Ace of Spades HQ

September 30, 2008

A Message from the Obama Jungend Oberfuhrer Zucker (Kat-Mo)
— Open Blog

Discovered in the Annenberg Challenge Arhives:

Achtun! Obama Jungend,
Greet-inks, Komrades! I am Obama Jungend Oberfuhrer Zucker. I haf bin gifen ze grate task uf organi-zink ze Obama Jungend for ze upcom-ink elektion.
Az you know, ze jungend are ze future of ze nation. Et iz impor-tant dat zey receive ze cor-rekt edu-kation. Zey must not be allowed to form any o-pinion zat doez not follow ze cor-rekt path. Zey must be guided by zair leders to promote ze message uf our g-r-r-ate und benevolent fuhrer, Obama.
Change! Hope! Unity!
Studies haf shown zat jungen kan a-ffect zair parents and zeir siblings o-pinions und efen change ze o-pinions of ulder family memberz . . . including zose uf voting age. Are you ztill vith me? Gr-r-ate! Letz get ztarted!

Firzt, ze gut Obama Jungend vill re-kruit ten or twelf jungend fer ze komradschaft. Ven ze goal has been met, ze Obamafuhrer vill send Herr Joseph Biden, clown extraordinaire, to host a partei for ze jungend. He iz a gaffe...er...laugh a minute. You vill enjoy his stories uf ze first prezidential TV appearance. How he vas shot down in Afghanistan und escaped to return und serve ze fuhrer. How ve vill haf no more coal plants for ze energy until ze fuhrer zays ottervise.
Ven zair are enuf jungen, ze komradschaft vill spread ze message of ze fuhrer. Zey must be ruthlezz een ze spread-ink of ze message.
Ze enemy of ze Socialist Demokratic Amerikan Partei iz ze evil Rethuglikan. Ze belief en ze strength of ze individual. Ze belief zat effry man must make hiz own vay. Ze belief zat ze individual vorks for himzelf und not ze state. Zey belief en ze protection of life! Vat horrors! Vat reactionary idealists!
Zey must be stopped und only ze purity of ze Obama Jungend vill bring victory!
Ze must be konfronted vair efer ze kan be found. Ve must destroy zair places uf meet-ink. Use your unique artis-tik skilz to paint ze places vif ze piktur uf our gr-r-ate fuhrer, Obama. Tear down ze campaign zigns. Und, if you are feel-ink like hafing more fun, you kan kree-ate your very own kristalnacht ven you break all uf ze kapitalist pigs windows.
You must git een zair faces und shout zem down lest zey spreichen ze truth...er..ze liez against our gr-r-ate Fuhrer Obama!
Change! Hope! Unity!
Ja können wir! (Ja, ve kan!)
Zey vill be destroyed by ze might uf our Hope and Unity! Ve kan change ze vorld! Ve are ze ones ve haf been vait-ink for!
Az a member of ze Obama Jungen, you vill receive a t-shirt vif ze image uf our fuhrer, Obama. Vair it to skool, to vork, to church. Nefer vash ze shirt. Ze smell of ze Obama Jungen iz strong und vill gif you ze courage een ze face of opposition! It vill be your defense against ze dark forces of ze Rethuglikans. Efen your parentz vill avoid you like ze plague!
You vill receive a special veekly message from ze Unterfuhrer, Wilhelm Ayers, called, "Obama Jungsturm". Unterfurher Ayers vas ze first to fight back against ze evil of ze government. Az part of ze original putsch, Unterfuhrer Ayers bombed ze Pentagon, bombed ze judge's house and zen-- Oopsie! -- he bombed his komrads who became martyrs to ze New Order.
Unterfuhrer Ayers haz been vif ze Fuhrer from ze beginning. He vill share hiz powerful knowledge vif you just like he haz shared it vif ze Fuhrer. Unfortunately, Unterfuhrer Ayers iz still on ze NAZI FBI list uf known terrorists, zo he kannot be ze fuhrer, but, instead iz "just a guy" who lives on ze same street az ze gl-o-r-ious fuhrer, Obama! *vink*vink*
From Unterfuhrer Ayers' "Annenberg Challenge" you vill learn ze evil of bourgeois middleklassizm und unchecked kapitalism zat iz not vork-ink for ze state. You vill learn ze joyz uf vorking for our Nation and for our gr-r-ate fuhrer, Obama. He vill make you vork. He vill make you leaf your komfort zone. Ze media vill only spreichen ze truth according to Obama! He vill kree-ate ze national security trupen to stomp out ze resistance to ze message!
Ja können wir!
You vill learn to "get out ze vote". You vil knock on doors, register-ink people to vote. Make up ze names. Go to ze cemetary. Use your computer skilz to search social security data bases from ze turn uf ze century for new voters. Ven you haf conjured ze army uf zombie voters to your cause, you vill earn ze red neckerchief uf ze fuhrer's gr-r-ate friend, Komrad Chavez.
You vill learn to astroturf ze web-zites uf ze enemy to make zem belief zat zey are loos-ink ze support of ze people.You vill call yourself a "Concerned Christian Conservative" to make zem tink you are vun of zem. But, remember, zair iz no God, but our Fuhrer, Obama!
Learn ze song of ze Obama Jungen. Embed it een your heart.
Were gonna spread happiness
Were gonna spread freedom
Obamas gonna change it
Obamas gonna lead em
Were gonna change it
And rearrange it
Were gonna change the world.
Yes, we can! Yes we can! Yes we can, can, can!
Ja können wir!
Ve vill haf no graven images but zat of ze Obamafuhrer surrounded by ze glo-o-rious halo! Oh, Mein Gott! Vat a glo-r-ious day zat vill be! Mein leg iz all a tingle vif ze thought!
Obama Jungend must tell zair parents, zair friends, zair ziblings dat zair iz no freedom vif out vork. Arbeit Macht Frei! Ve vill unite our nation under vun banner: ze Obama Nation. If zey vill not listen, you must turn zem in to ze local Obamafuhrer propaganda...er...campaign headkorterz. Ve haf vays of making zem belief!

Ven you haf joined ze Obama Jungend, you vill find zat youve become really dedicated to ze cause. You vill find zat you haf made new friends who ve guarantee vill tink just like you! Und, ven ze Obamafuhrer has stolen...er..vun ze elektion, eferyvun vill tink like you! Ze Obamafuhrer nefer lies!

Ja können wir!
In clos-ink, I kon-gratulate you on your decision to join ze Obama Jungend und vish you luck een all uf your endeavors!
On to viktory November 4th.
Change! Hope! Unity!
Ja können wir!
Long live ze fuhrer!
Obama Jungen Oberfurher,
Jeff Zucker

He alone, who owns the youth, gains the Future!
- Adolf Hitler, 1938

Posted by: Open Blog at 10:38 PM | Comments (21)
Post contains 1090 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Meh.
Offensive? No.
Funny? No. And that is the great offense here.

Now dance Kat-Monkey! Dance!!! Dance for my amusement.

Posted by: Ed at September 30, 2008 10:47 PM (YO0WU)

2 Ich spreche Deutsch nicht... es ist gegen das Gesetz hier...

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at September 30, 2008 10:48 PM (hepLe)

3 translation... I don't speak German... it's not legal here...

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at September 30, 2008 10:49 PM (hepLe)

I am reminded of the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups commercials. You know, the accidental mixing of one guy's chocolate bar in another guy's jar of peanut butter?*

What if the same thing happens between a Nazi and a hippy? The Obama Cult, that's what.

*Sorry about the Andrew Sullivan reference.

Posted by: A Balrog of Morgoth at September 30, 2008 10:49 PM (wgLRl)

5 3 translation... I don't speak German... it's not legal here...

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