DeForest Kelley Horrible movie about atomic killer rabbits.

Here's a review about it, done by Phelous of the That Guy With the Glasses website.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 04:46 AM (otlXg)

594
Transylvania 6-5000, one of the only movies I've ever walked out of. To bad Jeff Goldbloom is dead.

Posted by: RobD at January 30, 2010 09:43 AM (wGIVf)






He's been dead for twenty years, but somehow he keeps making movies.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 04:47 AM (t72+4)

595 American Buffalo with Dustin Hoffman was in incredible waste of Dustin Hoffman. Contrasted with Little Big Man, the examination of underlying American sociopolitical issues of the time was pathetic.

Posted by: ed davis at January 30, 2010 04:49 AM (OXIwN)

596 I wonder if B-movie directors compile a list of 50 worst websites?

Posted by: Mr. Roper at January 30, 2010 04:50 AM (hAfJc)

597 Yentl....hands down.

Posted by: Tami at January 30, 2010 04:51 AM (VuLos)

598
Anyone who thinks that Hollywood isn't falling apart should consider the following lists. The first is the winners of the Oscar for Best Picture from 1950 through 1959:

All About Eve
An American in Paris
The Greatest Show on Earth
From here to Eternity
On the Waterfront
Marty
Around the World in Eighty Days
The Bridge on the River Kwai
Gigi
Ben-Hur

And the now the list of winners for Best Picture from 2000 through 2008:

Gladiator
A Beautiful Mind
Chicago
LOTR: The Return of the King
Million Dollar Baby
Crash
The Departed
No Country for Old Men
Slumdog Millionaire

The 1950s movies, at the very least, were solidly crafted and entertaining. I can't think of any that I wouldn't mind seeing again, and at least half are classics.

The 2000 list is, I think, a real drop off. Only two are classics, I think: "Chicago" and "LOTR". "Beautiful Mind" was Ron Howard's consolation prize, the Oscar he should have won for "Apollo 13", but not much of a movie in its own right. "Crash" is a piece of crap. The rest: meh.

Posted by: Brown Line at January 30, 2010 04:51 AM (YBJK6)

599 Another really bad movie was The Klansman, the only reason I watched it was because it was filmed near where I grew up. Stared Lee Marvin, Richard Burtin, Comoran Michale and O.J. Really nasty rape scene where Comoran rapes a black girl.

Posted by: RobD at January 30, 2010 04:53 AM (wGIVf)

600 595
Transylvania 6-5000, one of the only movies I've ever walked out of. To bad Jeff Goldbloom is dead.

Posted by: RobD at January 30, 2010 09:43 AM (wGIVf)
He's been dead for twenty years, but somehow he keeps making movies.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 09:47 AM (t72+4)


And thus begins the zombie apocalypse.

Posted by: Josef K. at January 30, 2010 04:55 AM (7+pP9)

601 A lot of video games these days are better than movies. In a way, they are movies. They are movies that we get to participate in. And damned good movies at that.

Posted by: ed davis at January 30, 2010 04:55 AM (OXIwN)

602

I also hated Amadeus and Moulin Rouge. I can't understand why they were popular. Both almost made me frow up.

Posted by: Tinian at January 30, 2010 04:56 AM (7+pP9)

603
For the love of god, I was just getting ready to make breakfast and discovered that we are all out of bacon and theres a raging blizzard outside.


Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 04:56 AM (t72+4)

604 I just got up and don't have time to go through all the postings.  Mama Mia is a pitiful laugh riot I watched on HBO one rainy day.  Ruined Pierce Brosnan for me forever.  And Wicker Man.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:00 AM (UOM48)

605 Blazer, do you mean to tell me that you'd let a raging blizzard keep you from getting bacon?  What a puss!

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:02 AM (UOM48)

606 Blazer:

Next you'll say you don't have any pudding in the house.  WTF.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 30, 2010 05:04 AM (n72ys)

607 OT but did someone buy Susan Collins a spine?

Weekly Republican radio address:

http://tinyurl.com/yb53asn

Posted by: Tami at January 30, 2010 05:04 AM (VuLos)

608 "Mama Mia is a pitiful laugh riot I watched on HBO one rainy day. " I was going to watch that, but I was too busy hitting myself in the nuts with a hammer.

Posted by: UGAdawg at January 30, 2010 05:05 AM (/VjHB)

609 Any, and I mean any movie with J Lo or Ben Afflicted in it. 

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:07 AM (UOM48)

610
Blazer, do you mean to tell me that you'd let a raging blizzard keep you from getting bacon?  What a puss!

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 10:02 AM (UOM4


Hell no, I have a Jeep Grand Cherokee Laredo. Just need to get dressed and I'm off. Hell, i'm getting sausage too.


Blazer:

Next you'll say you don't have any pudding in the house.  WTF.

Posted by: Evil-Bun-Bun at January 30, 2010 10:04 AM (n72ys)


No, but I do have some buttermilk pancake mix, which will make an adequate substitute.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 05:11 AM (t72+4)

611 Heaven's Gate, there is actually a good 90 minute film in there somewhere. But it was buried under Michael Cimino's own arrogant self indulgence. There is a Book called Money Art and Ego, the story of the unmaking of Heaven's Gate. The book does a really good job telling how things were allowed to get that far.

Posted by: Gary B at January 30, 2010 05:12 AM (1gWfF)

612 I can't believe "The Incredible Lightness of Boring" didn't make the bottom 10.  Oh and what about "La Feme Neketa".

Posted by: Paladin at January 30, 2010 05:14 AM (XZu3c)

613 Sounds like the reviewer for Transformers II was some kind of liberal pansy. 

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 05:15 AM (YxJoH)

614 "Sex Lives of the Potato Men"?
Holy shit, it really is a movie.  Now, how the hell did I miss that one? 

Posted by: antisocialist at January 30, 2010 05:15 AM (Rwudm)

615 The worst movie I've ever seen was called Pushing Tin with John Cusack and Billy Bob Thorton. 

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 05:15 AM (YxJoH)

616 A stinker from my childhood:  "Johny Soko and his Flying Robot"

The movie starts with a Johny being on an island.  A good guy tells Johnny, "An atomic bomb will go off in 5 minutes....... run!"   Then it starts being unbelievable.

Posted by: LousisanaLightning at January 30, 2010 05:16 AM (Nsz+x)

617 Plan 9 is badly done schlock, but it's so far from 'the worst movie ever made' to say so is laughable.  Go watch 'Blood Feast' and get back to me on that one.

And Being There?  You've got to be fucking kidding me!  A satire on our TV/soundbite culture featuring Peter Sellers' best performance ever?  What, not enough pratfalls for you?

And the original Andromeda Strain is right down the pipe everything it should have been.  Easily the best hard-SF movie I can think of.  You want bad, check out the Bravo remake from a year-or-so ago.

Shit, even Zardoz is a much better story than you pukes give it credit for.  Sure, it's nuts, but it's a brilliantly mad vision, and all you weasels can go on about is 'Connery in a diaper.'  Well, it worked for Tarzan.

"Popeye" - Robin Williams just can't do comedy

No, Popeye is proof that Robert Altman can't do comedy.  Williams was fine for the part, Fieffer's script was fine, it was Altman and his verite, slow, ponderous, lifeless style that beat the fuck out of that film.

Posted by: nickless at January 30, 2010 05:17 AM (MMC8r)

618 Holy shit, it really is a movie.  Now, how the hell did I miss that one?

I've never seen it, but I think one of the guys in it is one of the pirates throughout Pirates of the Caribbean.  He's funny in those movies. 

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 05:17 AM (YxJoH)

619 I can't believe "The Incredible Lightness of Boring" didn't make the bottom 10.  Oh and what about "La Feme Neketa".

Posted by: Paladin at January 30, 2010 10:14 AM (XZu3c)

I get dragged through "La Femme Nikita" every single time it comes on - hubby thinks it's some kind of cinematic masterpiece.  I think it blows.

Posted by: antisocialist at January 30, 2010 05:17 AM (Rwudm)

620 I've never seen it, but I think one of the guys in it is one of the pirates throughout Pirates of the Caribbean.  He's funny in those movies. 

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 10:17 AM (YxJoH)

Yeah, Mackenzie Crook plays one of the two pirates that keep calling Keira Knightley "poppet" - the one with the glass eye, if I'm not mistaken. 

Posted by: antisocialist at January 30, 2010 05:20 AM (Rwudm)

621 That's the one.  Thanks, didn't know his name.

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 05:21 AM (YxJoH)

622 Clint Eastwood singing, "I Talk to the Trees" in Paint Your Wagon.  Comedy gold.  Actually, I liked the film (I'm a girl, I like some musicals.  Bite me.) 

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:22 AM (UOM48)

623 I can't remember the name, but there was a Western that came out in the '70's, it was in 3D and it was absolutely terrible.  The first and only movie I ever walked out on, and that was saying a lot back then.

Posted by: antisocialist at January 30, 2010 05:23 AM (Rwudm)

624 Heh.  O/T, on Fox this morning they were talking about the Toyota recall.  The head of Toyota left the presser and drove away in.....an Audi. 

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:25 AM (UOM48)

625 I thought Titanic was pretty awful. 

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 05:26 AM (YxJoH)

626 Wonder how many morons are without power this morning?  It's just cold rain here, but Mr. D'oh and I are both sick.  Stay warm, guys.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:36 AM (UOM48)

627

I watched a bit of a 2007 production of Marco Polo last night.

...know who played Kublai Khan???

BRIAN FUCKING DENNEHY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: beedubya at January 30, 2010 05:39 AM (AnTyA)

628

OT: from Rasmussen

The president in the speech declared that his administration has cut taxes for 95% of Americans. He even chided Republicans for not applauding on that point. However, just 21% of voters nationwide believe that taxes have been cut for 95% of Americans. Most (53%) say it has not happened, and 26% are not sure. Other polling shows that nearly half the nation’s voters expect their own taxes to go up during the Obama years.

The president also asserted that “after two years of recession, the economy is growing again.” Just 35% of voters believe that statement is true, while 50% say it is false.

Obama claimed that steps taken by his team are responsible for putting two million people to work “who would otherwise be unemployed.” Just 27% of voters say that statement is true. Fifty-one percent (51%) say it’s false. …

As for the claim about two million jobs, 46% of Democrats say it’s true, while 77% of Republicans say it’s not. As for those not affiliated with either major party, 24% say it’s true, and 59% say it’s false.

 

Posted by: Beelzebub at January 30, 2010 05:42 AM (nyIPp)

629

Brown Line,

Movies -have- gotten better, it's the oscars that have gotten worse.

 

Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 30, 2010 05:43 AM (euuyg)

630 I'm totally pissed that "Pearl Harbor" wasn't included on this list. That was three hours of pure fucking torture.

Posted by: Dr. Evil at January 30, 2010 05:47 AM (UT5mg)

631 nickless, we are so on the same page. Altho I kind of liked Blood Feast because I'm twisted like that. never walked out on a film myself but remember going to the critics' open of "Prospero's Books" and being the only one left at the end - the CRITICS walked out first! But I kind of liked it!

Posted by: BlackOrchid at January 30, 2010 05:50 AM (SB0V2)

632

Ghostbusters 2.  Bad on its own, utter failure given the perfection of the first installment.

Yor, Hunter from The Future.  So bad you have to make it to the end.

Freddy Got Fingered.  Whoever mentioned this before is spot on.  I only made it to the end because I was paralyzed from the shock of such a piece of shit movie.

Caddyshack 2.  See Ghostbusters two, except it wasn't even good on its own.

Titanic.  Just the number of times the main couple experienced near death was enough to make the movie tiresome.  Then there's the rest of the bad.

Anything prior to anything called Episode IV.  Common knowledge.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at January 30, 2010 05:51 AM (U37Ux)

633 Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 05:53 AM (UOM48)

634

136 129 I don't see how Eyes Wide Shut isn't on that list. I second that. I think critics liked this movie because they either didn't want to admit it that they didn't understand it, or because it was Kubrick's last movie. Or both. Posted by: Jason at January 30, 2010 12:31 AM (sV0Yw) That movie made sex appear to be boring and unappealing. Kind of like space travel in 2001.

yep, any list of this kind must have Eyes Wide Shut on it. it was so painful and un-sexy and boring and stupid and long. by that stage in his life it's apparent that Kubrik was senile or running on fumes. it stunk.

Posted by: exceller at January 30, 2010 05:54 AM (Z7Znk)

635 Oh yeah, did anyone mention that 80's space flick with Molly Ringwald in it?  Pure fucking hilarity!

Posted by: Burn the Witch at January 30, 2010 05:54 AM (U37Ux)

636 Agree with 17, Manos Hands of Fate is the worst ever.  Followed closely by Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Posted by: gman at January 30, 2010 05:55 AM (ifq/U)

637
Oh yeah, did anyone mention that 80's space flick with Molly Ringwald in it?  Pure fucking hilarity!

Posted by: Burn the Witch at January 30, 2010 10:54 AM (U37Ux)





Yea, that would be Spacehunter: Adventures In The Forbidden Zone. Corman's, Battle Beyond The Stars was pretty gottdamm awful too, but it had Sandahl Bergman in skimpy space garb, so it at least had that going for it.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 06:00 AM (t72+4)

638 Time for something good to watch - Robot David Schuster on Redeye.  http://is.gd/7motL

Posted by: Countrysquire at January 30, 2010 06:01 AM (X0WG3)

639 The Unforgiven on AMC right now.  It's All Cowboys All Day.  Nice cozy tv watching. 

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 06:04 AM (UOM48)

640 I have only seen two of the fifty, Showgirls and Plan 9.    I thought Striptease was worse than Showgirls.  How could Armegeddon not make this list?

Posted by: Countrysquire at January 30, 2010 06:12 AM (X0WG3)

641

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.

Agreed.

Posted by: Tinian at January 30, 2010 06:12 AM (7+pP9)

642

#633  Yor, Hunter from The Future.  So bad you have to make it to the end.

I only know of this "masterpiece" because Spoony did a review of it.

Santa's Slay and Skinned Deep?  ugh.

Oh, another bad movie just popped into my head: The House of Sand and Fog

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 06:19 AM (9hSKh)

643 #635
Early in the movie there is a 4 second scene during which Nicole Kidman takes of her clothes to reveal a very nice body. At that point I should have turned off the TV. Awful beyond measure. How Kubrick filled a movie with naked women and then made it boring is beyond me.

Posted by: NJConservative at January 30, 2010 06:20 AM (/Ywwg)

644 Your weapons have absolutely no effect on me!

Posted by: Prince of Space at January 30, 2010 06:22 AM (dcKUM)

645 If we're going for high-budget bombs, how about X-men 3? 

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 06:22 AM (9hSKh)

646 540 - Val Kilmer was the best Doc Holiday ever. Dennis Quaid was second.  No one has ever cast a Doc at the right age.  In "Gunfight at the OK Corral" and "My Darling Clementine"  Kirk Douglas and Victor Mature were too old and looked too healthy.  For all of John Fords directorial skills, "Clementine" was a hatchet job on a story that was very entertaining when told accurately; watch "Toombstone."  I saw "Clementine" at the theater when it was re-released in the 50s, and it was spoiled for me when I learned the true story of OK Corral. 

Posted by: Pelayo at January 30, 2010 06:23 AM (8NGHm)

647

And Spiderman 3 had one thing going for it - Kristen Dunce getting punched in the face. 

 

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 06:24 AM (9hSKh)

648

How could Armegeddon not make this list?

I always thought that if they had combined all the good of Armageddon and Deep Impact, while tossing all the bad, we could have been left with a good meteor movie with a runtime of under 1:45. 

Posted by: Burn the Witch at January 30, 2010 06:26 AM (U37Ux)

649 I can tell most of you are too young to remember "Ishtar" so I can forgive you for your ignorance. But if you ever want to have a good beer and pizza party rent "Ishtar". It is so bad you will not believe. It stars Dustin Hoffman and Warren Beaty. They thought they were the two best actors in Hollywood and that just being in a movie would be a smash hit. They were wrong. They ad lib throughout the movie and the plot is terrible. No one can describe it well enough to do it credit. "The Happening" looks like "Gone With The Wind" compared to "Ishtar." 

Posted by: inspectorudy at January 30, 2010 06:28 AM (Vo1wX)

650

Posted by: Jack Burton

I loved you in Big Trouble in Little China.

Posted by: huerfano at January 30, 2010 06:29 AM (sf1Eo)

651 You morons probably liked Oceans 11 and 12, but I can't get into anything with Clooney, Pitt, et al anymore simply because I can't get past the fact they're lefty loons.  All I can see in these guys (and Julia Roberts, too) is their politics.  So they're dead to me.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 06:31 AM (UOM48)

652 No film was worse than Battlefield Earth? And what, no honorable mention for the affront to the memory of Robert A. Heinlein that was Starship Troopers?

Posted by: section9 at January 30, 2010 06:34 AM (H6lGz)

653 I didn't think Heavens Gate was that bad.  Of course, I watched it during a bout of flu with codeine overtones.

Posted by: huerfano at January 30, 2010 06:36 AM (sf1Eo)

654 I was forced to watch Legends of the Fall on a flight to L.A. one time.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 06:36 AM (UOM48)

655
And what, no honorable mention for the affront to the memory of Robert A. Heinlein that was
Starship Troopers?

Posted by: section9 at January 30, 2010 11:34 AM (H6lGz)





What saved that movie was Clancy Brown as the Drill Sgt. and Michael Ironside as the teacher. Doogie Howser was pretty good as well in it.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 06:39 AM (t72+4)

656  The Happening wasn't that bad.  Not 8th-worst-movie-of-all-time bad.  It shouldn't even be on the list.

Posted by: the peanut gallery at January 30, 2010 06:41 AM (mg/vv)

657

"The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" and

"The Apple"

Those two should be in the top five.

Posted by: Blazer at January 30, 2010 06:45 AM (t72+4)

658

658  The Happening wasn't that bad.  Not 8th-worst-movie-of-all-time bad.  It shouldn't even be on the list.

So, Marky-Mark, Bones's even more retarded sister, hammy acting, a "story" with plot-holes you can drive a Star-Destroyer through, all for a movie whose sole gimmack is that it's M. Night's first R rated film isn't enough for you?

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 06:48 AM (9hSKh)

659 Worst movie I ever saw was The Dark Backward, although the second Lord of the Rings movie came close.

I kid, but Jackson's brutal violation of the story and ideals of the books with a barbed steel cactus was too much to take.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at January 30, 2010 06:48 AM (PQY7w)

660 Ok, this topic has been beat to death.  Can we haz new thread?

Posted by: Tami at January 30, 2010 06:50 AM (VuLos)

661

There really ought to be separate categories for movies that try hard to be A movies and fail spectacularly (Matrix 2, Bram Stoker's Dracula) and the ones that are okay with being mediocre B movies but of course pale in comparison to good A movies. An entertaining B movie beats a bad A movie any day of the week. 

So by that metric, Night of the Comet, probably one of the worst movies ever made, is superior to Phantom Menace.

Posted by: Average Jen at January 30, 2010 06:51 AM (fRnux)

662 #2, I liked Heaven's Gate too. Are we going to hell?

Posted by: bullwhacker at January 30, 2010 06:55 AM (aMpG9)

663 All I can see in these guys (and Julia Roberts, too) is their politics.  So they're dead to me.

Posted by: Jane D'oh!

My thoughts too. ..but, it's not so much their politics. It's the fact that they have to be so in-your-face and offensive about it.

...thing is..if you listen to these idiots, none of them really are very knowledgeable on politics. They just parrot the lefty line.

I have acquanintances who know Clooney pretty well. They went to HS and then collge with him at Northern KY University...where he flunked out after a year. To a person, they all think he is pretty much a dumbfuck and a douchebag.

They're from a very, very small town on the Ohio River called Maysville, Kentucky. Not too much goes on there, and you would think that being the hometown of one of the biggest celebrities on the planet would be a source of pride. No so. It seems he's almost an embarrassment there.

One of my favorite actors...Paul Newman...was a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat. I had seen interviews where he was aked to expound on his political beliefs. he would give some generalities...and then move on. He had an emotional maturaity that these other assclowns sorely lack.

This thread is about the worst movies, but two of my favorite are Newman movies...The Verdict and Absence of Malice

 

Posted by: beedubya at January 30, 2010 06:56 AM (AnTyA)

664 Where's Rum?

Posted by: conscious, but incoherent at January 30, 2010 07:00 AM (Vu6sl)

665

I went through an art-house phase in my 20s...ergo, I watched "Magnolia."  This effectively ended my art-house phase, but at least it served as a touchstone for gauging movie critics--I now know not to trust the cyborg formerly known as Roger Ebert.  

I had to go watch "Saving Private Ryan" to re-qualify for my man card.  

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at January 30, 2010 07:04 AM (DPM1U)

666 I'd like to project out that any biopic ever to be produced about the Boy-King automatically qualifies for #1 worst movie experience. 

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at January 30, 2010 07:06 AM (DPM1U)

667 Could somebody tell me if "The Piano" was on that list because that site is so fucked up there's no way I'm going through 50 pages of garbage.  I hated that movie so fucking much I was really pissed off that Holly Hunter didn't get her leg permanently stuck to her beloved piano and go down to Davey Jones's Locker with it; no I'm not talking about her character, I wanted Holly Hunter to die along with everybody else associated with that POS flick including that man-hating scrunt Jane Campion.  Even Harvey Keitel was a pussy in that horrible movie.

Posted by: Captain Hate at January 30, 2010 07:08 AM (mnCO0)

668 Gotta defend Tarantino, just a bit. Liked opening scene of "Bastards." Smother the good guys with kindness, then snuff them out. Sadistic, but very Nazi as well. His best though was Reservoir Dogs. - Mr. Pink.

Posted by: bullwhacker at January 30, 2010 07:08 AM (aMpG9)

669

#664  I liked Heaven's Gate too. Are we going to hell?

Probably

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 07:08 AM (9hSKh)

670

666 Where's Rum?

Still feasting on blood sleeping?

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 07:09 AM (9hSKh)

671

OT, now that the topic has been thoroughly explored:

http://tinyurl.com/yzuyvs4

You would think the administration has more pressing issues than the BCS.

Posted by: The Outlaw in the Heavenly Hall at January 30, 2010 07:09 AM (zxrQh)

672

I was forced to watch Legends of the Fall on a flight to L.A. one time.

I went to see it with a friend who just loved it, she was in tears at the end.  I was in agony through the whole thing.  It just would not end. 

Posted by: huerfano at January 30, 2010 07:10 AM (sf1Eo)

673

Xanadu often gets mentioned as a dreadul movie, and yeah, the director is a left wing fruitcake who made the "documentary" Outfoxed...

But wasn'tt Olivia Newton John glorious looking in that movie?"  C'mon, you gotta admit.

Posted by: Reggie1971 at January 30, 2010 07:10 AM (xIqkW)

674
New thread sure would be cool right about now.  This one is stale and starting to grow mold.

Posted by: Dang Straights at January 30, 2010 07:12 AM (SWzJP)

675

But wasn'tt Olivia Newton John glorious looking in that movie?" 

I may be showing my age here, but yeah.  I was a big fan of Olivia Neutron Bomb's ass.

Posted by: The Outlaw in the Heavenly Hall at January 30, 2010 07:13 AM (zxrQh)

676 .really cool...like Barry Lyndon except set in the Old West.

"really cool" and "Barry Lyndon" should never be in the same sentence other than:  I thought it was really cool when Barry Lyndon, played by that assbreath Ryan O'Neal, got shot in the leg by that little pussy boy that he tried to be nice to, providing the only bit of enjoyment I got out of that horrible, horrible movie.

Posted by: Captain Hate at January 30, 2010 07:14 AM (mnCO0)

677 28 Weeks Later sucked the big one.  I liked 28 Days Later, but when they made the sequal with the Iraq War allusions, it ruined the whole thing.

Posted by: Kratos (on the back of Gaia, scaling Mt Olympus) at January 30, 2010 07:14 AM (9hSKh)

678 The cob loggers are still in the fartsack.

Posted by: The Outlaw in the Heavenly Hall at January 30, 2010 07:14 AM (zxrQh)

679

I also liked Heaven's Gate. But you have to see the full version, all 3+hrs of it.

Which I have on tape, courtesy of the Late, Great "Z" Channel.

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 07:16 AM (1kwr2)

680 682nd!

Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at January 30, 2010 07:18 AM (pZEar)

681 "Night of the Comet" did not insist upon itself.

Posted by: eman at January 30, 2010 07:18 AM (4tixt)

682 Those movies are academy award winners compared to Manos The Hands of Fate. I still shudder when I think of that movie, and I saw it two years ago already expecting that it would suck, yet I was still nauseated. I wanted to find out for myself if it was truly as bad as people said. It's worse. BTW, if anyone here now gets a hold of the movie and watches it, I'm apologize.

Posted by: Godzilla at January 30, 2010 07:20 AM (q3vJN)

683 "It's A Wonderful Life."  I wish bankers were more like Potter and less like George Bailey. 

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at January 30, 2010 07:21 AM (DPM1U)

684 "Manos" was one of the best MST3K episodes ever!

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 07:22 AM (1kwr2)

685 Damn, really late to the party, but look... there are so, so many movies out there one has to narrow down to a slice where you can consider a reasonable amount. For example, consider sci-fi movies made between 1975 and 1985. I nominate, for no particular reason of awfulness but general mediocrity and boredom, "2010." It does commit one sin in particular. The trailer makes it look like Something Really Important Will Happen in the movie. That something could only have been the final credits.

Posted by: George Orwell at January 30, 2010 07:22 AM (AZGON)

686 Big blink of the robot lights for MST3K "Manos."

Posted by: George Orwell at January 30, 2010 07:23 AM (AZGON)

687 D-d-d-o-o-o  y-o-o-u  f - i- n -d  m-e-e  a-t-t-r-a-c-t-i-v-e?

Posted by: Torgo at January 30, 2010 07:25 AM (DPM1U)

688

I loved you in Big Trouble in Little China.

Posted by: huerfano

My favorite movie roll of all time

And Blazer, the Fish that Saved Pittsburgh was awesome.  Bite your tongue. 

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 07:25 AM (YxJoH)

689 Well, I'm bundled up and heading out to get ingredients to make Ina Garten's Beef Bourguignon.  It's not too labor intensive, absolutely delicious, and even better the next day.  Plus it has applewood smoke bacon, cognac and a bottle of red wine. 

Later, morons.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 07:26 AM (UOM48)

690 Nothing But Trouble - a waste of a very funny John Candy that was in the theaters for about 1.4 nanoseconds, and deservedly so.

Dr. T and the Women - More Robert Altman dreck.  that guy didn't make any good moviesafter "MASH", and honestly that one was marginal.

Posted by: mongo78 at January 30, 2010 07:26 AM (I7da1)

691 As I close out the thread (ever feel like a thread killer?) I confess I own a DVD of Heaven's Gate. It's the production values. If Cimino hadn't broke several banks paying for all that atmosphere, it would be unwatchable lefty cheese.

Posted by: George Orwell at January 30, 2010 07:27 AM (AZGON)

692 I nominate "Dr. Detroit" as a good bad movie that no one remembers.

Posted by: eman at January 30, 2010 07:30 AM (4tixt)

693 I was forced to watch Ishtar in an aeroplane. After 30 minutes I was looking for the exits.

Posted by: Zimriel at January 30, 2010 07:32 AM (sVzRC)

694 OMG.  Before I run out, Alexander just popped into my head.  Oliver Stone needs to die in a fire.

Posted by: Jane D'oh! at January 30, 2010 07:32 AM (UOM48)

695 I also confess I clearly remember the Devo theme to "Dr. Detroit." I think at one point it was on TV, and I made it through three minutes of it before the action and adventure of commercials on other channels lured me with more entertainment.

Posted by: George Orwell at January 30, 2010 07:32 AM (AZGON)

696 I nominate "Dr. Detroit" as a good bad movie that no one remembers.

Great movie.  Back when Dan Aykroyd was funny.

Also great closet movie - Three O'Clock High

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 07:34 AM (YxJoH)

697 Movies I've walked out on: -Legend (Tom Cruise & Tim Curry) -The Madness of King George -The Ugly Truth -Fortress (Tim Lambert)

Posted by: Zimriel at January 30, 2010 07:36 AM (sVzRC)

698

Those movies are academy award winners compared to Manos The Hands of Fate. I still shudder when I think of that movie, and I saw it two years ago already expecting that it would suck, yet I was still nauseated.

Wait, someone watched Manos straight, and not through the MST3K filter?  Good God, man!  Do you value your sanity so little?!

Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at January 30, 2010 07:39 AM (pZEar)

699 Days of Heaven created a vacuum effect so intense that Terence Malick's career was sucked into oblivion.

Posted by: huerfano at January 30, 2010 07:40 AM (sf1Eo)

700 Well, I'm bundled up and heading out to get ingredients to make Ina Garten's Beef Bourguignon. It's not too labor intensive, absolutely delicious, and even better the next day. Plus it has applewood smoke bacon, cognac and a bottle of red wine. mrs fluffy has several Ina Garten cookbooks. Yes, the recipes do seem to improve the next day.

Posted by: fluffy around the middle at January 30, 2010 07:41 AM (4Kl5M)

701 "Manos" was one of the best MST3K episodes ever!

Those knees!  What's inside of those knees?!?

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at January 30, 2010 07:42 AM (SHKl9)

702 Days of Heaven created a vacuum effect so intense that Terence Malick's career was sucked into oblivion. The movie was ok, it was the class action suit that kept him occupied.

Posted by: Attorney representing gerbils world wide at January 30, 2010 07:43 AM (4Kl5M)

703 The whiny, bratty kid playing Anakin in the first prequel made me wish he had been aborted as a child......

677

But wasn'tt Olivia Newton John glorious looking in that movie?" 

I may be showing my age here, but yeah.  I was a big fan of Olivia Neutron Bomb's ass.

I'll second that notion



Posted by: Crowsting at January 30, 2010 07:46 AM (qq1/1)

704 The reason Cutthroat Island is not on the list is because it does not belong there. Yes, it destroyed the studio. But it wasn't bad; it just cost too much money, and generated so much hype that the critics circled around it like so many sharks.

Posted by: Zimriel at January 30, 2010 07:50 AM (sVzRC)

705

Somebody should make a list of the 50 worst movies made by liberals.

Oh wait a minute . . . it's pretty much the same list.

I must confess that anything by the top several lib loudmouths doesn't get past the preview in this household.  Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandan,  Babs, George Clooney . . . yuck.

All I can see in these guys (and Julia Roberts, too) is their politics.  So they're dead to me. Posted by: Jane D'oh!

My thoughts too. ..but, it's not so much their politics. It's the fact that they have to be so in-your-face and offensive about it.

They have no respect for this country or for the people who pay their paychecks.   Every time one of them is speaking in public, I'm reminded of Thomas Sowell's book about intellectuals, and how they don't know anything practical about the real world.

Posted by: Jade Sea at January 30, 2010 08:01 AM (1unj7)

706 In cinematic defense of "Birth of a Nation," I realized that all the amazing shooting tricks were invented by DeMille, right then and there..  I do not understand Fatty Arbuckle's comedies at all.  "Showgirls" is terrific if you like to mock a movie out loud.  "Titanic" is worth it for watching Leo drown.

Posted by: ushie at January 30, 2010 08:02 AM (GkYyh)

707 Worse than Battlefield Earth? Two words: Mars. Attacks.

Posted by: Triple Zero at January 30, 2010 08:04 AM (kjPnf)

708

Hey!  I'm posting form a computer that takes less than 20 minutes to show a comment has posted.   My usual set up involves having sled dogs run the post to civilization across artic ice floes.   Maybe I could realize a lifelong (ok only 8 year long) dream and appear in the top 10 AoSHQ commenters this week?

WTR, PGiS and logprof post how many a week?

OK - nevermind.

Posted by: Jade Sea at January 30, 2010 08:05 AM (1unj7)

709

My usual set up involves having sled dogs run the post to civilization across artic ice floes.

Keep them doggies rolling, Rawhide!

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 08:20 AM (GkYyh)

710 The standard way a video store moves its stock of Caddyshack II is to stick a "discount" sticker on it - right over the "II".

No, that's not a joke.

Posted by: Zimriel at January 30, 2010 08:21 AM (sVzRC)

711

Keep them doggies rolling, Rawhide!  Posted by: HH

Someday I'll post a picture of my real sleddog.  He's absolutely gorgeous.  Big blue eyes, thick red-brown and gray fur, a Siberian Husky who is the most beautiful of breed. 

Every time I take hime for a walk, someone stops me to say, "Wow!  That's the most beautiful dog I've ever seen."   His face markings don't look 'angry' like many Siberians.   He looks "happy with Egyptian eye makeup."

He follows me everywhere around our property, waits patiently for me and walks me to the next task.

I'm reading a book about the inner life of dogs, by researcher Alexandra Horowitz.  It'scalled "Inside of a Dog; What Dogs See, Smell and Know."  Great read.  I highly recommend it.

Posted by: Jade Sea at January 30, 2010 08:34 AM (1unj7)

712

The English Patient: I worked at a movie theater when that came out, and I never saw a movie get more complaints than that one.  It ended up getting Best Picture and a bunch of Oscars.  Proof enough that the votes are bought up by studios.

 

Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 30, 2010 08:45 AM (euuyg)

713 Maybe just too obvious, but no Plan Nine from Outer Space or Santa Claus Conquers the Martians in the bottom ten?

There was a movie from many years ago - something like Cops and Robbers - which is the only one I've ever walked out on.  (Sorry, grammar police)

Posted by: Gerry at January 30, 2010 08:48 AM (dDxro)

714

Jade, neighbor of mine had a Husky/Wolf mix. Shy dog, but absolutely beutifal. Can't count the number of times I'd be minding the dog and have women approach me. "OMG, what a great looking dog!"

Funny thing is, when the dog got too much attention, it would try to hide it's head between my legs.

Talk about the 'ole Ostrich thing...

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 09:01 AM (GkYyh)

715

Too lazy to read all the above comments, but I do agree with this one:

The English Patient: I worked at a movie theater when that came out, and I never saw a movie get more complaints than that one.  It ended up getting Best Picture and a bunch of Oscars.  Proof enough that the votes are bought up by studios.

Hated that movie, hated the characters (except for the Indian bomb defuser dude and the nurse--natch).  The other two self-obsessed loathesome pair, I wish they would have both died and early on.  And to be subjected to that flat chested chick nekid in the tub--ugh!  Other three movies that were way over rated (as far as I'm concerned), Elephant Man (my face was horribly disfigured because of the perpetual yawn it was engaged in), Out of Africa (another overlong, self-important epic with narcissistic, unappealing characters.  Saw that with several other people and we all fell asleep at some point), and Fantasia (the only movie I've ever walked out of the theatre before it was over, not watchable!)

Posted by: runningrn at January 30, 2010 09:07 AM (CfmlF)

716 Did anyone mention Cabin Boy or Mr. Wrong?

Posted by: Winston at January 30, 2010 09:08 AM (dM5xo)

717 Dracula 2000 was a piece of shit movie as well. I could barely watch it. Gerard Butler has a knack for starring in shitty action films. (See Timeline)

Posted by: wherestherum at January 30, 2010 09:10 AM (gofDd)

718 Oh, gads, Godzilla the remake.  A giant freaking dinosaury thing that happens to be able to hide in Manhatten and lays its eggs in Madison Sqaure Garden, AND Matthew Broderick as the dumbist scientist ever.  How could anyone screw up a giant dinosaury-thing movie so badly???

Posted by: ushie at January 30, 2010 09:18 AM (GkYyh)

719 Forgot about the Godzilla remake. I tripped over it on an airplane over the Atlantic. I thought crashing into the sea might actually be an attractive alternative to sitting through that movie.

Posted by: George Orwell at January 30, 2010 09:22 AM (AZGON)

720

 A giant freaking dinosaury thing that happens to be able to hide in Manhatten and lays its eggs in Madison Sqaure Garden.

Ever seen the movie "Q"?

Actually pretty good, if you get over the fact that it is a giant flying reptile that flies out of the sun and tears peoples heads off. Oh, and it has a nest and egg at the top of the Chrysler Building in NYC.

Well, it's good by my standards anyhow.

heh...

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 09:30 AM (GkYyh)

721 I recently saw "Planet 51" with the kids and it was absolutely unwatchable.

Another truly horrible kids film is "Happy Feet"

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at January 30, 2010 09:37 AM (IqfKc)

722

All I can say, and there has been much dis-agreement about this above, is that the only movie I cannot watch through to the end is "Plan Nine". I can't. I have tried and tried, but no go. And this is coming from someone who has sat thru "Pink Flamingos", "El Topo", and "Fortress Amerikkka". Not to mention others.

So therefore, just based on my own experience, I would have to say that "Plan NIne from Outer Space" is the worst film ever made.

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 09:41 AM (GkYyh)

723 Worst--I Am Sam ( forced to watch  on Air Canada while drinking warm LeBatts )

2nd Worst--Battlefield Earth  ( Scientology meets 1950s Japanese horror films )

3rd --Showgirls  ( redeeming feature:  Duh....  )

4th -- almost anything with Burt Reynolds or Elliot Gould

5th Worst ---  any movies with a Nominous Negro, in re Spike Lee, et al

Posted by: SantaRosaStan at January 30, 2010 09:42 AM (JrRME)

724 Hey, HH, "Plan 9" has several redeeming features which should keep it off these lists.  It's a good moving to watch while talking on the phone, catching up on paperwork, etc. , because you can miss chunks of it but jump right back in watching it without actually missing anything Crucial.

Bela ( or the dentist replacement ) wrestling with the octopus was.....ACTING !!

Posted by: SantaRosaStan at January 30, 2010 09:49 AM (JrRME)

725 703 "Manos" was one of the best MST3K episodes ever!

Those knees!  What's inside of those knees?!?

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at January 30, 2010 12:42 PM (SHKl9)

Please be accurate: "hitting the thighmaster, Torgo?"

Posted by: Prince of Space at January 30, 2010 10:15 AM (dcKUM)

726

I'm proud, in a perverse way, to know several of the actors in "Manos"

One of my neighbors out here in El Paso, Bernie Rosenblum, played the make-out kid in the car. He told me the cute girl he was continually kissing had broken her leg on a skiing trip and they just decided to keep her in the car. He said he had no complaints.

The girls all came from a fashion school out here. Bernie told me that the kid who played Torgo was a pill freak, and that he killed himself after the movie bombed. It had a well- attended premiere at the Plaza theater downtown, and it was jaw-dropping. Can you imagine?

Posted by: TexasJew at January 30, 2010 10:25 AM (dcKUM)

727

Mike as Torgo the Pizza Delivery Man...classic.

The woman, yes; the child, no.

Posted by: Gem at January 30, 2010 10:26 AM (zw+pb)

728

"Actually pretty good, if you get over the fact that it is a giant flying reptile that flies out of the sun and tears peoples heads off."

Do we get to choose the people?

 

Oh, whatever the John Waters mess with Tracy Ullman is, that's unbearable--and I like John Waters.  It's about people who try the 10 most perverted things...and just from reading this site, I can say John Waters has no idea of true perversion.

Posted by: ushie at January 30, 2010 10:40 AM (GkYyh)

729 Please be accurate: "hitting the thighmaster, Torgo?"

I am.  You do have the MST3K book, don't you?

Posted by: Additional Blond Agent at January 30, 2010 11:12 AM (PMGbu)

730 Hey Malor... what about Avatar? I know it has Giovanni Ribisi in it. And Zoe Saldana and Rodney Dangerfield, And Karol Wojtyla.

Posted by: Mad Mallamutto at January 30, 2010 11:15 AM (r0hEv)

731 Oh yeah, worst movie I ever had to watch Christmas Day, Kurosawa's "Ran".  We were at the outlaws for Christmas, and my BIL made us watch it (he thought it was a great movie).  I wanted to slit my wrists by the end.  Talk about dysfunctional and depressing--and on Christmas too!  Second worst movie I saw on Christmas was "Bicentennial Man" with Robin Williams (same BIL dragged us to the movies for that trainwreck), and third worst, same BIL picking the movie, Dune.  Ugh!

Posted by: John F'n Kerry, Of the Common Man (or was that the Commons Man?) at January 30, 2010 11:50 AM (CfmlF)

732 I did not hit her...I did not!

Oh, Hi Mark.

Posted by: oh, Hi Mark at January 30, 2010 12:01 PM (fZK4z)

733 420 RENT the movie version was awful. So was the actual musical, although I do kinda like some of the songs. And it was cool seeing Tamyra Gray (American Idol contestant) singing live.

 

 

Ugh!  "Rent" was by far the worst play I've ever seen.  I just wanted to put my head in the oven when I got home from the theatre.  The music was good, but the whole plot stank.  That's why Team America making fun of it with their production of "Lease" was sooo funny!


Posted by: John F'n Kerry, Of the Common Man (or was that the Commons Man?) at January 30, 2010 12:01 PM (CfmlF)

734 Holy crap!  I don't even know where that sock came from!  Oh, and WTR, I did want Tamyra Gray to win that year.  I thought she was the best singer (and a class act).

Posted by: runningrn at January 30, 2010 12:03 PM (CfmlF)

735 Posted by: nickless at January 30, 2010 10:17 AM

And the original Andromeda Strain is right down the pipe everything it should have been.  Easily the best hard-SF movie I can think of.  You want bad, check out the Bravo remake from a year-or-so ago.

Honestly, I thought the remake was intended to be a big "F-U!" to Michael Crichton from some lefty Hollywood types, as if they didn't care if it was awful, so long as they made their political point.

"Popeye" - Robin Williams just can't do comedy

No, Popeye is proof that Robert Altman can't do comedy.  Williams was fine for the part, Fieffer's script was fine, it was Altman and his verite, slow, ponderous, lifeless style that beat the fuck out of that film.

Yep. I one that one was a classic case of "wasted opportunity".

Posted by: Spiny Norman at January 30, 2010 12:06 PM (U9bUM)

736 532 Val Kilmer used to be really cute, too. Some stars just don't age well.

 

 

For me he peaked in Topgun.


Posted by: runningrn at January 30, 2010 12:07 PM (CfmlF)

737 Oh, and most over rated movies evah:  Titanic (absolute shipwreck, but got all those Oscars) and Shakespere in Love (how the frick did that piece of crap beat out Saving Private Ryan for best picture?  Unbelievable!)

Posted by: runningrn at January 30, 2010 12:13 PM (CfmlF)

738

Since we are talking about movie, Just a couple of things. My oldest sister worked for Lucas. And she is in the credits for "Return of the Jedi".

And as for myself, I somehow wandered onto a shooting location in LA at about 2:30 in the morning. And I got noticed.

Not in a good way.

I'll save that story for later.

Posted by: HH at January 30, 2010 12:32 PM (1kwr2)

739

I thought 'no country for old men' sucked arses.

 

Posted by: Michael Steele at January 30, 2010 12:45 PM (TTegV)

740

2 pieces of shit i might add. John Wayne as Genghis Khan. It looked like he was dragging his ankles while riding a Manchurian pony. Howard Hughes was then making movies and doinkin starlets, besides manufacturing oil equipment and rippin off the taxpayer with defense contracts. The whole movie was a miscast.

Legends of the Fall. Terrible plot mixing in the Canadians with the hero. Red paint and feathers. The Canadian Army was the sole reason that Douglas Haig saved his job as commander in Chief. He used the Canuck Army as his  not so secret weapon. The Great War was a meat grinder with absolutely no glory in it. Here's another- Paschendaele. A Paul Hogan turd made with government money. Angie Dickenson as a Vietnamese in Better Dead Than Red. It seems that I have a hobby watching excrement.

Posted by: chicocano at January 30, 2010 12:52 PM (2n5cq)

741 Attack of The Killer Tomatoes.

Posted by: chicocano at January 30, 2010 01:07 PM (2n5cq)

742

Enough.

Posted by: chicocano at January 30, 2010 01:10 PM (2n5cq)

743 Exit to Eden - A sex scene with Rosie O'Donnell in a dominatrix outfit. My eyes!!!!!

Posted by: Ted K. at January 30, 2010 01:24 PM (xiU00)

744 The most painful film to sit through in it's entirety would have to be The Village. It's a two hour torture session. The truly insulting part is the twist. I mean, yes it's a twist of epic proportion but it loses it's impact when the journey to the reward is so painful. It's awful punishment. You sit through the first hour because you don't want to leave early and find out it picks up. If you sit through three quarters and finally get up and leave in disgust, you miss the one redeeming part of the torture, the ending. If you stay for the ending, you feel like you've had 2 hours stolen from your life that can never be retrieved. And you feel angry at the cpu cycles you waste considering the significance of the ending.

Posted by: pc at January 30, 2010 01:26 PM (crDIp)

745 Interestingly enough, I felt the opposite about the happening. It was a "Birds" worthy attempt at nature horror. Upsetting as suicide always is. I liked it.

Posted by: pc at January 30, 2010 01:28 PM (crDIp)

746 I did a search on this thread for the word "Sideways". That movie is #1 all time on the bad list. I had to watch Cinderella Man to get the bad Paul Giamatti taste out of my mouth. Sideways defines bad.

Posted by: Jay in Ames at January 30, 2010 01:59 PM (LJaVO)

747

Michael Moore, in his own words, on why his movies are successful:

http://tiny.cc/bqmTL

Posted by: w'evver at January 30, 2010 01:59 PM (GkYyh)

748 Year One was a great movie. Funny as hell.

Transformers 2 was awesome. I think it made the list because it slagged Obama.

Posted by: Christoph at January 30, 2010 02:19 PM (0fq7b)

749 Lost in Translation.  Blech

Oh, and I can proudly state that I have never seen Titanic (wifey watched it while she was out of town way back then and calls me lucky to this day).

Posted by: Russtovich at January 30, 2010 02:45 PM (ZXGQD)

750 737, You forget that the Conqueror was also filmed in Utah downwind from military above ground nuclear weapons testing. So the film was literally covered in radioactive fallout. make things worse Hughes' OCD kicked in and he had the crew take contaminated sand from the site and bring it into the studio for "authencity".

No surprise that John Wayne and many of the cast and crew died of cancer. While I am critical of the labor movement, there are certain fields being in a union or guild is important, film industry is one of them. Because many studios are run by narcissistic incompetents that make Pres. Obama look great in comparison.

Posted by: Gary B at January 30, 2010 02:50 PM (1gWfF)

751 Ace, start a new thread.  Best movies that nobody has ever heard of.

Posted by: Jack Burton at January 30, 2010 02:53 PM (YxJoH)

752 Russtovich,

I've never seen Titanic, either, and never intend to. Besides Cameron's playing fast and loose with the facts of the tragedy, he deliberately slandered First Officer Murdoch (for which the studio head personally apologized to his family - while Cameron made a rather weaselly one on the DVD).

Posted by: Spiny Norman at January 30, 2010 03:25 PM (U9bUM)

753

Most of David Lynch's movies could appear on this list.  I did like Elephant Man, but I wouldn't watch it a second time.

Posted by: Cincinnatus at January 30, 2010 03:58 PM (euuyg)

754 You haven't seen bad if you haven't see "The Telephone" starring Whoopie Goldberg. Awful, just awful.

Posted by: Curth at January 30, 2010 05:03 PM (9HsSm)

755 I watched *Manos* hardcore, not the MST3000 version. I can still recall the coma it left me in when it was over. BTW, did you know that the entire cast was the family and friends of the fertilizer salesman that made the movie? It was done on a bet that, and actually played in some Texas theaters for a few days. On the opening night in the fertilizer salesman's home town, the audience walked out. Actually, you really owe it to yourself to watch it. It's available from Amazon. Then you'd know what a bad movie really is.

Posted by: Godzilla at January 30, 2010 06:50 PM (q3vJN)

756 Completing a thought, Manos was done on a bet by a fertilizer salesman that he could make a movie and get it played in theaters. He won the bet, and is now enshrined in history as the producer of the worst movie of all time.

Posted by: Godzilla at January 30, 2010 06:52 PM (q3vJN)

757 I would say "Maximum Overdrive"
but..
it has AC/DC.

It has trucks running over people.

and most importantly...

Stephen King gets told to go fuck himself by an ATM.

So it stays off the list.

How "Master of Disguise" doesn't make the list is beyond me.

Posted by: theoneandonlyfinn at January 30, 2010 09:25 PM (lV4Fs)

758 The English Patient.

Enough said.

Posted by: Clever Moniker at January 30, 2010 11:43 PM (qs11W)

759 I liked the Indian guy and the nurse in The English Patient, too.  I liked how he rigged up a  hoist so she could see the old church frescos.

Posted by: moi at January 31, 2010 09:43 AM (7FgWm)

760

I would have put "6th Sense" pretty high up on the list. The painfully obvious 'twist' flagged about 2 minutes into the film, which doesn't even advance the story (kid who sees dead people also sees a therapist who is dead, because he sees dead people...? like wouldn't it be more interesting if he *didn't* see the therapist?), the completely non-scary ghost scenes, and the fricking gaping plot holes (it takes Bruce Willis what, a year to realise that his wife apparently doesn't know he's there? He went for months without trying to have a conversation with her? IN the entire time he was dead and didn't realise it, the only person he interacted with at all was Haley Joel Pumpkinhead or whatever his name is?)

And the fact that it's constantly cited as being such a 'clever' film and gets rave reviews when it's such a steaming dog turd all add up to irritate me as I've never been irritated by a movie before.

[/personal grudge against a movie that everyone else seems to like]

Posted by: mandible claw at January 31, 2010 08:45 PM (JvKLG)

761 Fuck you, claw.

Posted by: Clever Moniker at January 31, 2010 09:25 PM (qs11W)

762 753: Wayne died of lung cancer 21 years later, and he was a lifelong heavy smoker. There is no real evidence of a cancer epidemic among the cast or crew of The Conqueror. (I researched this once, but I can't find my results.) Several died of cancer, but all except one died many years later; and cancer is after all a fairly common cause of death.

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